Chapter Two: I CANNOT STAND ON THIS LAND, BUT I CAN WEEP ON IT
Mal and River and the Cellmate were unsure of what to do next, so they went to a bar and bought some drinks using money they stole from wallets. They sat down at a table, and started drinking, even though River was probably underage for the bar, because nobody cared because this was a slummy part of the city.
"We need to find Simon now!" said River.
Mal nodded, and so did his Cellmate.
Mal stared at his Cellmate for a second. "Why are you agreeing? You don't know who Simon is!" He hit the table with his fist in frustration.
The Cellmate shrugged. "I just thought he sounded like a nice person. I'm a very reasonable guy when I'm not assraping my cellmates, you know."
Mal stared at him, then yelled "I DO NOT, IN FACT, KNOW THAT, BECAUSE THAT THERE SOUNDS LIKE A VERY SAD SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN EXCUSE."
The Cellmate looked at River and Mal, and then started crying. "I didn't mean to! I WERE JUST LONELY. And I have a name!"
Mal, who hadn't asked for a name, was surprised to hear that he had a name, because they hadn't discussed it, and had decided to call the cellmate 'Cellmate' in his head. "What is it?" he asked.
"My name! My name is RYAN ANDRONICUS!"
"That is one hell of a mouthful, there, sir," said Mal.
"YOU DIDN'T EVEN HEAR MY MIDDLE NAME YET!" cried Ryan Andronicus.
"Well then what would that be, then?" asked Mal.
River cut in before Ryan Andronicus could answer. "His full name. IT IS. Ryan Caeser James Wilberfore Titius Salamander Michael Ezra Duane Salvadore Andronicus." Then she fainted, because it was a lot of mindreading to find all of that out, and made her tired. Also because she didn't breathe at all while she was saying it, and so she ran out of air too.
Because she fainted and they didn't want to get arrested again for having a dangerous science experiment fugitive sitting around with them if any cops decided to check if she was okay, Mal and Ryan decided to pick River up and run out of the bar. This attracted surprisingly little attention, because guys were doing that to small adorable girls all the time around them parts like those.
"So," said Mal, as they were running down the back alleys looking for a place to hide, "What do you think about us finding us my boat? It's a very nice boat."
Ryan shrugged. "I don't know about that. We'd probably have to break in to some such high security place or summat."
River woke up and shouted "WE CAN'T, SERENITY HAS BEEN IMPOUNDED. SHE WAS VERY SAD ABOUT IT. IT RAINED, AND THE STICK FIGURE PEOPLE WERE RIGHT TO BE SAD." Then fainted again.
Mal was surprised, so he accidentally dropped her. "It can't be!" He started crying, then. But in a manly manner. He knew River was psychic, but maybe she was wrong. Or predicting the future. Or had looked out of Mal's window earlier.