Title: These violent delights have violent ends
Author: LM_Quin
Pairing: Merlin/Morgana
A/N: This whole story came out from the title which I read on a picture at DeviantArt, lol. So kudos to whoever did that amazing work of art, it surely made my muses get back to work! Warning now though: This is sad. That being said, enjoy!
X
A fortnight.
It had been a fortnight since this frenzied madness had begun. But, even though they both had consented, none could really tell how it had come to happen. It simply wasn't near expected; after all they were sworn enemies.
Emrys and the High Priestess of the Old Religion together, entwined in a powerful union of love and hatred.
It was doom to end and end it shall, in the worst possible way.
But for now, they both basked in the afterglow of what Merlin would call love making and what Morgana would call unrestrained sex. How these two could see anything past their protective shields of concealment was a complete mystery.
They were opposites stretched to a maximum, yet they were drawn to each other, doomed to return to each other's embrace before the sun hid below the horizon line.
He was warmth, love and joyfulness. She was coldness, hatred and sadness.
Maybe that was what brought them together at the end of the day, her need to destruct everything she touched and his need to mend the pieces back together of the chaos she left behind.
"Morgana" He would whisper lowly in her ear, allowing his deepest feelings to surface and be made palpable as he quietly awoke her.
She would always growl in reply. It was her first characteristic sound in the dawning of a new day, followed by her jerking up and disentangling herself from his warm embrace.
He would always smile at her, her usual displays of rejection and irritability too long accepted by him as to be affected anymore. Though there had been a time when he would get hurt by her sudden coldness after what he liked to consider a night of letting their guards down, but not anymore. Now, even as she brusquely stood from the bed and retrieved her tousled clothing from the floor to quickly dress up, he would watch her and remember what they had shared the night before.
No matter how hard she tried to deny it he still could see it. It was magical, their love making that is. Maybe it was his incredible need to turn back time or his undying love for her playing tricks on his mind but he could swear that, during those moments of sweet surrender, she would let go completely and the ghost of her former self would surface, if for the briefest of seconds, but it was there none the less and he could see it. That was probably the main reason why he would still smile at her in the morning when she would run out of his room without a second glance to him.
Despite her fussing and threats of ending his pitiful existence, he knew that she would return to him just before the sun disappeared on the horizon. Of course that he knew what he was gambling with but it was a price he was more than happy to pay if it meant seeing her again the following night. Maybe one would call him mad or think he had lost all sense of rationality in his mind but those people hadn't done what he had had to do to the woman he had always loved, those people hadn't been the reason of that woman's withering, those people hadn't seen her be reborn into a lonely and bitter soul. Above all, those people didn't know what it was to experience seeing the time turn back down as he made her reach the highest peaks of intimacy. They would never know what it was to hold one's loved essence in the palm of their hands nor would they know the feeling of enlightening the shadows that he had placed there from the person he cared about most in the whole world. No, they would never know and so he had kept it a secret.
They both had. He had decided so and she simply had no one else to tell it to, and so they had created a secret agreement that they maintained until this day.
After she left with the dawn, he would simply lay down on his bed remembering the precious moments they had shared together. He would dive into them until his mind was flooded with peacefulness and joy, and the ghost of his former deeds would lay dormant at the back of his mind.
She was aggressive when she moved along with him, yet there was a hidden tenderness in her actions that would never go unnoticed by him. He had the bad habit of smiling when he spotted her and she would reward him with a punch or a bite, but he didn't mind her. The pleasure of watching her let go was worth it all, even if it lasted only minutes.
It was a violent delight but one that he never wanted to let go of and he knew that for her, it also meant a moment of peace she would not find during the rest of the day or in any other place that she looked. No. Twisted as it was, they both had been the cause for each other's downfall and they both were the only ones who could abide that inner restlessness and replace it with the so much needed quietness and oblivion that they found in each other's embrace.
He would have it as long as Morgana allowed him to, for he knew she was haunted and she would always be. That was his fault and so he wouldn't try to change her, no. He took whatever it was that she was willing to give and he would give all of himself to her in return. After all, he owed her as much. He had taken everything from her in the past so now he gave himself fully to her every night, just to let her see. To make her notice that he regretted it, that he still loved her.
Morgana would see the love seared like flaming gold in his eyes when he touched her but it was simply too far away for her to understand what he truly meant with it. She had become so cold and devoid of emotions that one simple and selfless act like that could make her sway.
It often happened as she neared the edge, that she saw reflected in his eyes exactly what she meant to him, and that discovery would both send her tumbling down the abyss of pleasure and also leave her with such inner turmoil and confusion that she would snap away from his grasp as soon as he had followed her down the path of oblivion.
It was almost a silent rule that they were to not utter a word during their love making. It was a requirement made solely by Morgana, but he would comply none the less. Merlin used to think it was because speaking tender words made the act, not only more real, but also be filled with feelings that she was not prepared to face yet, so he had accepted her secret request and he never uttered a word. Nor had she.
The only sounds that could be heard while they made love was their shallow breathing and some casual and far in between moans of ecstasy.
That was why when he let it slip that he loved her one night, he realized that it would be the last time he ever saw her. He had made a fatal mistake and he would pay the consequences for it.
After his declaration, she simply froze and locked her eyes with his for what seemed to be an ethereal and eternal moment. One that would forever remain branded in their minds. Her gaze filled with sorrow and he realized what he had done to her. He knew he had lost her one more time and that, this time, would be final.
She abandoned the room like a speeding ghost that night, and as she left, the warmth that reigned in the place left with her as well.
He simply waited for her that night, for he knew she'd return.
She didn't.
He waited for days and those days soon turned into weeks, and the weeks into painfully long months. But she never came back.
It was one particular cold winter that he learnt where she had been all that while and he inwardly smiled, a bitter and cold smile.
He returned to his chambers at the top of the highest tower in the castle and sat on the window sill, much like she used to do in her younger years, and watched the courtyard below.
Thousands of flags and torches marred the night sky; the screams of the innocent pierced the cold air. He had created her, a bloodthirsty creature who was dying for revenge. A haunted soul who would see no end until those who had harmed her were paid back with the same coin.
He wasn't going to run anymore. It was time for him to face her wrath and atone for his mistakes. It was the only way she would find peace again.
His mind traveled to past years as he waited for her to climb to the highest tower. She had been right all along. There was no other way. At least not any way that could begin to atone for the damage that had been caused to her.
It didn't take her long to find him. After all, they had understood each other through silence and untold truths. She was bound to found him and she had.
He didn't turn to look at her as she approached him at the window sill.
"It's time" She said, and something in her freezing tone made him smile in acknowledgement.
Of course it was, it had been the right time for a long while now but she simply hadn't been prepared to do it sooner. There were still remnants of her former self floating somewhere within her that could not be shaken. Now, and because of what he had told her, there weren't.
There were no barriers between them at last. Between what they were meant to be: love and hatred, fire and ice.
Finally, he slid to his foot and faced her. It pained him so to see her like this, so cold, so still. Like death itself. But if Death was her, then dying couldn't be any more beautiful and he would do it gladly. He would give her the last piece of himself, the one thing he had been holding onto until now.
He would give her his life.
"I'm ready" He replied as he walked closer to her, with slow and tiny steps.
She allowed him to get near her and she allowed him to run his knuckles down the length of her cheek. With her eyes closed she could envision a future together, an alternative universe in which they could have been happy, in which they could have had a life filled with joy if only they had done things differently.
But they hadn't and now destiny was there to mess with them both.
Morgana finally revealed the object she had been hiding underneath her dark vest and let it hang loosely in her grip. He smiled at her, the way he used to when they laid together, wrapped in each other's embrace, and then took her wrist in his hand.
He noticed her slight shivering and ran his thumb comfortingly on her skin. No more running, it had to be now and there.
He brought her hand up to his chest and bore his eyes intently into hers.
"It's alright" He whispered, soothingly "I love you, Morgana" He said and he helped her plunge the sharp dagger into his heart.
A dark and thick liquid began to ooze from his mortal wound as his knees gave out. No matter how quickly he fell, he didn't touch the floor. Instead, he was lowered gracefully down and cradled tenderly into a pair of soft arms.
He knew she had caught him as he fell, just as he had always caught him when he fell. She had always been the kindred spirit behind all the compassionate deeds in that gloomy castle. It was he who hadn't caught her as she fell.
Merlin could feel his life force slip away and his heartbeat slowly begin to muffle. It could only mean one thing and she seemed to know for she tightened her hold on him, as if afraid to let him go.
With one last pull of his strength, Merlin looked into those sea green eyes and forced the remaining air in his lungs to come forth and utter one last sentence before his life abandoned him.
"I-I love y-you" He forced through gritted teeth but somehow it still sounded peaceful and quiet, as if the pain he was experiencing couldn't be felt anymore.
Then he closed his eyes and his heart gave his last beat.
"And I love you" She whispered, as one and lonesome tear made its way down her cheek.