Unbeta'd.

I was listening to this song while I was baking, and it made me think this must be how Bella feels…

Sara Bareilles – Breathe Again

Check out the blog for all the prompts, songs and pics that have helped shape these little bits and pieces. http : / jessyptff . blogspot . com/2011/08/bits-and-pieces . html

…Continued from Chapter 3.

I watched him walk away through blurry eyes, and I hated myself just a little bit more. I don't know how long I sat there, parked in the driveway, the streetlights creating a golden glow in the dark of night. His car was long gone, but his words weren't.

Every word he'd spoken was the truth. And for the millionth time since I'd walked out of that hotel room, I sagged under the weight of my actions. One error. One error in judgment has cost me everything, and I was still searching for whatever it was that had led me down that path in the first place.

The bright interior light shone brightly as I opened the car door to get out. On wobbly legs, I climbed out and trudged inside. All the lights were off except for the one in the kitchen. I found Sarah, our babysitter, sitting there drinking a cup of tea and reading a book. She had been a godsend since I had turned our world upside down. She was the silent stalwart companion my kids needed, while Edward and I tried to work through this… "fucked up nightmare" as he called it.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice, Sarah. I really appreciate it."

"You know I'm happy to help out, Mrs. Cullen. I love your kids." She paused and looked up at me, her eyes just the barest bit of sad, and opened then closed her mouth.

"What is it?" I asked, knowing she clearly had something on her mind.

She licked her lips and sighed. "It's just… I'm so sorry about you and Mr. Cullen. Is there anything I can do to help?"

I smiled even as my eyes began to water again. Even this girl – this seventeen year old – could tell how out of control my life had gotten. I guess I really was living under a rock. "Thanks but no. I wish, but there's nothing to be done except give him time…"

Time. Something I thought would never be an issue for us. I'd always heard about those couples who were constantly fighting to find time with each other, but that was never the case for us. Even with Edward's busy schedule at work, he made us a priority. Always.

This was all me. I have completely fucked up the best thing in my life… in my kids' lives, and we were all paying for my sins. In my quest for something I couldn't even identify, I had turned my back on my best friend, the love of my life. I choked back a sob and shook my head.

"Well, I should go then," she said softly, patting my arm in what was probably meant to be a comforting gesture.

I paid her and walked her to the door, waiting to make sure she got in her car and out of the driveway. With the door shut and locked, I turned to face the darkness alone.