A/N: Cookies to anyone who guessed right! :D Okay so I know there has been a super long wait, but I have good reason! My laptop broke. Every time I tried to get on it the screen would either, slowly fade to gray, or it would already be gray once I turned it one. Eventually it stayed gray so I sent it in to get fixed and wow those people work fast! They gave me a new screen, a new key board, and some circuit thing I don't understand. I'm not very tech savvy. Anyways I got onto the internet and it was asking me if I wanted to restore my session so I looked at what I had up, and there were some very interesting websites up. Like "The reason Justin beiber made a new song," and "Why I had a wet dream last night." Now I kinda want to know what the technicians were REALLY doing. Anyways enough blabbering on to the story! Tallyho!

Disclaimer: *sigh* Big Time Rush does not belong to me. Only in my dreams where they are pampering me and coming to my every beck and call. ;D

Claimer: All mistakes are mine even if I wish they didn't belong to me. ;)

Twinkle twinkle little star

Carlos looked down at the ground beneath him. He staggered back at the sheer sight of how high up he really was. He knew he needed to get this done quickly or he was going to start attracting a crowd. He may be a bit slow sometimes, but he definitely wasn't stupid. He remembered thinking about how cool it would be to jump off a tall building onto a trampoline, or even do the cartoon version; into a pool of water, but now that he stood up here on one of the highest buildings in L.A he was scared, no terrified to jump. He didn't exactly want to die. Maybe just disappear, but that was never going to happen. He just couldn't find any other way out of this predicament he found himself in. Carlos took another deep breath through his nose, and grazed his hand along the scars on his right wrist. Some were still bleeding from a recent session, while others were just a thin white scar. He could feel the scabs on the cuts he had done a few days ago. These simple, painful, gestures had held a lot of his hurt or years, but now they just weren't working like they used too. They didn't take the pain away, they didn't help him cope, really, all they did was just added more pain. More pain he couldn't take. Carlos felt ashamed and guilty about his actions. He was tired of fibbing to his friends; he was tired of always having to hide the cuts on his arms. He didn't want to smile just to assure someone he was happy when he so obviously wasn't.

How I wonder what you are

Carlos often wondered who he was because he wasn't Carlos anymore. Carlos was the little, happy boy in the past. The Carlos now was a broken shell of the Carlos back then. He knew he was acting different. His friends knew he was different, they tried to help him, but Carlos would just shut them out. He didn't want them to know he was breaking into pieces. He didn't want them to help him fix problems he himself made. Carlos was stuck, and he couldn't find a way out. It didn't matter how many hours he spent trying to find a solution for everything because he always came back to one final thought, suicide. It was the best solution he could come up with. It would fix everything. His lies, his mistakes, his misery. He slowly walked back over to the edge and took a step up onto the ledge. He refused to look back down because he knew that if he took even one glance down he wouldn't follow through with the plan. He wouldn't be able to jump and every mistake he made would never be fixed.

Up above the world so high

But Carlos looked down anyways. He wanted to see how high up he really was. He wanted to see what he was facing. He could see a few people walking along the sidewalks getting home late. He wondered what they were thinking. Seeing a boy of his age up on one of the tallest buildings in L.A. He tried to calculate where he would land exactly. It was kind of amusing in a dark, demented sort of way. He decided he was going to land close to the fire hydrant, but not on it exactly. Carlos laughed to himself. He felt like it should start raining or something, but as he looked up into the sky, he saw stars.

Like a diamond in the sky

He looked up, at the stars. They were especially bright tonight. He briefly wondered if they knew what he was about to do, but then shook that thought out of his head. They were inanimate objects of course they didn't know. The stars were really pretty, like shining diamonds up in the sky. Carlos hoped that once it was all over he would get to be one of those stars. He wanted to be able to stay up there and watch his friends. Watch his friend live, and be happy. He wanted to see his friends live out their lives like normal people. That's why he wanted to a star. So his friends could look up at the sky whenever they missed him and know he was watching them. Know that he was there for them, and he would always be. Just like they were there for him, when he needed them.

Twinkle twinkle little star

Carlos was just about to jump when three voices directly behind him stopped him in his tracks.

"Carlos, don't!"

"Carlos,"

"Stop!"

Carlos slowly turned around to see his three friends standing side by side with looks of fear etched into their faces.

"W-we can talk this out. You don't have to do this, Carlos," Logan said quietly.

"Please Carlos we can go home, sit on the couch, and you can tell us everything that's been bothering you," Kendall tried to reason.

"Carlos it's cold out here. Take my jacket," James told the shorter boy as he held out his jacket.

Carlos slowly reached out and grabbed the jacket slipping it on. It was still warm from James' body heat.

"Come on buddy let's get you home," Kendall said stepping forward to grab Carlos' hand.

Carlos shook his head fiercely and yelled, "Stop! I'm not coming home with you. I'm never going home again. It's going to end here, tonight."

They didn't understand. They would never understand. That's why he didn't tell them, that's why he kept it to himself, and that's why they were in this predicament now. Carlos chuckled a dark laugh, while his friends looked at him in puzzlement. Now wasn't the time to laugh. Carlos dangled one foot off the edge.

"I just hope you guys can forgive me."

With that Carlos pushed himself off the edge into the darkness. He was falling with his back to the ground so the last thing he saw was the faces of his friends. When he looked closer he could see tears falling down their cheeks racing towards the ground with him. He felt tears leak out his eyes as well, and right before he hit the ground he mouthed the words.

"Good bye."

How I wonder what you are

A/N: Yeah, I hate myself too. Oh and there might be one more chapter after this. In Kendall, Logan, and James's POV. It depends on if you guys want another chapter or not. So drop a review telling me what you want.

~Unnaturalstories ^-^