Yo! I'm back with this long long long long long awaited chapter that is not so long. I don't have an excuse because I have been posting stuff. So, all I can do is apologize. So, sorry about that, folks.
Oh, and that you all for the reviews. They mean a lot to me. I probably would have stopped writing this if I wasn't getting reviews. Thanks!
Disclaimer! Me owns Phoebe, Colette und Italy. Me owns not Naruto o flamethrowers.
Chapter Twelve! Skit Night Pt. 2
xXxPhoebe's POVxXx
Sasori and Colette exited the broom closet with a certain unconscious blonde terrorist. Italy and Itachi came from the kitchen with a disgruntled looking Kisame in their wake. Kakuzu sent a victorious smirk at me.
I wonder why…
Wait! Why the hell was Deidara unconscious?
Colette announced while Sasori resituated Deidara's awkward position draped over his shoulder., "Okay, we'll go first."
"Gotta save the best for last," Italy smirked as she plopped beside me, forcing me onto her lap. Itachi and Kisame sat on either side of her. Jashin-sama, was I claustrophobic!
"Whatever," Colette snorted. Sasori simply tossed Deidara on the ground.
Colette stared at Sasori, blinking.
Sasori blinked, "Get on with it, brat. I don't have all day"
"Uh, yes you do."
"Just get started!"
"Alright." Colette took a moment or two to compose herself. She threw herself on Sasori's feet wailing, "Oh, fair lover, why did you do this to poor Emi-chan! She meant nothing by her flirtatious looks."
"She –um- deserved it. No one look at another women like that while I'm around and lives!" I don't think the exclamation mark was needed in that situation: Sasori is Sasori after all…
"You-you're a homophobe?" Colette stumbled back dramatically.
"Yes."
"Then we can't be together!"
"Oh?"
"I-I'm I-I-I'm I-I-I-I-I-"
"Spit it out, brat!"
"Hey, that wasn't very romantic!"
"I'm a puppet, what the hell did you expect from me?"
Colette sniffed, "Chivalry."
"Anyway, what were you saying?"
"After you declared your homophobia or back in the closet?"
"Skit, brat, skit!" Italy jerked in revulsion while Kisame stifled a giggle. Itachi even raised an eyebrow at the curious statement.
"Oh, yeah… Oh, I'm actually a man!"
"Gasp."
"Don't say it, do it!" Colette whined.
Sasori gasped somewhat sullenly, "I can't believe it."
"Even after those secluded nights together?"
"Ooh! What happened in the closet, Sasori?" Kisame snickered.
Colette sent Kisame a look with her florescent eyes that seemed to pierce his soul and said eerily, "Everything."
"Anyway," Sasori continued. "How did I not see it? How could you betray me so? How-"
"Shh," Colette jammed her finger against Sasori's lips in what I assumed was meant to be a seductive way. Italy was definitely the more romantically aware of the duo.
"Don't touch me with your filthy hands," Sasori droned.
Colette pouted, "Don't talk to your father like that, boy."
"What!" Sasori actually looked somewhat surprised. He hissed, "That wasn't in the script!"
At least they had a script… "Oh, son, it's okay to love your father a bit too much!"
"No, no it isn't…"
"Well, I suppose it isn't politically correct."
"I can agree with that."
"Good…" There was a silence for a while. "You killed your Aunt Jessica, by the way."
"Who the hell is Jessica?"
Colette pointed to Deidara.
"I thought her name was Emi."
"Oh, it is, but she's just schizophrenic. Part of the time she's my dear lover, Emi, the other part she's my twin sister, Jessica, and the rest of the time she works as a terrorist."
"Good god."
"Jashin!" she corrected. "She's your mother, too, by the way."
"So, I knew my parents all along…"
"Yep!" Colette chirped. "And scene!"
Sasori simply sat down.
I sent a victorious smirk to Kakuzu -their skit was more disgusting than it was chaotic- as the three –or four depending how you see Zetsu- of us took the stage.
I decided to start with a good phrase to get the improv juices flowing, "The zombies trying to eat us look retarded."
"Nu-uh! They look delicious!" "If you eat them, you'll become a zombie, too, dimwit." "At least I'd get to eat people." "Touché."
"Gregory, go kill those slow little undeadians…"
Everyone gave me a blank look. "Gregory?"
No response. "Gregory."
"Gregory!"
"Who the hell is Gregory?"
"None of your damn business!" I snapped on instinct.
Zetsu sent me a curious look. I tried to recover, "Oh my god-"
"Jashin," Colette corrected yet again.
"Whatever." Colette's devotion to her god was adorable. "Look, Tom, Gregory has been infected!"
"Huh?" said Kakuzu, finally figuring out that he was Gregory once I began cowering behind Zetsu. "Oh, um, ugh."
"Ugh?"
"Gregory's turned!" " Ugh? You're a really shitty zombie, Kaku –I mean, Gregory."
"I agree," I agreed. "Now go take care of him. I don't want my owner to end up rotting where he stands."
Zetsu shrugged and started walking towards a bored looking Kakuzu, but it seems as if someone neglected to clean up the Deidara sprawled on the floor. "Oof!" Zetsu tripped over Deidara. His dark half growled, and sent a kick at the blonde, knocking the knocked out boy into the bookshelf which then fell on top of him.
Everyone focused on the inured boy for a moment. "You okay, brat?" called Sasori. I saw that one of his duties was to show mild interest in the safety of his partner.
Italy looked over at the pool of blood forming under the shelf heap. "He seems fine to me. Continue, continue!"
Zetsu shrugged and continued walking towards Kakuzu slowly. The old miser said, "I thought I was the zombie."
Zetsu gasped, "He didn't turn! Oh, Gregory, my dear lover, you live on uninfected!" "Lover?"
Zetsu pranced over to Kakuzu, arms extended with intent set on a hug.
"Don't touch me," Kakuzu growled.
"Don't touch him!" Too bad the light side was in charge.
"D'aw! Feel the love, Gregory-kun!"
What the fuck…
"I said don't touch me!" Kakuzu snapped, shooting his tentacles/threads/tendrils/whatever at Zetsu. I prefer to refer to them as tentacles. It reminds me of hentai…
Zetsu was suspended in the air. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes then threw the plant into the wall. Right on top of Deidara's tomb thing.
Poor boy…
I blinked at the ruins of the bookshelf as Zetsu picked himself off of it. "Um… Tada!" I finished our skit of on a high note.
I took my seat on Kakuzu's lap just to irk him. He was a fun old man to irk.
KisaItax2 took the stage.
Italy looked at the audience. As did Itachi. Kisame looked away from everyone. I just noticed that his hair was up in bows. How embarrassing.
Italy swung her piercing half-teal half-violet gaze to Kisame. "Go."
"Okay," Kisame sighed. "What a lovely day to frolic in the woods! I should go play with my animal friends!"
"They're all fish," Italy added insightfully.
Kisame threw a glare at her then took a couple of joyless steps. "La la la la la la la…"
Italy scrunched her nose at the tuneless song, "Oh, what beautiful music! Whatever could it be?"
"'Tis I, the far maiden Kumquat!"
"Kumquat? I've only ever heard of the beautiful damsel! Let's get married and have a shitload of kids!"
"Okay."
"Not so fast! I'll be taking the sexy lady," Itachi should have said at this point to keep the skit going. He simply said, "Halt," however.
"Gasp! A dragon! Every man for himself!" Italy ran around hectically in circles for a bit.
Kisame stepped over a touch, and Italy stopped. Kisame gave a sullen sigh. I could see his beady eyes begging for help. "Oh where is my fiancée?"
"Here I am!" Italy chirped from right behind him. When did that happen?
"Good lord," Kisame said. "Okay let's go, but first you have to slay the dragon."
"'Kay!" Italy pranced over to Itachi with the rolled up daily newspaper in her hands (seriously, how'd that get here?). "Die!" She halfheartedly swatted at Itachi, not really hitting him.
Itachi looked over at Italy before sitting back down. Italy looked at the audience. "Okay, the two of us got STDs and died at a young age. The moral of this story was to use protection."
"There wasn't a moral to this story! Italy!" Kisame glared. He hissed at the girl in a low voice, but, seeing as I'm a dog, I could hear what they said quite well. "Alright, now give me my magazine."
"Magazine?" Italy said innocently. "I don't know 'bout any magazine."
Apparently Itachi had amazing hearing as well. He was up there in a flash. "What?" He said calmly. I imagined he would be fuming, however.
"Well, I don't know what magazine you're talking about, but I can only imagine. I could make it up for you, though." Italy smirked at her two overseers. AH, that crafty girl! Using porn as a means to achieve her ends. I taught her well.
Kisame turned an brilliant hue of purple, and Itachi looked the tiniest bit flustered. Kisame said, "Kid, we got rid of the only pedophile in our organization a long time ago. We're not interested in that!"
Italy stumbled back. She said loudly, "What the hell do you think I'm talking about? Do you think I'm some sort of slut or something you sick, sick perverts? I was talking about cooking! Jashin-sama, these men need to get rid of their excess hormones."
Something in the next five minutes set Itachi off, or so I think. I was just dozing off, and suddenly Colette appeared out of nowhere.
She was bent over me, "Phoebe! Phoebe! Get up! We have to get out of here!"
"Huh?" I so very insightfully said.
"Something caught on fire!"
"Okay. Carry me."
"No."
As Colette said, the living room was on fire. Still, I blame Itachi. Or Kakuzu. Or the government.
Yeah, the government. They caused this house fire.
I just noticed I was sitting on Sasori. He glowered up at Colette. "Brat, what did I tell you about leaning over?"
"What?" Colette looked down. Oh yeah, she was still showing off her somewhat meager amounts of cleavage to all the puppets around. Well, just Sasori, really. She blushed some, "Oh, sorry! Sorry!"
"What the hell happened?"
"Dunno."
"Colette, rooms generally don't just spontaneously combust by themselves."
"Isn't that the point of spontaneous combustion?"
"How the hell would I know?"
"Well, you're smart enough, guess."
I rolled my eyes at her. "Sasori, I command you to carry me."
"Don't test me. I've already been tainted by the irk of dog."
What the hell is the irk of dog? It must just be an old people thing.
"Let's get out of her," said Colette.
"Yeah."
And so we left the room to smolder. I can't help but think that we're forgetting something, though.
"Say," I said. "where's Deidara?"
A simultaneous "Shit!" came from y company. Not so forgotten after all…
I don't know. I really don't know. I could never get in the mood to write this, and that's why it took so long. On the upside, though, plot is probably coming soon. Yay!
Um, I really don't think that I'll be encouraged to update if I don't get three or four reviews. Deal with it, for this story, I'm a review hog. Can't say so much about the thers.
Oh, I also noticed I haven't been doing enough advertising lately, so I'll just go ahead and put it out there: I wrote a oneshot and I stared a somewhat humorous romance story with Hidan and Madara. I wouldn't mind if you checked it out.
Sorry 'bout the ads, but I have to keep this going somehow.
Well, that's that, and review or I won't update in another 2 weeks.
-See you real soon. I hope. If you review. :P