Chapter 7
All I Ever Wanted
All I ever wanted,
Was to see you smiling.
All I ever wanted,
Was to make you mine.
I know that I love you,
Oh, baby why don't you see,
That all I ever wanted was you and me?
All I Ever Wanted- Basshunter
Paul's house was a lot like of the other houses I had seen in La Push. It was rather small, with a single door and two small windows on either side. The dark red house looked like it was falling apart a bit. There was a single car parked out in front of the house. That too looked like it was falling apart.
We were currently standing in Paul's closet of a room. It was just big enough to fit a twin bed, that could no way fit Paul's large form, a tall, but slim dresser, and another door that led to an actual closet where Paul had pulled out a large duffel bag and was currently stuffing it full of his belongings.
"Do you need any help," I asked him. I hated feeling useless, just standing in the door way of his room.
"I'm good," his voice was tight, controlled. I sighed and started humming, taking a better look around Paul's room. The walls were blank and on his bed were dinosaur sheets. I stifled a laugh and continued looking. My eyes rested on Paul who was clearing out the last drawer of his dresser. On top of the dresser was some basic necessities along with a photo frame. I didn't get to the see the picture because Paul had snatched it away, putting it into his bag.
"Paul," I asked. "Why are you packing up your stuff?" I felt a shiver go down my spine. Oh yeah. I was soaking wet and my feet were caked in mud. Wonderful.
"Crap. You must be freezing," He paused and ran a hand through his short hair. He brushed past me and went into another room. He came back out and handed me a towel. Paul pointed to the room he had just come out of. "That's the bathroom. You can go and wash your feet off. I'll get you some dry clothes," I nodded and tip-toed into the small bathroom. It was your standard washroom with a toilet, sink and bathtub.
I twisted the knobs on the tub and waited for it to heat up before I sat on the edge and put my feet in. My frozen toes seemed to burn when they touched the warm water. I hissed at the feeling, but started moving my toes, letting them get use to temperature. I started washing the mud off, pouting at the lost of my awesome flats. My awesome, a hundred and sixty-five dollar, flats. I would have to order another pair.
Soon my feet were clean and I used the towel to dry them off. I stood up in the tub and started wringing out my clothes. My jeans and shirt would have to be dry cleaned. I used the towel to dry my hair, letting the natural waves come out. I groaned at the frizziness of it.
I went back into Paul's room. He was sitting on the bed, a hoodie in his lap. He had his hand folded in front of him, his elbows resting on his knees. When he saw me, he immediately stood up and handed me the hoodie. I was drowning in fabric, but I was warm. He grabbed my hand, the other held his duffel bag. He led me out to the tiny front room and was about to open the door when it was opened from the outside.
A small woman jumped back, startled. She had dark hair laced with grays, pulled back into a tight bun. Her dark skin was barely wrinkled except for around her mouth. A lifetime of frowning exposed as her lips pulled down at the corners. Her dark eyes narrowed.
"Well, Paul, I only expected this," she threw a hand, gesturing to me, "to happen one day." She huffed and rolled her eyes, reminding me of Sue. I tightened my grip on Paul's hand.
I looked up at him, to see his only eye I could see, narrow. "Aunt Paula, we were just leaving," His tone was like acid. I had only heard it like that once before.
Her hands went to her hips. "And just where do you think you are going? Hmm?"
"Getting out of your hair, just like you want," He lifted his bag and showed it to her. Her eyes seemed to flash with emotion but it was gone before I could see what it was. They settled on anger.
"Good," She brushed past Paul. "Good riddance," She disappeared down the hall and then a door slammed.
Paul didn't look back, he just pulled me out into the rain. His body shook with anger; his hand was nearly invisible with shaking. I pulled on his arm to stop him and made him turn towards me. His jaw was set and his nostrils were flared. I wrapped my arms around him and I heard his bag drop to the ground as both of his arms encompassed me after several moments.
I couldn't believe how right it felt to be wrapped in Paul's burning embrace. It was like two pieces of a puzzle fitting together perfectly. His shaking stopped and he let out a heavy sigh.
"Thank you Cate," I pulled away from him and smiled up at him. He smiled slightly and then picked up his bag and grabbed my hand. We started walking again in the direction of Emily's house.
After several minutes of silence, Paul spoke. "I've lived with my Aunt ever since my mom died when I was seven," He caught my questioning look. "Car crash," He explained, taking a breath. "My mom and my aunt were as close as sisters could be, hence my name. I was left to my aunt and she only took me in because she promised my mom that she would take care of me if anything ever happened to her. Unfortunately for me, my aunt hates kids. She was really strict with me and I rebelled. After the cops brought me home four times, my aunt had had it. She told me to get out. I had no where to go, well, that was until I joined the pack. Sam understood and Emily and him offered me their couch." I was about to speak, but Paul cut me off. "I realize it's mostly my fault, but anywhere is better than living there."
Wow. "And I thought I had it rough," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. Paul smiled slightly, but it fall just as quick as it appeared. "I completely understand Paul," I squeezed his large, hot hand, my voice compassionate.
"I know you do," As he said that, we have arrived at Emily's house. We went inside and waiting for us was Emily and Sam, expecting us somehow. Emily's unmarred eye squinted in worry when she saw me.
"Oh Cate! You must be freezing," She put an arm around my shoulders and lead me to the couch. She grabbed the blanket off the back and wrapped it around me. "I'm gonna make you some hot cocoa," She scurried off into the adjoining kitchen and my eyes drifted over to Sam and Paul who were talking in hushed tones. Paul caught me staring and I looked away quickly, smiling.
I felt so warm in Paul's hoodie, plus the blanket that was draped around me. I stuck my feet in between the couch cushions to keep them warm. But that wasn't the only warmth I felt. As Emily brought me a mug of hot chocolate, I couldn't help but feel as if this was how a mother would treat her child who had been caught in the rain. The emotion welled up inside me with those simple gestures.
Sam and Emily sat down in the love seat across from me as Paul squeezed himself in between the armrest and me, wrapping an arm around me, making me even warmer.
There was an awkward silence, the only sound being me sipping at the hot chocolate.
"So," Emily started. "How are you Cate? I mean, with the whole wolf and imprinting thing,"
I looked at her. "I'm not sure. I think the rational part of my brain still wants to deny it, even though I saw with my own eyes that it's true. The imprinting thing..." I trailed off. I was happy that I knew my feelings were reciprocated but-
But what?
Oh. It's you.
What buts can there be? You love Paul, he loves you. Paul's hott and he's a nice guy. He does have a bit of a temper, but that's just a tiny flaw. What is wrong with you?
What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? How can you so easily accept this whole deal. What if he's lying? Just to get in my pants or something.
Well, you wouldn't hear me objecting if he wanted in our pants.
Shut up!
"Cate," Sam's voice broke through my conversation with my Inner.
"Oh, well, I guess it just that, how can I believe that? I mean, I don't even believe in love in the first place," I took another sip of my hot chocolate before it started to cool.
There was a tense silence as they took in my words. One look at Paul's face had me wanting to take what I had said, back.
"Paul, I like you, I really do. Love is just a far-fetched idea to me," I tried to explain but his face fell even more. I bit my trembling lower lip.
"Sam why don't you and Paul and give Cate and I some girl time," Emily suggested to Sam. He nodded and gave her a peck on the lips before telling Paul to follow him. I tried to give Paul my best smile, but all he could manage was a heart-breaking half smile as he walked out the door with Sam. I let out a long sigh as I sat down my mug.
Emily came over and took Paul's vacant seat. "Cate," She nudged me with her arm and I looked up at her with tear filled eyes. I couldn't help but feel like I was breaking Paul's heart and that in turn broke mine. I just wanted to hug Paul again and have him smiling again. Paul wasn't Paul without his smile.
Emily wrapped her arms around me and sobbed into her shoulder. She rubbed my back and brushed my hair down. I pulled away from her a bit and tried to talk .
"I ju-ust feel so-o bad-d," I sobbed out.
"Why do you feel bad, hun?"
"Because," I sobbed again. "I ma-ade Paul-paul feel so ba-ad." Emily pulled me towards her again and held me until I had cried myself out. After I was done, I pulled away from her, wiping my face with the blanket, seeing that I had ruined her shirt with my tears.
"Sorry about that," I apologized and she waved me off.
"It's just a shirt," She paused for a moment, "Ready to talk?" I nodded and sniffed.
"I guess so," I took a couple of minutes to compose myself. "So Sam's a wolf too," She nodded.
"He imprinted on me too,"
"How did you feel,"
Emily took a deep breath and her eyes became distant. "Cate, did you know that Leah and Seth are my second cousins?"
Surprise colored my voice. "No, I didn't. Are we related then?"
She smiled. "Not really, but we may as well be," She sighed and her smile fell. "Leah and I were best friends, like sisters." She paused and bit her lip. "And Leah use to date Sam," I could feel the shock on my face.
"But you and Sam..."
"Yes, I know." She sighed sadly.
"What happen?" I asked, wrapping the blanket around me tighter.
She sighed again. "Imprinting. That's what happened," She took another breath. "You see, Sam was the first to change and at the time Leah and him were dating. He pulled away from her because he didn't understand what was happening to him. One day the elders noticed the changes and they remembered the old pack from a hundred years ago, so they explained it all to Sam. At the time, I was still living on another reservation with my family. Well, one day Leah introduced me to her boyfriend and that was it. That was all it took for Sam, just looking at me once.
"Of course, I tried to ignore him the best I could. He was my best friend's boyfriend. Sam ended up breaking up with Leah and breaking her heart. I still would have nothing to do with him. I asked him why he did it, why he was pursuing me and he told me he couldn't help it. He told me all about wolves and imprinting. I told him to go to hell," Emily stopped to laugh and I smiled, too involved in the story.
"Well, one day Sam's anger got the best of him when we were having another fight and I refused him again. He changed a bit too close and well," She gestured to her scarred face with her scarred hand.
"Ohmigosh. So Sam did that..."
"It was an accident. He felt so horrible about it. I tried to make him feel better, but he just kept on beating himself up. He still does. Anyways, we spent a lot of time together and we just seemed almost too perfect for each other. I admitted to finally being in love with him. I had fallen in love from that first look. Not only was I imprinted on, but it felt as if I had imprinted too." She sighed, her eyes caught in a memory. To break the moment, I faked gagged.
She rolled her eye. "Don't deny that you didn't feel something when you first met Paul. I was there, I saw the look on your face. You were smitten with him that first moment." She had me there.
"Well, yeah. I mean, Paul's cute and charming; who wouldn't be dazzled by him?" I took a sip of my now cold drink.
"Cate," Emily's face was completely serious now. "Why don't you believe in love?"
I sighed. "It's not that I abhor the idea of it completely. Like, I love my brother and my dad. Hell, I even love the Clearwaters, but being in love, that's what I can't believe in."
"Why not?"
I shrugged. "I look at my parents, who claimed to be 'in love', but look at them now. My mother has been cheating on my dad for God knows how long and they can't stand each other,"
"People fall out of love, Cate,"
"See that's just it. Falling in and falling out of love. It doesn't make sense. If you love someone, you love them. Falling out of love shouldn't be an option. Like with Leah and Sam," Emily flinched. "They loved each other and Sam stopped loving her because he imprinted on you. It shouldn't have been like that. He should have imprinted on Leah. Thats the way it should have been. Why would it be any different?"
Emily looked sad. "Sam and I have talked about it. He thinks that the purpose of imprinting is to find the best person that will carry on the werewolf gene to the next generation. For some reason, his... wolfy senses thought that I would be best candidate."
Next generation?
"Hold the phone. You're telling me this is all about..." I searched for the right word. "Mating?"
Emily laughed. "Pretty much, yeah."
I wrinkled my nose. "Well, that's just...animalistic." We both laughed that time.
"You know Cate," Emily started after we recovered. "I think that imprinting was the only way for you to ever fall in love. You're so stubborn."
I snorted. "Yeah. Forced love. The only type of love for me,"
"Are you gonna admit to loving Paul?" She asked, her eyebrows raised. I bit my lip. Would I admit to feelings like that? Did I even feel that way towards Paul?
I had very strong feelings for him. I couldn't deny the force that seemed to pull me towards him. I felt better when he was around. He just seemed to light up my world. I never thought that I would ever feel like that towards someone, towards anyone, really.
What about that night he came into our room?
That was a dream.
Was it?
Hm. Was that just a dream? Knowing now that Paul was a mythical creature, it seemed less like a dream now. I would have to ask him.
"Cate?" Emily pulled me out of my thoughts.
"I think I need time," I told her. She smiled and patted my leg.
"That's perfectly reasonable,"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure,"
"How did you take the whole wolf thing," I needed to know if I was only in the way I felt about it. How did I feel? Confused, shocked, awed and then some disbelief coated on top of that.
"Well, I was introduced to it in a rather abrupt way. As confused as I was, I accepted it. If that was what Sam, the man I love, was, well then, that was the way it was. I couldn't change it. I just had to take it. I loved Sam. If he was a werewolf, so be it."
"So your love for Sam just sort of overrode any other feeling?"
"There are times when I find myself gaping over the fact, but in a way yes, my feelings did overpower anything. It made it easier,"
"Hmm," That certainly was something to think about, but I didn't want to think about that right now. All I wanted was to take a shower and curl up in my bed, with Paul. As if on some cue, Sam, Paul along with Jared waltzed into the house.
I could feel the smile take over my face and my heart speed up. I dropped the blanket and rushed off the couch to wrap my arms around Paul. Instead of bending down to hug me, he lifted me up, crushing me to his warm, bare chest. I could feel him bury his face in my neck and hair and inhale.
"I'm sorry," I whispered into his ear. He pulled away from me to look at me.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. He set me down but he kept an arm around me, trapping me between his side and arm.
"Paul, why don't you take Cate home," Emily spoke from where she resided in Sam's arms. "I'm sure Sue is wondering where she is,"
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." I nodded. I moved away from Paul and went to Emily, who had escaped Sam's arms. We hugged tightly and I thanked her for everything.
"You'll figure it all out," She told me, smoothing back my hair. "I'm always here,"
I smiled. "Thanks Emily." She smiled back and let go of me. I grabbed Paul's hand and waved goodbye to Sam and Jared, who was busy raiding Emily's fridge. I stopped short.
"Wait," Jared turned towards me, his mouth full of dry Lucky Charms. I pointed a finger at him. "Are you a... wolf, too?" I asked.
He swallowed and smiled. "For sure,"
"Alright, just checking," I let Paul lead me out of the house. It was quiet on the walk back. I thought of a song, the one I had hummed earlier.
"You hum,"
"What?" I was startled by the breaking of the silence.
"You hum. Whenever it is too quiet, you hum," He smiled down at me. I felt my cheeks heat up with one of my rare blushes.
"I can't stand the quiet," I explained.
"What were you just humming," He asked.
"Sugar, We're Going Down, by Fall Out Boy. Ever heard of it?"
Paul chuckled. "I'm more of a heavy metal guy,"
"Ugh." I groaned. "You're one of those guys," Paul shot me a questioning look. "Ya know, the guys that are all like, 'Dude. Iron Maiden, Metallica. Rock on!'" I gave him my best guy voice and threw the horns out at the end.
Paul's eyes widen. "How do you even know of those band, Princess?"
I smirked. "My brother is one of those guys. I had to put up with it when he lived at home. I never thought I would get Enter Sandman out of my head," Paul continued to stare at me.
"What," I questioned.
He shook his head, breaking his stare. "You never cease to amaze me," I chuckled.
"Well, I am pretty great," I said, flipping my hair. I smiled at Paul to let him know I was joking. We had reached the red house and all the sudden the reality of all that I had learned earlier, hit me.
Lucas was a wolf. He imprinted on Leah.
"Hey," Paul stopped me and pulled me back towards him. I rested my hands on his shoulders and he lifted my head up to look at him. "It's gonna be okay. Lucas is still your brother and that hasn't changed. He's still...well he's mostly the same person,"
I sighed. "I know he is. It's just that my perspective of him has changed." A thought hit me then. "By the way, Lucas is really, really over protective of me. So, once he figures out that you've imprinted on me and all that shit, he might give you a piece of his mind,"
"I bet he will," Paul muttered.
"What does that mean?" He confused me, again.
Realization brightened on his face. "Oh that's right. You don't know. When we're wolves, we can hear each other's thoughts,"
"Wha..."
"Yeah, I know," He chuckled.
"Isn't that a little... invasive?" I asked, a little breathless.
He shrugged. "At times, but it's really helpful when we need to come up with a game plan. It's better than trying to decode what the hell each bark means,"
This was all getting to be too much. I needed a shower and a chance to gather my thoughts.
"Let's go in," I said, stepping away from Paul. "I'm cold," He nodded and rushed me inside.
The house smelt like warm chocolate and sugar. The smell made my stomach rumbled. God, I was hungry.
Paul shut the door and Sue came in from the kitchen. She raised an eyebrow at my disheveled appearance.
"What happen to you," She asked with a bemused smile.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I went for a run in the woods," Paul coughed a laugh behind me. "Where's Luke?"
Her face hardened. "He's up in Leah's room. With the door open," She shot a glance towards the stairs.
"Right," I drew out the word. "Thanks," We started to climb the stairs and I yelled down, "Smells good Sue!"
When I got to Leah's room, the door was, indeed, open. I walked right into her room, with no manners whatsoever.
"Lucas Patrick Rostov-Reilly, get your ass over here." I commanded to my older brother. "I've got to talk to you. Now."
Lucas and Leah heads both shot up to look at me. Leah glared while Lucas like confused and amused.
"I'll be right back, Leah. I must chat with Catherine Amy," He got up from the bed, while I glared at him. We only called each other by our full names when we were angry. I told Paul to wait in my bedroom for me. I pushed Lucas into the bathroom, locking the door behind us.
He chuckled. "What has you so worked up, Catie," He leaned back against the sink.
"I know all about you Luke," I saw his eyes hardened.
"What are you talking about," His voice was tight and controlled.
I laughed without humor. "You don't need to pretend. I know everything. I know that you're a wolf. I know that you have fallen in 'love' with Leah," I let him chew on that.
He sighed. "How did you find out," I took a seat on the edge of the bathtub.
"Turns out La Push is full of mythical creatures. Paul, Sam, Jared and you are all werewolves," His eyes widen.
"It happened to them too?" He sound breathless.
"Yup. But I always knew men were dogs," I laughed at my own joke and but Lucas' face stayed the same. Shocked.
"You didn't know, did you?" I asked him. He shook his head. "Maybe you should talk to them then,"
"I should," He suddenly stood up straight. "Do know where they are?" His quickness startled me.
"Y-yeah. Paul's in my room. I'm sure he could take you to Sam," I suggested, still in shock of the rather graceful moves my rather awkward brother was making. I stood up too and unlocked the bathroom door.
"Paul," I called out to him and he came. "Good boy," I couldn't resist the joke as I patted his head.
He jerked his head away. "Hey, don't start with the dog jokes," He smiled. "What did you need,"
I smiled up at him threw my lashes. "Will you take my brother to Sam and talk to him,"
"Sure," his eyes seemed to glaze over slightly. "Sam wanted me to bring him over anyways." He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you later,"
Lucas watched on with hardened eyes. Yup. Still protective.
"Let's go," he muttered as he walked into Leah's room and said good bye. They both waved to me as they walked downstairs.
I shook my head. "Oh boy," I sighed. I got my towel out of my room and went back into the bathroom. I took longer than usual, not wanting to leave the warmth. I scurried from the bathroom to my bedroom, in only my towel because I had forgotten my pajamas.
Once I was dressed, I blew dry my hair and tried to focus on my homework. I couldn't though; I had too much running through my mind.
I flung myself on my bed, my legs hanging over the side as I laid on it sideways.
So. Paul was a werewolf and part of a pack that included Sam, Jared, and my brother. He had imprinted on me; he loved me. As far as I could tell, all the wolves were huge and rather hot. Temperature, wise. When they transformed they didn't look like scary wolf-men, they just looked like horse-sized wolves. They could also hear each other's thoughts when they were wolves.
Did I forget anything?
Just the fact that you love Paul,
For the love of all that is holy! What do you want? And no, I don't love him.
Please. You can't lie to yourself. I know that you love him. I'm just waiting for you to get off your stubborn ass and admit it.
But, I don't love him. I would know if I loved him. I care for him deeply, but that's all.
Really? You don't think that it could even develop into love.
It could, but I'm fifteen. Most kids don't stay with the person they date when they are fifteen.
But you can't imagine yourself with anyone else. You can't see yourself with anyone but Paul.
Yeah, but that's because I'm all swept up in emotion right now. In a couple of weeks, when I've calmed down, I'll be able to think more rationally.
How much do you wanna bet that in two weeks, you'll still feel like this.
And how am I feeling, oh Mighty Inner Voice.
You feel like you could never come down from where you are. You feel like no one and nothing can make you feel any thing different for Paul. You feel like you could take over the world. You also feel like you are so fragile, that you could break in two so easily. You feel like if you put yourself out there that you will get hurt. Love isn't easy. You know that. It takes works and it doesn't mean that you'll never get hurt. Paul will hurt you, just like the way you hurt him today. That's the way things are. You can't have so much happiness without a little bit of pain.
I blinked away the tears. She was right.
Of course I am. I'm you. I know how you're feeling. I know that you love Paul. Work up the damn nerve and tell him!
I can't. Not yet.
Sooner is always better than later.
I just need time.
Don't take too much time.
I flipped onto my side and curled into a ball. My mind was so exhausted from all the emotional and mental strain. I only meant to close my eyes for a moment but I soon found myself drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
AN: Ohmigosh! Hi everyone. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to get it out before it had been two months since my last update. I just sat down and typed this out. It's just short of 5000 words. So what did y'all think? LET ME KNOW! Your reviews let me know if I'm sucking or not.
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