A/N: Very important this is HUMOUR!! They may be OOC a bit because it fits with the story. Please do not flame! Other than that. Enjoy. (And I still don't own anything)Zee smiled as she walked into the bullpen, depositing a bag on Tony's desk.
"Good afternoon," she offered brightly. "I bring you the gift of lunch and muffins!"
"Coffee?" Gibbs grunted.
"Is coming, I have two helpers today."
At which point a waist high figure ran into Gibbs spilling coffee all over the lead agent's shoes. The small boy looked up at the ex-marine, frowning petulantly in the manner of children who'd just run into an object that they were certain hadn't previously been in their way.
"Dylan Ford-Parker!" Zee exclaimed. "You will apologize right now young man!"
"But Aunt Zee!" Dylan protested.
"Now! You ran into him."
"Aunty!"
"Dylan," Zee's voice took on a stern note of warning that would have anyone obeying her.
"Sorry," Dylan mumbled unwillingly to Gibbs.
"She always that stern?" Kate asked Tony in a stage-whisper.
"Only with Gibbs," Tony stage-whispered back with a grin as Zee glanced around.
"Dylan, where's the other half of the Da-rling Duo?" she asked. Dylan looked at her like she was mad. She sighed. "Where's Sophie?"
"In the elevator," Dylan admitted with a shrug.
The look that crossed Zee's face was one of comic horror, resignation and fury. She gave a forced smile and turned as though to bolt down the stairs. She was saved the unpleasant fate of falling down the stairs in a hurry when a security guard appeared carrying a crying little girl who was sucking her thumb between wails.
"I believe this belongs to you Miss Ford," he announced, depositing the little girl in Zee's relieved arms. "I know how difficult it can be, I have a couple of little ones of my own."
"Thank you so much," she smiled as he left. Then she turned her attention to the suddenly much quieter girl. "Sophie, what have I told you?"
"Awways stay wivvin eyesight of 'ou," Sophie mumbled childishly, sticking her thumb back in her mouth and looking adorable.
"Then why didn't you?"
"Big people."
Zee sighed and put Sophie down. "These are my niece and nephew, Sophie and Dylan Ford-Parker. Go say hello to your Uncle Tony guys."
"But Aunty Zee, you never married," Dylan pointed out, obviously confused.
"I know."
"Then how's he our uncle?"
"Guys, what do you think Aunt Abs is?"
"Isn't she your sister?" Sophie asked in a very small voice.
"I so totally need to talk to your parents."
"So how's he our uncle?" Dylan persisted.
"Manners," Zee admonished him as she fished for a response. She said the first thing that came into her head. "He's Aunt Abby's husband."
Tony choked on thin air. Gibbs had an eyebrow quirked and Kate looked like a fish. Zee's phone went off and she quickly answered it.
"Yeah?" she questioned. "Uh-huh…I'll be right there!"
She tucked the phone away, bending to kiss her niece and nephew's heads.
"Look after them, Jay, Tony. Thank you!"
And with that, Zee was gone, leaving the two children with the NCIS team.
"Uncle Tony?" Dylan tugged on the tall Italian's sleeve. "Can we go see Aunt Abby?"
(Earlier that day)
"Zee…" Amethyst wheedled as she entered the shop, her two small children in tow.
"No," Zee didn't even look up from her paperwork.
"But I didn't even…"
"You want me to look after Dylan and Sophie."
"How do you do that?"
"Psychic."
"Please Zee!"
"Why?"
"You know that I honestly wouldn't ask this of you, but I've got a job interview…"
"Dan's in Miami, the babysitter's ill, and there's no-one else who is feasibly possible that wouldn't scar them for life." Zee finally looked up at her younger sister. "I have a coffee shop to run."
"Zee you're the last person I can ask!" Amethyst looked desperate.
"Fine! But you owe me big time!"
"I know."
"And you better get this job…"
"Or you'll tell Russ I made you look after my kids?"
"Worse. I'll tell Russ you made me look after your kids in front of mom."
Amethyst let out an 'eep' of terror.
"Now hand over the Dastardly Duo and go kick some metaphorical butt!"
"Yes ma'am!" Amethyst mock saluted. "I really owe you."
She left Zee with the two small siblings who happily terrorized anyone and everyone they met, came into contact with, or just walked past in the street. What was she going to do? An evil smirk invaded her features, accompanying a brilliant – if malevolent – idea.
Tony had somehow ended up carrying Sophie and leading Dylan down to Abby's lab.
"Hey sweetie!" he called as they entered.
"Tony-bear!" Abby exclaimed launching herself at him. Tony carefully juggled small child into one are and small goth into the other.
"Good to see you too babe."
Abby released her grip as she spotted Dylan. "Ah-ha! The Dastardly Duo. Courtesy of Zee I assume?"
"Only she called them darling."
"She would. Now, how about I give you two a tour of my labs?"
"Yes please!" the two kids agreed happily. Tony put Sophie down.
"I leave you in my wife's capable hands," he stated giving Abby a significant 'blame Zee' look.
Abby kissed Tony's cheek. "Don't work too late honey."
Tony left, thanking lord for Abby's perception and cursing Zee for dropping them in it.
Abby decided that she really needed to talk to Tony and they'd just about exhausted the possibilities and intrigue of the lab. With a grin she suggested autopsy and 'Grandpa Ducky'. An idea that was greeted enthusiastically – but required and explanation of why Ducky was their Grandpa when they already had two Granddads. So they took the elevator down to where Ducky had just finished an autopsy and was clearing himself up.
"Hey Duck!" Abby grinned.
"Hello my dear," Ducky looked up from cleaning his glasses. "Oh my, you seem to have acquired two children."
"Yeah, these are Zee's niece and nephew Sophie and Dylan.
Dylan had a boy's morbid fascination with dead creatures and would have prodded the body if Ducky hadn't had an assistant wheel it away. Sophie was clearly in awe of Ducky. She toddled up to him and wrapped her arms around his leg, looking up at him with adoring brown eyes. He looked down at her kindly.
"Well hello little one," he greeted her, patting her head gently. "You know, this reminds me of my own sister's daughter, she was rather taken with me, and during family gatherings would attach herself onto me much as you are doing right now…"
"Can you watch them for a while Duck?" Abby asked. "I need to go talk to my errant Tony."
"Of course Abigail. It would be an absolute pleasure."
"Thanks."
With that Abby bounded up to the bullpen. She grinned at Kate, failed to notice when the brunette didn't return it and rounded on Tony.
"When did we get married?" she demanded. "Why wasn't I invited? And where's my ring?"
Tony blinked at the barrage of questions, then his Abby filtered slid into place and he answered them all with two words. "Blame Zee."
"Oh. She got us drunk. Now where's my ring mister?"
"Non-existant?"
"Huh, some husband you are. But seeing as you're normally so sweet I won't insist on a divorce."
At this point, Kate decided she'd had enough and practically stormed out of the bullpen, fuming silently. Abby failed to notice her friend's tormented exit – even when a junior agent asked where she was going and practically got his head ripped off.
"You probably should," Tony suggested.
"Why?" Abby asked.
"Cause Katie's…was glaring. She may have just got the entirely wrong end of the stick."
"Oh…I'll go clear things with her."
Abby bounced off, Tony shook his head and returned to his paperwork, only to be distracted by Abby bounding back to kiss his forehead and make some comment about how unutterably sweet he was. He blinked again as she left. Gibbs came in to find him staring after the forensic expert with a perplexed look on his face.
"Something wrong Dinozzo?" he asked.
"No boss," Tony vetoed with a violent shake of his head. "Just Abs being Abs. Normality really."
"Alright, I'm going to see Ducky."
Only when Gibbs was gone and Tony was alone again did it occur to him to wonder about Dylan and Sophie's whereabouts.
"Everyone's gone mad Ducky," Gibbs announced as he entered autopsy, only to realize that Ducky wasn't listening.
The ME was regaling Sophie and Dylan with a story about something or other. The two small children were perched on one of the metal autopsy tables listening raptly. Gibbs waited until Ducky was finished before clearing his throat to make his presence known.
"Ah Jethro," Ducky glanced across at him. "I was just telling these two fine children about the time I was working in the Australian outback and this young woman came to me after…but you don't want to hear about that."
"I need a moment of your time," Gibbs explained. "Things are a little mad at the moment."
"Doctor Mallard?" an assistant was holding a phone receiver. "Dead Petty Officer being brought in for autopsy."
Ducky frowned. "Jethro would you mind awfully looking after Sophie and Dylan? I don't believe that an autopsy is a conducive environment for two young and impressionable children."
"Alright," Gibbs nodded, lifting Sophie up as Dylan slid off the table. "Come on."
He led them out of the morgue towards the elevator. Sophie tugged on his collar.
"Mister Jethwo," she mumbled. "I need to go."
Gibbs looked at her for a moment before what she was saying click. He glanced around for a helpful women – they were always around when you didn't need them.
The Director of NCIS, Tom Morrow was vaguely amused as he looked down at the bullpen his best team worked in. The hardened ex-Marine of the team seemed to be engaged in a game of hide and seek with two small children. He frowned. Gibbs was still on the clock. What he did on his own time was his own business, but on the clock he shouldn't be playing with children who had no apparent connection to the case he was working – not that Gibbs was working a case.
"Agent Gibbs," he called. "My office. Now."
"Yes sir," Gibbs shot to attention, practically saluting.
Five minutes later Gibbs and the two children were stood on the other side of the desk.
"Agent Gibbs who are these children?" Morrow inquired.
"Dylan and Sophie Ford-Parker sir," Gibbs replied, standing to attention. 'Dylan' was mimicking him.
"Any relation of the Miss Ford who owns the coffee shop that supplies you and Tony with coffee and lunch?"
"Yes sir, her niece and nephew sir."
"And they are here because?"
"A very good question sir. Permission to leave sir?"
"Permission denied until you explain why you were playing hide and seek on the clock."
Gibbs fell silent and for a moment the only sound was Sophie and Dylan trying – and failing – to smother laughter. Then, the shrill bleeping of a cell phone cut the air.
"Permission to answer that sir," Gibbs requested.
"Granted," Morrow nodded and Gibbs flicked his phone open.
"What?"
"Naval Officer found murdered down town," Dinozzo responded with the ease of someone who'd dealt with Gibbs for years.
"Excellent!"
"Uh Boss…did you hear what I just said right?"
"I mean I'll be right down." Gibbs ended the call and started to back towards the door. "Dead naval officer."
"Go," Morrow pointed and Gibbs practically bolted from the room.
The two children were looking up at him with wide eyes. Sophie was making puppy dog eyes. Tom decided that he couldn't hand them over to his secretary…because she'd spoil them. Yes, that was it, she'd spoil them. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the little girl looked absolutely adorable. Nothing at all. He handed them paper and pens.
"How about you draw me a picture?"
Fornell walked into Cynthia's office. "I'm here to see the Director."
"Just one moment," the secretary smiled frostily.
A few minutes later the office door opened and the Director of NCIS ushered out two children.
"Look after Dylan and Sophie Cynthia," he ordered gesturing Fornell inside.
"Yes Director," Cynthia inclined her head smartly.
"I didn't know you had grandkids Director," Fornell commented as the first thing he noticed were the various bright children's drawings.
"I don't," Morrow retorted curtly.
"What's this supposed to be?" Fornell pointed at a picture of two pink blobs, one with a pointy object.
"Apparently it's their Aunt Zee threatening Agent Gibbs with a chocolate stick," Morrow explained wearily. Fornell looked at the next picture – judging from the labels, it was of Gibbs' team.
"Jetwo," he read. "Brown haired lady, Aunt Abs and Uncle Tony, Aunt Abs' husband. I didn't realize that Dinutzo had married Miss Sciuto."
"Neither did I. Why are you here Fornell?"
"The dead naval officer downtown was involved with drugs."
"You couldn't possibly know that before Gibbs. You came here to steal the glory didn't you?"
Fornell had the decency to look embarrassed. "Yes sir, I did indeed."
"Go wait for Gibbs then but heads with him."
"Yes sir."
"Dismissed. Oh, and if you see Agent Dinozzo, please tell him to come collect paperwork to fill out on his rather sudden marriage."
Fornell nodded and exited the office. During the short period of time he'd been inside, Cynthia's office had become a mess. Paper, pens and other items of stationary were everywhere with a very frazzled looking Cynthia in the middle and Dylan and Sophie around her.
"This is your fault," Cynthia snapped at Fornell.
"My fault?" he inquired mildly. "Has no-one tried contacting Miss Ford?"
"No, I'm an idiot! Of course I've tried! Her phone's switched off and she isn't at her shop!"
"Oh…"
"Yes, oh. Now you look after these two monsters. I have paperwork to do."
Fornell quickly ushered Dylan and Sophie down to the bullpen.
"Who are you?" Dylan demanded bluntly.
"FBI Special Agent Fornell," he replied.
"I don't like 'ou," Sophie announced with childlike honesty and sincerity, sticking her tongue out for good measure.
Fornell had a nagging sensation that he had just entered what was going to be the longest few hours of his life.
Gibbs, Kate and Tony returned to the bullpen to find a very harassed looking Fornell on the floor with a host of stationary and an animated Dylan. Sophie was curled up on Fornell's lap sucking her thumb.
"Tobias?" Gibbs drew the FBI agent's attention to them. His eyes flickered over them, assessing something.
"Agent Todd," he said abruptly, standing up and holding out Sophie. "Congratulations, you just inherited Dylan and Sophie."
"What?" Kate looked around wildly for assistance as Sophie latched onto her.
"Dinutzo, the Director wants to see you about paperwork to do with your sudden marriage to Miss Sciuto."
As Fornell left, Gibbs would swear on his boat that he heard him mutter:
"It's not worth it. The glory is just not worth it."
Gibbs frowned pensively. "Kate, go and try to return Dylan and Sophie to Zee."
"Yes Gibbs," Kate nodded. "Come on Dylan."
The three left the bullpen and Gibbs turned to Tony.
"Get the evidence to Abby," he ordered. "Then go sort out the mess about you being married to her, then find me something."
"It was the mistress," Tony stated as he headed for the lab. Gibbs frowned again once Tony was gone.
"We don't even know if he had a mistress."
"Please!" Kate begged the girl on the other side of the counter who she'd been arguing with for the past five minutes.
"I can't," the Texan refused yet again. "Zee would kill me. I'd upset them!"
"They're upsetting everybody at NCIS."
"It can't be that bad. Besides, NCIS has secretaries. I'm on my own here, with the lunchtime rush, and have customers to serve. So please, just leave."
Kate gave up and headed back to NCIS with Dylan and Sophie.
By that evening, Dylan and Sophie had had tours of every department in NCIS. They'd caused mayhem, havoc and chaos until handed to one of the older, sterner secretaries who frightened them into behaving. Oh, and it turned out that Tony had been right. It had been the dead naval officer's mistress who killed him. Finally, after what seemed like years, Zee bounced in.
"You two been good?" she asked as Dylan and Sophie went up to greet her.
"Yes Aunty Zee," they chorused.
"Say thank you to all the nice people."
"Thank you!"
"Alright, now let's go meet your mom for dinner."
With that she hustled them out, calling 'thank you' back over her shoulder.
"Anyone else agree that Zee's a malevolent force of evil for dumping them with us?" Tony asked.
His question was met by an en masse 'yes' and two voices claiming 'no' very loudly.
"I don't see how having those two delightful young children with us would make Zee a malevolent force of evil," Ducky explained his point of view as everyone stared at him in shock.
"I have to agree with Duck," Abby stated. "Dylan and Sophie are little angels with me. Although…I have to get Zee for telling them that I'm married to Tony…"
"So what did you two do today?" Amethyst asked her kids as she tucked them in.
"Terrorized NCIS that's what," Zee stated from the door. "Night Am."
She left her younger sister staring after her in shock and amazement.
And that's all folks! Hope you enjoyed!!