Chapter 2

Mario started trying to find a way off the island to get someone else to save the princess. He decided that since the cops wouldn't let him go he'd have to swim there. However, as he got further away from the plaza, he felt something smack his head HARD.

"Ow! What the-" Mario noticed that a huge glass wall separated him and the open sea! "OH COME ON!" he yelled.

"For the record, I could have told you that would happen." Said FLUDD.

"Why didn't you then!"

"Because you're a fat Mexican, you needed the swim for exercise."

"I'm Italian!" Mario said in an offended tone.

"Is there a way for you to pump me back to the isle?"

"Well, if you had grabbed the turbo nozzle instead of the rocket nozzle like I said, then yes. But since you didn't you'll have to swim all the way back."

Two hours later, Mario got back to shore, huffing and puffing.

"Do all Mexicans have trouble swimming?"

"I'm not a fucking Mexican!" Mario screamed.

After some rest, Mario asked "So how do we go about this whole saving the world thing?"

"Well," said FLUDD, "All you have to do is go running into the portal, which is on that brick wall."

"You're shitting me."

"No! No, it's really there!"

"Fine."

Mario got into position as he prepared to run. He turned to the nonexistent camera and said "Here I go!" as he took off at full speed. But then he face planted, yet again, into the wall.

"I was kidding," Said FLUDD, "The real portal's on the base of the statue."

Mario jumped through the portal annoyed. Later that day, Mario returned, covered in goop and severely wounded. He sat down next to Old Pimp Daddy King Toad, who asked "How did the first mission go, young chump?" Mario responded, "You really wanna know how it went? You really wanna talk to me right now? I had to climb up an eighty foot windmill, only to come to a giant piranha plant beast, who caved the roof in just by moving his toe! Then I fell the whole EIGHTY FEET down! I don't even know how I survived that!"

"Mario-"FLUDD tried to say.

"NOT NOW" Mario interrupted, "I'm trying to tell about my rotten day!"

"But I thought you might like to know that Shadow Mario is right there."

"I'll kill him!" He yelled. Mario started chasing Shadow Mario. Before he got two feet, Shadow Mario tripped and fell. As soon as he hit the ground, all the blue went away and Bowser's son, Bowser Junior tumbled out.

"Ow, I broke my neck! I'm paralyzed!" said Bowser Junior. He looked up and saw a very rugged and annoyed Mario hovering over him. "Hey, come on, man! You wouldn't hurt a kid, now would you?"

"Oh, no," Mario said with a bit of insanity cracking his voice. "I'm not going to hurt you; I'm just going to kill you!"

"Huh?" Bowser Junior didn't have time to say anything else before Mario's cold hand wrapped around his neck. With one strong thrust, Mario ripped Bowser Junior's head straight off of his shoulders, with his spinal cord still attached. He held up the head as random passerby with an exceptionally deep voice said "Fatality!"

"Great job, Mario," Said Fludd, "Only now we have no idea where to find the princess."

"Oh, the princess?" Said Old Pimp Daddy King Toad, "Bowser took her up to that volcano. He's got a hot tub!"

"Well why the FUCK didn't you tell me!" Mario screamed in a voice so loud that it echoed through the entire island. He didn't even wait for a response to jimmy tap Old Pimp Daddy King Toad and start towards the mountain.

"But what about the shine sprites?" asked a Pianta guy.

"Screw your shine sprites, screw this island, I'm going home!"

In the skies above the volcano, Bowser sat like a pimp in his hot tub of acid, trying to make conversation with Peach, who stood on a giant rubber ducky.

"You know," he said, "We have so much in common; you like teddy bears, I like teddy bears. You like ponies, I like ponies!"

"Hey, fuck face!" a voice called. Bowser turned and saw Mario standing there. "I found this for you." Mario threw down Bowser's son's severed head, to which Bowser said "Oh shit!"

"Now," Mario said, "You. Will. Die!"

Mario and Bowser both jumped up in the air karate style. Mario managed to kick Bowser in the head with a flying kick, but Bowser managed to jimmy tap Mario. Mario fell and clutched his groin while Bowser wiped the blood from his mouth and picked up his son's spinal cord and started swinging it around like nunchucks.

"It's going up your ass!" Bowser said as Mario was still recovering. By the time Mario was well enough to get back up, Bowser was already about to strike him. As a last resort, Mario took FLUDD off his back and swung him at Bowser at full speed. FLUDD collided with Bowser Junior's head, which burst like a watermelon. FLUDD said in a voice that sounded even more automated than his normal one, "Bomb activated, prepare for detonation."

"I hate my life." Said Mario as the entire place exploded, sending everyone flying. Mario and Peach fell onto an island near Delphino, while Bowser got impaled on a flagpole on top of one of the city roofs. Hid blood coated the entire city that Mario cleaned a little bit. Peach used her umbrella to break her fall due to the law of physics being distracted. Mario, however, was not so lucky. He hit the sand and he hurt his head really bad. But what, did you expect his head to go through the sand? How soft do you think it is? I mean, even water would have hurt him because of the surface tension. But anyways, Mario was hurt.

"Ow, ow! My head, my fucking head!" Mario said, thinking he was going to die, "Peach, call 911!" Mario yelled and then fainted. Later that night, he woke up. He looked around and realized he was in jail!

"What the fuck?"

Six Months of Community Service Later…

Mario had finally arrived home. Peach and all the Toads went home months ago, and Mario was really mad that his vacation didn't turn out. But he began to realize that maybe it was his bad karma; he stole those tickets from his brother, so his vacation turned out rotten. As he pulled into his driveway, saw Luigi waiting for him in the front porch. He approached the door and Luigi said "Hey, Mario! Do you want to go bowling with me, the princess, and all of your friends?"

"Okay," Mario said with a sigh, "Okay, Luigi, I'd like to go bowling with you, the princess, and all of my friends."

"Maybe next time!" Luigi shouted and slammed the door in Mario's face. Mario tried to open the door, but it was locked. Mario started banging on the door and all the lights in the neighborhood went on.

"!" Mario shouted as the last of his sanity depleted. In the background a chorus sang "You'll have a gay old tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!"

The End

Starring Charlie Sheen as Mario

Stephen Hawking as FLUDD

Jar Jar Binks as Yoshi

Some generic blond chick as Peach

Jack Black as every Toad

And Eric Cartman as Shadow Mario/ Bowser Jr.

Leo as Luigi

With Carter Pewterschmidt as the voice of Bowser

Animatronics brought to you by the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arms Flailing Tube Men Corporation

Color not by Technicolor because there is no color because this is a story! There aren't even any actors either! Besides, those actors don't even make sense, some of them arent' even real! Why am I writing this?

Well, that concludes Mario's greatest adventure yet! Stay tuned for more actiony action,mort dramaticy drama, and more insaney insanity in "Super Mario Galaxy: The True Story Part One" where the Super Mario Brothers will face a challenge so big that this planet alone can't contain it! Can Mario learn the way of the force and dethrone the evil Koope Empire? I don't know. But don't worry about that now, that's why I'm here. Good night folks.