It seems like my life plays on one continuous loop. The succession is something that I have grown to learn by heart. No matter the day or the hour, it is all the same. Maybe it's the fact that I am back home once again? Or maybe it has something to do with the past I thought I shut away creeping back in. Never the less, the days run into each other. Days turn into weeks, and every single minute passes so slowly. I find myself going on in this monotonous haze. Nothing is the way I wanted it to be before.

I know what you are thinking:

Who is this girl to complain about all of the wonderful things she has had in her life? While that is true, it seems like nothing ever turns out the way you plan. I had so much in store for myself. Yet, here I sit, still trying to piece it all together.

Maybe some things are not meant to be?

I sigh as all of these thoughts run through my head. Just another typical morning for me. I stare into my cereal and watch as the now soggy pieces float on the top looking just as sad and lonely as I feel. As I continue playing with my food, I am caught off guard by the sound of my mom's dog running through the kitchen. Her nails scratch on the floor as she circles around the island that I am sitting at, and she stops for a moment at my feet. Her cold nose tickles my foot and I nearly jump from my chair. "Damnit Sasha!" I yell as I spill the milk all over the counter.

She barks softly and then runs into the living room without a care. I roll my eyes and mumble to myself as I clean up the mess that was made. As much as I love the dog, she is a pain in the ass sometimes.

"You know," Jan says coming down the stairs. "Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."

"You would know," I fire back.

She shook her head and went to get a cup of coffee. "Someone is in a never-ending cranky mood."

"Sorry."

"I just wish you would try to be a little bit more happy," She added cream and sugar. "That's all."

"I know," I said leaning on the sink after I put the bowl in it. "We've been over this."

"So why don't you go and hang out with Drew again?" She threw out a suggestion that I knew was coming.

"Because most of his friends are jerks and his fiancée seems to think that we are best friends."

So?" She said not seeing my point.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't need any friends."

"Really?" She took a sip from her cup. "It seems to me that you do."

"Mom, I don't."

"What was I thinking?" She said sarcastically. "You have me!"

"Stop."

"Seriously Lauren," She was petting Sasha, who was laying on her back getting the ultimate belly rub. "Just think about it. She seems to be nice."

"Sure."

"Is that a 'yes mother I will do as you ask' or 'I'm just going to ignore you until you leave me alone' kind of answer?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I haven't decided yet."

The dog rolled over and made her way to me now. "Just think about it."

"Always mom," I replied patting Sasha on the head. "Always."

~*********~

Today was my day off, not that it really mattered. So I was free from the throngs of tourists and prying eyes of my mother at work. I usually relished these days, but today was something a little out of the ordinary. I didn't feel like going on my usual path for the day. So I grabbed the ever-growing list of groceries that my mom had on the fridge and decided that I was going to go shopping for her.

This was something that she absolutely hated doing to begin with, so it would be a good deed for her. At the same time, however, it would be something to keep my mind off of the day.

So I make my way to the local market in my mom's car and fiddled around with the radio station until I find something that I can mindlessly sing along to. It always seemed funny to me that even after years and years, I can remember every lyric to a song like Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. Oh, the sweet sounds of the 90's.

I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
lying naked on the floor
illusion never changed
into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

Funny how music always seems to have strange parallels in life. I pull into the parking lot and see that nothing has changed since I was young. Lenox Market looks exactly the same as I remember. From the chipping old green paint, to the small shopping carts that are lined up neatly out front. That must be the beauty of an old town, everything remains just as you left it.

I grab a cart and make my way inside with my list and find that mostly everything on it is snack type foods. That's the thing about me and my mom. We seem to have these strange metabolisms that can devour anything. I think I grew up eating more cheese puffs than apples. Wanna know the real catch, we are both skinny too. Hate if you must, but I guess you can't help genetics.

I cruse up and down the familiar aisles and randomly throw things into the cart. By the time I reach the last few rows, the cart seems to weigh a ton. I am just about to grab a case of my addiction, Coca Cola, when I see someone trying to make their way down where my giant-overfilled cart is blocking. I try, unsuccessfully, to move it out of the way. The person looks annoyed and just barely makes it by. I grab the last of my groceries and continue the trek to the check-out. For some reason, it seems to be a million miles away. So I push the heavy cart slowly, trying to save some energy for the rest of the day.

Just as I am about to make it, someone flings around the corner quickly and crashes right into me. Luckily, my cart comes out unscathed. I cannot say the same for the other persons wimpy cart.

I try to pull myself off the ground when the person speaks to me in a soft voice. "I am so sorry."

I shake my head and try not to be mad. "It's not a big deal."

"Are you sure?" He asks still sounding overly concerned. "Here, let me help you."

He reaches his arms out and I grab a hold of them for support. I brush off my pants and meet his concerned face with a smile, and then suddenly I am taken back about nine years.

"Lauren Southwood?" The recognition floods his features.

"In the flesh," I reply trying to shake off the feeling that I am in high school again. I guess that is another thing about small towns. No matter how old you are, when you run into someone from your past you are thrust back to that time.

"My God," He brings his hand to his head. "I didn't think you really were here."

"Yeah sometimes I don't believe it either."

"Excuse me?" A soccer mom snaps at me. "Are you going to stand their blocking the aisle for the whole day or what?"
"Sorry," I push my cart away from her and make my way back to the check out.

"Do you want to go grab some coffee?"

I whip my head around and stare into brown eyes the are warm with age now. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Why not?" He asks and gestures to my cart. "You are done and so am I."

I furrow my brow. "You are?"

"I didn't really need those things in the first place," He looks back at his abandoned cart and I crumble.

"You're lucky that I don't have ice cream or anything."

He laughs and I am taken back by how much the sound resonates with my heart. "I'll meet you at the Coffee House in like 10 minutes?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," I paid for my groceries and made my way to the car quickly. The Coffee House was not very far away, but for some reason I wanted to take my time and gather my thoughts.

~*********~

The mystery man from Lenox Market was someone from my past that I never thought I would really see again. Isaac Bridge played a big part of my life in high school, and seeing him again threw me for a moment. I still remember the first time I met him too. I was 14 and impressionable. The only thing getting me through was the thought of getting out of this town.

So when my mom found some of my hidden talents, she decided to run with them. See there are many different facets to me that I try to not show. The only thing I ever wanted to do since I was a kid was sing. I know it doesn't seem like a huge shock, but I was going places with it. I had a different calling then most other people, and that calling was singing. Not just pop music either, classical music.

And Isaac was the one person who taught me all I ever wanted to know about it. He was also the reason I left it.

You see, Isaac was the first person I ever loved.

And in so many different way he made me the person I am today. So let me take you back to a time before I was still finding out who I was. A time before Miami and before Ryan.

A time that made me the woman that I am right now.

~*********~

Hello all!

So I know it's pretty short, but I feel like it is some stuff that needs to be said and done before the next chapter. I hope you are liking where this is going. There are a lot of hidden things about Lauren that we have yet to see and this is a good way to know who she is. No worries, Ryan will still be very, very present. He is going to get his own chapters in between each of the flashbacks that Lauren is telling you about. If you have comments or concerns…now is the time to voice them!!!

Lulu