A/N: I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
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After Edward and I joined Alice and Angela, I decided to try to talk to Alice while Edward and Angela took their turns. Trying to be extra slick, Edward took it upon himself to personally give Angela a bowling lesson, standing behind her and commenting on her "form". He can be such a dork sometimes.
Alice watched and laughed as Edward made an ass of himself. I figured it was as good a time as any to try to spark up a conversation with her.
"So…" I started.
Alice turned her head to look directly at me and I froze for a moment.
"So…" she responded.
Another awkward moment passed by.
"So where the fuck did that come from?"
She frowned and asked, "What are you talking about?"
"You telling that skank back there to basically fuck off. That was pretty awesome!"
"Oh, that! It was no big deal," she said while returning her gaze to Angela and the Dumbass.
"It was to me," I mumbled to myself.
Just then, Alice turned to me and placed her hand on my knee.
"Jasper, I just felt the need to step in. I know you could have handled her on your own, but she was getting weird and too pushy."
"You're my very own personal bodyguard!"
Alice laughed and shook her head. "Remember, I have super secret ninja skills. I could handle the job."
"I'm sure you could."
"Are you hiring?" she asked with a wink.
I laughed and shook my head. "Not right now, but you'll be the first person I call should I ever need one."
"It's a deal!"
Out of nowhere, Edward the Fucked Up, called over to us.
"Hey, lovebirds, it's your turn."
Alice stood up and headed to the lane. I took the opportunity to flip Edward off and mouth, "Fuck you" as he smiled like a fucking Cheshire cat , pulling Angela into his side.
While Alice was taking her turn, I went to retrieve my ball. A memory I'd tried with all my might to forget crept its way to the forefront of my mind.
o~o~o~o~o~o~o
It had been four months since Renee's funeral and things still weren't quite right. Of course things would never be the same without her, but I thought Charlie would try to push forward and continue with life. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
Before she got sick, Renee, Charlie and I would go bowling every couple of weeks. I think they used it as a device to get me to open up. You know, good family fun and shit. The first few outings were boring as hell because I didn't trust them and wasn't comfortable enough to have so-called fun with them. Eventually, I let my guard down and ended up enjoying myself.
Hoping to cheer him up a little, I pulled his bowling ball out of the closet and met him in the living room. As usual, he looked like a zombie, mindlessly watching some sports show on TV.
"Hey Charlie," I called out.
I received no response.
"Charlie," I said again.
Silence.
This time I stood right next to him and nudged his shoulder. That got his attention and he finally looked at me. Seeing his dead eyes was nothing new to me, but his sudden bouts of silence were. I knew he was hurting, but I didn't know what to do. I spent my time mourning and moved on. I loved Renee, but she was gone and there was nothing I or Charlie could do to bring her back. Besides, I was used to losing people. Hell, I lost myself until I lived with the Swans.
"Hey, Charlie, do you want to go bowling?"
He looked down at the ball and grunted out a measly "No" before turning his attention back to the television.
"Come on! It'll be fun!"
"I said no."
"Charlie, you need to get out of the house."
With a swiftness I didn't know he possessed, Charlie stood up and stalked towards me.
"I told you I don't want to go bowling, so drop it."
"Why, because Sportscenter is so damned interesting?"
"I don't feel like it," he mumbled while looking back at the TV.
"You don't feel like doing anything anymore. Charlie, she's gone. It's really shitty that she can't be here with us, but sitting around like the walking dead isn't going to bring her back. You need to move on."
He turned towards me once again with such anger in his eyes it was disturbing.
"What the hell do you know?"
"I know that you've been AWOL since her funeral. Shit, Charlie, it's been four months. I'd never expect you to forget her, but you need to do…I don't know, something! You're not the one who's dead."
"I wish I was."
His words stung. Just when I thought I could have a normal life, fate shat on me again. Not only did the assholes of the world not want me, but now the seemingly decent people didn't want me either.
"I don't," I whispered.
"Yeah well, you'd be better off without me."
I stared at him in disbelief.
"How the fuck can you say that?"
"Watch you language."
"Fuck my language!"
He charged at me and for a brief moment I saw my stepfather. Determined not to back down, I stood my ground.
"What? Are you going to hit me? Slap the curse words out of my mouth?"
Coherence seemed to return to Charlie's mind and he furrowed his brows and shook his head quickly.
"Jasper, I would never –"
"You wouldn't? You sure as hell were pretty close."
"I'm sorry, son."
"Son? Don't fucking call me son!"
I turned away quickly as I saw the hurt in his eyes.
"I'm going over to Peter's."
I ran upstairs and threw some of my belongings into a bag. Charlie was right on my heels the whole time.
"When are you coming back?"
"I don't know."
"Jasper, you can't just leave."
"Why the hell not? You've been gone for months! You certainly won't miss me!"
"Jasper, you're my son! Of course I'll miss you."
By this time we were standing in the foyer at the front door. I put my hand up to stop him from continuing.
"Save it."
And with that I walked out of Charlie's house…and out of his life.
o~o~o~o~o~o~o
"Jasper! Earth to Jasper!"
I returned to the present and saw Alice standing in front of me waving her hand in my face.
"Yeah?"
"What happened? It looked like you were a million miles away."
"Lost in my thoughts I guess."
She stepped closer and placed her hand in mine.
"Are you sure? Is everything okay?"
I nodded my head and removed my hand from hers.
"Looks like it's my turn."
She watched as I took my turn and bowled a strike. Turning around, I returned to my seat. Edward walked over and sat next to me.
"Are you alright?"
"Fuck! Will everyone stop asking me that! I'm fine!"
"Calm the fuck down, asshole! I was just asking a question. It looked like you were upset. Are things not going well with Alice?"
I leaned my head back on the incredibly hard plastic chair and sighed.
"No, things are fine. I'm just tired."
"Are you sure?"
I turned my head and glared at him.
"Fine, but if you need to talk, I'm around."
"Yes, you've made me painfully aware of that over and over again."
Alice walked up to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. Feeling suffocated by all of the undue attention, I shrugged out of her touch.
"Are you-"
"Don't," I interrupted. "If I hear that question one more time I'm going to fucking scream."
I ran my hands through my hair, gripping the strands.
"Okay," she said quietly. "We're here, Jasper."
I rolled my eyes and nodded my head.
God! I feel like I can't fucking breathe in here!
My breathing increased and I felt like I my air supply was dwindling to nothing. My eyes surveyed my surroundings in a frantic manner. I had to get the fuck out of there and fast. I grabbed my jacket and made a run for it.
"Jasper! Where the hell are you going?" Edward called out.
I had no time to deal with him right now. I felt like I was dying and I just needed to get back to my apartment. At least there I could die in peace. I made it out on the sidewalk and bumped into a bunch of tourists who were busy looking up at all of the buildings instead of watching where they were going.
"Watch where the fuck you're going," I yelled as they cowered in fear.
I guess I just confirmed the stereotype of mean New Yorkers for them.
Just then I felt a hand on my shoulder.
Oh, so they want to fight?
I spun around prepared to pummel whoever dared touch me when I saw Edward standing in front of me.
"What the hell are you doing, Jasper? You're just going to ditch Alice like that?"
I shook my head and turned to walk away from him. Unfortunately for me, he decided to follow.
"Will you fucking stop!"
"What? Dammit, Edward, I just want to go home!"
"What happened back there? One minute you were fine and then next you were freaking out and running away."
"Nothing happened."
"You're a shitty liar."
"Yeah well, one of my many failures, I guess."
"Bullshit!"
"Just let me go home."
"Why, so you can take a few Xanax and collapse?"
"Maybe. I may also add a whiskey chaser."
"Are you trying to kill yourself or something? What's with the self-destructive behavior?"
"Edward, when are you going to get it through your head that you don't know me like you think you do? I'm not your friend, your acquaintance, buddy, or whatever the fuck you want to call me. I'm just me and I was doing just fine being by myself."
He stood frozen in front of me.
I think I finally shocked the fucker into silence for once.
"Besides, the world wouldn't miss me," I continued bitterly. "Hell, it would probably be better off without me. So do yourself a favor and go back to your sweet girlfriend and Alice and live in your little deluded world."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I'm not deluded. Unlike you, I can make it in the real world without having to rely on drugs to help me function."
He took a step forward and got in my face. I didn't want to fight Edward, but I was ready if it came to that.
He spoke very low and menacing.
"Look, you either need to deal with your shit like a man or move the fuck on, but I tell you one thing, you will not disrespect me, my girlfriend, or the only decent woman to give you a second glance since you moved your sorry ass to this city. If you want to be left alone, fine. You got your wish. You go back to your apartment, take your pills and live whatever semblance of a life you have. I'll take my deluded self and be something you'll never be….happy."
He turned around swiftly and walked back towards the bowling alley.
"Fuck you, Edward," I screamed.
I watched his back as he disappeared into the building.
"Dammit!"
x~x~x~x~x~x~x
Once I finally made my way back to my apartment, I collapsed on the sofa. Reaching under the couch, I pulled out my spare bottle of Xanax and popped one into my mouth. Rolling my eyes, I popped another for good measure. Hopefully they'd work quickly and I could just drift away into nothingness for a while, but Edward's words kept replaying in my head.
You go back to your apartment, take your pills and live whatever semblance of a life you have. I'll take my deluded self and be something you'll never be….happy.
What the hell did he know? He hadn't live through what I had.
But he's been nothing but a cool guy to you.
I just prefer being alone.
Then why did you feel hurt when he walked away from you?
He'll get over it and knock on my door in a day or two. He's like herpes - I can never get rid of him.
He's probably gone for good this time.
I grabbed my head. "Shut up," I said to the open space.
You really fucked up this time. Maybe your stepfather was right. You're just a waste of space.
"No!"
Not only did you treat your only friend badly, but you also ditched Alice.
I sat up immediately. "Shit!"
I grabbed my phone, poised to send a text message to Alice, but changed my mind. What exactly could I do? Apologize for being a prick and think everything would be hunky-dory again? She was much better off without me in her life. I'd only bring her down and she's too good for that.
I stood up and went into the kitchen. I opened the cupboard and pulled out a glass. Reaching for the whiskey bottle, I got ready to pour the amber liquid into it, but decided to just drink straight from the bottle. I took a long pull and relished the burn in my mouth and chest as it went down. I soon felt a warmth radiate through my body and knew that the pills, with the help of good ole Mr. Daniels, were taking effect. I lurched toward my bedroom and took another swig before setting the bottle on my nightstand and falling onto the bed.
Finally darkness overtook me.
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Jasper really made a mess of things, didn't he?
Thank you to my beta, Savannah-Vee! :)