Note: In which things are said between brothers.

Just a reminder: this AU is set in Movieverse. A number of deleted scenes from the movie have recently been released, and I want to make clear that, in terms of this story, I mostly conform to my interpretation of what was in the theatrical release. To me, the warm relationship between Thor and Loki that we see in the deleted scenes makes Thor seem less like a guy who needs to learn a lesson, and makes Loki look pointlessly vicious toward his trusting brother. The theatrical version shows two brothers who have lost each other over the years, so one has become arrogant while the other is lonely and angry. To me, that both makes Thor more in need of a kick and redemption, and makes Loki's outburst more understandable- I think it's telling that he immediately assumes the worst of Odin's intentions, and he doesn't even have anyone to go to for reassurance. This is not the behaviour of someone who feels secure.

So, as far as I am concerned, most of the deleted scenes really never happened. Except for the one, between Loki and Frigga, that I thought might go a long way to explain some of the extremes of Loki's behaviour. So as far as I am concerned, that one did happen, I'm fickle that way, and it comes up in this chapter.

Also, please keep in mind: the person Thor is speaking to in the first part of this chapter is conjured out of his own head.

Chapter Fourteen

The real Loki involuntarily came to a halt as the false Loki dropped its weapon and stepped forward, gesturing as though inviting Thor to strike it.

"Go ahead!" the illusion shouted tearfully. "You know that you want to!"

"Loki, please," Thor said abjectly, apparently completely taken in by his own terrible fantasy. "That is not true. You know it is not."

"Do not lie to me," the false Loki snarled, still weeping. "You know the truth, know you never loved me, if you had you would not have abandoned me on Svartelfheim, would have seen how alone I always was, would have cared as much for my feelings as the admiration of your friends. Don't lie to me."

Loki knew he should be doing something, but he could not for the moment think what. This was what Thor was afraid of?

Thor tried again, by now nearly as tearful as the illusion:

"Please, Loki, you must believe me. I know I have not always shown it. I know I have been thoughtless and selfish, have not always considered your feelings. I... I did not mean it."

The illusion was shaking its head, tears still streaming down its face, mouth twisted in hurt and anger. "Oh, no. You won't catch me that way again. Not after all those years I spent showing you loyalty, supporting your follies, trying to win your love and getting only heartbreak in return. How stupid do you think I am?"

And Thor should have been stung by this, because really, it was unjust, but instead he replied humbly,

"I know it, I know I don't deserve another chance, I have seen you wondering when I will turn on you again, but I won't, I promise, I'm sorry…"

The real Loki suddenly recovered his wits. Mordred had not snared Thor like this simply for his own amusement: he was planning something.

Loki started forward again, heart thumping. "Thor, no. Don't listen to him. It's not real. Thor, please!"

He had covered about half the distance between himself and his brother when Mordred revealed what he intended: he appeared behind the distraught false Loki, sword in hand. Mordred lunged at the illusion, and without hesitation Thor swept out an arm to push the false Loki out of the way, presenting an undefended side to Mordred.

There was no way Mordred should have been able to pierce Thor's armor. He did not appear to have the strength.

And yet the sword was suddenly buried to the hilt in Thor's chest.

Loki screamed his brother's name, and then he just screamed, and then he was almost flying up the slope with Excalibur in his hand and Mordred was turning on him with a triumphantly spiteful smirk on his face as he dragged his blade free. Thor made a terrible, breathless little noise as he dropped to his knees, and Loki recovered his sanity because he didn't have time, Mordred was a distraction he could not afford to indulge right now, not when Thor was falling forward with frothy blood bubbling on his lips.

Loki dropped his guard for a moment as his attention went to his brother, and Mordred struck, lunging forward with his blade, red with Thor's blood, aimed at Loki's heart.

It was hard to say which of them was more surprised when the point glanced off Loki's t-shirt and deflected harmlessly to one side. Loki was startled enough to actually look at the blade first, before glancing up at Mordred, whose face first registered blank shock and then twisted in fury.

"The scabbard," he hissed. "Where did you get the scabbard?"

Loki took advantage of Mordred's momentary lapse in concentration to position himself between the other sorcerer and Thor, who was lying terribly still but at least gasping for breath. Gasping for breath was good. Gasping for breath meant he was alive. Loki knew a spell for healing. He did not know one for resurrection.

"It came with the sword," Loki replied stupidly.

"She threw it away!" Mordred shouted, stabbed at Loki again. This time Loki was able to parry the thrust, which made Mordred laugh, a shrill hysterical sound that would have grated on Loki's nerves, if there had been anything left of them at this point. "You need not worry, you cannot be injured while you wear that scabbard. She threw it away, Morgan threw it away, how did it come to be in your possession?"

"It was given to me by the Lady," Loki replied, and remembered her passing comment that the scabbard, too, had powers, and why had he not asked about them, he could have given Excalibur to Thor to carry, if he had only asked Thor to carry the sword he would have had the scabbard, would be safe right now, not lying on the ground choking on his own bubbling blood-

"It has been returned to her by Morgan," Mordred decided, his eyes once again filling with tears of bitterness and lunacy. "She said she would help me, and instead she deceives me- "

Goaded beyond endurance by the self-pitying whine, Loki lost his temper and slashed at Mordred, who parried with unexpected skill and stepped backward, expression triumphant.

He looked… he looked stronger than he had a moment ago.

If you meet him in the same heart and spirit as he engages you, he will prevail. Those had been the Lady's words, when she gave Excalibur to Loki. Had Mordred actually fed on the fear and anger in Loki's stroke? It certainly looked that way.

And he had no time for this, for this nonsense, for coddling Mordred's insane sensibilities while Thor died at his feet. Mentally apologizing to the Lady, Loki drew back his arm and cast Excalibur as far from him as he could. He heard the sound of the sword striking the path and tumbling away into the darkness, and Mordred was still not lucid enough to realize nothing had changed, he still could not take the sword, because he dashed after it like a dog after a thrown ball, there was something desperately pitiful as well as ludicrous about that, and then Loki forgot him as he turned around, falling to his knees beside his brother.

"Hold on hold on look at me Thor please look at me hold on," Loki heard himself babbling, relieved beyond words to see his brother's face screwed up in agony instead of slack and empty. He slid a hand under Thor's head to support it, looked up to see where Mordred had gotten to-

- And saw a light approaching them from the ruined tower.

And really, this was too much, Loki would have very strong words for Morgan if she intended to speak to him in riddles at such a time-

The light came near, but did not resolve into a recognizable form. Instead, behind it, there was a glow in the curve of the hill. The entrance to the land of the faeries?

Or to the land of the dead?

"What is this?" he asked, a little shocked at the wavery desperation in his own voice.

"Sanctuary," said a voice that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.

It was possible that if he took his brother in there, they would emerge a hundred years from now to find the Avengers dead and gone of old age, and Mordred in charge of the realm. George might be dead, Annie and Mitchell might have forgotten Loki entirely.

Despite a stab of pain at the idea of losing his housemates, Loki saw these possibilities as a perfectly acceptable trade. He took a desperate grip on Thor's shoulders and began to drag his brother toward the glowing portal. Thor's heavy body seemed heavier than ever, a deadweight, and Loki winced every time his brother's lolling head banged into the ground. Loki heard himself whispering, "I'm sorry I'm sorry" over and over as he clutched and tugged and adjusted his weight for better footing.

And then they were through the portal, which flickered shut behind them, inside a small cave, dimly lit by what appeared to be phosphorescence on the stone walls. The sensation of magic was not as strong as Loki would have expected, but he did not stop to worry about that because he could tell by the sound of Thor's breathing that he was nearly out of time. The entrance wound was under Thor's right arm, and the blade had emerged halfway down his back, just to one side of the spine. Loki clamped his right hand over the wound under the arm, shifted Thor's weight as well as he could and slid his left underneath to find the other. Thor did not seem to notice as he was jostled, and Loki forbade the useless tears that welled in his eyes.

He could do this. He could, he knew this spell, had used it before, he just needed to concentrate, to clear his mind of everything except a mental picture of the vessels and structures within his brother's body healing themselves, his lungs and arteries and his heart, which was apparently breaking already with self-recrimination and regret and why had Loki not seen-

- And it was not the time for that. He could apologize later, beg forgiveness for not realizing, make it up to Thor somehow. But Thor had to be alive for him to do that, and the only one who could save him was Loki, and so Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then conjured up the picture he needed to work with.

It seemed to take a long time, much longer than it had when he had healed George's torn throat. It made sense considering the drastic nature of Thor's injuries, but Loki was beginning to feel desperate by the time the picture completed itself, everything as it should be, healthy and whole, and blood was no longer seeping between his fingers or frothing from Thor's lips. Loki drew back, trembling violently with exhaustion and emotion, and studied his brother's face.

Thor looked… peaceful. Not the slack-featured emptiness that passes for peace in those who are dead, but genuinely slumbering. His chest rose and fell regularly and the sound of his breathing was steady and deep.

Alone as he was, Loki did not even try to suppress the sob of relief that escaped him. Then he wrapped his arms around his brother and scooted himself backward until he was sitting up against the wall, Thor's back pressed against Loki's chest and head leaning into Loki's shoulder. Had anyone else been present, he would have justified the posture on the grounds that he was the conduit of magic, and he needed to hold Thor in order to direct whatever healing forces he could capture into his weakened brother. It would even have been true, in a way.

It was not remotely the reason Loki was doing it, and he might even have admitted as much to a carefully-selected small group of witnesses. They were both covered in Thor's blood, and yet Thor was not dead, and for the moment all Loki wanted to do was press his cheek against his brother's hair and be grateful.

After what seemed like a very long time, Thor stirred.

"Loki?" he asked, in a sleep-roughened voice.

"I am here," Loki replied, and perhaps he sniffled a little, because Thor said dazedly,

"Are you… are you all right?"

"Of course I am," Loki replied, voice trembling in spite of himself, because after all this the first thing Thor worried about was Loki-

"Are you crying?" Thor asked. Distantly, Loki could hear a teasing note trying to come back to his brother's voice, and his throat closed entirely.

"Of course not," Loki gulped, breath hitching.

Pause.

"Liar," Thor said affectionately.

Loki tightened his arms, pressed his lips against the back of Thor's head. "Incurable."

Thor chuckled briefly, was silent again for a moment. Finally, he said quietly, "It was an illusion, wasn't it?"

"You mean the version of me wearing clothing that is packed in a box in the cellar in Bristol, and a helmet Mother keeps in my old chambers in Asgard? That one? Yes, Thor, it was an illusion," Loki replied, trying to tease, trying to make Thor laugh ruefully and move on.

Instead, he just sighed. "Well, that was stupid of me."

And it occurred to Loki that he had been hearing entirely too much of that word from his brother recently. "Mordred is very good at that particular spell, and at… getting under one's guard. That hardly makes you stupid."

"Compared to you, I am," Thor replied. There was another pause. "Brother, that was your cue to say that everyone is stupid compared to you."

"Indeed," Loki replied, resting his chin on the top of Thor's head, mostly because he could. "The being who tried to destroy an entire realm and everyone on it, thinking it was the way to make Father love me. There are quite a number of words that might describe such actions, but I think we can agree that 'stupid' should figure in the list somewhere." Loki hesitated a moment, then added, "To say nothing of what I did to you."

"You were goaded," Thor replied, with such generosity that Loki squeezed his eyes shut against another flood of tears. "No, really brother. You were king. I was banished. And my friends betrayed you, and tried to bring me back to overthrow you? They did not know anything of your visit, of your- "

"- Lies," Loki prompted. Thor ignored his interjection.

"All they knew was that you were king, and they didn't like it, and therefore it must be right that I come back, against the edict of the Allfather and that of the lawful king, and depose you."

"Hardly lawful," Loki muttered.

"Are we going to argue this again? You egged me on, certainly, but the actions that led to my banishment were my own. I deserved my punishment, and I was no longer heir to the throne. All right, we should have been cast out together to learn our lesson- what?"

"I'm sorry," Loki giggled, "but that just sounds like a story the Midgardians would use to make a very silly movie. With… with talking animals, quarreling and having adventures."

"Do not try to change the subject," Thor said gently. "The point is, under the circumstances, one could argue your actions were justified."

"That one would not be me," Loki muttered. "You cannot possibly be telling me I was justified in trying to kill you?"

Thor shrugged. "It would not be the first time a king resorted to such an action, to avert civil war."

Loki went still. "There would have been no civil war, and both of us know it." Of course there would not. Every being on Asgard would have rallied to Thor's side at once. "I did not… do what I did, to avoid civil war. My motivations had very little to do with the good of Asgard."

Thor said nothing for what felt like a very long time. Then: "You said recently, and it is true, that we rarely speak of anything important. We did, a little, when I visited you in Bristol, but I still do not think we reached the heart of it. Can you… tell me now? It is true that pure politics would explain much of what you did, but we both know pure politics have never interested either of us overmuch."

Loki tightened his arms around Thor. "Please do not speak of this to Mother, but… I think the last straw was something she said to me."

"Mother?" Thor asked, in obvious disbelief. He shifted to try and look Loki in the face, but he still wasn't strong enough to break his brother's hold, and Loki did not want to look at Thor right now.

"Yes. She didn't realize how I, how I took her words, but… We were sitting with Father, I was still trying to understand what was happening, what I was, and… and the guards came and brought me Gungnir. I didn't understand what it meant at first, I had not… I truly had not realized that with you banished and Father in the Odinsleep, the throne would fall to me. I had not had time to think that far ahead.

"And Mother… she knew I was upset, and afraid, and she was trying to encourage me. She told me I was a good son, and said I should make Father proud." Loki paused. Thor said nothing, but incomprehension radiated from him. Loki sighed and went on, "She had never said anything like that to me before, ever."

"But Loki, surely… surely you always knew Mother loves you," Thor protested gently.

"Yes. I mean… I thought I did. In spite of everything. That was the problem: I always knew Mother loved me in spite of all my failings. I wanted her to love me the way she loves you: because of. Because you are brave, and generous, and kind… I wanted her to love me because I was a good son, and a good ruler, because I could do what was best for Asgard. Not in spite of what I am, and simply because she could find room for me in her warm heart though I did not deserve it.

"And, and when I realized I was not really her son, not even Aesir, I thought it was never even love at all, it was pity, she was kind because she felt sorry for me, for the poor little creature Father brought to her, and she tried to make things better for me because she is kind, and I thought, I thought she was simply doing it again, saying things out of pity, and I, I wanted her to see, to see I was worthy… to see I really was a good son, her son.

"And Father- as far as I knew, Father had never been proud of me in my life." Thor made a convulsive movement, and then was still, as though repressing the urge to speak, to explain things, to make things better. Loki went on, "And I thought… I thought: Father will wake. This is only temporary, but I, I can be a good ruler during my time, I can save the realm and fix everything, and when he wakes he will know I am his true son, and he will be proud, and… and really love me.

"But then I knew I could never let you come home, at least not while Father slept, because if you were in Asgard, even if we explained why you were removed from the succession, everyone would expect and want you to be king anyway, and they would never be satisfied with me and I would never be able to show them… So I went to you and I lied, only… only as I spoke to you the lies became worse and worse, because I wanted to hurt you with lies the way I had been hurt with lies, and I forgot Father would wake, and would forgive you, and the lies would all be exposed anyway.

"And then, then Sif and the Warriors, even though they did not know it was my fault you were banished in the first place, they assumed it was wrong for me to be on the throne, and they went to retrieve you, and I was so angry and so… so desperate, because if you came back I would never have the chance to… and… and that was when I began to think I hated you, because if you came back I would be in your shadow again no matter what I did, and it was so cold there, and I was a monster who had to prove, to show them I was worthy to be, to be their son, to be their friend, to be loved, and… and I was so angry, and... I'm sorry, Thor. I'm so sorry. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am." Loki's voice broke- he was vaguely surprised it had held up for so long- and he trailed into gulping silence.

His brother was quiet for so long that Loki began to fear he had ruined everything. But then Thor said, gently, "But you realize now- you do realize that Father has always been proud of you? And that Mother and Father… they love you, just as they love me, in spite of my temper and my arrogance and my pride." Thor reached up and covered Loki's hand with his. "I don't know that anyone is ever loved because. Respect and pride can be earned, yes, and Mother and Father are proud of you because you are so intelligent, and an accomplished sorcerer, and, in spite of everything, at heart you are loyal- although at times you do have a spectacularly wrong-headed way of showing it. But they love you because they love you. As they love me because they love me, and for no other reason. I love you because I love you."

Loki sniffled again, he could not help it. "If you do enough that is wrong, love can die."

"That is true. But you did not do that much."

Loki turned his hand in his brother's so he could hold Thor's. "I have always… even when I hated you, I still loved you. It was one of the things that..." That made him go mad. Thor was silent, and Loki realized he had concentrated on the wrong thing. "And I do know that you love me. I know it. I admit, I did not always- "

Thor let out a huff of unamused laughter. "Nor did I, until I thought you were lost forever, and then I would have done anything, anything at all, to take it all back and have you return to us. I have been so afraid, these last few days, the way you look at me as if you expect me to turn on you and break your heart again." His grip on Loki's hand tightened. "And you are not a monster, any more than George is a monster, or Mitchell or Annie. Some of the things we believed when we were young are simply wrong. It was wrong to teach us those things."

Loki was silent a moment. Then, "You will not say anything of this to Mother?"

"No," Thor said. "It would hurt her very much, to think you were ever unsure of her love. I don't say that as a rebuke to you," Thor added hastily, holding Loki's hand tightly, "because there were misunderstandings on both sides, but it would hurt her."

And speaking of things that would hurt… "You spoke of the way I look at you- I did not believe that you would turn on me, Thor. I was just afraid that, that you were afraid I would give in to evil again."

"Oh, no. No one who watches himself so closely could ever do that. Unless… unless you are so hard on yourself, judge every little slip so harshly, that you make yourself feel you should not even try anymore. You won't do that to yourself, brother?" Loki shook his head, knew Thor could feel the motion. Thor sighed. "It hurt so, these last few days, every time something magical happened and you would cast those glances at me, looking for my reaction, afraid of what I was thinking of you, afraid I did not love you enough to really trust you. This was the first time we have been together since, since everything happened, and all I can see is what I should have seen years ago, if I had seen it then and repaired it, none of this need ever have happened. I knew it was my fault, that I was responsible, by taking you for granted and not making sure you knew you were more important to me than my friends, as much as I love them. It all began with me showing off for them, trying to demonstrate that I was the leader, the important one, and I behaved as though you had no feelings at all and would always be there for me and never notice my disrespect.

"Ever since Sif and I came to see you in Bristol, ever since you said to me that you should have been told from a baby that you were not ours by blood, because then you would at least have known why we didn't love you… I cannot stop thinking about that. How many years you trudged loyally along in my shadow and believed the whole time that I didn't care about you. And I did that to you. I made you believe it, and I made my friends believe it, too, so they did not treat you any better than I did, and at least they had the excuse that they were not hurting someone they loved more than anything. And then… then I had the arrogance to approach the Destroyer and pretend I had no idea why you were so angry at me."

"Thor, don't," Loki murmured. "Stop."

"And let you be the only one who is allowed to learn anything from this disastrous mess? Oh, no. I told myself, I promised, if I ever could have you back as my brother I would do better, I would do things differently, I would make sure you knew, and these past few days I have been so glad to have you with me again, and so grateful to have another chance even though I knew I did not deserve it, and then all I could think was that I was still going about it all wrong and upsetting you and… I am so stupid sometimes."

Loki shook him, as well as one can shake anyone half again their weight who has them pinned against a wall. "Stop that, Thor. I mean it. My crimes were my own doing and my own fault. My hurt feelings are no excuse."

"And my mistakes were my doing," Thor said stubbornly. "And they were certainly not all innocent. You are not going to sit here and tell me pretty lies, and try to make me think you did not really feel like an outcast all those years, that it didn't hurt you to be passed over and excluded and ignored. If it did not matter to you, how you were treated, you would not have been so heartbroken and so angry. When you came back to Asgard you told Mother and me that you should have realized we loved you. Mother is one matter, but I am at a loss to know how you could possibly have known that I love you when I scarcely took the trouble to show it. I knew you were unhappy, and any idiot could have put the pieces together and realized that perhaps the way I treated you had something to do with it."

"And any idiot could have realized that, even if all my plans worked, they would not result in Mother and Father congratulating me on fratricide and mass murder, on killing their child. At least poor crazy Mordred is only trying to gain power, not win approbation." Loki released his hold on Thor and reached up to wipe his eyes, remembered just in time that his hands were bloody, and used his sleeves instead. "How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly well, all things considered," Thor replied. "Thank you, brother."

"Least I could do," Loki muttered, as Thor got carefully to his feet. Loki attempted to stand and the world tilted alarmingly. He found himself being held up by his brother, clinging to Thor's arms as he waited for the giddiness to pass.

"I begin to see where my strength has come from," Thor said worriedly. "Are you sure you are ready to- ?"

Loki patted Thor's arm but did not let go with his other hand. "Yes, I'm fine, do not worry. When I find Excalibur I will be restored. This may have been… a small test." Loki let out an undignified squeak of surprise as he found himself wrapped in Thor's arms, but it was a tremendous relief to be able to hug him back and feel a new understanding between them. Perhaps, perhaps now things could really be as he had always wished between them.

Reluctantly, Thor released him. "I suppose we should go back out into the world and find out what is happening."

Loki, remembering the stories of how time passed differently in the land of the faeries, replied,

"And also when it is happening."

Thor looked puzzled for a moment, but he caught on without being told.

"Yes. Well, we can always hope." He paused. "I do love you, Loki."

"I know. And I love you. Try to remember that, the next time I do something really annoying, will you?"

"As long as you remember, the next time I do something really stupid."

"It is a bargain."

And Loki led the way toward the faint glow that had to represent the way out.