Well, now when I say loved…it is not the same kind of love that I had with Ryan.

Do you really think I would put you all through that again?

Isaac and I had more of a father-daughter love than anything. As I'm sure you noticed, there is a very big lack of a father figure in my life. So, naturally, I was crying out for one when I was a teenager. My parents divorced when I was about two years old and I never saw my dad again after that. So when I was 14, it felt like I had found him.

I pulled up to the coffee house and tried to keep my hands from trembling. This was huge. I hadn't spoken to this man since I graduated, and suddenly here he was. The door jingled as I walked through it and I saw Isaac waiting for me in a small booth. He looked about the same as I remembered. The dark hair he had was now speckled with gray, and his brown eyes still had the same wise age to them.

I sat down, trying not to reveal how nervous I was.

But he spoke first, "I can tell this is weird for you."

I made an inaudible noise that even I wasn't sure of. "Yeah."

"I hope you don't feel that this is inappropriate, but it was just kind of crazy to see you after all this time. Plus, I really didn't think that you were going to be here in Michigan."

"Well," I crossed my hands in front of me. "Neither did I really."

"You didn't go to find those big city lights you always dreamed of?" He grinned.

"They were not all I wanted them to be," I said trying to keep my composure.

There was an awkward silence between us, and I tried to think of something to say. There were so many things that just didn't need to be said. Yet, at the same time, they did.

He cleared his throat. "Are you still singing?"

"If you count the shower and occasional tune on the radio, sure."

"That's too bad," He frowned. "You had a lot of talent."

"I found another outlet in college."

"Yeah, I heard that you became a lawyer." He raised his eyebrows. "That's a pretty big jump."

"Not really," I sipped my coffee. "I have always loved the law, and I'm good at other things that do not involve music. I guess I have a good nose for finding out the truth too."

He locked his eyes on me, almost pleading with me not to bring it up.

"I'm sure you remember what I mean."

"Lauren," He sighed. "Please, do we have to talk about this?"

"Why shouldn't we?" I replied. "It's not like we sat down and hashed it out before."

"But you should know that anything that happened was completely unintentional."

"Blah blah," I cut him off. "You never meant to hurt me, right I know. You were always so honest about the whole thing too. Oh, wait, no you weren't."

He ran his hands over his face, not sure what to say.

"Just admit that you got close to me to sleep with my mom."

"It wasn't like that." He said fiercely.

"Sure it wasn't," I said sarcastically. "Then why did I have to find out by walking in on the two of you in her store?"

"Trust me," He was trying to make me see it his way, but my thick headedness wouldn't let me believe him. "Neither of us wanted that."

"But it happened."

"I know it did," He looked down. "And I never got the chance to say that I was sorry. I thought- we thought, that maybe you would be happy."

"If you were open from the beginning, maybe." I replied. "I was naïve and you knew that, and now, so do I."

"I was in love with her," He said speaking freely. "I'm sure you must know what that means."

And there it was, like a shot to the heart.

Of course he had no idea of what I was going through, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Love does make people crazy. I, of all people, should know that. Love makes a sane person act a way they never would consider. How could I blame him? How could I be mad at him for lying to me all of that time? For going behind my back and not telling me what was going on. Sure, I should still harbor this against my mom too…but it was different. For the first time, I had a man in my life that I could count on. And then, I didn't. For so long, I thought that when he just left out of the blue it reaffirmed my faith that you can only count on yourself. But he did the same thing I did. When I was scared, I left. Now, it was too late for me to be with who I wanted.

"It's not too late you know?" I looked up suddenly.

He sighed. "It has been eight years Lauren."

I stared at him blankly.

"Eight years too late."

"But if you still feel that way…"

He cut me off. "I'm not even here to stay."

"What?" I was confused. "Why?"

He calmly responded. "I'm just packing up a few things that were left in my dad's basement and I'm going back to Philadelphia. Besides, I can't just ask your mom to pick up where we left off. It doesn't work that way."

I nodded, trying to take it all in.

He paused for a moment, chewing over the words on his tongue. "How is she?"

"She," I looked him straight in the eyes. "Is happy."

"I'm glad to hear that." He looked like he was in a different time. "And you?"

"I am," I pondered this question thoughtfully. "I am empty."

Google, I have realized, is a great friend. As I sat in my hotel room trying to figure out where to go from here, I stared at my computer and wondered why I didn't think to try some kind of technology before.

Of course at the time this seemed like a great plan.

I typed Lauren's name into the search bar and all I got was information on her cases, nothing about where she was previously from. There was so much to go through, and after a while my eyes were starting to hurt. I shook off the annoyance and chugged on. There was no time for wasting. I wanted to see her as soon as possible. There was one article from her high school days that gave me a bit to go on.

Lauren Southwood gave an 'astonishing' performance in the Broadway hit Little Women. Southwood played the lead of Jo in the performance done by Beech Creek high school last Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.

I stopped reading after I found something solid to go on. I typed Beech Creek high school into the search bar and Google maps pulled up a picture of where it was located. I wrote down the city and area that the school was located. At least now I had something to go on. Lauren's home town was all the way on the other side of the state. It lies on a little section that Lake Michigan carved out of the years.

This was going to take me a couple of day if I were to drive, but if I were to fly I could be there tonight even.

The ache to see her was so bad. I could feel it down to my bones. Sometimes when I was just sitting there it felt like my heart was so full it was going to explode. Why after all this time did it still feel like she was just an inch away from me? Why did it feel like all I had to do is reach out and she would be there?

I was lost in my thoughts and jumped a bit when the phone rang.

I shook my head and answered instinctively. "Wolfe."

"You know it's not necessary to do that when you are not working," The voice on the other line chastised.

"Yeah yeah," I rolled my eyes. "What can I do for you Delko?"

"Well you can stop being a loser and go find Lauren."

"I'm going to ignore that loser crack," I said snidely. "and I am on my way to getting to her actually."

"Then why did she call here today asking for information about you?"

"What kind of information?" I was curious as to why she would do this.

"She wanted to know what we were going to do now that you were gone, and then, get this." He paused slightly. "She asked me if I missed you."

I furrowed my brow. "Ok, first of all, how would she know that I'm gone."

"No idea."

"And why would she ask you that?

"Again." He replied. "No idea."

"Well that is," I shook my head looking for the word. "Weird."

"We all thought the same thing." He yawned. "That is why I figured I should call you and let you know."

"Thanks for the heads up I guess."

"So," He sounded genuinely interested. "What do you plan to say to her?"

"That I don't quite have figured out yet." I sighed. "I mean what is there to say that will even express what I feel?"

"Ok," He said sounding a bit put off by my bluntness.

"Sorry, guess I just have a lot on my mind."

"I can understand why."

"What would you do?" I needed something, anything.

"I honestly can't tell you what to do," He paused. "But I can tell you that this girl loves you more that I would have ever guessed. It killed her when she had to leave."

"I know."

"Do you really? Because if it were me, and the woman I loved was out there somewhere I wouldn't just be sitting around and waiting for the right time to come to waltzing back into her life."

"I just worry about her moving on or not wanting to see me."

"Well," He said in a matter of fact way. "I think you know now, after that call, that is not the case. So, Wolfe, what are you waiting for?"

"I have no clue."

It was late when I finally decided to go home and face my mom. After talking to Isaac and seeing him off I knew would be hard to see her. He made me promise not to let her know that he was here.

"It would kill her." He said to me with a pain in his eyes that I could relate to.

And he was right. Just the mere thought that the person you love or loved is so close, but at the same time so far, it heartbreaking.

After telling Isaac that I was having a hard time dealing, I broke down and told him what had happened in my life over the past year or so. He sat patiently listening and taking it all in while I poured my heart out on the table that separated us. It still hurt every time I spoke his name aloud. It was like a never-ending thorn in my side, a stabbing pain. I had to hide a few tears, but I knew that he understood.

"So it seems like you just need to let go." He said to me finally.

"Let go." I said it like it was a question.

"You have this weighing on your heart all of the time," He pursed his lips. "Maybe it will help you feel less empty."

"But how can I just do that?" My voice cracked slightly. "How will I let go when I never got to say goodbye or tell him-" I stopped unable to finish and looked down.

"I understand how hard or crazy that might seem," He smiled warmly. "But it will help you heal. You can't hold on forever."

"Is that what you did?" I sucked in a breath. "Did you let go?"

He was silent for a moment. "Yes, eventually."

"Ok then," I said hearing what I wanted from that. "I still have time to get where I need to be."

"But," He held up a finger. "I was suffering for a lot longer than I needed to be."

I didn't say anything for I knew where he was going with this.

"You are so young Lauren," He stressed. "You will love again, I can promise you that."

"Nothing is ever that easy."

"True, but you need to at least try."

I thought carefully about the next question that I wanted to ask. "Have you moved on?"

"From your mother?" He chucked slightly lost in a world I never really knew of. "I did, once."

"And?"

"And sometimes, no matter how much you want something to work out, some people are just meant to be alone. I just might be one of those people. But you," He met my eyes. "You are not and you never will be."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because I have seen the woman you've grown to be, and you are just like you mother." He smiled wistfully. "That's how I know."

I shut the slider door quietly as I made my way inside our warm house. I glanced at the clock and it read 1:24 A.M. By now my mom was sure to be asleep. I crept down the hall and made my way to my room. It was just as I left it and I sat on my bed contemplating sleep. Instead I grabbed my old poetry book and decided to flip through it. I used to write a lot when I was younger, but as I got older it seemed to get away from me. There is always so much that my heart has to say, but everything else going on around me speaks first.

Maybe now it was time to listen again.

I grabbed a pen and wrote down a few lines. After reading and re-reading them I decided that this was how I needed to start letting go. I needed to let him live on here in this book. So that whenever I felt like I needed him he would be there. From my night stand I opened the drawer and found my favorite picture of Ryan and me. He was wearing my favorite bright orange shirt, and I had my arms wrapped around him, eyes wide with a toothy grin. He wasn't looking at the camera in this picture though. His eyes were on me, and somehow, I think it made it even more special. I didn't need a photograph to remember the bright color of his eyes, or the way he would get a dimple when he smiled sometimes. When I got what I wanted to say just right, I took the picture and taped it to the page next to the words that came straight from my heart. Isaac was right; as long as I had him somewhere he would always be with me.

That night, I slept for the first time in what felt like forever.

One of the best things about small towns is how trusting people are. I open the back door of Lauren Southwood and her mother's house without a hitch. It was nicely decorated and very neat. I wasn't really surprised. I made my way down the hall, memorizing everything in sight. The layout was fairly easy, so hopefully it won't be too hard to get this done. For months I knew who it was going to be, but the right opportunity had not arrived. I needed to be careful too. Nothing is worse than getting caught because you make a stupid mistake. So far, I had been doing well. I opened all the doors and found the hall closet, bathroom and then the master bedroom. I took a look around quickly and then made my way to the last bedroom at the end of the hall. I opened the door to Lauren's room and found what I expected.

This was a typical girl's room, and it obviously hadn't changed a lot since she was younger. The bed was unmade and the nightstand drawer was opened slightly. Curious, I looked inside and pulled out and old book that looked pretty worn over the years. I sat down on the bed and began skimming through it. Poetry mostly, and some of it was fairly decent. I got to the last page and what was written stuck me:

I swim, but not too far.

The tide is rising.

I seek a heart that knows.

Some things surprise me.

I know, there's no one in this world for me but you.

And still I wonder.

I laugh, but no to loud.

The sound is deafening

I run, but not too fast.

My legs are aching

I know, there's no one in this world for me but you.

And still I wonder.

What would my life be?

Empty.

On the next page I see the man who Lauren was so torn up over, and in this picture she looks truly happy. Enraged, I close the book and put it back where I found it. Maybe tonight will be the night. I glance down at my watch; my lunch break will be over soon.

I would hate to keep the little art supply shop owners waiting.

I am sorry for how long it has taken me, I don't even know if you guys even read this anymore...but I am going to finish it regardless. I have just been so busy with life that I forgot about my story. I hope you like this one, and I hope you all want to keep reading. Reviews would be much appreciated!

XOXO

Lulu