I heard sirens.

They seemed to be so far away, but still loud. People were shouting and machines were beeping in a monotonous fashion. My head was heavy and my arms felt like they were being weighed down. I tried to open my eyes, but my vision was hazy. The world was a fog. I returned to the darkness and tried to remember where I was and what happened.

Pictured flashed through my brain and the memories all came flooding back. There was my mom lying motionlessly on her bed, the feel of her cold skin against my hands, and the wetness against my cheeks. Then, police swarming my house. Question after question being thrown at me, and I was just sitting there drained of emotions.

But there was something else there too; something that I couldn't quite place amongst all of others, a face that stood out of the crowd of people. A face I knew upside down. I knew every freckle and every wrinkle.

I tried to open my eyes again, and had a little bit more luck this time. My vision was still cloudy, but I could make out the figures standing over me. There were two of them and they seemed oblivious to the fact that I had woken. I shielded the light from my eyes and tried to sit up. This got their attention.

"Whoa there," The man sitting on my right said. "You really shouldn't be doing that right now. You took a little bit of a tumble."

"I'm fine." I said trying to unhook myself from the tubes that were hooked to me. "I would really just like to go home."

"We are almost to the hospital," He said with a smile. "We just want to have you looked at that's all."

I sighed and laid my head back down on the stretcher behind me. I covered my face with my hands and waited until the ambulance stopped to sit up again. The speed was making me a little queasy. We reached the hospital and they put me in a wheel chair, even after I protested. This was just silly. I was fine. We made our way into the middle of the emergency room, which was a bit busy considering the size our out town. I was left to sit on a small bed that had the typical hospital curtains hanging around it. I tried not to look at any of the other patients, but considering how close together we all were that was difficult. Most of the people here were worse off than I was. A couple sitting across the way were sitting anxiously waiting to be moved to a room. The woman was very pregnant and it looked like she was going to give birth right here.

I sat quietly and tried not to think about the events that happened tonight. My mind was so scattered. I kept seeing my mom's face and before I knew it the tears started up again.

"Alright Lauren," The curtain was pulled open wider and a man in a white coat was standing in front of me holding a clipboard.

I did my best to wipe the tears from my face, but I knew that it was still pretty obvious.

He gave me a kind smile. "I understand that this has been a tough night for you, but we just want to make sure that you are ok. It's just a precaution."

"Yeah, they kinda told me that already." My voice sounded weak.

"Good," He wrote something down and then met my gaze. "Can you tell me what happened?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm honestly not sure. This is only the second time that anything like this has ever happened to me."

"Hmm," He was still writing. "When was this other time?"

"About eight months ago I would say, but it was in Miami."

He nodded. "And you just collapsed there too? Were you feeling dizzy or disoriented in any way?"

I shook my head.

"Anything like that tonight?"

"I don't think so, no."

"Well, I'm going to have one of our nurses come in and take your blood pressure." He took a step closer and put a hand on my shoulder. "I really am very sorry you hear about your mom. She was such a wonderful woman."

A tear escaped down my cheek silently, and with that he left the room.

I didn't have to wait long for the nurse to come in. Not even three minutes after he left someone was pulling the curtain back again. I was surprised to see that it was Meggie standing in front of me, and I'm sure that it showed on my face.

"Oh Lauren," She pulled me into an unexpected hug and I tentatively patted her on the back. "I heard what happened. I just can't believe it."

"Yeah me either," I said lowly.

"If you need anything," She said while wrapping my arm to check my blood pressure. "Just ask."

She put the cold stethoscope on the crook of my elbow and counted my heart beats while she applied pressure. It hurt more than I expected, but at this point feeling something, anything, was a good sign.

She frowned as she wrapped it back around her neck. As she wrote the number down, I wondered why she seemed so different now than she had earlier today. Frankly, she was a mess when I first saw her. Now she was calm and collected. It didn't really make much sense, unless she and Drew talked it out. That seemed unlikely considering the conversation we had by the fire today. I glanced down at her ring finger and noticed that she was still wearing an engagement ring.

She caught my glance and looked up at me smiling. "I think we might need to do some blood work."

"Why?"

"Your pulse was just a little high, nothing to really worry about."

"Then why do we need to do blood work?"

She laughed. "Protocol silly."

"Look Meggie," I said clearly annoyed. "This has been probably the worst day of my life. I would like to just go home and sleep until the end of time. I really don't care about protocol or anything else. My patience's is really running thin here."

She slammed down her clipboard and for a moment I was sure she was going to hit me. Instead she walked out of the room in a huff. I pulled my jacket back on and stood up when she came back into the room quickly. I went to apologize when she roughly grabbed my hand and pricked me on the pointer finger quickly.

"Ouch!" I brought my finger to my lips as a force of habit.

"There," She said not sounding as sunny as she did before. "Was that so hard?"

I glared at her slightly off-put by her sudden outburst. I left the room quickly and walked down the busy hallway toward the main entrance. Near the door, I spotted the detective who was questioning me at my house. As he made his way toward me I had a feeling that something was wrong. Something was written on his face, and I didn't know quite what. Somewhere inside of me though, I knew it was bad.

"Lauren," He said addressing me more causally than before. "There is something that you need to know."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Ok."

"You might want to sit down," He suggested.

I sat nervously, feeling the pit grow in my stomach. I knew it, something really is wrong. I've already lost everything. What else was there to take from me?

"After you left to come here," He started. "Our M.E. did the precursory examination and found something." He paused and looked at me sadly. "Lauren, your mother was murdered. 100% no question about it."

I was frozen.

I had no words.

Who would want to kill her? She had never done anything to anyone. I ran my hands through my hair and could smell the lake still on my skin. How could this be?

He watched me closely and was about to speak when I cut him off.

"How?" I said suddenly looking up.

"She was strangled. It looks like with something similar to a belt, or maybe rope." He replied.

"Strangled," I repeated breathlessly.

"I thought you would want to know," He said toughing my hand and bringing me back to reality. "What with your background and all."

"Yes," I nodded. "Thank you."

Even though I have known this man since I was a child he seemed to be a stranger to me. His gesture of comfort did nothing to reassure me. It only set me more on edge and made me see how truly alone I was now. I had no one in the world. I lost my mother and my best friend.

"Mark, I just want to go home."

"Right, I understand." He said standing up and walking with me out into the night.

I walked up the stairs to my front door because I couldn't bare to use the slider again. It just reminded me of everything that happened again. Once I was inside, I saw that everything was a mess. I didn't have the energy to clean it up or to really even care about it. I grabbed the dog up in my arms and hugged her close to me as she whimpered.

"I know," I cooed. "I miss her too."

Everywhere I looked, she was there. Her presences, her scent, and I knew that I just couldn't stay here. Not when everything was so utterly her. I was never going to be able to stay here. All of the memories that we had together we etched into this place like a second foundation. She was my rock that grounded me. Now that she was gone, I floated high in the sky with no one to pull me back down to Earth.

I sighed to myself as opened the door to her bedroom and saw the crime scene tape blocking off the door. I wanted to rip it down and walk in there. There was no use though. If they still had to process the scene I didn't want to hinder that. I walked over to the window that overlooked the tall dune grass and lake hiding behind it. The moon was still high in the sky and it was giving off more light now than it was previously.

I saw what looked like the outline of a figure standing out near the edge of the water, but it could be that my eyes were playing tricks on me. I stared at the slider door for a moment before opening it with a groan. I walked down the long set of wood stairs and kept my eyes trained on the figure that I was sure was there now. The wind picked up, so I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body. The broad shoulders were a tell-tale sign that it was a man, but beyond that I couldn't tell anything about him. I picked up my pace and soon I was standing at his back.

"Hello?" I said meekly.

He didn't turn, he just stood there lifelessly. I went to reach out to him when he suddenly turned around to face me. He had a hood covering his face, and in the darkness I couldn't see any features.

"Who are you?" I yelled into the wind. The sound of the waves was deafening in my ears and I could barely hear him when he was speaking. At the same time though, I heard every word clearly.

"Come with me."

Not really knowing why, I followed. Something was drawing me toward him. I followed him as he walked down a length of the beach. His movements were so precise and almost beautiful in a way. It was like he was dancing on the wind. Even with his back turned to me I could tell that he was special. There was something about him. I longed to know him.

"Please tell me who you are," I begged.

He stopped in place and turned to me, arm stretched to me. He was holding something in his hand, something gold. He set it gently in mine and I turned it over to see that it was familiar looking, very familiar.

I looked up at him eyes wide in wonder. "Where did you get this?"

The man was silent and turned his back to me again. He continued walking and not knowing what else to do, I followed. He seemed to be taking me into town, but I didn't understand. Who was he? Where did he get Ryan's badge? Why was he leading me here?

"Soon you will understand," He said as though he could hear my thoughts. He didn't turn back. He just kept on his path.

"I want to understand now!" I screamed at him, frustrated with all this cryptic bull shit. "Tell me!"

In an instant, I was engulfed in light and the sun was out. Confused, I looked around to see that I was standing outside of the small motel just down the road from the town hall. The man was no longer in front of me. I was alone. Frightened by the sudden change, I searched for a sign that someone was here. I yelled out, but it seemed as though no one was here to listen.

And then, as I turned around toward the motel he was there. Something was different though. He wasn't dressed in the same black clothes as before. He had no hood covering his face. He was light and beautiful, and when he finally turned to face me I drew in a breath,

He was Ryan.

I gaped at him, not believing what I saw to be real. He smiled at me, my favorite smile. But how did he know? This was not real. It couldn't be real. Yet, he continued to walk toward me with his loving eyes staring at me.

I shook my head trying to understand. "Ryan?" My voice was so quiet I barely recognized it to be my own.

He moved closer still and brought his hand to caress my cheek. "Lauren." He continued to smile and brought his lips down upon mine.

I awoke with a start, and pushed the blankets that were covering me onto the floor. I buried my head in my hands and tried to think about the strange dream that I had just had. What the hell could it mean? Why tonight of all nights would I dream of Ryan? I sat up on the couch and tried to gleam some meaning from it. A hooded black figure with his badge and then me standing in the middle of town with him, there was no sense in that. I stretched out my neck that was feeling a bit sore from my uneasy night.

When did I start losing all of my senses? Even my dreams were trying to send me in a direction that I didn't know the answer to. If anything, it was an unfair trick. Like giving me hope that he was here somehow and would just coming running to my side when I needed him. Nothing in life was that easy. I shook my head. I needed to clear my mind, now more than ever. I changed my clothes quickly and put a lease on Sasha.

"Wanna go for a walk?" I asked her as I slipped it around her neck. She barked happily and spun around in a circle in anticipation. I took her on nearly the same route as the one in my dream, hoping that maybe something would jog a memory or a feeling. So far, I was getting nothing though.

The sky was a strange gray color, and the waves were choppy in the high wind. The beach was nearly empty, which always happened when fall was on the horizon. It seemed like so long since I was able to see the seasons change, and it reminded me of how much I missed seeing the trees turn their beautiful reds and oranges. We were halfway into town when I noticed that mostly all of the tourists had left for the season. It was almost a ghost town at the small motel, except for a few cars.

I walked up the hill and was standing in the middle of the street for a moment looking for some signs of life. It was strangely similar to my dream, which was a bit freaky. I started at the motel and made my way toward it slowly.

I sighed to myself. "I can't believe I'm going to do this." The rational part of me screamed that this was insane, but I couldn't help but listen to small voice inside that said go.

I tied up Sasha to the newspaper stand and she sat their quietly. I gave her a quick pat on the head and made my way toward the office. It was a quant place. Not too fancy and just one story. It was painted a green color when I was a child, setting it apart from the Comfort Inn that was further away. The awning was still white and it still had the same Coca Cola machine that never worked right. I stood in front of the door that said office and the door jingled as I pulled it open.

Startled by my presence, the old man sitting at the desk coughed violently. While he tried to regain the ability to speak I waited silently. My eyes wandered to the small TV the he was watching. The local news anchor, who was a girl I went to high school with, was letting the rest of the public know about my mother's murder. I felt green and turned away quickly trying to keep the bile down.

He cleared his throat. "What can I do for you?"

Glad for the distraction I smiled at him the best I could. "I was hoping you could tell me if someone was staying here?"

"Well," He started in a long drawl. "We don't really have that many guests right now. End of the season you know."

"Yes, I know."

"Ok then." He opened up his guest ledger and then peered at me over his glasses. "Do you have a name or do I have to guess?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He must not know who I am, but considering he watches the news and has lived in this town forever how could he not?

"It's Ryan Wolfe." I said in the nicest voice I could muster.

He looked through the pages of his book and after what felt like forever he looked back at me. "Is this some kind of a trick?"

"No, why would I ask you for help if I was trying to trick you?"

"I've never had someone with that name here."

I closed my eyes and tried to even my rapidly beating heart. "Thank you."

I left before he could get another word in. Why did I come here? How foolish to think that dream actually meant something. I untied the dog and made my way home trying to ignore the cold wind that was causing my cheeks to turn red. I welcomed the warmth of my house and decided that I couldn't let it look like this forever. I needed to pick up all the pieces that were left and move on to some kind of life.

After getting the living room looking in some kind of order, I looked around and felt some comfort in seeing it look the way I remembered. Letting my hair down from my messy bun, I still smelled the lake water. As I was making my way toward the bathroom, the doorbell rang. I contemplated not answering it. I hung my head as I thought about all of the people it could be. Not answering could mean a roadblock in my mom's case, or evidence not being collected. Then again, it could be reporters.

I hate reporters.

I stood on my tip toes and looked through the peep hole only to see a distorted version of Drew standing on the other side of my door. I opened it and felt the cool air coming rushing in.

"Drew," I said my voice breathy and slightly uneven.

"Lauren," He brought me into a hug quickly and I don't shy away from the contact. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe this." He whispered into my hair and kissed me on the top of the head.

I broke away. "Come in, it's getting cold out there."

I sat down on the couch and he took off his coat and shoes and joined me. We sat in silence for a few moments before he finally spoke.

"I should have stayed with you last night," His voice was somber. "This is my fault."

"How can you say that?" I looked him in the eyes and saw that they were red-rimmed, just like mine. "This is not your fault."

"I should have at least stayed with you, or let you go earlier. I mean, if you never would have came to find me this wouldn't have happened."

He looked like he was about to cry and I couldn't help but feel like I needed to put him at ease. I guess that was what always happened with us. We were here to comfort one another.

I was about to speak when he interrupted me.

"God," He sighed. "How stupid am I? This has nothing to do with me. How are you?"

"Honestly, I feel like I'm living in a nightmare that just keeps getting worse." I couldn't even look at him as I spoke. "I don't even know what's real anymore, or if I am even real or you or anything. I am so numb to feeling what is around me."

He lifted my chin slightly so that he was looking me in the eyes. "You are real." He kept his eyes locked on mine. "You are the most real person that I know."

"Says the figment of my imagination." I reply in a sarcastic tone.

"How can you say your truth is better than mine," He broke his gaze. "If you want to live there then go ahead, but this right here," He put my hand in his. "This is real, right here, right now. This is real."

"I know, it's just so hard to know what to believe anymore." I look down at our hands intertwined. "If I were you, I wouldn't get to close to me anyway."

Confusion covered his features. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone close to me dies Drew," I stood up suddenly. "I would get out while you still can."

He followed me down the hall and turned me to face him. I shake my head. "I'm serious."

He smiled. "So am I, and I'm not going anywhere."

"You should."

"But I won't."

Realizing that I'm not going to win with him, I concede. We sit back down on the couch together. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me close.

"I know you are scared right now, but you don't have to go through this on your own. There are people out there who care about you."

I look at him not sure what to say. Here he is telling me how real and special I am right after my mother died. How he will be here to care about me and to help me. I think back to the kiss he gave me on the beach and what he said about being ready. I always thought that I was never going to be ready. There was only one person for me, and he was gone. What if I should let go of the past and look at the person who is sitting in front of me, the one who is willing to give up so much and wait till I'm finally ready.

He touched my shoulder lightly and I jumped a bit. "Do you understand what I am telling you Lauren?"

"I—I'm not sure," I trail off.

He cupped face in his warm hands. "I'm saying that you can run to me when you feel like you are alone. I will be here. I promise."

His eyes are swimming with something I haven't seen in so long and I am taken aback; it's love, so full of love. It's obvious that he cares about me and it's hard to believe that this boy I thought I knew so long ago as the jock and biggest jerk, is here holding me, caring about me.

"Drew," I put my hand over his. "I am still broken and I don't know when I'm going to be alright again."

"Someday those memories will fade," He whispered. "You just need to live again."

I knew he was right. That was the same thing that Isaac said to me. I needed to move on and let it just be part of my life. It doesn't have to be the one moment that defines me. It was part of what made me who I am.

"Right now," He leaned in closer. "You need someone who can give you what you need."

"What I need…" I repeated letting it sink in.

He nodded and I could hear his breathing become shallow. I faced him and saw that his eyes were closed, like he was focusing on something.

"Drew," He flicked his eyes open. "Do you remember what you said to me last night?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"And you still mean that?"

He locked his gaze with mine. "Every word."

With that, I leaned in slowly and kissed him sweetly. When I pulled away, I saw his look of surprise. I went to kiss him again, but he pulled away from me.

"What are you doing?" He said removing his hands from my shoulders.

"I want this," I replied slowly.

"So do I Lauren," He said. "But that doesn't make it right."

"What?" I pinched the bridge of my nose. "But last night you said—"

"I know what I said," He interrupted. "I didn't me right now though. You are grieving, and I will not be the one who takes advantage of that. Not when I care about you."

"Talk about sending mixed signals," I retorted and stood up trying to get away from him.

"I'm not trying to, you wouldn't do this if the circumstances were different," He followed me again and I was becoming annoyed.

"When someone tells you that they want to be with you, rejecting them is not the best thing to do when you just told them you would always be there for them." I turned swiftly and made my way to my bedroom, not really caring whether or not he came after me.

I sat on my bed cradling a pillow in my arms. Was he right? Was I only doing this because I was lonely and wanted to feel something?

He opened the door and sat down on the bed next to me. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to be the nice guy here." I said nothing so he continued. "Believe me, I would love to—to," He paused and looked at his feet. "I just don't think that is the answer."

I sit there in silence taking in what he just said. Still not sure if he is right or not.

"Listen," I come to a conclusion. "All I know I feel and I haven't felt anything in a long time."

"If we start this," He suddenly says bluntly. "I'm not going to be able to stop."

I look at him confused.

"This is not just an easy thing for me," He said ignoring my looks. "Just jumping into bed with you, it's not something I take lightly."

"Well me either," I say quietly.

"Good," He sighs.

The air is thick between us, and it's clear that we both don't know what to say. After all of that, we still don't know where we stand. We are just as confused as ever. I glance at him to see that he is looking at me in the same way. He takes my hand and laces his fingers with mine. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. His breathing is uneven and shallow, just as it was before. He shifts slightly and I raise my head so that I'm looking at him now.

His hazel eyes are dark and tired, but when he smiles slightly they come to life.

"Screw it," He mutters under his breath and then crashes his lips against mine.

It takes me about half of a second to adjust to this kiss because it is so different from any I've ever had before. There is an underlying tone of desperation laced within it. I kiss him back and I can feel my face grow hot. He pulls me closer to him and I wrap my arms around his neck. Soon, I am lying on top of him as he kisses my neck slowly and removes the clothing that separates our bodies. His warmth engulfs me and I moan as he touches me. There are no shivers of ecstasy or fireworks, but I feel alive as the blood within my veins grows hot.

He leaves no piece of exposed flesh untouched; he runs his hands up and down my body as he enters me. I cry out and he kisses me brusquely. We move together, slowly and he holds me close to him. We stare into each other's eyes as we move simultaneously, becoming one. He kisses me tenderly, and just like that our fit of passion is over.

He drapes his arm over me and we lay silently together; just as quickly as it began, it was over. I stare at him for a while, his features softer than I remembered them being. His eyes lighter than they were before and his lips set softer than the straight line they usually were.

He spoke suddenly in a low voice. "If someone would have told me years ago that this would happen, I never would have believed them."

I snorted slightly. "You're telling me."

He propped himself up. "I'm serious Lauren. I always had a thing for you ya know?"

"No, I don't know." I replied.

He smiled at me. "Well now you do."

"How come you would always avoid me then?" He rolled over and looked at the ceiling. "In high school, you would always pretend that you didn't notice me."

"But I did notice you. I just didn't want everyone else to know that I did. I always knew there was something different about you."

"Thanks," I furrowed my brow slightly. "I think."

He laughed. "Plus, I was the super popular football star dating the head cheerleader."

"Such a cliché."

"There is a lot more to me than what people see on the outside." He looked at with caring eyes. "I'm just glad that you see that now."

"Me too." I replied.

"I should get going though," He said standing up, putting his shirt back on. "I have a lot of stuff to move."

"Move?" I questioned.

"I'm moving out of Meggie's place," He yanked on his pants and continued. "I talked to her last night. That was why I left so suddenly, I knew she would be home."

"Oh, I see."

"Luckily, my old apartment is still available." He smiled at me. "So that's an upside."

"You guys broke up for sure though?" I remembered seeing her wearing her engagement ring at the hospital, or at least I would have sworn she was wearing it.

"For sure."

I nodded. "Ok."

"Besides, do you think I would be with you if we hadn't?" He quipped sounding like the Drew I knew.

Before I could answer, my phone rang. I grabbed it from the bedside table and saw that the number was that of the police station. The detective on the other line talked quickly and I could feel my heart racing as he told me the new developments. I hung up, not saying a word back to him and my hands were shaking as I tried to set the phone down.

"What's wrong?" Drew asked noticing my distress.

"That was the head detective on my mom's case Mark Valley." I was devoid of emotion. "They have a suspect in custody."

"That's great." He sounded hopeful.

"His name," I looked at him straight in the eye. "Is Ryan Wolfe. He said he was a CSI from Miami."

"I don't understand," He shook his head. "Is this your Ryan Wolfe? How could that be?"

I stayed silent for a moment. I was so torn. Part of me was so happy to hear that he might be alive, and part of me hated this trick someone was trying to play on me. Who else could it be? The way he described him was perfect. No one would go around saying they were him. As all of these thoughts ran through my head, all I kept circling around one word over and over again

Alive.

"He's alive."