Chapter Five! Yo Mama!

Disclaimer! *insert generic disclaimer here*

xXxPhoebe's POVxXx

Italy seemed to be finished with her conversation with her rosary. I knew she had a couple of mental issues, but speaking with inanimate objects was the last thing I really expected from her. I narrowed my eyes, "Had a nice chat with your rosary."

Italy just flicked her hair from her eyes coolly, "Yes. It told me that Colette's in the basement of the Nijihashi headquarters. Any idea where that is, Phoebe?"

I closed my eyes, searching for Colette's chakra, "Just follow me."

Italy rolled her odd eyes, but didn't have a choice in the matter; I had already set off in the direction of Colette. The headquarters were only a couple of blocks away from where we were, but that didn't save us from curious glances. One man actually tried to grab me for Italy, but being a trained dog-nin against a mere civilian, it was no problem at all.

We got to the base in under five minutes. In front of us was a sign that proclaimed the whereabouts of the Nijihashi headquarters to the world quite literally. "Well, that's convenient," Italy spoke both our thoughts.

"Yeah," I said. I decided that the best approach would be from the alley behind it. We both slipped over to the alley.

Italy stared at the brick wall, "So how exactly are we suppose to get in here?"

I rolled my eyes as they lit up, turning my field of vision to green, "Just wait…"

I heard Italy talking to her rosary… again… but just let it go as I chose a place where the building wouldn't collapse on itself. Italy informed me, "Okay, Colette's still in her cell, and she says they haven't even come to check on her yet."

I counted the chakra signatures that I felt in the building, "Okay. Hmm, there're only seventeen people in this building."

Italy nodded slightly. I closed my eyes, target chosen, then shot them open again. An arch appeared in the wall. "Success," I whispered.

Italy gawked at the opening, "How the fuck did you do that?"

"Quiet, Italy-chan," I let my eyes fade back to brown, vision clearing. "We're on a mission, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" Italy laughed. "Hey! Wait up!"

Italy caught up to me and we continued until we reached a lobby where three of the Nijihashi members were. Their chakra wasn't at all developed. I whispered to Italy, "These three are just civilians. You can get them, Italy-chan."

Italy nodded and approached the three with stealth I didn't think was possible for her. With just two kicks, the men were all knocked out. I nodded, "Impressive."

Italy laughed, "I thought you'd think so."

We had been walking around the headquarters for about three minutes before Italy started huffing. "Where's Colette?" she complained. I stopped in my tracks, sensing Colette's chakra right below us.

I let my eyes glow. A circle of the floor below turned to ash, reveling Colette's cell and Colette more importantly. I said smartly, "Right there."

"Yeah, yeah. No need to be a smart ass," Italy leaned down to collect her friend. "Get up here, Colette-chan. You're gonna want to see this shit go down."

Colette clambered onto the floor. "I bet. I sure hope it'll be interesting. Concrete cells bore me."

"Alright, ladies," I said. "let's hurry up our reunion here so we can watch this shit go down."

Colette and Italy nodded and we set off down the hall.

Did anyone say that shit was gonna go down? If they did they more or less hit the nail on the head. Yep, the first room we walked our merry little selves into had the rest of the organization in it. They were in a meeting, and it would have been good for us if they had those semi-comas you get at work or school or wherever. Sadly, they were quite the opposite; they were all spiked out on coffee.

When we turned the corner to the room, I guess my chakra sensing abilities were impaired because there were 14 people sitting around a table.

Italy summed it up with her endearing vocabulary, "…holy fuck…"

These little phrases were a common occurrence in the realm of Jashinism, but apparently the only dealing Nijihashi had with Jashinists was that of slaughtering them, for a simultaneous gasp filled the room. Whispers of "How unladylike!" and "This is why Jashinists must die!" and "My virgin ears!" were, well whispered through the room.

Colette casually waved at the enemies, "Yo!"

I heard Italy whisper, "Home Invasion: Plan 28Q-15." Then all hell broke loose. I guess I should say all heaven broke loose since my ladies are religious folks, but that would make it seem pretty. It was anything but that.

I have no idea when they planned to react for home invasions, but whenever they did, they did it pretty damned well. Italy dashed foreword and grabbed the large meeting table. She deftly swung it around and smashed out the windows on the wall, sending about three of the members flying with the wide blow. Italy started laughing manically, "Jashin-sama has judged you bitches!"

As this was happening, Colette grabbed a sexy leg lamp and I guess you could say kicked someone with it. She smashed it over the poor souls head, rendering him dead probably and –more importantly- the sexy leg lamp smashed into a million little pieces.

The other ten were running in hazardous circles and screaming their heads off. I thought as I sweatdropped, I either seriously underestimated my ladies or I seriously overestimated the opponent… I watched a man jump out the smashed window in order to escape Italy wielding a metal table leg. Or I have seriouslyunderestimated caffeine highs…

I cringed as Italy brought the table leg down on a caffeinated Nijihashi member's head with bone-crushing force, quite literally. "Sorry for these pathetic bastards, Jashin-sama," Italy laughed while nimbly dodging a save the whales coffee mug.

Colette smirked and called over to Italy while swinging a man around by his hair, which gave and sent him flying through the freaking wall and down to the streets below, "If the Nijihashi thinks they can beat Jashinists now, wait 'till we discover immortality!"

Italy chuckled while shoving a dry erase marker down someone's throat, "Yeah! They're already goners to begin with. They'll just be doormats by the time the jutsu is developed!"

The eight remaining men had finally gotten their wits about them and were doing more than running around and screaming like they were on fire. One of them actually attacked Colette with a letter opener. Colette conjured a letter opener of her own from thin air (i.e. her bra). Her letter opener had a pelican on it for Jashin knows why while the jumpy man's letter opener was disguised as a can opener. An epic bout of swordplay commenced, each side equally determined and skilled. (I later discovered that this man was actually an ANBU captain with a low tolerance to caffeine.)

Italy managed to get a hold of a stapler and was bitch slapping some poor soul to death with it. "Feel the wrath of office supplies!" she yelled as multiple pens, pencils, and other such objects were impaled in a random woman. The only woman of the Nijihashi present at the moment, actually.

"AAAIIIIIEEEEEE!" I heard a savage scream tear from Colette. I noticed a tiny cut on her right arm.

The man fencing Colette said with a smirk, "Your pelican is good, very good, but cannot compete with my can opener!"

Colette reached into her shirt and slowly pulled something out of her bra with her unoccupied hand, "You are correct: my pelican is no match for your can opener. However your can opener is no match for," Colette dramatically switched her weapons, the room silent except for Italy's opponent's last scream as he was strangled with his own tie. "A REAL CAN OPENER!"

After the great shift in weapons, Colette fared much better and violently stabbed her opponent several times in the gut before throwing the defeated man out the window. She wiped her can opener and letter opener on an atlas before she stuck them back in her bra. It didn't occur to me until now why she would be carrying either of those things around with her or why she'd even be able to have them until a commentator said from behind me, "What the fuck? Who the hell are they?"

I turned around, instantly recognizing slicked back silver hair and odd magenta eyes anywhere. "Those, sir, are my ladies."

"…" this younger Hidan stared blankly at me for a good few minutes. "Wow, bitch, you can talk."

I growled, "Haha, oh that's rich! I'm a girl and a dog, so the perfect name for me would be 'bitch.' Call me Phoebe, kid."

I snapped my attention back to the fight. They had managed to defeat all of them except for one. Colette was now confronting him. "You should just give up now."

"Why would I ever give up?" the man said.

"Because," Colette smirked evilly. "Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says 'To be continued…'"

Italy ohed at his while Hidan just was like wtf. The man retorted, "Yeah, well, yo mama's so dumb that she takes a ruler with her to bed at night to see how long she sleeps!"

"Yeah?" Colette said. "Well, yo mama's so ugly that…"

This went on for about half an hour with Italy being like "You got told, sista!" every other comeback. It was getting ridiculous. I just let my eyes glow green and turned the man to ash.

"Yo mama's teeth are so- Hey! I wasn't done yet!" Colette cried indignatley.

"I know," I sighed. "but it was starting to get dull. Oh we have a visitor."

"Cool beans!" exclaimed Italy.

Hidan whispered to me, "Does this always happen?"

"When they aren't fed, yes," I replied, motioning for my ladies to follow. "Okay, Italy-chan, what do you want for lunch."

Italy thought for a moment, "PASTA!~"

Wrong anime, Italy! Gtg! Review!