Title: Finding a Life Unknown
Story summary: The sequel to Slipgate's 'Losses' continues. Kim and Ron have fallen apart as a couple. Now, an amnesiac Ron tries to talk to the new most important person in his life… Bonnie Rockwaller.
Disclaimer:This story uses characters owned by Disney Corporation but does not profit from doing so. The song You're the Inspiration by Chicago is also used without expectation or ability to profit.
~*~*KP*~*~
Finding a Life Unknown
by Slipgate
Chapter 4: Lost in Pride
The next morning, Ron was sitting up in his hospital bed. Some discarded Jell-O was in a small curved plate on his attached tray. His right arm was crossing his torso with his fingers absently scratching an itch on the inner side of his elbow. In his left hand, he appeared to be holding a photograph.
He'd apparently just started playing a song on the portable music player he'd gotten somewhere, because as Bonnie approached Ron, who was so lost in the photo as to not realize she was there, she heard what he had decided to listen to while staring at his photo.
You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
And I want you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know
Everywhere I go
You're always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul, baby
"Chicago," she thought to herself. "Figures."
You're the meaning in my life
You're the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You're the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
Wanna have you hear me sayin'
No one needs you more than I (no one needs more than I) need you…
Bonnie had paused and was nodding her head to the song with a smile on her face.
And I know (and I know), yes I know that it's plain to see
We're so in love when we're together
Now I know (Now I know), that I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
She was about to surprise him with a tickle attack when she caught sight of the photo. And the red hair in it. She tried to muffle her gasp by putting her hands up to her mouth. Ron's ears picked up on the gasp and he looked up, and at first his eyes looked at her uncomprehendingly. Suddenly, his eyes widened and he gasped. He looked at the photo in his hand and back up to her. Conveniently, the song hadn't been interrupted.
(When you love somebody) to the end of time
(When you love somebody) always on my mind
(No one needs you more than I)
When you love somebody (till the end of time)
When you love somebody (always on my mind) (no one needs you more than I)
When you love somebody till the end of time…
Hurriedly he hit the stop button on his player.
"Um, hey." he said.
Bonnie took a deep breath, and then sat down in the chair nearest his hospital bed. "She really was, wasn't she?"
"I guess she… was? I'm sorry, Bonnie. I'm just still from what feels like another time."
"Yeah. Everyone's been dropping bombshells on you. So, is it my turn now?" Ron thought he detected a hint of bitterness in the last part.
Ron winced. "I'm sorry, Bonnie. We seem to be getting to you last. It's just… between me trying to figure out everything that had happened, and then my parents coming in yesterday, I haven't exactly given you the ear that a boyfriend… or whatever else… should. I've just been trying to process… a lot of stuff."
Bonnie sighed. "That's all right. I mean, there are times I've done that to you. Like, 'oh, what was it you were going to tell me, Ron?' And you'd be like, 'Gee, thanks, glad I rate.' Usually it would be about cheer squad or my parents. Anyway, I'm sure there's nothing left to hear from me that you haven't already heard from your parents." She absently brushed some hair to one side and tried to smooth her hand across her creased forehead.
"Are you kidding?" Ron asked, and for a moment, Bonnie stopped, looking at his dumbfounded expression.
"Huh?" was the most intelligent thing she could offer.
"Look, I know what you told me about how, um, we, I mean my parents and I, reconnected in a big way. That didn't happen to me though. I know that sounds weird, but I'm clueless here. I mean, yesterday when they came… well, first off, you should know that I did ask about you, but they felt that that was… that it was up to you what you wanted to share and what you didn't with me. Or what you wanted to fill me in on, or whatever."
"Oh," Bonnie muttered. Somehow, even though she wanted to talk about this, there'd been something nice in the fact that Ron used to know this already instead of her having to relive it, and she found part of her hadn't minded the idea of someone else filling him in. At one time, Bonnie had beat herself up mercilessly with the old adage pride comes before a fall. To this she now added and then you have to talk about it all.
"So they were hesitant to do that and… between that and the fact that I haven't had that reconnecting experience with them that you all talk about, I mean… we had nothing to talk about, really. Between how I'd heard pretty much everything from you guys already and that the stuff specific to you they hesitated to be the ones to share with me instead of letting you… and the fact that… I mean, I was not all that open with them, back in the time I remember, and the 'me' that was open with them was open about stuff I wasn't there for. I don't know where to begin with them, and they don't know where to begin with me short of repeating what you and Kim had already told me. And they hesitated to tell me anything about you.
"So it was a hospital visit where they got to see I was alive, but, that was about it. Whatever you guys are telling me about… how I was open to them?... Now that I know about it, I can try to be more open with them going forward but it's not like I really know how. And anything I could talk to them about is from years ago. They already know."
Bonnie's hands reached out for Ron's. "That must have broken their hearts," she said.
"I know," Ron grunted in frustration. "I hated that, but I didn't know what else I could do. I didn't even know how to pretend."
Bonnie stood and was about to cross to the sink provided in Ron's bathroom when her eyes fell to the tray again. "Are you not going to finish that Jell-O?" she asked.
"Oh, uh, it's been here since last night."
Bonnie wrinkled her nose as she lifted the little cup of Jell-O. She washed it out in the sink and tossed it in the trash, but not before remembering her original purpose behind getting up and ran water over her face as she leaned her elbows against the sink. She stared into the little mirror, feeling for Ron, feeling for his parents, and yes, feeling for herself.
"Ron," she said, speaking into the mirror but eyeing him in the reflection, "you may not be inclined to repeat every story to them, but if you make it a point to talk to them more often, they'll receive you. Your parents, when I started talking to them bit by bit, started receiving me. And eventually they'll know enough about present-day you to be able to understand you enough to know when you're happy, or when something's bothering you, even if you don't tell them about every trivial minute of every day."
"This sounds like something you're repeating, Bonnie." Ron said wonderingly.
"It's an epiphany you came to slowly, and started sharing with me. I just wish it had been as successful with my own mom, but your parents were good to me." Bonnie stepped back from the sink and came by Ron's bedside, ruffling his hair with a smile. "And you were too."
"Back then," Ron said, finding himself gradually able to confide in this odd Bonnie, "the people who needed to know what was up with me – Rufus, Kim – knew what was up with me. I didn't tend to repeat myself again for the benefit of my parents. I don't know how the current me was closer to them or how he did things. That's… not me. But… I'm thinking about what you're saying here. I guess that would work, but man, that would be a slow process."
"Sometimes things are," Bonnie softly replied, shrugging.
"And… Bonnie? I have been thinking about you, and whether the me that there is right now… I mean, I must've changed before we were in a relationship. You used to be annoyed with me, and something must have changed for you to view me differently. And I'm wondering if that's not true anymore. I mean, am I even really the guy you dated, Bonnie? In terms of my behavior and what I prioritize in life and so on? Don't take this the wrong way, I mean I'm not going anywhere. I'm just wondering if I really am going to be the guy you had a relationship with before, or if this is going to be one of those cases where a person has changed so much that they're not the person you used to know anymore. I don't know if I am the guy you dated. I have no idea how to know that. You tell me."
Bonnie had sunk into her chair as Ron spoke. He was alarmed to see that she was wiping some tears from her eyes. "In the ways that really matter, Ron," she said, "you just showed that you are still that guy." Ron smiled uncertainly. "I am sorry about your parents, I mean, I can't force you to feel comfortable with them if you don't feel comfortable the way you used to. But I can try to help you with that. It's something we sort of, ah, would have long conversations with each other about at one time – the things we didn't talk about with our parents. Anyway, I was grateful for your parents since my mom… is still a work in progress, at best."
Ron leaned back in the bed. "So, Bonnie... tell me about the last few years."
"That's the segue I get?" Bonnie asked, making a face.
"Look, I don't know, everyone seems to be dropping years of info on me. But nobody else tells me what you've been up to. How would you want me to phrase it?"
"Well, you know you started a two year associate's degree culinary program." Bonnie began.
She looked out the window for a moment. "Well, I suppose it'll help to know first off that we've been a couple for one and a half years of the two and a half years you're missing."
"You mean I only had a year and a half before Kim and… um, wow, I'll shut up now." Ron gulped.
"No, it's fine. Actually, I think Kim was probably telling you some of this – how by the time you were both in college for a year the classes had kind of had you be more like friends than a couple."
"Ahh, yeah. See, now that makes sense, but I didn't exactly have it in the math terms." Ron said, scratching his cheek in his embarrassment.
"Don't be embarrassed," Bonnie said, and it was odd for Ron how tender she sounded. "Anyway, I'll admit that Kim had more of a struggle coming to college because she found herself struggling at the things she expected to excel at. And I don't mean that in a bad way – she couldn't really have anticipated what she didn't know, you know? But for me, I didn't excel at the things I needed to excel at – I came here not even anticipating the things I'd need to be doing. Cheer squad and high school social pecking order wasn't going to fly."
"Cheer squad? But college sporting…"
"The cheer squad would've been good, if I had really good grades or focused on any of the class stuff early on. I hadn't focused too hard on my classes at Middleton High – except for a few things like driver's ed," here she stopped as she tossed her hair with a proud smile, "and high school social structure meant nothing to college, when people were commuters just there during class or were hanging out or studying at study rooms or on the quad or at peoples' dorms. There weren't halls and entourages, not any more."
Ron was as new to this as Bonnie had been describing her freshman self. He hung on every word she said. "Because I'd struggled with enough courses, the English class placement had been ENGL 15. First day…" suddenly Bonnie wiped a tear from her eye, "first day I showed up, and I hadn't yet really learned how college was different yet at the time. It was day one. I saw you, and I said, "What the heck is this loser doing here? I still have to deal with froobs?"
Bonnie stopped. Ron reached out his hands. "You said," she continued, "You said, 'Hey Bonnie! You're going to PSU also? How about that, you, me, and Kim all going here!' And I freaked out."
Ron actually sympathized. "I can imagine. This was just a half year out of context for me. I can imagine we all thought we'd be done with each other."
Bonnie nodded. "However, my first hint that things weren't going to be like high school was when some other girl in the class turned around and said, 'What are you screaming about? These new students are all losers.'"
Bonnie laughed. "I'm not sure I could even pay attention to that first session of class. I was just shocked speechless by how I'd been dismissed." Her face turned serious. "It took a few weeks. When I started realizing that I was bombing the classes, and that nobody operated the way I was used to socially – my mind finally caught up. I was the dumb 'loser' on campus who was never prepared for the discussion topic, and anyone who was socializing was doing it based on trying to understand the lectures or the readings. I hadn't even paid attention to the brief rundown of 'audience' considerations in our ENGL 15 class…"
"Audience considerations?" Ron asked, befuddled.
Bonnie winced. "Oh, Ron. Well, it looks like I might get to return the favor."
"What favor?"
"This is jumping ahead a bit, but when I realized I needed to wake up, you offered me what help you could with the understandings of the teacher's topics you'd been struggling with, including how you write with audience in mind."
"Uhhh…" Ron's eyebrows drew down. He hated feeling stupid. "Let's just say you'll have to return that favor."
"Fair enough. Anyway, people who were socializing were trying to commit to memory the different examples the professor as using, and then chatting and having other hangouts by getting to know each other that way. I was just the girl who seemed to be completely lost in space to everyone in class, and stuck in front of the little TV in my dorm room – not even the common room to be talking to other people about the latest soap episode or how irresistible Willy Celebrity is."
"I guess I don't know how to make it sound non-tacky because I was pretty damn tacky back in the day, but it really got to me. I think Kim said something about that. I really don't like the word loser – I didn't respond so well to feeling like one during that first year. And eventually as I was bombing things, I turned to you because you were the only one I didn't feel dumb around."
"So then you and I started talking?"
"Yeah. You were struggling, but you were able to give me at least some concepts, and when I started paying attention and looking over handouts you kept and I hadn't, I started being able to help you. At the time, you really wanted to do well, but you also wanted to make Kim proud of you. Anyway, you used to vent to me to feel better and I used to vent to you, eventually."
"Kim said we didn't see a lot of each other that first semester."
"Still a good memory for her words, huh? Yeah, you didn't see a lot of Kim – I think she didn't really have the chance, that first semester, to process that I was in class with you, though I'm sure she heard of it at some point. She was struggling, and realized you were too at the end of the first semester. You guys were constantly thinking of each other, as I gathered later, but hadn't spent a lot of time with each other. During final exams week you'd called Kim to vent because you started thinking 'hey, we haven't talked for a while,' but she didn't really have the time to help you feel more reassured, and you ended up talking to me. I'd like to say, even though it was only a semester since high school by then, I'd like to think I was a very different person by then. Talk about trial by fire."
"Over the break, Kim was appreciative of how I seemed to be a bit different, and proud of how you and I had helped each other – she'd appreciated the help around her she'd been able to get coping with her classes, and was realizing how you'd both been struggling but not talking that much. Thanks to being your friend, we were able to start treating each other different – really different. I think had it been before that moment, you could've woken up with the memories you have up to that point and not been weirded out, but that's when the changes became majorly noticeable."
"I don't know – I'm not sure I would've known what 'audience considerations' were if you asked me that time when you realized you hadn't been paying attention."
"Ha ha. Anyway, Mr. Reed was usually good about e-mailing people missed assignments or topic explanations, but it had been long enough that it was a bit much for him to feel like I could just read in e-mail instead of having paid attention in class. He had no way of knowing whether he'd go to a bunch of effort for someone who was just abusing his 'niceness.'"
"That's kind of rank."
"Honestly, he'd just had too many idiots who'd done stuff like turning in 6 of 20 assignments, being warned that this was no way to pass, and getting another two for half-credit as if that would make a difference. He was a nice guy that started jumping through less hoops on account of students who might not even bother anyway."
"Well, I suppose I don't know him, but I'm just sick of unfairness from teachers. I probably have told you enough Barkin stories already, though, huh?"
Bonnie quirked a grin. "You know, you're not exactly like you were back in senior year either – I don't think you would've asked Kim that question back then. Certainly not when the topic was Wannaweep back in sophomore year, at least."
"Ha ha. And for a moment I thought you weren't Bonnie."
"Guilty as charged," she said with a grin and flip of her hair. "Anyway, you and K did some stuff just the two of you, or with your families – you and Kim did Christmas when we were home between the semesters. But we ended up doing stuff like all three of us going out for lunch and just talking about things like movies or like this or that professor. Kim was definitely sure she'd tried to overload herself the first semester so she promised she'd take a smaller course load and that there would actually be some human contact."
"What Kim's told me is that we used to actually meet up sometimes, but that she was still pretty busy and would miss one of those meals together, and eventually by a semester or so in she and I felt more like friends, enough so that I didn't mind asking her if the next meal date we had that she intended to be at could just be you and me as an actual date. And that she, to her own surprise, wasn't even bothered by the question."
"Well, I thought there might be a little of the green eyes at first, but you're probably right – not compared to what happened when Felix took her Ron Night way back when, anyway."
"Ah-heh, you know about that, huh?"
"Ask her sometime to tell you about 'frozen yogurt.' Anyway, you started your understudy at the nearby Chez Couteaux – the one near PSU, conveniently enough… that was during the break."
"Wait, okay, but one thing I don't know – what is your major?"
"Journalism at first, thinking I'd be a fashion reporter for the hip, happening trends. Struggling with low-end English classes is not well-boding on that, though. I've actually gone undeclared for now and letting myself just learn this and that before I try to choose again. You were helping me with that."
"But… two years in?"
"We'd narrowed it down a bit – with Kim's advice too – and I was going to make a selection in the next two or three weeks."
"Well, uh, lay them on me, let's see what we think."
"Oh, believe me, we will, but later."
Ron sank back against the bed. He realized he'd been clasping Bonnie's hands for a while now as he let go to get comfortable.
"To be honest, Ron – well, that's how we started as a couple. Kim's been – sometimes – looking to find another significant other herself, but we're all pretty good friends I think. It's pretty amazing since you helped glue together the two most squeaky girls of Middleton High. And I don't mean squeaky clean."
"Looks like the Ron-man did something right, then."
"Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm up to telling you about a relationship you don't remember – especially one and a half years of one – at least not right now, or not all at once."
"Whoa, wait, Bonnie, you thought you had to tell me everything at once?"
"Well, you'd be left just as hanging if I didn't tell you a lot as you would if I told you nothing!"
"Sure, but I would understand that two and a half years aren't exactly a bedtime story."
"Well, do you at least have enough to go on that you're not quite as confused trying to imagine this all happening?"
Ron stole a quick glance at the photo he'd had before, but then looked up at her and his voice was resolute as he said, "No, no, I think I'm good for now."
"Phew!" Bonnie said, and she filled another tall glass of water that she gulped down. Meanwhile, you could see the synapses firing behind Ron's eyes.
Finally, after Bonnie gasped in air after chugging the water, he pounced. "So what about your parents?"
"You tried to get me to reach out to my parents, but I haven't had the success I've had with yours. Honestly, I want to say 'it didn't work with them' earlier when I called my mom a work in progress but even though I'm not all that inclined to bother again. But you – or at least, you before – would have told me to not consider the door locked but just shut for a while waiting for me to try again."
"And you were called loser a lot, and eventually you and I became friends – the two losers in the crowd?"
"If you have to describe it that way, then yeah. Any other questions, Dr. Sigmund Stoppable?"
"Just one." Bonnie groaned. "Hey Bonnie," Ron said, a smile slowly spreading on his face, "by this coming Friday they tell me that I'm out of direct observation in the hospital. I was wondering if you would be, uh… interested in going on a date?"
"Me, you, average guy, huh?" Bonnie said, her own irritation forgotten as a small smile came on her face.
"Wow, what verbal mannerisms or stories from high school haven't I told you? Anyway, yes, seriously, yes. How about a date this coming Friday?"
~*~*KP*~*~
Author's Notes: I hope you are enjoying this small effort – it's not over just yet. Before I forget to say this – because sometimes I do – I'd really like to hear from people in reviews. You don't have to say it's good. You can say it's terrible. I want to hear what you think and I can work with that. Also, I may be behind on responding to some reviews (for the same reasons that it's been a few weeks since my last chapter) but I'll be getting on that in the next day or two, and I always, always, respond to every review.
So we get some of Bonnie's story. Her way of relating to people these days is a bit different than what Kim and Ron do. What would you do if you were asked to sum up two and a half years? As someone who once had to do that with a college friend, let's just say it usually doesn't work over a single dinner.
Thanks: First off, I would like to give thanks to SithKnight-Galen as his review of Losses was one of the little pieces of straw on the camel's back to eventually have me revisit that story and make a potential sequel. ShadowMaiden03 and AnotherKpfan have been so passionate about the story in their reviews that it acts as a pretty good pick me up and made me want to get the next chapter out instead of feeling like I'd dropped the ball on their enthusiasm. Yes, those reviewers had glowingly positive reviews, but I bring them up here in the sense of how they were enjoying it so much they were asking for more. Negative reviews would've also pushed me, wanting me to do better with the next entry (if they were polite and constructive, anyway). Lastly, I must pay respects to Pinky Jo Curlytail and Earl Allison for the contributions they have made in helping me with this story – whether it's spitballing motivations, reactions to songs, or information about schools offering culinary programs.