Chapter 12

She felt Emma approaching even before she saw her. She couldn't help glance over her shoulder to confirm her inkling but hurriedly turned around again and continued to rummage around in her locker. An unwanted memory flashed up in her mind. 'In front of these lockers is where it all began, isn't it? Where I kissed her for the very first time. How much I hoped that she'd feel the same way for me as I do for her.' Jenny gulped the emotions down which threatened to overwhelm her and tried to compose herself. 'No. I won't go there again. It's over. I can't do this anymore.'

"I was looking for you." Emma offered almost hesitantly. "With Luzi. Not as a couple, not at all, just as friends, you know….because….yesterday….I just wanted to show you how I felt about you and Ben, and…"

"I know." Jenny interrupted impatiently. "Very mature."

"Jenny, I believe you now that your fling with Ben didn't mean anything."

Jenny almost laughed out loud, barely able to hide her anger. 'She has to be kidding me, right? That's what I told her over and over again, and all she did was slap my apologies back in my face. But I won't fall for her again. I'm done with all this. And even if it's going to hurt like hell for a while, someday my feelings for her will disappear.'

"Good for you." Jenny snapped and took another folder out of her locker.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm tidying up all the shit that's gathered in here." She turned around and faced Emma whose contrite expression tugged at her heart. 'No. I won't give in again. I'm going to end it. Here and now.'

"You don't know what you want, Emma. And when I take the things that I want, you're freaking out. It's always forwards and backwards with you, and I'm so sick of this! It's like being in kindergarten again. I'm above all this. I came to Cologne to begin anew but somehow I turned into the wrong direction. Towards you. It will be best if I go backwards again, start again and forget about you forever." Jenny grabbed her bag and walked away before the look of painful disappointment on Emma's face could change her mind again. 'Goodbye, Emma.'

ooooo

'Jenny is leaving. And it's all my fault.' These two sentences were the only thing Emma had been able to think about since she'd overheard Jenny's phone call with her mother. 'How could I be so damn stupid? How could I let her go?' She'd been devastated when Jenny told her that she'd slept with Ben. But hadn't it also been another sorry excuse for herself to reconsider her decision to be with Jenny? She hadn't even been able to admit her feelings for Jenny to Timo – one of her closest friends who she'd known for years. Hadn't she just taken the final chance to back out and hide under the safety blanket of normalcy so she wouldn't be confronted with rejection or abusive comments from others? 'You've been such a coward, Emma. Again. It's hardly surprising that Jenny can't bear this any longer.' Emma jumped out of the bus before the doors had fully opened. 'I have to find her before it's too late. I can't lose her now. I just can't.' Emma ran into the station and scanned the nearest train schedule for the time of departure for trains to London before she hurried towards the platform, taking two steps at a time. 'What if I'm too late? What if she's already taken an earlier train?' She let her eyes wander over the maze of people on the platform before her gaze drew to a halt when it fell on a tall brunette with a blue winter coat.

"Jenny!"

"Emma! What are you doing here?" Jenny asked, surprise evident in her voice.

"Please don't run away, you have to listen to me! I'm sorry! And I'm not only talking about kissing Luzi, I'm talking about everything! That I pushed you away in front of Timo. That I couldn't make up my mind. That I…."

"Emma…."

"No, wait! That I thought that you're fucking me over. That I didn't trust you."

"Hey…"

"No! I have to tell you this now because it took me way too long to do this. I totally….completely…fell in love with you and I'd really like to be with you. Please stay here! Don't go to London!"

"What?"

"Please stay." 'Please. Please say that you'll stay. Say that you won't leave me.'

"But why should I go to London? My parents just arrived from there." Jenny answered, perplexed. 'What?' "And they've been standing right behind you all the time." Jenny gently laid her hand on Emma's shoulder and turned her around towards an elderly couple that was watching them with interest. "Mom, Dad, that's Emma."

'Oh…..my…God!'

ooooo

Emma couldn't help but glance at Jenny over and over again while their hands lay linked together on the car seat between them, Jenny's thumb drawing lazy circles on the back of her hand. 'My girlfriend.' Emma thought and giggled happily, eliciting the most beautiful smile on Jenny's face and a slightly irritated look from Jenny's father who watched them through the rearview mirror. A faint blush crept up Emma's neck as she remembered their earlier awkward conversation in the restaurant. She'd made the world's greatest fool of herself and with every sentence she'd uttered to explain what she was actually talking about she'd made things even worse. As if her brain was overwhelmed by the fact that she and Jenny and were together now and could therefore only come up with stupid ramblings. 'I thought at first that Jenny is a spoiled brat with a rich Daddy….erm….I don't mean you, of course, you're very nice, I'm talking about those guys who only care about money.' 'Oh God. They must think I'm the biggest idiot ever.' As if Jenny had been able to read her thoughts, she gave Emma's hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled at her. "Stop worrying."

Emma sighed with relief when they finally arrived at the Bergmanns' house, got out of the car and followed Jenny's parents up to the front door. As soon as Stefan Bergmann had invited the guests inside Jenny squeezed past them and pulled Emma behind herself. "We're going up to my room. Have a nice evening." With that, she tugged at Emma's hand and made her way up the stairs, Emma following close behind. Jenny opened a door at the far side of the corridor. "Tadaaa!" she said with a flourish and ushered Emma inside. Emma hid her face in her hands as soon as Jenny closed the door behind them.

"Oh my God!" she groaned, but nonetheless she couldn't help but laugh at the weird situation and let herself fall on the bed. Jenny sank down next to her, laughing as well.

"What the hell was that?" Emma laughed, her head resting on her crossed arms.

"Have you seen their faces? This was so awesome!" Emma couldn't take her eyes off the dimples on Jenny's cheeks which deepened every time her face broke into one of those wide smiles Emma loved so much. 'How could I not love her? She's just….perfect.' With a pang of guilt she remembered Jenny's parents again.

"Aw, what will they be thinking about us now?"

"I don't care!" Jenny replied without hesitation.

"And Mr. Bergmann?"

"Did you notice how uptight my parents get in front of a business acquaintance?" Jenny pondered with a smile.

"But what if they hate me for that now?" Emma asked, suddenly worried.

Jenny's expression grew instantly serious. "My parents think you're amazing." Jenny's eyes were burning into her own so intently that Emma held her breath. 'She loves me. I don't know why, but she does.'

"Sure?" Emma asked, not entirely certain if she wanted an answer concerning Jenny's parents or to her silent monologue.

Jenny only nodded, her gaze still fixed on Emma as if she wanted to memorize every single pore of her face. "I was awfully nervous and telling all this nonsense." Emma laughed.

"Emma…the way you declared your love for me…that was…wonderful. I could have cried from happiness." Jenny looked at her so lovingly that Emma couldn't resist to lean forward and place a chaste kiss on her lips before she lay back again and grinned at Jenny mischievously. Jenny looked at the petite blonde as if she wanted to tell her so much more but finally decided against talking, instead she slowly leant in and kissed Emma with the same intensity she'd shown earlier. 'Wow.' was the only thought Emma's mind was capable to come up with in that second. She was lost in the feeling of Jenny's lips caressing her own so tenderly that she felt the simple touch deep down in her stomach. 'I love her.' She'd never been so sure of anything in her life. 'I love her, I love her, I love her.' And Jenny was wordlessly telling her the same, the gentle movements of her lips in perfect sync with her own. Yet Emma could feel that Jenny was holding back, trying not to overwhelm her, although the rapidness of her heartbeat gave the brunette away. As she felt Jenny lean back again, Emma pulled her closer before she could break the kiss and boldly slipped her tongue into Jenny's mouth. The quiet moan that escaped Jenny's throat as their tongues collided made Emma's heart skip a beat and set her already boiling blood on fire. 'Oh God.' Emma barely registered that Jenny's hand played with the hem of her checkered shirt while Jenny's lips grew more and more demanding, her breathing more and more ragged with every stroke of Emma's tongue against her own. Emma drew in a sharp breath as she felt Jenny's hand slip beneath her shirt, leaving a hot trail on her skin and the most wonderful sensations in her lower abdomen. Despite all this, her mind sprang back to life within a fraction of a second. 'We're all alone up here. In Jenny's bed. Kissing like there's no tomorrow. With Jenny's parents and Mr. Bergmann downstairs. I love her. God, I do…but…I can't do this. I'm not ready. I've never done this before and…I just can't. I'm sorry. Sorrysorrysorry.' Emma gently broke the kiss and took hold of Jenny's hand before it could travel up her back.

"Jenny…." she whispered and kissed the knuckles of Jenny's hand. 'Please don't be mad at me. I just need a little bit more time.' Although the words stayed hidden in her mind she saw understanding dawn in Jenny's eyes.

"How about simply cuddling?" Jenny asked with a gentle smile as soon as she'd controlled her breathing. She lay down next to Emma and wrapped her into her arms from behind. Emma sighed with relief as she felt Jenny's head nestle against her neck and her breath tickle her cheek. 'I love you.' she repeated silently and wrapped Jenny's arms closer around herself. 'Don't ever doubt that.'