Chapter 6

'God, I'm already freezing.' Emma thought as she wandered the abandoned school corridors in search for candles. 'And I'm starving, too. I hope the pizza delivery man won't take too long.' She couldn't quite believe that they'd really spend the night in school as part of their strike. The whole situation made her feel like the last time she'd been to vacation camp when she was fourteen years old. She'd always loved those camps, sitting around the camp fire with the others, singing songs while someone played the guitar until it was so late that they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer and retreated to their tents. That had only been four years ago, yet it felt like a memory from another lifetime. Had her life been easier back then? Probably. At least she hadn't had to worry about another girl having a crush on her. She laughed bitterly. 'As if I had to worry about that any longer. Jenny's already fed up with me. And besides that, I….'

"Ough!"

"Ah, damn!" Jenny glared at Emma who'd collided with her in the middle of the corridor, lost in thought.

"Sorry." Emma mumbled as her eyes fell on the pile of blankets she'd accidentally knocked out of Jenny's arms and which had now transformed into an untidy heap on the floor.

"Never mind, it only took me ages to get them all piled up in my arms." Jenny replied sarcastically and tried to gather them up again.

"Wait, let me help you." Emma offered, but Jenny brushed her off.

"No, skip it! You're responsible for the candles."

"But I can do both, candles and blankets, it's for a good cause after all." Emma persisted, grabbed the nearest blanket and folded it. Jenny glared at her but remained silent. "I really hope this strike is going to work. At first I thought that it wouldn't make that much sense, but….what?" Emma looked at Jenny quizzically as her glare had even intensified.

"Emma. What are you doing here? You didn't come along to bump into me and bend my ears, did you?" Jenny spat, clearly stressed out by now.

"Yes! I mean, no, of course not, I…why did you quit your job in Hall One?" Emma couldn't help asking the question that had nagged at her for a while now. "I know that you need the money."

"Why did I quit the job?" Jenny laughed bitterly. "Think hard about it, Emma."

"I don't know! Perhaps you had a row with a customer, or there wasn't enough money in it for you, or…or you found another job and thought that two jobs at the same time…"

"Emma!" Jenny interrupted harshly. "You know perfectly well that you're the reason I quit the job!"

"Me."

"Yeah! Do you really think I'm bent on working with you after everything that's happened between us? You told me to stay away from you. Fine, I'll do just that, I'll stay away from you! But don't expect me to act as if everything is normal between us! Because it isn't." With that, she angrily took the blankets out of Emma's grasp and walked away.

'She really quit the job because of me.' Emma still stood in the middle of the corridor, stunned by Jenny's stinging words. 'She really must hate me.' Her shoulders sagged. She didn't want it to be like this between them. She wanted…. 'Yeah, what is it that you want, Emma?' she challenged herself. 'Make up your mind already!' But it was already too late for that, wasn't it? She'd fucked it up royally and now she was paying the price. 'She really cared for me, otherwise she wouldn't react the way she does. Cynical. Angry. Hurt. God, Emma, you're such an idiot sometimes.' But what would have been the alternative? What if she hadn't reacted the way she had? Jenny had made her side of the bargain pretty clear – she'd not only had the courage to kiss her, but to tell her straight on that she had a crush on her. Emma sighed. If she hadn't been such a coward, then….'Then what? Then what, Emma? Then you'd be her girlfriend? God, Emma, you can't be serious!' Why would someone like Jenny Hartmann want to be with her anyway? 'She's cool, and beautiful, and admired openly and secretly by her classmates. She could be with anyone she wanted. Why would she choose me?'

Emma almost wished herself back to the time not so long ago when she was convinced that Jenny was just playing games with her. It had been easy enough then to shrug Jenny's efforts off as something the brunette had well planned to see how she'd react and pamper her own ego. But now this option was out of the picture. Jenny would have to be one hell of an actress to perform her act so perfectly. No, Jenny's feelings were real, otherwise she wouldn't have bared her claws at her like that, hurt by Emma's rejection. Emma still couldn't get over the fact that Jenny had even quit her job just to avoid being around her any longer. 'Doesn't that mean that she still cares? If I was completely indifferent to her, why would she bother to do this?' A smile crept on Emma's face when she remembered Jenny acting as her 'knight in shining armor' the previous week as two former classmates she didn't particularly like had walked up to her table in the cafeteria.

"Ey, Müller! This table's reserved for A-students."

"Erm. Pardon?" she'd replied absentmindedly, still occupied with the coming-out brochure she'd received from Mr. Heisig and hid inside her history book while reading it secretly during lunch break.

"For A-students." the taller girl repeated dumbly. "The good ones. The losers are supposed to sit over there." she continued and gestured towards the far side of the cafeteria.

"Is that so?" Emma asked although she didn't really know why she was rising to the bait, beside the fact that it seemed to be the more diplomatic reaction in contrast to a blunt 'Fuck off!'

"Yeah, it is. Didn't you read Götting's latest memo?"

"No, I didn't." Now she started to regret that she hadn't opted for answer number two straight away.

"Well, here it is!" the other girl replied with a wicked grin, scribbled something on her notepad and turned it towards Emma. 'Idiots out!' it read in bolt letters.

"Funny." Emma stated sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

"You think so, yeah?"

'God, how much more annoying are they going to get?' Emma thought and bit her tongue to prevent the expletives her mind had atypically come up with in only a fraction of a second from slipping out.

"Okay, listen…."

"Hey!" a loud voice interrupted. All three of them turned towards Jenny who'd joined their table. "I've got a memo from Götting, too. And you know what it says?" she addressed the two troublemakers. "'If you ever bother Emma again you'll have a problem. With me." The two girls looked at each other a bit helplessly, not sure how to react. "I'm going to count to three now and then you'll be gone." Jenny continued confidently. "Three."

Emma laughed out loud as she remembered the dumbfounded expressions on the girls' faces before they'd left without another word. Jenny had definitely cared for her back then. She couldn't quite believe that this had happened just a couple of days ago. Which brought her back to the original question: Did Jenny still care or had she ruined it for good? Emma groaned, fully aware that her mind was running in recurring circles again like a merry-go-round. 'And it won't stop until you make up your mind and do something.'

ooooo

Emma sat on the narrow two-seater in the school's recreation room, hugging her knees to her chest to gain some much needed warmth. Since Götting had shut down the school's heating system, the temperature had been constantly descending. They'd all squeezed into that small room, sitting on chairs, armchairs and on the floor, preparing for a cold night.

"These are the last ones, we've got to share." Jenny informed the others while she handed out the blankets she'd found on the premises. She stopped in front of Emma and offered her the last remaining blanket. "Here, take it." She couldn't help but realize how cute Emma looked, shivering and rubbing her knees to keep warm. 'Stop it, Jenny. You don't want to go there again.'

"What about you?" Emma asked almost timidly.

"I'm not cold." 'Not as long as I'm going to spend the night next to you on that two-seater, anyway. Fuck, Jenny, get a grip, will you?'

"Bullshit. I've already taken the last slice of pizza, the blanket's for you."

"Don't be ridiculous, take it!"

Emma shook her head stubbornly and hugged her knees even tighter.

"As long as you get your way, right?" Jenny replied, annoyance evident in her voice.

"Now look who's talking!" Emma snapped back.

"Fine. Suit yourself. Go on and freeze."

"I'm not cold!"

"Fine!" Jenny repeated, wrapped herself into the blanket and retreated to the far side of the couch. 'She'd rather freeze to death than accept something from me. How many times do I need to hear it? Who am I kidding anyway? When will I get it into my head that she doesn't share my feelings? No, scratch that, that she doesn't even like me? So stop making a fool of yourself!' Jenny admonished herself. 'Just let her go. Please.'