Heartlines
Alexis has to keep herself from jumping up and down as they take the elevator to the old apartment, all three of them, her dad and Kate exchanging deep, meaningful little glances that they think she can't see.
She's not sure what it's about, but she trusts that they will tell her in time. And they're quite cute like this – little kids sharing a secret.
Her main focus, anyway, is Beth's wedding gift, and all the little ways she can think of to make it perfect, to make it just right. Alexis has only been to Kate's apartment twice, but she loves the place, the open space, the exposed beams.
Of course, it looks like Kate right now, but that's why they're here.
The teenager presses her hands together, shoots a bright smile to her dad as Kate unlocks the door. It's been too long since they've done something like this, only the three of them. Family. Last time was before the summer, before... Yeah.
She steps inside after Kate, can't help a surprised move as she looks around. The place looks so...empty.
Kate catches her reaction, and laughs.
"What did you expect, Alexis? Almost all my stuff is at the loft now." She arches an eyebrow at Castle, as if to say, and here's the guilty party.
Alexis's dad grins like this is his greatest accomplishment. And actually, his daughter thinks he is not completely wrong.
She takes a few more steps, assessing her surroundings.
The basic furniture is still there, of course, because it would have made no sense to have two couches, or two tables, or more bookshelves at the loft (they have enough as it is). But the walls are bare, and the books that Alexis vaguely remembers seeing on the stairs next to the kitchen have disappeared.
The bookshelf near the couch only has a couple novels left in it; there are no cushions on the couch, and the armchair that Alexis once curled into is gone. Oh, right. She thinks she's seen that armchair in her dad's study.
"So. What do you think?" Kate asks, tilting her head and smiling. Alexis blushes. Here she is, walking around like she owns the place, when this fabulous gift is not even her idea to start with.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to –"
"Alexis." Kate's hand lands on her shoulder, squeezes gently. "I need your help here. This may be my idea, but redecorating – that's all yours. And, I lived here, so it's hard for me to picture it differently. Okay? So you have to be the one in charge of this."
Alexis's heart gives a few eager beats and she smiles back to Kate, realizing once again how much she's come to love this woman.
"Okay. But she's your sister, so... If you think there's something she wouldn't like, something that's wrong, you tell me right away. Promise?"
Tenderness softens the angles of Kate's face, makes the green in her eyes lighter. More luminous.
"Promise."
Castle is quickly assigned the heavy task of painting. They don't really have a choice: Alexis wanted the walls red, but none of them is sure that the paint they have will work on the brick walls of Beckett's place.
If the walls can't be painted red, however, the beams can. Which is why Castle is now standing on a chair, arm outstretched to reach the wooden stucture that goes through the living room.
He won't be able to reach the upper part, unless they find a ladder, but Alexis seemed okay with that.
"We don't need it all red," she said, looking around decidedly. "We could make the curtains match the beams, paint the top of the steps to the rooftop terrace. It might even be nicer that way. More subtle."
Castle smiles, amused and pleased at the same time by the way his daughter is making the decisions, like an experienced interior decorator, confident in her abilities. And it's Kate's doing. Well, maybe his too, but mostly Kate's.
She's so good. So good for his daughter.
He wants her to start being good for *their* children. Soon. The picture of little J.R. in Kate's arms is engraved in his brain, shines with the soft glow of hope and desire. Kate with a baby.
His baby.
He itches to see it, impatience tingling inside, tugging at his heart, but – Beth's wedding first. He won't steal Beth's spotlight. He loves her, loves his mentee, and they both deserve it. Their special day.
He might buy Kate a ring tonight, but he won't do anything about it before the wedding.
His proposal can wait, he tells himself firmly, spreading red paint over his brush and rising to his tiptoes to apply it. Two more weeks aren't going to kill him.
He glances over his shoulder to check on his girls, the corner of his mouth lifting up when he catches a glimpse of them sitting on the stairs, chatting in low voices as they paint the steps red.
He's not even curious as to what they're saying. Okay, he is, a little, but not enough to interrupt them, not enough to disrupt the quiet peace of this moment.
Turning back to his own work, Castle cradles the hazy image of their future child to his heart, and grins.
There *is* something they can do before the wedding.
Practice.
"Damn," Kate curses when she goes back to the can of paint, finds it almost empty. "I didn't think we would need so much." She catches the disappointed look on Alexis's face, turns to ask, "Castle, do you have any more red paint?"
"Uh," he looks inside his own can, sways a little on the chair (she has to keep herself from dashing to his side, has to remind her silly brain that he's a grown-up). "No, actually. Just enough to finish this beam."
"O-kay," Kate answers, weighing their options. "Well, we can just go out and buy more. Get dinner, too." She glances at her watch, is surprised at how late it is.
She and Alexis were talking about the girl's plans for next year, how Alexis wants to take the same classes as Ashley (Kate had to disguise her horror, play it cool and suggest that it might not be the best idea), and time just...flew.
"Well," Castle says, prudently getting down from the chair, "we could also leave it, come back tomorrow. I'm sure there's more to be done anyway, right?"
Kate exchanges a look with Alexis.
"Hm, yes," the girl answers after a second. They've moved things around, trying to figure out how to make the room different, make it more Beth, but it only seemed to give Alexis more ideas – little things to buy, or bring back from the loft - so Kate knows there's probably a lot more to be done.
"Kate and I wanted to look for prints, too," she admits with a reluctant smile. "And I doubt galleries are still open at this hour."
"You still have a good ten days to do that, pumpkin," Rick says comfortingly, wrapping an arm around his daughter's shoulders. "In the meantime, I'm sure Beth doesn't want you to starve."
Alexis chuckles and lets herself be guided towards the door, Castle retrieving her jacket for her before he turns to Kate with her coat, blue eyes bright with excitement.
Oh, crap. This is what's been nagging at her since she looked at the time. Rings. She almost forgot about Castle's plan – and if the art galleries are closed, chances are they won't find a jewellery open either.
Her heart sinks.
"Castle, I'm sorry, I forgot –"
His smile widens, and she stops in the middle of her sentence. Why does he not look unhappy?
"What?" She asks defensively.
"Let's just say, I know a guy," he winks, gently easing her into her coat. "Alexis, sweetheart? Do you mind if we stop at Me&Ro Studio before getting food?"
The smile on Alexis's face is too knowing. Shrewd.
"Course not, Dad."
Kate looks from one to the other, noting the secret delight on the daughter's face, the open happiness dancing in the father's eyes. These Castles.
She shakes her head, laughs, surrenders.
"Let's get going, then."
Castle can barely contain himself. Really. It's just too good. Too much good stuff.
Kate bumps his hip as they're ushered inside by Robin Renzi, a narrow-faced woman in jeans and a grey, long-sleeved tshirt who also happens to be the owner. Castle glances at Kate and waits for Alexis to slide inside as well; Kate doesn't seem to be exactly comfortable, and it's rubbing off on Alexis he thinks.
"Robin," he says, extending his hand. "Thanks for opening up for us."
"Oh, anytime Rick. This must be Kate?" The thin woman turns her smile on his partner, shaking hands with her, then reaching back to his daughter. "And you're Alexis. I remember you as being about this tall." Robin gestures towards hip height and grins around her laughter. "Making me feel old, kiddo."
"Um. Sorry?" Alexis says laughing back.
Me&Ro Studio is in SoHo on Elizabeth Street, in the heart of what used to be some of the best arts and creative businesses in the city. The area has been refurbished somewhat in the last few years, but it still looks industrial. Inside her studio, Castle finds himself standing on red-stained wood floors with white display cases, natural lines and ergonomic touches.
"So, what have you got for us Robin?"
"Actually, if you don't mind, come on back to where I work. It's more comfortable back there and I can turn off these displays lights. I don't like to have the store lit up this late at night."
He nods but he can feel Kate stiffen beside him. She's not used to the way people go out of their way for someone with money. Surely she knows that he's not one to take advantage like that. Robin's been a friend of his family for awhile now.
"We don't mind," Castle answers for them and follows her back. The lights flick off as they go, Robin's hand on a timed switch. He waits until Kate and Alexis pass in front of him through the narrow back door and into Robin's work area.
"Oh, I've been here before," Alexis says with surprise. "When I was. . ."
"About eight or nine," Robin supplies. "Right, Rick?"
He nods and glances around. "Hasn't changed."
The space behind the gallery is brightly lit in the corners but gloomy in the center where light filters in weakly from the second story windows. Robin used to live above her shop, but she gutted the second floor on this side to combine her space. Circular stairs to the left take her above the work shop and into her open-air loft.
"I've acquired three more artists, Rick, Kate, that you might be interested in. Sarah Graham and Gurhan, also a few pieces from Barbara Heinrich and Sara Weinstock. That sounded like your style, based on the things you told me about Kate."
Beside him, Castle feels Kate stir, as if coming out of a trance. He glances down at her, sees her shift to the balls of her feet. Defensive then, waiting for an attack.
"It was totally a guess, Robin. I have no idea. Which is why I figured Kate should be the one to pick out her own wedding ring."
Kate gives him a narrow look, not mad, just studying him. Alexis breaks the ice by darting forward to a tray of grey pearls in various settings. "Ooh, Dad. These are so pretty. Kate, look at this."
Thank goodness for Alexis. At that, Kate eases forward and lets Robin nudge her towards various rings, at first such a wide variety of styles, and then slowly narrowing it down.
Castle knows that Beth's engagement ring struck Kate, that she really did like it, but that it didn't seem her type at all. Blue translucent diamond in a teardrop shape, lying on its side in a smooth silver setting, the diamond faceted irregularly. It is beautiful, and it reminds Castle of Beth.
But it just reinforced to him that women have vastly different ideas about what they like in jewelry. And not just that, but there are apparently all these childhood and teenaged visions that go along with it - ideas about what their engagement ring will look like on their fingers.
The more Robin and Alexis chatter about the metalworking process, the more Kate hones in on a few different kinds. She doesn't try any of them on; she slides them just on her thumb and glances at the metal against her skin tone. At least, that's what he assumes she's checking - how it will look on her. She seems to be reluctant to put any ring on her third finger, as if that might somehow jinx the whole thing.
Kate seems drawn to three different styles simultaneously. She clearly likes the simple and plain stacking rings - but he's fairly certain she just wants one of those. Not a whole stack. He has a feeling she will never let him spend as much on her as he wants to.
She pushes a band over her thumb he would have never picked for her: thinly beaten rose gold and copper rings crisscross and fuse together into one band. Chips of back diamond and white diamond are inset into a few of the thin strips of metal. The mix of materials gives it a steampunk flair, but Kate keeps coming back to it.
Then Kate lets her eyes linger over the duality rings - the ones set into oxidized silver so that the bands are nearly black, the diamond bright and white comparatively. Paired with those are their opposites: rings with the barest hint of grey translucent diamonds cradled in their platinum and silver settings.
Kate looks like she's studying a crime scene. He wants to laugh but that might break the spell, or her concentration, and she'd have them out of here and getting dinner.
Alexis leans on her shoulder and picks up one of the opal rings that Kate has already set aside. She slides it on her finger and holds her hand up, doing all the things that Kate won't do. Alexis models the ring, turns to Castle and shows him with a little grin.
"You do know that you're not getting one, right?" Castle says, smirking at her. He grabs her by the hand and tugs her ringed finger closer, glances down at it. He has a terrible foreshadowing of a few years from now, his daughter gleefully showing him the ring, and his stomach clenches with something both painful and amazing.
"I know, Dad. Jeez, stop making that face. I just like trying them on."
Alexis turns back to the workspace and pulls the ring off, setting it down on the velvet tray. Castle nods to Robin letting his eyes gesture to the abandoned opal ring; Robin doesn't even lift her lips, but she discreetly removes the ring from the tray.
Christmas present. And still. Yeah, so Kate gets a ring, but Alexis is making a committment here too. She's accepting someone else into their family in a way that Gina never was, never could be. But Kate's in. Kate is stepmother and friend and. . .
And so he just - yeah - he's feeling a little maudlin and sappy about seeing them both look at rings.
He's so sunk.
"Oh, I almost forgot," Robin says suddenly, and turns around, starts pulling stackable wooden trays out from the space beneath the work table. She deposits one of these trays in front of them, matching wedding bands laid out on the velvet-lined display.
Castle sees her carefully secrete the opal ring into a jeweler's bag and he smiles at her. He's so focused on this that it takes him a moment to really look at that matching wedding bands against the ragged black material.
And then he sees it.
"Oh. This is it. Yep, this is mine. Kate!" He darts forward and picks up the gold band worked into a circlet like a crown. Simple, no jewels, but it's a crown. For a king.
"Oh jeez, Dad."
Kate laughs and looks up at him, incredulous amusement in her eyes.
"Come on, Kate. This is perfect. And there's a matching princess tiara. Oooh, look at this."
"Actually, that's the consort crown, worn by the king's consort at her coronation." Robin gives him a shake of her head, as if to say You'll never change.
He looks back over at Kate; her lips quirk at him, but she does actually look at the ring as he slides it over his finger. He can see her cheeks flush.
"Um. Castle. That's. . .very interesting."
"Oh, when did *you* start being polite and diplomatic?" he scoffs, wriggling the ring around on his finger. He flexes his hand a few times, making sure the pointed ends don't hurt. The tips are smooth though, and he really likes it. He really likes it.
"Well. If I get to pick what I want, then why shouldn't you? You're the one who has to wear a crown on your finger every day for the rest of your life."
She gives him a triumphant look, but that doesn't even slow him down.
"I know! Isn't it great? It's like the wedding will be a coronation and then I get to crown myself every morning when I put it on."
Alexis huffs out a breath but Robin leans against the work table and nods her head at the ring. "Actually, in the Eastern Orthodix religion, the marriage ceremony is considered a cornotation where the bride and groom are made king and queen of their future household."
"King and Queen of the Castle," he murmurs to himself.
Kate laughs then, running a hand through her hair as she studies his face. "Castle. Seriously. If you want it, you get it. I'm not going to tell you no."
"Will you promise me that too? You won't tell me no. Because we could write our own vows and that would come in handy-"
She puts her fingers over his mouth and shakes her head. "Stop right there. While you're ahead. Okay?"
He grins behind her fingers and kisses them, still wearing the crown wedding band.
Yeah. He was kinda kidding, a little bit. But he really likes it.
Kate just can't. . .can't picture it yet. Everything is too beautiful, too much. She hasn't seen prices on anything, which is probably what Castle intended when he had Robin open her workspace for them and let them paw through all of her creations. Some half-finished, some raw, some complete, some just breath-taking.
No prices means Kate has no idea what any of these will cost and becase of that, she finds she can't commit to any of them. A few are just. . .exquisite and unique and gorgeous. A few she can actually see wearing at the 12th without having to put it on her chain and have it knock against her mother's ring.
Her mother's ring. She's not wearing it right now because she was afraid it would get into the paint. And sometimes the band gets too cold in the winter months, burns with the icy grip of metal. When it brushes her scar, it makes her skin quiver.
Actually, she hasn't worn her mother's ring in. . .days.
"I'm ready to go," she says to Castle, taking him by the elbow. She knows she's clutching too tightly; he makes that face and ow! Beckett! is on his lips as he wilts under her grip.
But he pauses at the look on her face. "Okay. We'll go get dinner then." His head swivels to Robin. "Give me a second?"
She nods, leans back to sit on the metal work stool behind her table. Alexis is giving her father a funny look, but Kate's guts suddenly feel too viscous and permeable, like it will all spill out. She doesn't have the werewithal to do more than give Robin a tense nod and try to breathe.
Her chest aches, fiercely. Damn. Damn it. This isn't even - it's not even a thing. Why now?
"Alexis, you ready for dinner?"
Her eyes are on Kate, but Kate can't even give Alexis a comforting smile.
"Yeah, actually. I'm starving. Chinese? Or that wok place?"
"Sounds good to me. Kate?"
She nods at him, releases his elbow.
"Hey," he says softly, murmuring in her ear under the guise of a kiss. "Take Alexis out front; I want to get her that opal ring for Christmas. You mind?"
"Which part?" she murmurs back, trying to force herself back into the present. The now. Not the past.
Castle grins at her as he pulls back, looking relieved. "Yeah, either one."
"Not a bit," she says, and reaches out to squeeze his hand. She feels that crown wedding band on his finger and the connection of her skin to that warm metal eases the ache in her chest.
She swallows and lifts on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you."
Kate turns and takes Alexis's hand in hers, pulling his daughter along with her. "Come on. Let's see if we can hail a cab out front."
Alexis gives her dad a swift look over Kate's shoulder, seems to resist, but Kate can just see the flicker of movement from Castle as he mimes something to his daughter. And then Alexis is the one dragging her out.
They stand in the dark gallery for a moment, Kate pausing because a flicker of paranoia still sparks inside her chest. Alexis seems to have it too, like it's catching, and she hesitates at the sturdy, wrought-iron security door.
Kate takes a long breath and gives Alexis a little nudge. They're both safe. It's fine.
"Come on. One of us has to be brave," she laughs.
Alexis flinches.
"Oh, Lex. I - I'm sorry," Kate whispers and draws her arms around the girl's thin shoulders, holding her tight against her own chest, where it hurts the most.
Alexis mewls and clutches her back. "I don't want you to die," she chokes into Kate's neck. "I don't want you to get shot and not come back."
"I don't want to get shot either," Kate shivers back, closing her eyes against the darkness seeping in through the glass door. "Believe me. It sucks. But I came back. I'm here. I'm okay." For the most part.
Alexis laughs then, a garbled sound, and draws away, swiping at her eyes. "But you didn't come back."
"What?"
"You disappeared for three months. And Dad was always gone trying to convince you-"
Oh. Kate's stomach plunges.
"Sorry," Alexis whispers and turns to the front door, pushes it open, leaving Kate behind.
What can she say to that? Sorry, Alexis, I wasn't thinking about you right then, I was thinking about me.
Kate shoves open the security door and steps out into the dark night, the brick buildings rising up on either side of the street. She finds Alexis huddled into her coat at the edge of the sidewalk, waiting to spot a taxi.
"Lex."
At least she doesn't act moody and give Kate the silent treatment. No, in fact, Alexis's eyes hone in on Kate with eager apology and a cringing humility.
So much like Castle. There it is. All of it in the girl's face.
"So now you know what you're getting into with me," Kate says, standing beside Alexis where the sidewalk ends.
"What?"
"Your dad and I. . .that's not just between us, is it? It's you too. And I forget that sometimes, Alexis. I'm sorry."
"You didn't come back."
"I didn't come back. At first."
"Will you do that again?"
Kate chews the inside of her cheek and stares out at the traffic. "It's possible."
"Now that I know. Like you said, now that I know what I'm getting in to, I can take it."
Kate's eyes dart swiftly back to Alexis's face, surprised, a little. . .horrified. It sounds terrible coming out of Alexis's mouth, innocent and naive, and no. Not yet an adult. Not like her and Castle.
"No," she says finally. "You shouldn't have to. Because it wasn't about you. Or your dad. It was me being. . .wounded."
"I get that. I do. I understand. We had this cat, kind of a neighborhood stray cat, who stayed with us in the Hamptons. One time when I was six or seven, it got hit by a car. I saw it happen. But even though I'd fed it and petted it and let it sleep in my room at night, when it was wounded, it didn't want to have anything to do with me."
Kate sucks in a long, shaky breath and tries to stand up under a wave of shame and guilt. A wounded animal. She licked her wounds alone. No better than an animal.
"I'm going to be better, Alexis." Kate turns her eyes to the girl. Her. . .her family. StepCastle. Little Castle. Sometimes a sister, sometimes a friend, but right now being a daughter. "I'm going to be better than a wild animal."
Alexis gives a nervous laugh and presses a hand to her cheek. "I didn't mean-"
"No, that's good. I needed to hear that. It's the truth. Only, let there never be a next time, right?"
"Never," Alexis breathes and flings her arms around Kate.