It went like this. Four chops, an intermission of crunching, then four more chops. For everyone four slices of the bell pepper she chopped, she ate one. And as her latest conquest reached her mouth Dan snatched it from her hand with his teeth and glides gracefully towards the refrigerator. He reached in and pulled out the dressing.
"Ranch? Or Italian?" Dan asked as he spun around and held out the two bottles.
"She's just so abrasive sometimes!" Serena said as she forced down the knife onto the cutting board.
"Glad we're having the same conversation." Dan said sarcastically as he finally just made an executive decision and chose the Italian.
"You know people think I get away with stuff?" Serena said as she continued to chop the bell pepper.
"Really? Who says that?" Dan decided to continue with his sarcastic streak. It was easier when she wasn't paying attention.
"But I fight back once in a while and somehow I'm horrible." She said as she drove the knife into the cutting board.
Dan paused for a second.
"Easy there, Serena." Dan said as he grabbed the chopped peppers and tossed them in with the rest of the salad.
"Remember in senior year when we were applying for colleges and I went Yale for that visit?" Serena asked.
"Well I got my pants stolen so I try not to." Dan said as he carried the salad bowl out onto the terrace.
"I did one thing, one thing, after she called me dumb, and vapid, and lazy for days on end." Serena said as she followed with a pitcher of ice tea. "And somehow I'm the cruel one?"
Dan said nothing as he set a plate in front of their seats.
"Nothing to add?" Serena said as she put the pitcher down onto the table.
"What do you want me to say?" Dan said as he reached for the utensils.
"Oh my god… you do think I'm the cruel one." Serena said as she put her hand on her hip. Her posture immediately turned defensive.
"No, no, no, no, no…" Dan said as he stopped what he was doing and approached Serena. "But you have to remember… Okay, let me put it to you this way. What was Blair's reaction right after you arrived on campus at Yale?"
Serena sighed and slouched a bit. "Fear and dread…"
"Exactly. It's not so much that you are an intentionally cruel person. It's just that the few times you do decide to fight back, most people, including Blair are just not prepared for the onslaught." Dan said as he reached out and gave Serena a quick peck on the lips.
Dan walked back into the apartment to grab the rest of the food.
"I still don't think that's fair." Serena said as she sat down in her chair and maneuvered for the salad.
"I didn't say it was but you have to stop stressing about it." Dan said as he came back out holding a cheesecake in one hand and the crystal glasses in his other. "You're not going to lose to her."
"You really think I can beat Blair." Serena asked.
Dan said down and let out a deep breath. "Look, you know how I feel towards this whole situation. And you know how not interested I am in it—"
"That's true." Serena interjected.
Dan smiled as if to hold back a natural response. "To me this whole thing is just another skirmish between you and Blair that will blow over next week. It happens every few months if you haven't already noticed, and you've been doing it since as far back as I've known you."
"We are actually fighting long before that." Serena added.
"Again, exactly my point." Dan continued. "Look, one thing I've noticed as a longtime observer of the ever-continuing Serena/Blair Wars is that when you fire a shot, it's usually a direct hit. With Blair, it's usually more about carpet bombing, sure it's terrifying at first but then you learn the pattern and she's not that hard to figure out."
"Well aren't you the sweetest boyfriend." Serena said as she leaned across the table and kissed him. "And thank you for putting my name first."
Dan smiled. "I'm just saying that don't think about it too much. You know how you're annoyed by her? Well she's actually afraid of you."
"You think?" Serena asked as she poured herself some ice tea.
"Oh yeah." Dan replied confidently.
"So, not that I'm mad or anything but you don't have to trash Blair just for my sake." Serena said as she took a sip.
"Oh I'm not." Dan said as he grabbed some bread and broke it. "I'll probably just say some stuff about you when I see her. Make things even."
"How gallant…" Serena let out in a muted tone. "So are you coming to the opening show of NY Fashion Week or not?"
Dan stretched out his arms and yawned. "Do I have to?"
"Dan… you I love you and would do anything for you." Serena said as he reached out and held his hand. "But this is not something I'm willing to negotiate."
"Fine…" Dan let out and squeezed her hand.
"Besides, you need something new for fall anyways. And I saw you on that CNN interview, I'm firing your stylist, by the way." Serena said as he started on her salad.
"Kylie? I like Kylie." Dan protested.
"And I don't like the way she looks at you." Serena added.
"Are you jealous?" Dan asked in a sly voice.
"No, jealous is what happens when you want something you don't have. She's jealous of me." Serena replied confidently. "Besides, I can style you. And the show could be like going shopping."
"Well at least I can keep an eye out on you two when the fight blows up, try to minimize the hair pulling." Dan said.
"So you're going to help me take down Blair?" Serena asked.
"I will… be… with you in spirit!" Dan said with a toothy smile.
"My chivalrous boyfriend everyone." Serena said with a dry sarcastic. "He's my hero."
Author's Note: Thanks guys for the warm welcome back. But I didn't really go anywhere, it's just that I had completed a story and had nothing to write for a while.