Okay, here's the second to last chapter, have fun!
'No. Oh please no.' Emma's eyes flew over the handwritten lines Jenny had left her. The whole day she hadn't been able to shake off an intense sense of foreboding which had dampened her mood since she'd hugged Jenny goodbye this morning. During the STAG's performance this afternoon she'd almost missed her cue because her thoughts had once and again returned to Jenny's impending departure to Ireland. It had been her idea to run away together, and she would have gone through with it, whatever the cost. She would have left her family, her friends, school, everything. As long as she'd be able to be with Jenny, she'd do anything. 'Doesn't she realize how much I love her? That I can't stand being without her?' Emma blinked away the tears that threatened to spill on the letter and continued to read. 'I have to think about you. You've got a great family here, the STAG, your friends. I love you. And that's the reason why I don't want you to give all these things up for me. Please forgive me that I didn't tell you this in person, but I knew you would have stopped me.' Emma sank against the back of the chair. 'I would have stopped you.' She stared out of the window, feeling a wave of pain wash over her. Suddenly she sprang to her feet. Her decision had been made before she even realized what she was about to do. 'And I will.'
ooooo
Her breath burnt inside her lungs and her chest felt as if it was going to explode any minute, but despite all this she kept on running. She had to get to Jenny before she left for the airport. She had to convince her to stay. She had to. She wouldn't let her go. How could she? 'She can't do this to me. She can't.' As she rounded the last corner and the Bergmanns' house came into view. Her heart fluttered with relief when she saw Jenny stand in front of her parents' car, casting a last longing glance towards her former home. "Jenny!"
"Emma!"
Jenny stumbled a step backwards as Emma ran into her arms and hugged her so tightly that she felt the air escape her lungs in a whoosh.
"Jenny." Emma whispered again while she clung to her girlfriend as if she were drowning. 'I won't let you go. I won't.' She slowly broke the embrace to look at her and felt her heart sink when Jenny evaded her gaze and took hold of her hands instead. 'No. You can't leave me.'
"You can't go." Emma started emphatically. "And if you do I'll be coming with you." Now Jenny looked at her. Surprised. Desperate. "I've got my family here, my friends, and the STAG. But without you it's all worthless." Emma continued, her hands wandering from Jenny's shoulders down her arms and back up again, as if her touch could convince her to stay.
"Emma…it's not a lovely place where I'm going."
"I don't care! As long as we're together – you belong to me and I belong to you!" The sadness in Jenny's eyes told her all the things she didn't want to hear. 'I'm losing her.'
"Young lady." Jenny's father piped up. "I know that saying goodbye isn't easy…."
"You don't know anything!" Emma interrupted harshly. "I'm sorry, but you really don't understand." she continued in a slightly friendlier tone. "Jenny didn't take any drugs. Someone mixed them in her drink!" She felt Jenny kissing her knuckles one by one, her lips beautifully soft on her skin. 'She's saying goodbye. Please don't. Please.'
"I believe you that you believe her, but when someone's addicted…."
"But Jenny isn't an addict!" Emma almost shouted. She cradled Jenny's face in her hands before she continued in a lower voice. "Jenny is the most wonderful daughter and the most amazing girlfriend." She knew that she wasn't really talking to Mr. Hartmann any more but to Jenny, a last desperate attempt to change her mind. 'Doesn't she see how much I love her?'
"Emma, I can't run away any more, I can't stay!" Jenny said before her father could form a reply, her voice desperate, cracking with emotion.
"You can't give up now! You've never done that!"
"Because she knows that it's the best for her." Mr. Hartmann insisted.
"It's not the best for you!"
"Emma, I can't run away from my problems any longer, I have to face them head-on!"
"But I don't want this and it's not fair! Jenny, stay here and we'll prove your innocence!"
"Jenny, we have to go now." Mr. Hartmann said in a low voice and got in the car. Emma felt her heart break in a million pieces when Jenny nodded curtly and turned towards her again. 'She's leaving me. And nothing I'm going to say will change her mind.' Emma slowly leant towards Jenny and met her lips in a kiss that spoke of so much more than words could have. Sadness. Desperation. Love. Emma shuddered when their tongues met one last time. She inhaled Jenny's scent, tantalizing and sweet and unique, burning it into her mind, felt Jenny's hand in her hair, her lips kissing her neck, her cheek. 'I can't believe I'm losing her. Oh my God.' She rested her cheek against Jenny's and choked down the tears that threatened to suffocate her. She wouldn't cry now, she couldn't do this to her. She knew that it was as hard for Jenny to leave her as it was for her to be left behind. Jenny loved her, she didn't doubt that for even a second. But nonetheless Jenny couldn't live with the knowledge that her parents considered her a liar, a drug addict who'd make up any story to hide her relapse, so she gave in and consented to a drug withdrawal although she wasn't an addict any more.
Emma fought hard to maintain her composure as Jenny got in the car but lost the fight when the backlights disappeared around the corner. She leant against a street lamp and felt hot tears run down her cheeks while she slid down on the ground. 'She's gone. Gone.'
ooooo
She'd never get that image out of her head - Emma kissing her goodbye, shocked, disappointed, heart-broken. 'I'm so, so sorry.' Only two days ago she'd promised her that she'd stay with her, no matter what. Jenny laughed bitterly. 'That's what's become of your promises.' She didn't want to leave, actually there was nothing she wanted to do less. But if she ever wanted to regain her parents' trust then she didn't have another choice. She'd started one last attempt to convince them of her innocence, but her father's reply to her desperate plea to believe her and let her stay with Emma still rang in her ears. 'I would really like to believe you. But you lied to us too often.'
Jenny looked out of the cockpit's window without really seeing anything, the pictures inside her head still too vivid. She gave a start when the plane's motor sprang to life with a loud rumble. She couldn't even blame her parents. If she was in their shoes, she probably wouldn't believe her either. She'd lied and lied and lied, to her parents, to the few real friends she'd left, to everyone. Once and again, without batting an eye. She'd been lucky enough that her parents hadn't just kicked her out a long time ago. Instead they'd repeatedly forgiven her, reasoned with her, offered their support which she'd shoved into their faces again and again. She couldn't disappoint them again, even if it meant that she had to leave behind the one person who was the most precious to her. Emma. Her Emma. Meeting her was best thing that had ever happened to her. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that she'd have to be without her for at least two months. And who knew what happened afterwards? What if her parents believed that her episode in Cologne hadn't been such a good idea after all and wanted her to return to London? Was she really willing to give up Emma for good just to please her parents? 'No. I won't give her up. Not ever. And I know she'll wait for me.' She should have trusted her right from the start, instead she'd endangered their relationship by keeping her past a secret from her. 'So stupid.' But she'd been so afraid of Emma's reaction, of losing her because of the past she'd left behind a long time ago. She'd feared the look of disappointment in Emma's eyes after telling her the truth. A drug addict. A junkie. Someone who'd do anything for the next load of dope. Regardless of the consequences. She'd tried to shed that former life like a snake's skin, had banned it from her mind until it had finally caught up with her. But she'd underestimated Emma. Again. Emma had not only brought her home after her drug-induced break-down at school, she hadn't left her side until the effects had worn off. She'd silently endured the insults when Jenny'd lashed out at her, using her as a valve for her anger that had threatened to burn her up from inside. She'd listened to her when Jenny'd finally told her everything that had happened to her in China and later in London. She'd never been judgemental, not once, hadn't told her to go to hell, hadn't accused of her of anything. Instead Emma had stood by her without a second's hesitance. 'I don't care that you've been a junkie. You're my Jenny, and I love you with all this, I love everything about you!' Jenny bit her lip and felt a fresh wave of tears well up inside her when she remembered Emma's words. 'I so don't deserve her.' She felt her father's hand patting her shoulder reassuringly but shrugged it off. 'I'm so sorry I had to leave you. I hope you know how much I love you.'
ooooo
Jenny closed the door behind herself and leant against it. She still couldn't believe that she was back in the Bergmanns' house, back in her room which she'd left this morning with all her belongings to fly to Ireland. She felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her, rush through her veins, immobilizing her. 'God, I'm so tired.' Emma carefully placed her bags on the floor and turned towards her.
"Hey." she whispered and gently grazed her girlfriend's cheek. "Are you all right?"
Jenny nodded although her posture told another story. It was all coming back to her – her fear of losing Emma, her parents' disappointment, her own despair over her obviously hopeless situation. 'I would have lost her if Emma hadn't fought to prove my innocence.'
"Come here." Emma pulled her into a tight embrace, rocking her soothingly while Jenny buried her face in the crook of Emma's neck. "It's over now. It's all over."
Jenny couldn't suppress the sob that escaped her throat and shook her whole body while tears blurred her vision and ran down her cheeks, wetting Emma's neck and shirt. "Shh. I'm here. I'm here." Emma gently pulled her towards the bed without breaking the contact and settled down beside Jenny, still holding her close.
"I love you." Jenny whispered. "I love you so much. I need you to know that. I didn't want to leave you, but…"
"Shh. I know." Emma brushed a strand of hair from Jenny's forehead and tucked it behind her ear. "I know."
They stayed like that until Jenny's breath evened again. "Will you stay here tonight?" Jenny whispered quietly and ran her fingertip gently across Emma's forehead, down her cheeks, over her lips, down her chin, relishing the soft touch.
"Of course I will." Emma replied with a smile. She hesitated a second before she continued with a mockingly risen brow. "I can't risk you flying away without me again to God knows where while I'm gone."
Jenny opened her mouth to protest but thought better of it when she caught the amused glint in Emma's green eyes. 'Although I hurt her so much she's making light of it for me.'
'Mh. I guess you better stay then." Jenny finally replied. "Tonight. And tomorrow night. And the night after that. And…"
Emma silenced her with a soft kiss on her lips. "I think I got the gist of it."