A/N: Okay, okay, here we go. Next chapter… Reviews are wonderful, wonderful things that make that little muse in my head inspire me faster. ALSO I wanna give a HUGE thank you to Chantel Royal . She has decided, thankfully, to beta for me! And let's all admit it, I needed the help. ;) Anyways, go check out her stories, they are phenomenal and I know everyone will like them! Alrighty, movin on:

I looked closer at the pink and purple bag with silver lining around it. It was unzipped and I could faintly see the shining equipment in it. I bounded over to it and grabbed it from his hands.

I hastily zipped it back closed and huffed, "What the hell, I don't go through your stuff."

"I didn't go through your stuff, it was on the counter."

"Shit," I mumbled.

"What is that stuff?" he asked.

"Noth—nothing," I stuttered and brushed pass him into the bathroom.

I put the smaller bag into the bigger one and brought the bag out with me. I sat down on the bed I had vacated and sat the bag next to me.

"Sydney, were those razors in there?"

"No," I whispered.

"Why do you have razors?" Sam questioned.

"Sam, maybe they're for…shaving or something," Dean offered.

"There was a lot of blood on them for them to be for shaving, Dean."

I squeezed my arms together against my stomach as Sam asked once again, "Why do you have razors?"

"Shut up, all of you, I swear…you'd think it's just freaking natural to be up at the crack ass of dawn," Lindsay grumbled, standing up with crazy bed hair. She ran a hand over her face and said, "I want to go back to sleep, please, do me a favor, shut up?"

"Lindsay, did you knowSydneyhad razors?" Dean asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you cut yourself?" Sam asked.

"Wait…wait…wait," Lindsay said, holding her hands up to Sam and turned towards me. "Did Mr. Mc-Incredibly-Too-Sexy-For-His-Own-Good, just tell me you have razors? And then his brother just told me you cut yourself? Am I dreaming?" I shook my head and buried my face in my legs.

"Syd, look at me," Lindsay requested, approaching me slowly.

"Lindsay, I don't cut anymore, alright? I stopped," I sighed, hating the conversation, the world, my life.

I looked up to see Lindsay staring at me in disbelief. I buried my face in my hands, guilt washing over me in waves.

"I started after my dad died. I didn't…I needed—I needed a way to get out some of my frustration."

"Why didn't you talk to me, you didn't…" she paused, composing herself, before finishing, "Can you two like…leave?"

There were doors closing and then the bed dipped down and she whispered, "You and me…we could have done boxing, I could have let you beat me up…you didn't need to cut."

I shook my head, "Cutting helped…It made me…forget, it helped me forget that he was gone. I was happier, but then I knew it was wrong, I stopped."

"You don't have scars on your arms," she noted.

I pulled down my jeans and showed her my thighs. She gasped and then I pulled them back up. I pulled up my shirt and showed her my stomach. She traced one of the scars,

"Syd."

I looked up into her eyes, tears welling there, "Don't, Lindsay, you didn't know. I could have come to you…but I didn't, so don't blame yourself."

"I just…I could have done something, how didn't I know?"

"I didn't show it, I was very careful. Robbie didn't even know."

"I don't…I don't know what to do about this," she admitted.

"Nothing, I'm over it, I promise," I lied.

"When you wore those rubber bands all that time ago, was that...?"

"Yeah…"

We sat in silence for a few minutes before she hugged me, "You ever get the feeling again, you tell me and I'll go buy you the biggest bag of rubber bands they got, you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am," I smiled, only feeling the slightest bit better.

We decided to be bad, to get our mind off of me, and watched a movie. We put in Dukes of Hazard. We were having a great time, laughing the whole time, and then Sam and Dean walked in.

I spared a glance over at them and then back at the TV, it was the part where Sean Williams Scott and Johnny Knoxville are at the college in the Japanese guy's lab coats talking to the student about the core sample.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked.

Lindsay looked over at him and I could tell she was fighting something before she answered calmly, "We're watching a movie."

He licked his lips, "Okay."

Lindsay turned back to the TV screen and it was at the part where Jessica Simpson is talking to the cops about something in her undercarriage, and I was telling Lindsay, 'whatever, like that would work,' when a bright light caught my attention.

I looked over at the window where it was coming from and then the door banged open and Daniel walked inside.

Lindsay looked over at him in shock, "Who is he?"

"This is…Daniel, my guardian," I supplied, staring up at the angel in confusion.

"Sydney, we must speak," he glanced around the room, stopping just before the devil's trap inside the door.

"Okay, that was quite the entrance…you could just knock you know," I frowned, following him outside the motel room.

I closed the door behind myself and then Daniel's eyes turned black and I noticed the light around him was dying down. I didn't have time to scream as he grabbed me and everything turned black.

When I came to I was on a hard concrete ground, my hands tied with rope to something hard behind me. I strained to see behind myself, but I couldn't, I just wasn't that damn flexible.

I had to breathe through my nose because there was cloth stuffed in my mouth. I inhaled deeply through my nose and out again. I struggled uselessly and when I heard tiny squeaks from across the room signaling I wasn't the only one in the room, I struggled ever harder.

The squeaks got closer and then I saw the small black figure at my feet. I kicked, straight out, and a few seconds later I felt something warm trickle down my leg and then the sting.

I bit down on the cloth to keep from crying and I wished desperately that the real Daniel or someone would just show up and help me. No sooner after I had thought that Daniel, or maybe it was the evil Daniel, was standing in front of me.

I whimpered when he took the gag from me and he asked, "Why am I here?"

"Are you—you the real Daniel?" I whispered.

"Of course I am," he seemed taken aback, "But why are you tied up? Where are we? And how did I get here?"

"I don't know why I'm tied up, Daniel. You…or maybe it was your evil twin, I'm not sure, he came and pulled me outside to talk to me and his eyes went black and then I passed out. I woke up here, I'm not sure where we are, and I…I guess…I just wanted you here so here you are."

He shook his head and picked me up from the floor after releasing the ropes around my wrists. "Sam and Dean, this is what they are for, you cannot just—"

"Guardian, I knew you would come," a dark voice called from behind us.

Daniel whirled around and I nearly fell back down on the floor. I looked over Daniel's shoulder at a tall built African-American man; he was wearing a tight black t-shirt and tight jeans. If we hadn't met under the circumstances we did…I would have been drooling over him.

"Who are you?" Daniel requested.

"My name is Yuri, Daniel, and I am going to kill you and your charge," he took a step forward.

Daniel moved his hand in a snapping motion, and the man fell to the ground, and black smoke poured from his body. I widened my eyes when the smoke started towards us and when Daniel held his hand out in front of him in a choking motion, the smoke stopped. I stared at Daniel's hand and when he jerked it downwards, the smoke flew to the ground.

The next thing I knew I was waking up on a motel bed blinking up at a very beautiful face. In my hazy confusion all I could remember was that he was helping me. My dream had been clouding and a little bit more than NC-17.

I leaned up and he started to lean back, but I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. Before I could even register that kissing this man was definitely not okay, I ended up passing out again.

When I woke up again blonde hair was in my face and snapping fingers in front of my eyes. I pushed the hand away and stood up. Glancing around the room I found the door I needed and raced towards it. I reached the toilet just in time to throw up. Cold hands were touching my forehead and telling me everything would be alright.

When I stopped throwing up I leaned back with my eyes closed. It had to have been a good ten minutes before the cold hands started to pull me up. I was walked back into the main room and the hands sat me down on the bed. My stomach lurched, but there wasn't anything to get rid of this time, so I gripped my stomach and held my head.

My eyes closed again and a soft voice was said, "Sydney, are you alright?"

I couldn't respond. I was trying to do too many things at once already. I was trying not to throw up again, I was trying not to pass out again, and I was trying to sort through my thoughts. When the cold hands touched my shoulders I jerked back away from them, I didn't want to be touched anymore, I needed…I needed… I wasn't sure what I needed, but I needed it, and right away.

I wiped a shaky hand across my mouth and then a familiar face was kneeling in front of me. Beautiful green-blue eyes looked up at me and he said, "Sydney, can you hear me?"

"Y—yes," I squeaked

"What is the matter, you have seen this before," he stated.

I couldn't put it in words, just that it had happened right in front of me, when the threat was on me, when I didn't have anyone there to protect me that I absolutely trusted…how was I supposed to put that in words? It barely made any sense in my head.

"I—I can't explain," I croaked.

"Yes, you can, look at me," cold hands touched my head and made me look at the beautiful face again.

I studied the brown nearly black hair that hung in his face, his eyes penetrating my soul, the high cheekbones. It was Daniel in front of me. I raised the hand that had been gripping my stomach to his cheek and traced the bone there, trying to put my thoughts into words.

I couldn't though, and I was aggravated about it. I ran a hand through his hair and then I fell down into his lap and hugged him close to me.

"I don't…I didn't have Robbie there to help me, I didn't have anyone to help me through it. How am I supposed to get through this? It just didn't seem real then, but now…everything, everything, it's all real now. It's all real, I'm…I can't…too much," I shook my head.

The cold hands were touching my neck and the small of my back, holding me against him. I buried my face in his shirt and said, "Not fair."

I heard doors opening and closing, but I couldn't bring it upon myself to care. I couldn't do anything but pull the angel closer. I wasn't crying, I wasn't talking anymore, and I was barely even breathing. The arms around me picked me up and then we were sitting on the bed.

"Let it out," the voice whispered.

"Took my mom, my dad, my brother…can't manage my life, how am I supposed to do that with…" I choked around the words and gripped his shirt as tight as I could.

The hands were rubbing my back and I managed, "Can't do this."

"Yes, you can," his hands pulled me back so I could look up at him.

"You can do this, you are stronger than everything life hands you," he said simply, voice hard though.

"I ca—"

"Yes, you can," he pressed.

"Will you help?"

"Of course."

-O-

When I finally pulled myself together I was worried. I wasn't sure if Daniel would call me out on my weakness later, maybe even tell the angels I wasn't worth it and then I really would be alone, but all he did was stare at me from across the room.

Everyone that had left, Dean, Sam, and Lindsay, came back two hours later, and when they walked in I announced something no one seemed to like.

"I'm going out." I could tell someone was going to protest, but Daniel held up a hand to them. "I need my phone," I continued.

Dean handed it to me and he caught my eye, "Be careful."

I nodded and left the room. I wasn't walking for long time when I dialed an all too familiar number. It went straight to voicemail and his voice filled the phone saying,

"Hey, it's Rob, sorry I missed your call. Leave me a message."

I waited for the beep and sobbed, "Oh, Robbie." I paused and then said, "I miss you, so much, please come back. Please. I can't do this. It's too hard. There's too many people depending on me…I'm scared."

I hung up the phone and dialed a different number, he was on speed dial, and when he picked up the phone I said, "I need you."

"Where are you?" he asked, not questioning me calling, or why.

I gave him the name of the motel and he said, "Be there in five minutes."

He hung up and four minutes, thirty-two seconds later, I counted, I could hear his car. He pulled in and I walked over to him.

I got into the passenger seat and said, "Take me anywhere where we can be alone."

He pulled out of the parking lot, "Shit, Syd, you look…"

I nodded stiffly and maybe ten minutes later we pulled into the parking lot of the old park. I finally turned to him and moved closer to him, happy for once he had a car without a console.

He wrapped an arm around me and mumbled, "You're shaking, you alright?"

"I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch," I mumbled.

"That's alright…I missed you," he said, against my head.

"I missed you too, Mike, I missed you too."

I went on my knees and leaned close to him, my lips hovering over his. "Mike, help me forget everything?"

"What? Wh—"

"Please, Mike, for me? I just…I just need to forget everything, please," I begged, moving closer to him.

Our lips touched slightly and he looked up into my eyes, searching them, and then he leaned forward and kissed me.

-O-

I pulled my shirt back over my head and my jeans back on before leaning back over him and saying, "Thank you…"

"No, thank you," He murmured.

"We can't sleep here, we've got…you've got to take me back to my motel room," I said.

"Right, right," He nodded.

We pulled into the motel parking lot and I leaned over to kiss him again. The kiss lasted long enough that it left me breathless and when I pulled back I said, "I'll call you…"

"Alright," he smiled at me crookedly and I climbed out of the car.

I waved at him as he pulled out of the parking lot, and I took a seat at the bench next to the door I was staying at.

"I just lost my virginity to one of my old boyfriends in the back seat of his car," I mumbled to myself.

I stood up then, and the ache between my legs was enough to make me lean against the door-jamb while I knocked on the door. It opened not three seconds later and I looked up at Daniel. He gave me a disapproving look, which I brushed off, and walked into the room.

Sam was sleeping on his stomach on the bed. Lindsay was half hanging off the other, and Dean was still awake watching the TV without the volume. He was sitting between the two beds on the floor, and he looked absolutely bored.

Daniel closed the door behind me and I walked into the bathroom. I cleaned myself up, took aspirin I found on the counter, and then went back out into the main room. I took a seat at the end of Lindsay's bed and watched TV with Dean.

Daniel was pacing, it was really grating on my nerves. I had ended up falling asleep at the end of the bed, my neck back, my body stretched out, and not only was my neck dying, I was extremely sore between my legs. It ached to move, and whenever Lindsay started to talk to me, I just wanted to tell her to shut up, but I didn't.

"Daniel," I snapped "Stop pacing."

He looked over at me and then resumed his pacing. I sighed and looked over at the bed Sam was sleeping on. He was out like a rock. Lindsay pulled me up onto the bed behind me and said, "Do you remember what you did when you woke up the first time?"

"Um…threw up?" I tried.

"You woke up before that," Lindsay provided.

"Really?"

"Yeah, do you remember what you did?"

"Obviously not, Lindsay," I huffed.

She blushed and looked away from me then. "What did I do?"

She shook her head and said, "Never mind."

"Come on, tell me," I pushed.

She shook her head again and I pinched her arm. "Tell me, please," I pouted.

She sighed and whispered, "You grabbed Sam around the neck and made out with him for like…two minutes, and then passed out."

"What? I did…nah uh," I protested weakly.

"Yeah, you did, full on making out…and when you passed back out," she giggled. "You should have seen Sam's face."

A pillow came across the room in front of us, and when we looked over, Sam was walking into the bathroom.

"You think he heard us?" Lindsay asked quietly.

"He heard you," Daniel said, still pacing.

Lindsay blushed while I still was trying to wrap my head around what Lindsay told me. "Anyways, he was like…completely shocked," she leaned closer to me and whispered quietly in my ear, "And I think he liked it."

She pulled back and I said, "Nah uh."

She laughed and said, "That the only thing you can say?"

"No… I just…nah uh," I shook my head, looking over at the closed bathroom door.

"Yes, you did, Dean was there. You should have heard the things he said to poor Sam. He was making fun of him for hours," Lindsay said.

"Nah uh," I whispered.

"Yes, it happened," Daniel said, looking over at me, "And it indeed lasted for a few minutes."

Dean walked in then and I wanted to die. I couldn't believe in my dumb haze, I had made out with Sam. And I didn't even get to remember it.

"You think I'll get that memory back?" I asked Lindsay.

She smirked and said, "Why do you ask?

I shrugged and then the bathroom door opened. My blush deepened and I looked everywhere but at Sam. I was pretty fascinated with the pattern on the curtains when Lindsay hit my arm and said, "Don't be rude."

I frowned at her and said, "You hit me, that's rude."

"Don't make me bite you," she growled.

"Alright, alright," I held my hands up in defeat and crawled out of the bed.

I walked over to the table where Dean and Sam were drinking coffee. Daniel was pacing behind the table still, and I was starting to get worried.

I sat down in the only other vacant chair and said, "So…what's up?"

Dean looked over at me and I kept my eyes trained on the table in front of me. Sam…Sam was still looking at his coffee cup.

"We're heading toOregon tonight," Dean said.

"Really? That's…far away…" I trailed off.

"It'll take a few days," Dean nodded.

"Awesome…" I nodded and then an awkward silence filled the air. So, the bold person I am, I kicked Sam underneath the table and said, "Hi ya, Sam."

"Ow, why'd you kick me?" he huffed, gripping his shin underneath the table.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You kicked me," he repeated.

"Muscle spasm…" I shrugged, smiling.

Lindsay came over then and sat down in my lap while saying, "Did you get me coffee?"

"Oh, no…I didn't think you were up," Dean shrugged.

She pouted and looked at his cup, before looking back up at him. He sighed and pushed his cup over to her. She grinned and drank from the cup before handing it back to him.

He stared down at it, her lip gloss staining the white where she put her lips, and then looked back up. Daniel was still pacing, and Sam was pouting about his shin.

"Whoa," Lindsay said suddenly.

She looking down at me with a confused look on her face and I said, "What?"

"Did you…" she looked over at Sam, "Not with him…" she looked at Dean, "Or him," she looked at Daniel slowly and sighed in relief and then said, "Not him either, who then?"

"Hm? Who then what?" I pressed.

"Sydney, come on… I've known you since kindergarten…and I've had this look before, who was it?" she asked.

Shit, she can't possibly know that…she isn't that good, I thought.

"Come on, tell me," she said, hopping slightly in my lap, "Tell me! Please!"

"Shh, shut up, what are you talking about?" I exclaimed.

"You really want me to announce it to everyone?" she asked.

"Announce what?"

"Well, I'm not sure who with, but you lost your—"

"Shit! How do you know these things?" I cried, clamping a hand over her mouth.

She pried my hand off her mouth and said, "I know these things because I've been through it."

I sighed and said, "Mike…"

"Mike? The Mike you dated forever ago?" she asked.

I nodded and she said, "Where?"

"What? Why's that matter?"

"Where?" she cocked her head to the side.

"Back seat," I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

She hit my arm and said, "What were you thinking! That's the thing you said you wanted candles and freaking fragrance sticks, the back seat? Are you crazy? Hello!"

"Lindsay—"

"The back seat…which car?" she asked.

I bit my lip and said, "Chrysler…"

She shuddered and said, "That boy has nice taste…that's for sure." She snapped out of her dreams and then said, "Like I was saying, why!"

"Because I thought it was appropriate."

"How?"

"I was…I needed…hm…I wanted to…" I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning my head back, "I wanted to, okay? I wanted to."

"That's not a good reason."

"That's all you're getting," I mumbled.

"Well…that's not good enough, tell me, were you…you know?"

"Yes, Lindsay, I'm not stupid," I growled, still not looking.

"Alright, alright."

"Wait…what happened?" Dean asked.

I groaned and when I heard Sam hit Dean and Dean mutter, "Ouch, what was that for?" I smiled.

He's got my back, thankfully, I thought to myself.

Lindsay got off my lap and stood up and said, "I'm sorry, you're probably…"

"Kind of, especially since I couldn't sleep in a bed last night."

"Why didn't you wake me up? I would have moved over," she said, going into the bathroom.

"That's the problem, if I had woken you up you would have rolled off the bed, you were hanging off the edge."

She came back out and handed me the bottle of aspirin and then she got Dean to give me his coffee. I sat the cup back down and Lindsay pushed it back to Dean.

Dean, once again, looked at the mixture of lip gloss on the cup, and then looked back up at us. He shook his head and then looked over at Daniel.

"Why are you pacing a hole in the carpet?" Dean inquired.

"I can't go back up," he muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"I can't go back up, they won't let me…"

"Why?" I asked.

"I don't know, I guess they don't know I left, because you put me here," he shrugged, still pacing.

"How's that work? You're an angel not a freaking car? Does it matter when you leave and don't?" Lindsay looked doubtful.

"It is different for Guardians than regular angels," Daniel shot her a look.

"Can I not just…put you back?" I spoke up.

He stopped pacing then and turned to me. "Do you know how to do that?" he asked.

"Well…I can just…usually I just think of someone with me and they get here, but…I guess if I knew what your place looked like, I could put you there."

"Could you? Let's try it with one of these men first," Daniel said, excitement running through his body.

"Not it," Dean said, standing up and going into the bathroom.

The door closed and I thought as hard as I could about Dean being outside the motel. Three seconds later and...

"Damn it!" and Dean walked inside. "What did I say?" He growled, going to the bathroom. "Not again," he barked, before shutting the door.

"It worked," I grinned.

Daniel walked over to me and touched my forehead with his fingers, and I wasn't seeing the motel room anymore. I was seeing a beautiful place, and there was so much white.

It was so bright, and there were people laughing, and people talking seriously, and then there was a big gateway. The bars on the gates were gold, or looked gold, and when they started to open, I was jolted out of whatever it was.

"That felt so real," I whispered when I was seeing the motel again.

He kept quiet and I said, "Alright, lemme try."

I thought hard about Daniel being with the laughing people, and at the front of the gates, and when I peeked my eyes open, he was gone. "You think it work—"

"Ah! You know what would be so cool? If you just kept putting someone back in the same place over and over again, they would be confused for life!" Lindsay interrupted me.

"Lindsay," I sighed, shaking my head.

Mkay, so, a little short… I don't know. Lemme get three more reviews and I'll set out the next chapter. I've already got some of it written! Thanks for reading… And thanks to Chantel Royal – again. She's amazing!