But just before I was going to, I crumbled. I couldn't. This was going to make him hate me more...I was meant to make it easier.
So instead, I ran and hid in my bed, like a child in the dark. I just cried and cried. Pouring my heart into the tears that escaped. Finally, what seemed like hours, sleep took over me. I accepted in gratefully.
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But when I woke up, it felt like morning came too soon. All my fears last night seemed silly, there could be a hundred different reasons to his happiness. But I was thankful that I didn't do it, the regret would of made me sick. I knew there were two options. Ask him or keep silent. It was a harder decision then I would of realized. But then again, I had always been the suffer in silence type, so one was easier then the other. However, today was going to be another happy, bright day and I wouldn't ruin that for either of us. So, the usual morning routine, today I was feeling green. Fresh and awake, alert, even a little happy.
Taking a deep breath. I looked at the staircase. Why did it seem shorter then usual? Had it lost a few steps? 'Kay Bells, be happy and just skip down... I wanted to laugh at my little...crazy brain talking thing. Skip and trip? That wasn't going to go very well. So I squared my shoulders and took the first step like a strong, dignified women. Strong? Dignified? You've got to be kidding me. A few more steps later, my Jazzy came to view.
"Tinker! How did you sleep?" Friggin' weirdo that boy is, I tell you. So I gave him that x-ray body check and asked,
"Are you 'okay' sweetheart? We can go to the doctors if you want. I mean, I don't mind skipping a day of school for you, angel..." I told him significantly, trailing of in a very suggestive way. He replied with a twinkling laugh.
"I'm fine, Tinkerbell." He assured me in a very not-assuring voice. Did he...I mean...is he...gay? I swallowed. He wouldn't, would he? I looked him over again. "Just eat so we can leave." He commanded in a very eager voice. Oh god, did I just pee myself?
"I need to go to the bathroom!" I squeaked, running into the toilet. Maybe he is ill. Very ill.
It took a whole 10 minutes to regain control and go downstairs. His goofy grin and "Are you alright, sis?" Didn't help much either. I just got in the car empty stomached and got to school as soon as possible. Oh, and, silent journey if you were wondering. I couldn't rely on my stomach not to react to his happy-dappy voice.
As soon as one of my feet touched the ground, Mike's face appeared, and Jasper's disappeared. Mike was very kind to me and it seemed almost awkward when he asked me to walk to my next class or when he offered me food at lunch. Whenever he hinted something inappropriate, I gave him a warning look. A very clear warning look. But he always misreads it and it encourage's him more. (Cue the tragic sigh.) I just hope he stops before he decides to ask the... (Swallow.) The question. Will you go to dinner with me?
"Hi Bella! Can I walk you to your first class?"
"Er...'kay then Mike, let's go together?" The fact that he has the same class as me and isn't walking to the other side of the school to specifically drop me off, made it much better. He then beamed at me and offered his arm. I tried smiling. Honestly, I did. But I couldn't hide my horror. I saw his smile falter so I re-brightened my smile again. I will not hurt him.
"I can't! I don't want to catch the weird virus that makes you fuzzy, do I, angel? You've got the worst case." I told him, dodging his offer lightly. It seemed to make him feel better, he laugh and joined me at my side.
"Come on, hunnie!"
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The day dragged on and on and on. I didn't see Jazz, but I'm sure he was fine. More then fine, sickly fine. Something was pecking the back of my head, demanding my attention. But the thing is, this little pecking thing was invisible, I didn't know what it was. Sigh.
Then the green eyes came to view and everything was clear.
"Sweetheart!" I sounded so relieved. Edward was the thing that I was thinking about. I just didn't know it.
"Hello Bella." His voice weird. Guarded and thick. A pleasant sort of thick. I gave him a strange look, but he just shook his head.
"Are you okay, love?" I asked, staring at him intently. He nodded, finally gaining a sensible expression to wear. I nodded, deep in thought. We the hell was wrong with everyone today? Was I just having one of those weird days? It must be, or I'm just going crazy. "Let's go to class, sweetie. Before we get late."
English was my favorite lesson, reading brilliant work could transform your current world into something magical. It is really hard for me to explain, even to myself. Reading was just indescribable, I guess. I changed the common phrase 'Your eyes are the windows to your soul' into 'Reading is the window to your soul.' Because it was, people wrote things that made me feel special, and surrounded by people that knew exactly what I was feeling. Sometimes I was so lonely, even when I was in the middle of a crowd. So I stepped inside the classroom, to open the windows of my soul...