Chapter 4

"Hey, guess what, we'll be able to practice tonight, Timo's got the key for the auditorium!" Luzi exclaimed happily and flopped down beside Emma on a bench in the schoolyard.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Luzi looked at her quizzically. "Wow…that's not exactly the reaction I expected!"

"No, that's great, really." Emma replied unenthusiastically.

"Right. Doesn't sound like it, though." Luzi took a closer look at her, willing her silently to reveal what was troubling her.

"No…it's just because of Hotte."

"Hotte? What's up with him?"

"He got the brush-off. From Jenny."

"That's not really surprising, is it?"

"Why?" Emma inquired, hoping that she didn't appear too eager.

"Come on, Jenny's from London, she's been around the whole world, why should she bother with someone like us?"

Emma pondered Luzi's assessment for a couple of seconds before she answered. "Yes, you're right. I bet it's been just a game for her."

"Probably. So Hotte is actually lucky that he realized that so quickly. Now he can forget about her without agonizing about whether there's something going on between them or not."

Emma merely nodded, silently debating with herself if the question she was about to ask would be too obvious. "Do you think Jenny would even kiss a girl? I mean theoretically, of course." she hurriedly added and rolled her eyes. "As she seems to be into experimenting somehow."

"Yes, I guess she would."

"Really? Just like that? Without any emotions to go with it?"

"Jenny doesn't seem to be a person who's waiting for the one big love, don't you think? She's experimenting with things. And if she wants to know how it feels to kiss a woman, then she does. It's as easy as that. I think that's not even a bad thing. She's just different from us, that's all."

Of course Luzi was right. How stupid of her to believe even for a second that she meant anything to Jenny and that their short kiss had been anything but a funny little experiment for the brunette. 'Serves me right for my damn naiveté! Jenny's probably already laughing her head off because of my shell-shocked reaction.'

ooooo

Jenny had come to a decision. She wouldn't head home and rack her brains over whether Emma hated her for good now or had enjoyed the kiss as much as she had. Instead, she'd gather up her courage and ask her point-blank. She decisively hurried down the stairs but felt her resolve falter when she saw Emma put some books into her locker. 'Come on, Jenny, just ask her. She won't bite your head off. Hopefully.'

"Emma, hey!"

"Oh, hi Jenny."

"Are you alright?"

"Erm…yeah…why?"

"Because I had the impression that…" Jenny paused and looked over her shoulder to see if there were any unwanted eavesdroppers in the vicinity. "That our kiss confused you a bit." She continued a bit more quietly.

"Oh! No! No." Emma denied hurriedly, fully aware of how lame she sounded.

Jenny waited for Emma to elaborate but the blonde remained silent – a silence which turned awkward in only a couple of seconds.

"Okay. Well…for me…it was mind-blowing, actually." 'There. I said it. And it's the truth.' Jenny thought and held her breath.

"Oh! Erm…okay…" Emma stammered, clearly embarrassed now.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

"Was it too fast for you?"

"No! No…erm…everything's fine, really, I just…I'm in a hurry right now, and I've got to go." Without waiting for Jenny's response, Emma grabbed her bag and left.

Jenny exhaled deeply and rested her head against the lockers. She was barely able to hide the disappointment that rushed through her veins. She had just admitted to Emma that their kiss had knocked her off her feet and all Emma could do was run away? Jenny sadly shook her head. 'Face it - she doesn't want you.'

ooooo

Emma groaned and pulled the blanket over her head, hoping against hope that it would help her shut up her mind for a little while. She didn't want to think about Jenny any longer, not about the sadness in Jenny's clear blue eyes as she'd told her that she had to leave, not about Jenny's admission that the kiss had been mind-blowing for her. 'Has it? Or is she just playing games with me again?' Emma pushed the blanket away. 'Of course she is. Why would anyone as beautiful as her fall for someone like me? She could have anyone she wanted, so stop being ridiculous.' But no matter how much she thought about it, she just couldn't make sense of it. Why would Jenny pick her of all people to play her little mind-games with? Besides that, Jenny was either a very good actress and had practiced her performance beforehand, or the hurt in her eyes had been real.

Even if it was true – just theoretically, of course – what did she expect from her now? She couldn't just walk up to her friends and say 'Hey, listen, Jenny and I kissed and now we'll see where we go from there!' How would they react? Would they think she'd lost her mind? Luzi seemed to be okay with the idea of Jenny kissing other women, but would she be as understanding if she knew that it was her instead of some anonymous girl they didn't know? And what about the others? What about Hotte? He'd definitely hate her, she was sure of that. He'd fallen head over heels for Jenny from the first time he'd laid eyes on her, and after she'd even kissed him he'd been the happiest guy on earth. Had she ruined that for him? Why had Jenny kissed him anyway? To provoke her? To make her feel jealous? Or had it just been another one of her many games? She wished that she could talk about all this to someone, but with Hotte being out of the picture because of obvious reasons that only left Luzi, and somehow she didn't feel ready to confide in her with this. It was probably for the best if she just went out of Jenny's way for a couple of days. At least until she'd cleared her head a bit. 'You're a coward, Emma Müller.' her conscience whispered to her, but she pushed that thought away again and fell asleep.

ooooo

Jenny's fingers played with her necklace as she waited in front of the girls' washroom. 'That's what I've become – a stalker who's waylaying her adored one in front of the toilets, that's just great.' Jenny shook her head and laughed at her own foolishness. She'd see this through, though. The whole night she'd pondered over their awkward situation and had come to the conclusion that her message towards Emma hadn't been clear enough. She'd kissed her, yes, but perhaps Emma got it all wrong nonetheless. She'd even told her how much she'd enjoyed that kiss, but somehow she doubted that Emma had really understood what she wanted to tell her. So she'd do it now, no matter what. Emma had already escaped her several times today, clearly avoiding her, but this time she wouldn't let her get away.

Right then, the door of the washroom opened and Emma stepped out of it as if in a hurry.

"Hi Emma!" Jenny greeted her before she had any chance to flee again.

"Ah, are you lying in wait for me now?" Emma asked, clearly taken by surprise.

"What other chance do I have as you're running away from me all the time?" Jenny shot back in a friendly tone of voice.

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm…I'm not running away from you."

"Great, that means we can talk now."

"I have to prepare for the placement test." Emma replied and turned to walk away.

"Emma, there's no preparation for this test." Emma stopped in her tracks and turned around again. "Sometimes there are things happening in your life which are just… happening, you know, and then you have to handle it. But since our kiss you've been running away from me."

"Because I'm not into these games you're playing." Emma retorted coolly.

'So that's what she thinks I'm doing. Playing games with her.' "I'm not playing." Jenny said with a smile and shook her head to emphasize her point.

"Oh, then it's some kind of sport for you? First Hotte, then Emma, who's next?" Emma asked sarcastically.

"Okay, kissing Hotte was an idiotic thing to do, I admit that, but I wanted to see your reaction."

"Ah, this is getting better and better, isn't it?" Emma exclaimed, her temper rising. "Now it's not a sport but some kind of science! So you're watching others through a magnifying-glass and…"

"Emma, I've got a crush on you. A huge crush, to be honest. No game, no sport and no science. I just want you to know that."

With that, Jenny turned around and left. 'I guess I let the cat out of the bag now.'