Chapter 10

Jenny slowly blinked her eyes open against the blinding light of the morning sun that shone through the floor-to-ceiling windows of her bedroom. Her gaze fell on Ben who lay next to her, still fast asleep. "Oh fuck." Jenny groaned quietly and pulled the blanket up to her neck. 'Fuckfuckfuck.' What had she done? Her fucking pride had got the better of her. 'You had to prove a point, hadn't you? That you don't give a shit about anyone. No one pushes you away just like that, right? God, you're such a fucking idiot!' Jenny bit her lip and closed her eyes, willing the memories of last night's events away. Ben had offered her an out several times but she'd insisted, blinded by her anger for Emma. Jenny took a deep breath to clear her head. 'Emma doesn't want you anyway, she made that more than clear. She toyed a bit with the idea of being with a girl before she realized that being an out lesbian is no bed of roses and hurriedly backed away. So why do you even care? She obviously doesn't.' She knew the answer although she tried to fight it tooth and nail. 'Because you're in love with her, and there isn't a switch which can be flipped to turn these feelings off like a lamp.' She wished she could just forget about her, though. Every time she lay eyes on her in school she was hurtfully reminded of what she'd once had, even if it had lasted only a few days. Emma hadn't even had the guts to talk to her after her sorry excuse in the school corridor. On the contrary she'd even hidden behind a pillar to evade her, really, how silly was that? Although it had been kind of cute. Or it would have been cute if Jenny hadn't got her hopes up after she'd seen Emma sneaking up on her. 'She doesn't want you. When will you get that into your head?'

ooooo

"And here's a song for all lovers or those who'd like to fall in love and for all…"

"Oh for fuck's sake, shut up!" Jenny exclaimed loudly and shut the radio off.

"Pardon?" Stefan said as he walked into the kitchen, slightly irritated.

"I didn't mean you." Jenny sighed and flopped down on the kitchen chair again. Did she just imagine it or was everyone around her talking about love lately? 'What's the sense of love anyway? It only makes you hurt like hell.' She was dreading going to school today. She'd hoped that seeing Emma would grow less and less painful with time but she couldn't have been more wrong about that. Every time she caught a glimpse of her she was hit not only by an almost physical ache that ripped through her but also by a pang of guilt and regret. Sleeping with Ben had been a huge mistake and she wished she could undo it somehow. Ben had been more than nice about the whole thing and promised her to keep his mouth shut. Too bad that Caro had got wind of it somehow. 'Rookie mistake. Who talks about things like this in a washroom without checking the stalls beforehand?' She was glad that she'd only faltered for a second when Caro had confronted her and had shoved Caro's so-called 'advice' right back in her face. 'You shouldn't draw any conclusions from your example. I'm not interested in a relationship with Ben. The only thing I wanted was good sex, and that's what I got. Satisfied? Your nosiness, I mean.' Which had been a blunt lie, but what did she care? 'Stupid phoney bitch, if she thought she could drive me into a corner then she didn't see that one coming.'

"This one's for you." Stefan said and handed her a letter while he flicked through the remaining mail. Jenny looked up, surprise written on her face.

"Who's still writing letters in the twenty-first century?" she snorted before her heart missed a beat as she read the name of the sender. 'Emma.' With trembling fingers she carefully opened the envelope, glad that Stefan wasn't a morning person and not really communicative before he'd had his first cup of coffee. She remembered their weird conversation yesterday morning. 'Did you receive any mail? Because sometimes…sometimes people receive letters, you know?' She'd thought that Emma had just talked about the first thing that had popped into her mind just so that she didn't have to talk about the one topic that hung between them like a big pink elephant. But it all made sense now. Jenny studied the two cards and hesitated before she turned them over. 'No need to be a coward now, it can't possibly get any worse, right?' Jenny felt her throat constrict after she'd read the first sentences. 'Emma...' She bit her lip and continued reading with bleary eyes. ‚EmmaEmmaEmma.' What had she done? Emma had just admitted her love for her, and she'd already ruined it. 'No. Please no.' She'd just slept with Ben because she'd been so angry for Emma hurting her like that. But it hadn't meant anything to her. The feeling of triumph she'd expected after seducing Ben hadn't set in though, instead she hadn't been able to get Emma out of her mind. Although they hadn't really been together it had felt like the ultimate betrayal. 'I'm such a fucking idiot.' She had to tell her. If Emma offered them a new beginning then she didn't want to start this with a lie. She couldn't. Her blood froze as a frightening thought sneaked into her mind. 'Caro. What if she can't keep her big mouth shut and Emma finds out from her before I can tell her myself?' Jenny jumped up from her seat, grabbed the cards and her handbag and almost ran towards the door. 'Who are you kidding, Jenny? Caro won't waste any time to share that little piece of gossip with as many people as possible. I have to beat her to it.'

"Jenny, what…." she heard Stefan call after her but she ignored him and didn't break her stride.

ooooo

Emma sat on a couch in the school's break hall and leafed through her exercise book to prepare for the next lesson. She couldn't really concentrate on anything because she got distracted by the girls next to her who'd been sharing the newest gossip for at least half an hour now. Why couldn't they just mind their own business instead of badmouthing others? She groaned quietly and rolled her eyes as she saw Caro approaching. 'Great, it has to get even worse, hasn't it?'

"Hey! Have you already heard the latest from Ben?" Before the others could form a reply Caro continued, eager to share the exciting tidbits of information she'd gathered. "So he's still heart-broken over me, my ass! He already consoled himself with another chick!"

"What? With whom?"

"With Jenny!" Caro smiled triumphantly, pleased for being the one to spread Jenny's dirty little secret.

"You're so full of shit!" Emma exploded, much to her surprise. "Take it back!"

"Why should I do that?" Caro asked with a wicked smile on her face. "I'm absolutely sure about that. Ben and Jenny fucked each other! Perhaps Ben blew her off at first, but as horny as she is she probably threw herself at him until he…"

"You're lying!" Emma was almost shouting now. "And I won't allow you to spread all these mean lies about Jenny. So shut up, or I'll…"

"Or what?" Caro interrupted and threateningly rose to her full height. "How about calming down again?"

"Not before you admit that you made it all up!"

"Why are you even getting all upset about this? If you want to fuck him too, all you have to do is spread your legs. Ben isn't too picky about this, otherwise he hadn't gone to bed with that slut Jenny…"

The sound of Emma's hand slapping hard against Caro's cheek echoed through the break hall like a thunderclap. 'I hit her.' Emma thought, astonished by her outbreak. She couldn't remember that she'd ever done this before. "Take it back." Emma repeated quietly.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Caro yelled, and before Emma knew what was happening, Caro pushed her down on the couch and attacked her with a vengeance. 'Oh my God, I can't believe I did this.' Emma thought as two strong arms tore Caro away from her and Timo lifted her up to her feet. 'This whole situation is driving me crazy, I have to talk to Jenny or I'm going to explode.'

ooooo

"Ben!" Jenny called out, clearly out of breath as the hurried into the school building. "Have you seen Emma? I need to talk to her before she runs into Caro, it's a matter of life an d death, really!"

"I'm afraid you're too late for that." Ben answered vaguely.

"Why?"

"Caro and Emma, they had a fight. Timo and I pulled them apart, but it wasn't easy."

"Was it because of us? I mean, does she know about us?" Jenny couldn't help the panicky undertone that had crept into her voice.

Ben only nodded and shrugged apologetically.

"Shit!" Jenny closed her eyes in desperation. 'Fuckfuckfuck! She will never ever forgive me for this! I am so fucking fucking stupid!'

"Could you explain to me why this is a problem now? I mean, we had sex, okay, but what does Emma have to do with this?"

"I don't have time for explanations now. Do you know where she is?"

"I think she's in the auditorium, but…." Jenny had already turned on her heels and was running up the stairs on her way to the auditorium, leaving a flabbergasted Ben behind. 'I have to explain this to her. And she has to believe me that it didn't mean a thing. Please.' She pushed the glass doors open with so much vigor that she almost lost her balance.

"Emma!"

"Jenny…."

Luzi grabbed Timo's hand and dragged him towards the exit. "We better go and leave them to it."

"But…" Timo started, but Luzi insisted and closed the door behind them.

"Emma...Emma, I received your cards and they really knocked me off my feet and…"

"Then you're not mad at me anymore because I reacted so strangely after our kiss?"

"That doesn't matter at all now." Jenny nervously brushed a stray strand of hair from her face. "Emma, listen, I need to tell you something…." 'Please don't hate me for this.'

"No, wait. God, I was so afraid that I ruined this for good, and then Caro started telling all these mean lies…."

"Emma!"

"But it was all nonsense, of course you didn't sleep with Ben, and…"

"It's true." Jenny interrupted because listening to Emma even a second longer would have destroyed her. "We….we had sex." 'Please don't hate me. Please let me explain.'