A/N: I do not own Twilight. :(

Sorry it's taken a while to update, but I should be able to get back on a more regular schedule now.

Enjoy!

Still feeling the warmth of Alice's touch on my face, I quickly ran out of the kitchen to find her. Almost frantically, I scanned the room looking for her before I spotted her talking to someone. My feet started moving, but I immediately stopped myself.

Jasper, what the fuck are you doing? You know she could never be interested in you. You're too damaged and screwed up.

I shook my head, trying to shut my mind up. As I looked back up, I saw a pair of gray eyes looking right at me. Startled, I looked away, trying to find something or someone else to focus on. It didn't work because I found myself slowly looking in Alice's direction again. She was sitting on the couch, talking and laughing with whom, I assumed, was a friend of hers. As I watched her interact so freely, I began to envy her. I envied her ability to not only talk to people, but be friends with them. I envied the way she could laugh and joke around without malice or ill intentions. Most of all I envied her life, which was crazy because I didn't even really know her.

But I doubt that she grew up in a household where her father abused her and her mom was a drug addict and prostitute. She probably received a ton of gifts at Christmas and a party for each of her birthdays. Those happy memories, the ones normal people take for granted, were far and few between for me.

My heart started pounding in my chest as I recalled more and more memories from my childhood.

How the hell could they do that to me? How could they do that a fucking kid?

I began to tremble as anger and pain washed over me. I knew I had to get out of there or else I'd go off on some innocent bystander who just happened to ask me for a light or some stupid shit like that. I willed my feet to move, to take me as far away from this party and all of the people in it as fast as possible, but they just wouldn't work like I wanted them to. Just as I was about to take my first step, I felt that familiar warmth once again.

"Jasper? Are you okay?"

I was in a daze. I could hear her speaking but I couldn't make myself talk. I just looked at her.

"Sweetie, you're starting to scare me. Did you drink too much? Did you take something?"

Finally, I found my voice.

"No," I croaked.

"You look so…so disturbed. I saw you looking over my way and then it's like you went into a trance. You just stood here as if someone scared you."

I shook my head again. "No. I'm fine."

"But…you're shaking."

"Look, Alice, I'm fine!"

She jumped back for a second and her eyes widened. However, she never removed her warm touch from my arm.

Please don't let go of me.

As if reading my mind, Alice started to gently rub my forearm. I squeezed my eyes shut, concentrating on the feel of her soothing touch. I know I looked like a mental case. Here I was, freaking out in the middle of party for seemingly no good reason at all.

I let out a cleansing exhale and looked down at this woman who was quickly becoming my rescuer.

"Thanks," I whispered.

Alice smiled up at me and I could almost feel that block of ice I call my heart, thawing, but only slightly. Her hand slid down my forearm and down to my hand where she interlaced our fingers and started leading me away. My feet felt like lead, but I blindly followed her.

We walked into a vacant room in the house. I think it was an office, but it was quiet and I could gather my thoughts there. We sat down on a loveseat nestled in the corner of the room. I looked down at my hands, silently praying to Jesus, Buddha, Mother Earth, and whoever else would listen, that Alice would not ask me what my freak out was about. I could feel her eyes as she watched me. Maybe she thought I would spontaneously combust and wanted to catch the sight so she could laugh at me some more.

"Jasper, what was going on out there?"

Fuck my life.

I slowly lifted my eyes to meet hers and had to look down again. If I looked into her eyes, I would spill everything and I sure as hell wasn't going to reveal that shit to anyone.

"Nothing."

"Come on! You can't lie to me. You looked like you were having an anxiety attack and –"

"Alice! It was nothing. I'm fine now."

She stared at me with such sadness, confusion, and disappointment in her eyes. She knew I was lying, but I couldn't bring myself to lay this shit on her or anyone else. Besides, why did I care so much about how she viewed me? My mind raced as I tried to come up with some sort of excuse for my behavior.

"It's okay, Jasper. You don't have to tell me. I just hope you're alright."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I manage."

"Does managing work for you?"

"I get by."

I looked down at my hands again. They were still shaking, even in Alice's grasp. I knew she was seeing right through my bullshit.

"You can talk to me. I won't tell anyone what you say."

I rolled my eyes.

"But you'll laugh at me," I said quietly.

"Jasper, that's not fair. I would never laugh at you for revealing what's causing you so much….pain."

Anger began to rise through my body. Anger at myself for lying to Alice; anger at my parents for my fucked up childhood, and anger for that little boy who never felt loved. I didn't think it was possible but my hands were shaking even harder, and my whole body began to tremble as well.

"Jasper, please tell me what's wrong."

I quickly looked back up at Alice and shouted, "You want to know what the hell is wrong with me? How about the fact that I'm the most fucked up person known to man, because my step father kicked my ass every chance he got? How about the fact that my mom fucked anyone who would give her money or her next hit? Or the fact that the thought of trusting anyone makes me literally sick to my stomach?"

I stood and started pacing, needing to burn off this crazy energy my body had stored. My breathing was ragged and I could feel moisture begin to pool in my eyes. I wiped them quickly. Alice just sat frozen in her seat and watched.

"I hate that I've never had one real fucking friend my entire life! I hate the fact that I've never celebrated Christmas or my birthday or, fuck, even had a real Thanksgiving dinner! Don't look at me and think you can help me because I'm a lost cause, Darlin'. You better run and run fast because the more time you spend with me, the more I'll bring you down. Misery loves company, right?"

My body was literally buzzing now. It felt good to get all of that out for once, but I didn't really feel better. Alice slowly got off the loveseat and stood in front of me. We both stared at each other for what seemed like forever, and then she did something that I didn't expect; something I always wished my mother would do. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me close. My entire frame stiffened but slowly relaxed beneath her touch. Awkwardly, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her even closer. Not one word or sound was made as she held me.

Time stood still as Alice tried her best to help me in some capacity. I expected her to give me some bullshit motivational speech about how I can overcome my past and that the future is full of opportunity, but she did one of the simplest things one person can do for another; the one thing I needed most. I can't remember the last time someone hugged me. I mean really hugged me. Hooking up with women here or there didn't count because that was just fucking. There was no emotion, at least for me, in those instances.

When Alice let go, I felt a profound sense of loss. Losing that human contact was almost painful. I had been without it for so long that I didn't want it to end. She pulled me back to the loveseat and took one of my hands in both of hers. As I looked into her eyes I noticed tears beginning to well in their gray depths. I sat glued to my spot. I didn't know how to react to her emotion, so I just watched her and hoped she would stop.

"Oh, Jasper. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that."

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "It's no big deal. I'm used to it."

"It is a big deal," she said with force. "No one should have to endure such horrible things, especially a child."

"Well, I guess I'm just not one of the lucky ones."

Tears began to fall down her cheeks. Without thinking, I grazed my thumbs over them to brush the tears away.

"Hey," I said softly. "There's no reason for you to shed tears over me."

"I know," she said, sniffling. "I'm just sad for you."

My heart sank. "Look, I didn't mean to make you feel bad." I looked behind me at the door. "I should just go."

I stood up, exhaled, and stretched, trying to release the immense tension buried in my shoulders. I went to turn around and say goodbye to Alice when she jumped up from the loveseat and wrapped her arms around my neck. My mind and some other foreign feeling were at war with one another. Part of me wanted to push her away, but this new feeling told me to hold her and not let go. I decided to meet my feelings halfway and clumsily wrapped my arms around her waist. She was so warm and soft…

I pulled back and cupped my hands on either side of her face and looked into her eyes. Something about Alice made me forget about my fucked up past and made me feel like a regular human being. I watched as her tongue slowly wet her lips. I leaned forward and gently pressed my lips to hers. A jolt of electricity seemed to surge through my body and I pulled her body flush against mine. A moan escaped Alice's sweet mouth as we deepened our kiss, my lips and tongue seeking the solace I'd been missing all my life. I felt myself losing control and feeling things that I wasn't used to feeling. Without warning, I jumped back and broke our kiss.

"Oh fuck," I gasped.

Alice continued her hold on me, both literally and figuratively.

"Alice," I half moaned and whispered. "I…I gotta go."

"Oh, okay." She couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Shit! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Fuck! I'm so sorry!"

I quickly backed away from her and practically ran for the door, nearly tripping on my way out. I didn't even bother looking for Edward. I just called a cab and went straight home.

What the fuck was I thinking?

As soon as I stepped into my apartment, I slammed the door behind me, threw my keys on the table and headed straight for the bottle of whiskey. I took a long swig and winced as the strong amber liquid burned my throat. I then walked into my bathroom, opened the cabinet, and popped a couple Xanax into my mouth, chasing it with another swig of whiskey. Technically, I wasn't supposed to drink while taking these pills, but I didn't give a shit. I needed whatever it took to clear my mind.

Tonight was one hell of rollercoaster ride, but as my eyes drifted closed I remembered the feel of Alice's arms wrapped around my neck and her lips pressed against mine. Instantaneously, I hardened. My entire body started to tingle form the combination of the Xanax, whiskey, and Alice. I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes as I unbuttoned my jeans and slid my hand beneath my boxers.

"Mmm, Alice…" I moaned.

The next morning I woke up to my phone vibrating on my nightstand. I squinted my eyes and tried to focus on the small screen.

"This better be good, motherfucker," I answered.

"What the fuck happened to you last night?"

"Calm the fuck down. I just had to get out of there."

"What happened with you and Alice?" Edward asked, and I could hear the grin in his voice. "I saw you two sneak off and thought you were back there knockin' boots!"

"Knockin' boots? What year is this, Edward? 1995?"

"Fuck you, Jasper. You know what I mean."

"No, I didn't fuck her. Nothing happened."

"Really? So why did she ask me for your phone number?"

I sat up straight. "What? Did you give it to her?"

"Well…"

"Dammit, Edward!"

"Chill out, man. She seems like a nice girl and she may do you some good."

"Fine. Whatever."

"I'll catch up with you later. You want to go play pool or something this weekend?"

"Edward, I think you're falling for me," I said with a snort.

"Shut the fuck up," he countered. "We both know the real reason I'm the only person you hang out with."

We both laughed.

"Yeah, I guess we can meet up this weekend."

"Alright, talk to you later, fucker."

"Bye, asswipe."

So what do you think? :D Your reviews always make me smile!

Extra special thanks to my AWESOME beta, Savannah_Vee! You're the best!