I stood up to get out of detention. I noticed the boy from before, Sasuke?, staring at me. I'm usually quiet, but I can't stand it when people stare for no reason. Yes, I am rather quiet. I am also quite hostile.
"What the hell are you looking at?"
"You're eyes are an unusual shade of..blue? Green? And the fact you were muttering to yourself." He smirked. Cocky bastard.
"Yes, well.." I took the ipod and book off the teachers desk, "I am a very unusual person." I looked at the floor, and started towards the door. I bumped something that sent me falling back, dropping my items. Sasuke chuckled.
"You should really start looking at stuff when you walk." He tilted his head, smiling.
"Thanks for the advice." I muttered sarcastically, watching him bend over and pick up my notebook. I retrieved my ipod and stood up, glaring at his back. "Yeah, thank you for picking that up.." I reached my hand out.
"Very interesting drawings." Dammit, why was he looking at my drawings? "You're very creative.." He looked up and smiled at me. His dark eyes were so alluring.
"Thank you.." I muttered and reached my hand out. He handed my book to me and walked out next to me. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, but instead very calming. When we got out of the building he turned to me again.
"You know, I've seen you almost everyday. You don't have a lot of friends, do you? I mean, I see you talking to your brother sometimes but never anyone else." Well, he was straightforward. I tried my best to glare, but I cannot say how good I managed that.
"I don't really associate with people."
"Well if you want to, I can walk you home." He wasn't smiling now. His lips looked like they would fit mine perfectly. God, whats happening to me?
"I'm not sure if you would want to do that." I'm afraid of my siblings, my father, mocking me.
"I do. I think you are very attractive, Gaara." He is very blunt.
"Thank you, but I would rather walk home by myself."
"Well...we have almost every class together. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Sasuke turned around and walked away. I almost wanted to call him back. I say almost, because I didn't.
Sasukes POV
I find it very strange that Gaara was so distant with me. Normally, I would give up. In fact, I would have never tried. I'm used to being alone, but there's something about him that catches my eyes. He has a hurt look under the guard he puts up. I know that because I see it on myself almost everyday. We are probably more alike then I would hope.
I could see something flash in his eyes while he was talking to me. Was it lust? It could be. I was trying very hard to be seductive, to be able to spend my time with him. A fifteen minute walk with him would mean the world to me. Why? Because it would make me forget about the empty home I am returning to.
Maybe it's more then that. Something about the way he looks at me makes me want to help him in someway. I can see he's trying to protect himself, and the way he mutters to himself concerns me. For some reason, I just want to hug him and tell him everything will be ok. I have to wait, though, because it's to soon. I would scare him away if I came on that strong.
Sighing, I push the door to my home open. The silence fills me, the emptiness of the house rubs off on me. Fuck it, I'll do homework in the morning. For now, I want to sleep. Sleeping is the only way I can escape the loneliness, even if it is just temporary.
Gaara's POV
Walking home, I wonder why I pushed him away. He wanted to be my friend, but I can't. Something deep down knows that if I allow myself to get close to someone, they will be ripped away from my life. Nothing good ever lasts, and I cannot prepare myself for the pain afterward.
I pull a cigarette from the box, then put the box in my pocket. After fishing around for it, I find the lighter and light the cigarette, inhaling the smoke. It always seems to calm me after a stressful day. I can feel people watching me as I walk home, cigarette in hand.
I felt the darkness as it tried to pull me down
The kind of dark that haunts a hundred year old house
I wrestle with my thoughts
I shook the hand of doubt
Running from my past
I'm praying feet don't fail me now
I hate going home. I wish I could disappear. My siblings will probably be out with they're friends again, leaving me at home with the bastard who hates me. My body hurts just thinking about it. I can only pray that he will in a good enough mood to ignore me, or he's not home.
I've got these questions always running through my head
So many things that I would like to understand
If we are born to die
and we all die to live
Then what's the point of living life
if it just contradicts?
I hum along to the tune of the music. The lyrics make sense to me. I can head Shukaku singing along with it. I just want to go home and lock myself in my room, pull out my bag of weed and smoke until I'm happy. A temporary happy, but happy nonetheless. I'll take any kind of happy I can get. Sighing, I reach my doorstep. I through the rest of the cigarette in the street and push open my door.
Sure enough, the asshole I have for a father is sitting on the couch, a bottle of liquor substituting for a friend. He looks up when I close the door, even though I tried to close it as quietly as possible.
"You're late."
"Sorry, I had a club meeting today." Lie, that's all I can do.
"Fucking liar. You're teacher phoned me. You got detention?" He stands up, and he's almost screaming. More like growling though. "I thought I raised you better, you piece of shit!" I look down at my shoes, but I can still hear his footsteps. Soon enough, his shoes are in sight as well. I tense my body, waiting for the beating.
"Look at me." I don't look. "I said look at me, you fucker!" I look up in time to get his fist in my face, right in my left eye. It begins to water, and I can feel it pulsing.
"I'm sorry." I look back at the ground. Gaara, you don't need to listen to him. Listen to me. Shukaku's voice is ringing in my head, calming me a little. The only friend I have.
"Go to you're room." He kicks my knee, hard enough for me to fall over onto my knees. "I said go!" He kicks my back, I begin to feel nauseous. I stand up weakly, and wobble to my room. I can still hear him yelling at me.
You don't need to take that. You control you're own pain. I look over to my dresser, where my box of razors and pocket knives are. Shaking, I move over towards the box and pull out the first thing my hand finds. A small pocket knife, with an unused blade sharp enough to cut through wood. I pull up my sleeves and drag the blade across my skin, and I smile at the burning sensation it brings.
See? It feels nice. Comfortable, because you control it. I can control my own pain. I drag it across my skin a few more times, getting deeper with each cut.
You're done now. Go reward yourself. You still have half a joint in the tissue box. I can always count on Shukaku to remind me. I put my sleeves down, and I can feel them getting heavy as they adsorb my blood. I put my hand into the tissue box. Sure enough, I'm greeted with a perfectly wrapped half joint. Just enough for me to reach that special place.
I take out my lighter and open my window, and light it. I feel the familiar burning in my throat. I hold it in for as long as I can then breathe it out. I repeat this, until my fingers start to burn because they are to close to the burning paper. I feel hungry, and giggly. Maybe, I'll grab something to eat then leave for awhile. I could go see Sasuke!
Smiling, I walk into the kitchen and grab a bag of chips, then I walk out through the back. I frown, then I remember. I can keep this high, something better actually. I know someone who sells cocain. One of Kankuro's friends. I walk in the opposite direction of Sasukes house and end up on Kankuro's friends doorsteps. I ring the doorbell, waiting for an answer. When he finally comes to the door, I smile to greet him.
"Hey..You!"
"Aren't you Kankuro's brother..?"
"Uh-huh. Listen, I have twenty dollars and I want something nice."
"Talking about coke? Alright, for Kankuro's brother anything. I'll even throw in a bottle of vodka. Come in." He's so nice, why does he hang out with my douche bag brother?
"Wait here." He tells me, so I sit on the couch. I pick out a chip, and crunch it. It's so loud. When he finally comes back, he's holding a little white bag and a bottle of alcohol.
"Cool, thanks."
"I even broke it up for you. Now you just pour it somewhere and snort away!" He laughs, his laugh is actually annoying. I open the bag and pour half of it onto my hand. I snort as much as I can, and look up. I hand him the bottle to open it, and he does. He hands it back and sends me on my way.
Now I go to Sasuke's. I laugh for no reason, and take a big swig of the drink. It seems like forever before I reach his house. It looks so sad to live here. So lonely. I giggle and knock on the door, falling over a little. Damn, my bottles empty. Oh well.
Sasuke's POV
I was undressing when I heard the knock on the door. I was getting ready to escape into my dreams.
"Who the fuck is coming to see me this late..?" I question myself as I walk to the door. I hear giggling. Probably someone pranking me. With a sigh, I pull the door open.
"Gaara?" The redhead is laying facedown on my doorstep, giggling as if someone told the worlds most funniest joke. I see the bottle of vodka empty beside him. "Are you ok..?" I lean over and pull on his arm to help him up, but it's not enough support. I bend down and put my hands under his armpits, dragging him up and into the house. Once we get inside, I sit him on the couch.
"Sasuke! I wubb youuu!" He's giggling again, and he stands up and wraps his arms around me. He's falling over, and I have to try to keep us both up. I finally get him settled back onto the couch, and I sit next to him. His eyes look strange, his pupils are too big.
"Gaara, what's going on?" I see a little trail of white under his nose. "Were you..were you snorting something?" I never thought he was this messed up.
"Uhm..a littlle. Just a wittle" He looks at me, smiling. I take his hand in mine, but I feel something warm and wet. I pull my hand off of his and look at it. Blood.
"Gaara, let me see your arm." He shakes his head. "Please?" He flings his arm out, almost hitting me. I pull up his sleeve and see several cuts, all angry and red. You can tell, though, that some of them are fading, and beneath those are faint pink scars. "Gaara.." I look helplessly into his eyes. He looks like he's gonna pass out.
"I just want to be loved!" He's shrieking at me, for no reason. I pull him into my arms and hug him. I wanted to do this earlier. When he didn't smell like alcohol. But he needs it, I know this.
"I'll love you." I whisper into his ear. I think he's crying now, but I can't be sure. He could be giggling again. We spend time like this for a long time, then I stop hearing him. I pull away and see he passed out. I lie him down on the couch, and pull a blanket over him. I kiss his forehead before whispering goodnight to him, then I go into my room and get a pillow and blanket for me. I lay down on the floor and pull the blanket over myself. In case he needs me, I'll be here.