Chapter 7

I woke up a few hours ago, but I dared not get up. I had destroyed the little honor and pride I had managed to retain. If not for my katana being gone, I would have ended my life after waking. I was kidding myself when I thought I could escape my father and his torment. And now he continued to cause me great pain by just being in my presence. The display of weakness in front of warriors was too much to bear. I now have two options; to leave and continue running or to find my weapon and inflict a mortal wound upon myself. I got up, having regained my strength. Someone had bandaged my minor cuts and scrapes. Not that it mattered anymore.

It was night as I walked out into the courtyard. I sat on my usual rock and looked at the pond. The others would surly be sleeping, so I had plenty of time to find my blade. I watched the wind gently caress the water's edge, creating ripples. I reached down and dipped my fingertips into the water. The liquid was warmed by the recently set sun as I made circles with my finger.

"I thought you would never come out." I pulled my hand out of the water and swung my head around. Okita was standing a few feet away from me, my katana in his hand.

"Give that back to me," I demanded, standing. He shook his head and I growled. "Why not?"

"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself on account of your hurt pride," he replied. I glared at him as he took a step toward me. I wasn't sure why, but my heart began pounding as he did. I dared not show my confusion to him. When he got close enough I reached to grab the sword myself, but he grabbed my wrist, stopping me. I cursed inwardly. Of course he would grab my hand; he wasn't holding my katana with his dominant hand.

"Let go of me," I said. He shook his head again and pulled on my arm suddenly. I lost my balance and fell against him. "What are you doing?"

"I can feel you heartbeat when we're this close," he murmured. I looked at him with wide eyes and attempted to pull away from him. He let go of my katana and wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him. "I was happy when you finally let that shell around you dissolve, even if it was because of your father." I sighed and allowed him to hold me, but my muscles did not relax. The last thing I needed was to feel vulnerable.

"Why are you saying all this?" I asked quietly. He held me out a ways so that I may look upon his face and he smiled.

"Because after living with you for a few days I've realized that you are a warrior, but you are also a woman. No matter how much to try to hide it," he replied before sliding his mouth onto mine. His kiss was gently with a hidden intensity. I wrapped my arms around him and something inside me was screaming to let go. When the kiss ended I broke from his grip and ran back to my room, not looking back. I looked at my hand and realized I was shaking just as I had with my father, but the feelings inside me were different. I leaned against the wall and slid to the ground. I was not a woman; I was a warrior. Yet, Okita made me feel things I have never felt before. A kind of heat that frightened me. I glanced outside and he was looking at the door, straight at me.

"I can't do this," I said, opening the door all the way. "I can't let myself become attached to anything." Okita chuckled and walked over to me. He flicked me in the forehead lightly and I glared at him.

"You need to allow yourself to be attached to something. Otherwise, what is there worth living for?" he asked. He brushed some of my bangs out of my face, but since my hair was so short they fell back into place. "Allow me into that heart of yours. You deserve to have happiness in your life. Allow me to be your happiness." His words warmed me and his touch made the world seem to melt away. I didn't want to admit it, but right then, I wouldn't have minded his proposal. He turned and began walking away from me when I grabbed the back of his shirt.

"I…I will try," I said. Okita turned around and pulled me into his arms. This time I didn't fight it. If felt right to be in his embrace. A sound broke the moment and we both looked over. Chizuru was standing there, a bowl on the ground and surprise in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you," she said cleaning up quickly. Okita was looking at her with a solemn expression. "Excuse me." Okita's expression didn't change until she was out of view and a strange feeling entered my emotions. It wasn't quite anger, but it was not a pleasant feeling. The look Okita gave Chizuru was one I had seen childhood lovers exchange when there was pity involved. Was Okita infatuated with Chizuru as well? I stepped away from him and his attention returned to me.

"It's late, you should return to your room," I said flatly. Okita looked shocked for a moment, but merely nodded and walked away. When he was out of sight I walked back into the courtyard and picked up my katana. In my head were many questions. Did Okita love me, or pity me? What was it about Chizuru that had all the men here infatuated with her? When was my father going to strike? And most importantly, could I love a man who was most likely in love with another?

A/N: Just a heads up, this story will start to wrap up in the next few chapters.