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CHAPTER 4
"Amy! Open the door RIGHT now!" I cry out knocking on her bedroom door incessantly.
"what" she says totally indifferent to my tone of voice.
"Where is my blue top!"
"what blue top"
"the strapless blue top you always steal from my closet, does it ring a bell?" I say, my hands on my hips to emphasize my fury. I cannot stand my sisters! Their closets are plagued with tons of clothes; half of them they haven't even worn yet, but of course they have to steal and wear my clothes because pissing me off is more fun! Ugh!
"I don't know what you're talking about" I stare at her for a sec before my eyes spot a blue clothing upon a chair. I quickly get past her and grab the top.
"And what's this uh?"
"okay, I took it! I was going to wear it tonight"
"well, you're not anymore" I say turning to leave the bedroom but she stops me grabbing my arm.
"C'mon Rach! let me wear it today and I promise I won't take it again"
"nope"
"why not?"
"because it's my favourite top and I don't want you spoiling it with your stupidity"
"why do you HAVE to wear it today anyway? Do you have a date or something?"
"It's not your business, bye-bye" I say closing the door behind me. I rush into my bedroom and lock the door so that my dear sister cannot get in and continue with her speciality in annoying people.
I stand in front of my full length mirror and put my strapless sky-blue top on. I smile. It perfectly matches the necklace. I hold the small silver heart between my fingers and look at its reflection in the mirror. Will he notice I'm wearing it? I cannot believe how freaking nervous I am right now. I haven't seen him since my Birthday party, two weeks ago. I admit I was a bit disappointed when I returned to the kitchen after my argument with Monica and he was already gone, although that saved me from having to explain my unexpected move of kissing him. I told Monica I had apologized to him though; otherwise she would have followed me around knife in hand until I did so. Lying to Monica is something I am not used to but I cannot tell her what I feel for her brother, mainly because I haven't figured it out myself yet.
I take a deep breath as putting the last thing in my bag and leave my bedroom.
"Mom I'm sleeping over at Mon's tonight" I shout as I run down the stairs.
"okay honey, call me when you get there" she says kissing me when we are by the door.
"Mom, her house is half a mile away, do I really need to?" I say making a face.
"of course young lady"
On my way to Monica's my mind cannot think straight; he occupies my thoughts completely; What Am I gonna tell him if I run into him?...if? I HAVE to run into him, I need to see him one way or another. I miss him, I can't believe it myself but I do, a lot; every single night of these fifteen days since my birthday party the kiss we shared creeps into my head keeping me widely awake.
My lips curl up into a smile as I relive that moment in my head once again. his slightly pouty lips felt so damn good upon mine…and his hands rubbing my sides with such delicacy…it makes my heart race just thinking about it. I never thought this addiction would get me this far to a point where my image of Ross would change so dramatically.
"hi Rach!" Monica greets me with a warm hug I gladly reciprocate. "come in, let's carry your bag to my room" she says taking my bag from my hand and I follow her up to her room.
"where are your parents? Are you alone?" I ask looking around the dark corridor that leads to her bedroom, everything seems too quiet.
"yup, they left early today to visit my Grandma"
"and your brother?" I ask as casually as possible but she eyes me with suspicion.
"he went with them…why?"
"no special reason, just wondering" this sucks. I was so looking forward to seeing him today.
"you sure?" she says, still giving me that I-don't-believe-you look that makes me rather nervous.
"What? Mon I told you I would stop, didn't I?" I say rolling my eyes. She doesn't mention anything else but I know that she is not completely satisfied with my detailed –and made up- explanation of how I apologized to Ross. Oh god, if she ends up finding out about all these lies I will be dead meat.
The disappointment I felt before vanishes when I finally realize we have the house all for ourselves, there is nothing more exciting than that! We spent the rest of the evening dancing to loud music in the living room, watching a movie while eating a pizza for dinner and it's not until 1am that we head to her room.
"When are your parents coming Mon?" I ask as I lay on the mattress she has placed for me on the floor next to her bed and I see her lay down on her own bed. Only the light of her bedside table illuminates the room. Talking session is about to start.
"they must be about to arrive I guess, my grandma lives in the city" that weird sensation is back in my stomach when I know there is a small chance I may still see him tonight.
"so, how are things with Chip" God, I had completely forgotten about him and that's happening more than it should.
"well you know, we've been playing that videogame he gave me for my Bday" I say, embarrassed to admit my boring love life.
"how romantic"
"yeah…" I say in a sigh; sometimes I truly feel like I'm a nanny to my boyfriend.
"that means no sex yet?" She's been asking that a lot lately…I wonder if there is a hidden purpose behind all her questioning.
"nope, at all"
"but he hasn't insisted?"
"believe me, he HAS, but…he doesn't seem to know how to turn me on you know? Or I've stopped liking him I don't know"
"What? You don't like him anymore? Rach he is like the hottest guy in High School! How is that even possible?"
"I guess it's his personality what turns me off…why are you so interested in "sex" lately anyway? Something going on with you and you haven't told me?"
"no, I just want to know how it feels…that's all" she says avoiding my gaze.
"Well then do it yourself, don't pressure me" I say half laughing but her shy expression surprises me "Mon…? Are you actually thinking of doing it?"
"I…I may be considering it" she says shyly. I open my mouth broadly as I try to take in her words.
"What?" I exclaim when my mind starts working again. I quickly stand from my mattress and jump on her bed to lie next to her. "h-how, w-who is the guy?"
"he is a friend of my brother, we've been secretly dating for a month now" she says with a grin on her face.
"a month? And you're telling me now?" My shock grows with each new piece of information she gives me.
"I know I'm sorry I hid it from you all this time but I didn't want to take the risk of being caught, if my brother finds out he's going to kill him and me right after, so please, ple-ase promise you won't tell him ANYTHING"
"of course honey, why would I tell him anything? Now tell me more, tell me more!"
"his name is Chandler and god, he has me head over heels for him Rach, he is sweet, funny, caring…he makes me laugh like nobody else…" I can tell just by looking at that peculiar smile on her face that she has fallen hard for that Chandler guy. "I think I might be in love Rach, wh-when he is not around I cannot stop thinking about him, and when I know I'm gonna see him I get that butterfly sensation in my stomach…I don't know how to explain it but…it's such an amazing feeling…and when he kisses me…god, I literally melt" yeah that sounds familiar…
"okay that's enough, you're TOTALLY love-struck girl"
"I really am" she says with that grin on her face.
"I'm so happy for you"
"me too" she says all excited
"so you're gonna…"
"I don't know…do you think it's too soon? We've only been dating for a month…"
"I think it's fine…as long as you want it and feel comfortable with him"
"I do"
"then, there is not place for doubt" I say winking my eye.
"thanks" she says with a big smile.
"what about your brother? Does he have a girlfriend?" the question has left my mouth before I even had time to realize what I was doing. Monica raises her eyebrow as she gives me that suspicious look again. oh boy, my subconscious is going to give me away one of these days!
"what?" I try to say as nonchalantly as possible.
"why do you want to know that?"
"why? I don't know…It's simply another topic, why should there be any interest in me asking that question?" okay stop talking!
"well, you never seemed interested in those topics before"
"whatever, let's talk about something else then"
"Rach…Do you like my brother? be honest" oh god, oh god, oh goddd
"what? NO!"
"honey, I'm your friend, I won't judge you if you do, he is actually a great guy, I told you before"
"Monica stop talking nonsense, I don't like your brother and never will okay?" my tone of voice saying those words has hurt her, I can feel it. Why am I so scared to admit the truth even to my best friend? I hate myself.
"okay…I just want you to know that I wouldn't think any less of you if you dated a geeky guy like my brother…I'm not like your other friends"
"aw Mon, you're so sweet" I say as leaning in to give her a heartfelt hug "and thanks for always being so supportive but I'm being honest with you, the only thing in my mind right now it's my rather pathetic relationship with Chip…I asked that girlfriend question out of curiosity, nothing else. Sorry if I overreacted"
"well to kill your curiosity…no, he doesn't have a girlfriend, that I know of. But we don't talk much about those things; he is quite shy when it comes to girls topic"
"Do you think he is still a virgin?"
"EWWWWWWW Rach! what kind of question is that? he is my brother! I don't even want to know that, Jesus!" her reaction makes me laugh loudly.
"I was just kidding silly!"
(…)
"I'm kinda tired, I think I'm gonna go to sleep" Monica says yawning.
"yeah I'm tired too" no I am not.
"you can sleep here in my bed if you want, there is enough space for both of us"
"okay"
"good night" she whispers as she turns her back on me and lies on her side.
"Good night" I whisper back as I turned off the lamp. I lie on my back and stare at the dark ceiling with widely open eyes, I know Morpheus will come for me soon but I need to stay awake, he must be about to arrive and I cannot miss my chance to see him.
It doesn't take long for Monica to fall asleep; I can hear her heavy breathing and a snort here and there. Our previous conversation replays in my head, she is too nice with me and yet I keep telling her all those lies…this will backfire on me one day.
I had almost given up when the sound of the front door closing gets my ears, my heart starts beating fast right away. I slip off Monica's bed as unnoticeable as possible in and tiptoe to the bedroom door. I immediately stick my ear to it: I can hear some steps passing by, accompanied with a faint murmur; that must be Monica's parents. I wait five more minutes and I silently open the door. The corridor is in complete darkness but when my eyes adapt to the dimness I can see that the door of his bedroom is still open. He must be downstairs. I take a deep breath to try to ease my increasing nervousness and began my way to the living room.
When I reach the bottom of the stairs I perceive the kitchen lights are on. He is there! My body starts trembling like a leaf, what am I gonna tell him?
I quietly observe him from the door; he is heating something in the microwave. Okay, I have to do something, get in there and do what you know best, I encourage myself.
I mess my hair up with my hands to pretend I have been sleeping, and walk into the kitchen, leaving my nervous outside.
"oh, Hi Ross" I say yawning "I didn't know you were back" I'm such a good actress.
"Hi Rachel, how are you?" he politely asks, but his eyes don't move from the microwave. I frown confused but head towards the glass cabinet to get a cup.
"I'm fine, just a little thirsty" I say with my sweetest smile as I fill my cup with water.
"I see you remember where the cups are"
"yeah…" I blush in spite of myself, so he hasn't forgotten that, has he? "So did you have fun in the city?" I say turning to him and getting a little closer.
"well, as much fun as you can have visiting your grandma…what about you two?"
"oh, it was so much fun her-" the beeping of the microwave interrupts me.
"can you fill me a cup of water?" he asks me as he takes a plate with a slice of pizza out of the microwave.
"of course" I say turning to the cabinet and doing as ordered.
"cute necklace by the way" I smile unconsciously, he has noticed it.
"here you have" I turn to him and hand him the glass with water. Okay It's time to bring up the subject, it's now or never. "about the other da-" I began to say but I feel a sudden pull that brings me to him, and something blocking my mouth, then I realize his lips are on mine, kissing me hard. OH-MY-GOD, Is this actually happening? Has he initiated the kiss? But I cannot seem to find an answer to those questions since his mouth invading mine erases my capacity to think rationally. One of his arms is around my waist, keeping pinned up against his body, this physical contact triggers so many feelings inside my body that I think I may faint right here. I want to respond to his kiss; kiss him back with all the desire he awakens in me, but this has occurred so out of blue that my body is completely stunned and before I have time to react he stops the kiss, much to my disappointment.
"thank you" he whispers in my ear before pulling away and grabbing the plate to exit the kitchen. I'm left alone, beyond stunned and my body still shaking in pleasure. Was that the Ross I know? The one who always hides behind a shield of shyness?
A reddened mark appears on my forearm after I've pinched myself to prove this is not a dream, it definitely was not, he did kiss me, and oh my god how he kissed me. I bring the tip of my fingers to my lips as I close my eyes and picture the moment again; a sigh escapes my mouth…Okay, I think I am in love with him…and it's pointless to keep on lying to myself when I already know the truth.
What should I do now? I want to follow him, but what would I tell him? I still have a boyfriend and he knows that.I don't know whether to cry or laugh, this is too much to take.
…..
"Monica….Why is everybody looking at me?" I ask as we walk through the corridor that leads to our classroom. I know that question sounds weird coming from me, the most popular girl in High School, but there is something different in the way they are looking at me today, as if…they were laughing at me?
"I don't know, they always look at you Rach, have you noticed that now?"
"of course no, but I've never felt as uncomfortable as right now, it's like they are making fun of me….don't you think?" I murmur as I observe two girls on my left whispering something into each other's ears while laughing and eying me. This does not look good.
"I don't see any difference with other days, you're always the centre of attention" maybe it's my fear of my crush on Ross being discovered what is turning me into a neurotic. I try to convince myself of that, but that sensation of discomfort follows me the rest of the day, wherever I look there is someone pointing at me or murmuring something to somebody else as I pass by.
"hey Rachel" Karen, another of the cheerleaders in my group, exclaims as she approaches me.
"hi Karen, How are you?"
"good, listen, I'm having a small party today at my house, would you like to come? We haven't hang out in such a long time"
"oh, tonight?...okay, I don't think I have anything to do" I say smiling.
"YAY, and you can bring Chip too if you want"
"alright, I'll ask him if he wants to come, thanks for inviting us dear"
"no problem, it's gonna be so much fun you'll see, plus there will be a lot of guys you can hang out with" she says winking her eye. O-K…that was weird, really weird. "well Rachel I have to go, see you tonight at my house, 9pm okay?"
"okay, bye" I say as I observe her walk away. Something doesn't smell right here…
Chip and I arrive at Karen's past 9.30pm. She greets us and walks us to her yard where a bunch of 25-30 other people are dancing and drinking. I know most of them; they all belong to the group of "popular people" of my High School, that same group where I've been designated to for being the hot head cheerleader. However, in spite of knowing all of them I don't feel especially comfortable tonight, that weird sensation of the morning is still bugging me, and the fact that people keep whispering and laughing while looking at me doesn't help to calm my anxiety. I drink my cup of rum and soda almost in a gulp, maybe this will clear my mind a little bit.
"Chip, Chip, come here" I call for him.
"what" I quickly grab his hand and lead him to the bathroom. "why did you bring me here?" he asks with a grin on his face.
"I need you to do me a favour"
"I'll be glad to" he says as leaning to kiss me but I place my hand on his chest to stop him.
"no, no that"
"ugh, what is it then?"
"you need to find out what's going on"
"what's going on with what?" he asks confused.
"I don't know! I think they are talking about me behind my back, the girls don't act as before around me and say very weird things, something is happening and you have to find out what it is"
"and how are you gonna pay me for this service uh?" I roll my eyes.
"I'll do whatever you want, now go and find out what they are saying, I'll wait for you here" I urge him by giving him a little push.
The wait seems to go on forever, and my wandering mind makes time go even slower. What if they know about me kissing Ross? Although that's not possible unless he himself has told everybody, which I really doubt and Monica would never sell me out. My anxiety keeps growing with every passing second and I start to believe Chip has forgotten about me when it's been fifteen minutes and he hasn't appeared. But just when I'm about to give up he opens the door, his hand on his stomach and laughing loudly.
"what? Did you find out anything?"
"yes, and it's hilarious!" he says bursting into laughter again. Hilarious? I say in my head and frowning.
"stop laughing and tell me Chip!"
"okay okay, someone spread a rumor" oh my god I hope it is not the Ross thing. Oh god, oh god o god! Don't let it be the Ross thing. I pray in my head.
"a-a-a rumor? Wh-what rumor?" I ask, trembling inside. If he mentions Ross I think I may pass out.
"they say you are half man!" he says cracking up again.
"excuse me?"
"someone said you were born with both male and female reproductive parts and that your parents decided raise you as a girl, but you still have a hint of a penis." He says, not able to stop his laughter. "isn't that hilarious?"
"what? But that's ridiculous! Who is the idiot that spread such a thing?"
"I don't know, some Ron…or Ross"
"WHAT?" I feel my blood falling to my feet and leaving me completely pale and powerless.
This cannot be true.
….
I would love to read your thoughts about it =) and thanks for reading.