Mea Culpa : Damnant quod non intelligent
"They condemn what they do not understand."
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, I do however own this story, I'm just borrowing the characters.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has even taken the time to look at this ff (928 people to be exact!) and a big thanks to aliesmyles for reviewing. Quick
recommendation coming your way "Under A Southern Sky" by faithangel3 – wicked ff very sweet.
"What the fuck San?" Puck's eyes flared a little as the print of Santana's hand began to redden on the side of his face.
"Get out." She said between her teeth. When he made no attempts to move she moved in close to him.
"Get. The. Fuck. OUT."
He got up heavily from the chair, his fingertips still massaging the raw skin where Santana had hit him. He paused by the door, sending one last long look her way.
"We live in Hoopes Street, just talk to her please. The quicker you talk, the quicker we leave and the sooner you can try and pull your head out of your own ass."
Santana stood there motionless, wanting nothing more than to re-split his lip. She turned away to push the rage back down that seemed to keep fighting its way to the surface. She didn't see Puck writing the exact address of their townhouse and leaving it on the side.
She reached for another cigarette and lit it, barely hearing the soft click of the door closing behind him.
"San what are you doing?"
Brittany strode up quickly to her beneath the bleachers, taking in the sight of Santana in her Cheerios uniform and puffing out long streams of smoke.
"What does it look like I'm doing Britt?" She inhaled deeply again feeling the smoke claw its way down her throat and into her lungs.
"But it's bad for you San. It can kill you!" Brittany tried to extract the cigarette from her fingers, but Santana was too quick and avoided the attempt.
"Britt what the fuck? I know you don't understand because you're not on the squad but all the others do it, we've got to maintain a reputation."
She just wished Brittany would understand the pressures of being popular. She had told her so many times to try out for the squad but she refused each time saying that she was happy enough with the dance group.
"Quinn doesn't smoke." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Yeah, but Quinn is a good Christian girl who is lame. Honestly, I don't know how she even stays on the squad." To emphasise her point she took another deep drag of her cigarette however, she then began coughing.
Brittany sent her an 'I told you so' smirk and crossed her arms over her chest. When Santana recovered she eyed Brittany closely.
"So was there a point to you coming over? You know we aren't supposed to talk at school."
Brittany pouted, remembering the rule that Santana came up with to make sure that her reputation remained intact – anyone not on the squad was a loser, if you talked to someone not on the squad then you were a loser by association. This rule had made itself known shortly after their second kiss and Santana's consequent sex session with Sam.
"I wanted to tell you San that I joined New Directions!" She almost hugged her until Santana put out her hand to stop her. Simultaneously flicking the remainder of her cigarette onto the floor.
"What's New Directions?" She was confused, and also worried that someone would catch them talking.
"It's the school Glee Club!" A big smile crossed Brittany's face as Santana's filled up with dread.
"You can't Britt, that's social suicide."
Brittany folded her arms, an attempt at a scowl marred her features.
"But Finn and Quinn have joined, and... and I signed you up too." Santana froze.
"I am NOT joining that club. You do know you're gonna get slushied practically every day if you join right?"
"I don't care San, I want to do it. I think you'd like it too. Then we can talk at school again. We won't get slushied San because you'll protect us."
Santana's heart dropped, knowing what she was about to say would hurt.
"I can't join Britt- people will think I'm a loser and I can't lose my reputation. If you join that group I won't be able to stop you getting slushied or picked on, you'll be on your own Britt. Please don't put me in a situation like that. Join the Cheerio's then you can be popular and we can talk again."
Brittany stared her down, hoping that she would take back everything that she had just said. When she didn't, Brittany turned and walked away, not even looking back to see Santana's guilty face.
Later on, Santana went walking into the restroom, overhearing snippets of conversation coming from the stalls as she reapplied her make up in the mirror.
"She's such a total dyke. I mean seriously, what girl does motocross, does dance routines with that gay Kurt kid and then joins Glee? She has got to be queer."
Another girl laughed from the stall. "Totally a lesbian, she'll like, probably take up golf next."
Santana's hands clamped down onto the sink hunching her shoulders forward and staring fiercely into the mirror waiting for them to emerge. They were talking about Britt.
When she saw Chelsea - the head cheerleader – appear from a stall, her rage rose up higher.
Chelsea's smile disappeared and a look of fear took its place. Realising that she had two friends with her though, she went back to her smug self.
"Oh hey Lopez, you'll know, after all you've been hanging out with the loser under the bleachers. Is Brittany a dyke?"
Santana spun around and pushed her so hard that she fell back into the stall door, she regained her balance and went towards Santana. Santana leapt forward, pushing both of them out into the hallway, clawing and kicking each other.
A group began to gather around the two girls.
"Take your clothes off!" Puck shouted. He fist pumped and then high fived various jocks that had joined in the chanting.
It was a blur of fingernails grasping onto the other as much as they could, to garner the advantage. Santana straddled the girl and back handed her across her face for good measure. Chelsea was flailing wildly underneath throwing weak punches in Santana's direction which did nothing to deter her. Santana went in for another backhanded slap when she felt a strong hand grip her wrist and pull her back.
The two girls were finally pulled apart by Coach Beiste. "What the hell is going on?" she asked.
Santana just sneered at Chelsea, noticing how her lip was bleeding and there were claw marks down her forearms.
"I'm waiting!" The coach now had stood in between the two cheerleaders, holding each by their shoulder.
"She started it; she just jumped me for no reason!" Chelsea's voice whined. Santana felt like hitting her again.
"Chelsea deserved it." When Santana made eye contact with Chelsea she saw her mouth the word dyke and smirk. She saw red and went for her again.
A look of fear crossed Chelsea's face, but luckily for her the Coach's hands just grasped tighter restraining the feisty Latina.
"Chelsea go to the nurse. Santana come with me." Coach Beiste began to guide her away as Santana saw Chelsea limp to the nurse's office with the help of her two friends.
She couldn't resist it and she didn't.
"That's how we do it in Lima Heights bitch" she shouted after the other girl. She turned back to see the coach just shake her head sadly. As they walked down the halls all the students seemed to part for them. Most importantly, she saw Brittany, her books clutched to her chest and a look of worry in her eyes.
When she got into the office she could see why Brittany looked so worried, she studied her reflection in the brass plaque that sat upon the desk. She had a dark bruise beginning to form just under her eye, claw marks down her face and neck and her ponytail that was always done to perfection now looked like a tangled nest.
"So what happened Santana?" Coach Beiste sat behind her desk, lacing her fingers together as she leant forwards to show that the girl had her full attention.
"I overheard her calling Brittany a dyke. I got mad and went for her. I don't regret it. Chelsea had it coming." Santana relaxed back into the chair folded her arms and put a scowl on her face. She looked cocky.
"That's not the way to deal with it Santana, you know that. How many times have I had to tell you not to fight in the hallway? I know you were helping a friend, but you should tell someone about it, not handle it with violence. Do you understand?"
"I'm not going to snitch coach. That's not who I am."
Beiste sighed, "One more incident like that Santana and you'll be suspended. Possibly expelled – do you want that?"
The girl had already tuned out of the conversation and began examining her nail polish, she didn't care.
"Uh huh" was all she replied. With one final sigh the coach let her go.
Santana pushed her way through the doors and almost ran head first into Brittany. But she didn't stop to talk to her.
"San, wait let me talk to you" she called to her retreating back, but it was of no use. Santana had already rounded the corner and walked briskly away to a solitary place where she could hide. She knew that Brittany would ask what happened and then why did she fight Chelsea on her behalf. Santana wasn't ready to even admit the answers to herself, let alone speaking the words out loud to someone else.
She sat on the floor of the deserted classroom replaying the fight over and over in her mind. She reasoned that her actions had been because Brittany was her friend. Her best friend even. Plus, she felt guilt over not joining New Directions and simultaneously disappointing Brittany.
The thought that she tried to suppress the most was their kisses, one sweet and soft, the other carnal and hard. But two kisses don't make you gay, right? These thoughts were swirling en mass through her mind.
Santana reasoned that she only reacted the way she did was because she didn't want anyone to speak badly of Brittany. Calling her a loser amongst other things didn't sit well with the Latina, because with hindsight not talking to Brittany at school implied that she thought that Brittany was a loser.
She slammed her fist down onto the table. Why couldn't Brittany just become a Cheerio? It would make everything so much easier and they could talk at school again, maybe not too much though, then it would look suspicious. An idea popped into Santana's head as she rushed out to find Brittany.
"Have you seen Britt?" She asked that dancey Asian kid. She recognised him from the dance group that Brittany was in, from the few times that she decided to watch her best friend practice.
He pointed in the direction of the cafeteria, she headed off quickly, barely stopping to murmur "thanks Asian."
"It's Mike Chang!" he exclaimed to her retreating form.
She practically burst in through the doors, she didn't have to look for long. Brittany seemed to be engrossed in some kind of discussion with kids that she hadn't even seen before. Or even if she had – she hadn't spoken to them.
She worked her way over cautiously, as if approaching a deer that could take off at any moment.
"Britt can I –" she swallowed hard "Can I talk to you?"
Brittany raised an eyebrow at this, ever since becoming a Cheerio and their kisses, Santana had requested minimal contact at school. For Santana to be speaking to her in such a public place as the cafeteria was a small victory.
When they huddled into the corner, Santana's expression was pensive – Brittany's elated, those present at the table couldn't help but eye the two curiously.
"Did anyone even know they were friends?" Mercedes seemed to ask to no one in particular. Tina shook her head and glanced over at Kurt.
Kurt was repositioning his hair in a compact mirror, even though he had already layered it in hairspray, it simply kept falling back into its previous place. He sighed breaking the stares of Mercedes, Tina, Artie and Rachel.
"Honestly, haven't you ever seen them talk under the bleachers? They seem to think that it's some secret hiding place but everyone can still see. Anyway, I'm thinking of paying homage to Alexander McQueen with my outfit tomorrow – do you think it'll be too much?" Kurt snapped the compact mirror shut and queried Mercedes who sent him a bemused stare.
All eyes turned back to the two girls who were now making their way back to the table. As Santana stood next to these random kids her demeanour changed into that of being defensive and slightly aggressive.
Brittany looked at all of them once then delivered the news.
"I'm trying out for Cheerios... and Santana is trying out for New Directions." Brittany expected the table to break out into whoops and hollers of joy, instead she was met with silence. That was until Rachel broke it.
"Why would she want to join us?" The girl eyed Santana suspiciously.
"Listen Yentl, you don't dictate who can and can't join. Prepare for a challenge Willow because Britt's and I here are gonna be stealing all your solo's." Rachel's eyes widened comically, causing Kurt to smirk at her.
"Hold up, I'm with Rachel here. Why would you want to join us? You're popular and this isn't going to help your reputation?" Mercedes was sceptical, she wondered if she was spying for Miss Sylvester. Sue was always trying to end their glee club.
"Wheezy, this is the way it's going down. I'm joining because Britt is. End of the conversation." She put her hand up in Mercedes face; Brittany frowned at her slightly, causing the Latina to lower her hand.
"I'm still going to put weird things in your food." She mumbled out.
"Wait. What did you say?" Mercedes eyed her closely. Rather than answer Santana began to walk away shouting, see you bitches in glee. Brittany resumed her seat and carried on eating. When no one spoke she looked up.
"What?" She looked around the table.
"Since when do you hang with Cheerio's Britt? Specifically, bitchy ones" Artie's voice broke the silence.
Brittany frowned at him. "We've been friends since we were fourteen. She's not a bitch Artie, you just don't know her yet like I do. Give her a chance; you'll see how sweet she can be." She began eating again as the others at the table shared dubious looks.
Kurt proceeded to get out his hand moisturiser and shrug. Maybe having some Cheerio's in the club could help their reputation, maybe it could help cut down on his daily slushies. The dye that they used in those slushies was atrocious and did nothing for his complexion. He looked from Brittany back to everyone else and then back again. He could sense something amiss but would wait until later to talk to Brittany about it.