Mea Culpa : Amor vincit omnia
'Love Conquers All.'
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, I do however own this story, I'm just borrowing the characters.
A/N: To start off I would like to say thank you to Lanter, crazyfornaya and ilyfancypants for reviewing. I was going to have the current day conversation between Santana and Brittany this chapter but I got carried away with a memory chapter instead. So forgive me – it is coming soon i.e. hopefully the next chapter.
She was lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling in an almost- darkness. A series of thoughts were going through her mind whilst David Karofsky lay on top thrusting away, grunting and groaning with his eyes squeezed shut.
Santana's mind was over active, thinking that she would've noticed Brittany's car having been missing from the driveway next door if she had been having sex with Puck. Or she would've noticed Puck's car if he decided to make a house call. But she hadn't seen either scenario. Maybe they were doing it at school? She pondered as David huffed signalling his release. For a moment she looked at him, willing herself to feel something. Anything.
Instead, his breath assaulted her, smelling like chips and dip. Nothing like Brittany, she always smelt like mint.
She wished she hadn't even invited him over. When he arrived she didn't even say hi, she just opened the door and began walking up the stairs, telling him to close the door with a quick glance over her shoulder. He moved eagerly to her room. He tried to kiss her, but before his lips reached hers she pushed him back forcefully onto the bed, unbuttoning his jeans as he looked up at her in confusion. He tried to kiss her again but she turned her face so he caught her cheek instead. She was getting frustrated with his attempts.
"No kissing, no foreplay just straight into it Karofsky and then you leave. Deal?" She burst out.
He gave her a strange look, but shrugged, figuring sex is sex. When he tried undressing her she looked at him in horror, stilling his hands on her Cheerio top and pushing them away quickly. She began undressing herself, wishing for the rush of anticipation and eagerness instead she was met with fear and anxiety. What if it didn't work? What if she felt nothing?
It was all over in five minutes, her eyes rooted back to the patch of ceiling that she had become so familiar with.
"Did you, errrr, did you enjoy yourself? Did I manage to make you y'know ... happy?"
She didn't look at him, she didn't even respond. She was just numb. She had felt more just by looking at Brittany than she had just now having sex with Karofsky.
Brittany managed to make her vulnerable unwillingly, but now Santana was trying to make herself vulnerable for a guy and the only way she could figure out was with sex. It was like an invasion of her body, but even so it didn't rid her mind of her best friend.
"Santana? Did you?" she could feel his eyes on her.
"Yes." She lied. "I just want to sleep." With that she rolled over onto her side, wrapping the duvet tightly around her shoulders. She felt the bed shift slightly under the removal of Karofsky's weight, the gentle sounds of clothes being slipped back on and the sounds of Karofsky tidying up.
She heard the click of the door and allowed the tears to fall freely. She so desperately wanted to find that one guy who would stop her feeling like this; stop her from pining away for her best friend and make her believe that she was straight – that this whole situation she will look back on and laugh about, chalking it up to another high school experience.
She sat up in her bed twisting her fingers into her hair, the tears running smooth tracks down her cheeks, time slipped away from her as she cried. Hearing a heavy bass thud from outside she wrapped her duvet around herself and moved to the window.
The sight of Puck's car pulled up outside of Brittany's house made her feel sick, especially as she saw him get out, the trademark Mohawk was caught in the light of the moon as he bent over to check his reflection in the glass of his car.
In a fit of desperation she grabbed her clothes and pulled them on as she ran through the empty house. She was outside and onto the Pierce's lawn within seconds.
"Hey Noah" she smiled sweetly at him, his head swung around to look at her, instinctively shielding his groin area with his hands.
She let out a light, vacuous laugh that seemed to put him at ease. Santana knew that she had to work quickly and threatening him wouldn't get him to leave.
"Hey Lopez whats up?" He gave her a lopsided smile, showing off his bright white teeth in what she recognised to be his attempt at seduction.
"Nothing, I just saw you out here, wondered what you were doing?" Her voice was so syrupy that Noah gave her a suspicious look. She had to rein her sweetness in, it was becoming uncharacteristic for her.
"Seeing Brittany – why?"
"Because I was hoping you were here to see me, I heard some very promising things about you Noah. Things that would make tonight fun." She smiled at him, licking her lips. All the while she was hoping that Britt wouldn't suddenly swing open the front door and catch her here on her lawn trying to prevent Puck from getting into her house and consequently into her pants.
Santana began walking back to her doorway, when she looked back around he hadn't moved, he was looking from Brittany's house to Santana's. He saw her raise an eyebrow and tilt her head in the direction of her house, he didn't even think anymore, he began tripping over his own feet to her.
It was 9:15 and Noah still hadn't arrived. Brittany was frustrated and let down by him again as she sat cross legged on her bed running her fingers over the strings of her new guitar. He had been teaching her how to play "Piece Of My Heart" but she wasn't good at it yet. When the time crept onto 9:30 and there was still no answer on his phone she looked outside. His car was sitting outside, unmistakable as it was Dodge Coronet RT, but in this light you couldn't make out the deep rich red of the paintwork. She walked down the stairs and past her mom, she swung open the door and wandered over hesitantly in case he was playing a trick on her. She looked inside the vehicle but there was still no sign of him.
"Puck? Puck if you're out here this isn't funny anymore." She peered into the darkness and then looked up when she noticed a light shining from the Lopez house. She saw two silhouettes moving around the room. They were moving around in Santana's room.
She ran up to the front door, her fist pounding.
"San, fucking open this door now." Her hands had become red as she continued to pound ruthlessly against the wood.
She heard Puck's voice faintly from the other side of the door, telling Santana to ignore it.
"I will break this fucking door down San. Open up." Brittany's mom hearing the commotion stepped outside, just as Santana flung open her front door wearing just her underwear. She watched the scene unfold between her daughter and her best friend.
"What do you think you're doing San?" She knew Santana hated Puck, so she couldn't quite figure it out.
"Did I interrupt your fun for tonight? I'm so sorry. Consider this as me helping you – I'm saving you from yourself." Santana retorted. There was sadness in her eyes that betrayed the smirk of her lips. Brittany was thoroughly confused now.
"I don't understand?" Just then Puck chose to emerge down the stairs in his boxers wrapping his arms around the naked waist of the Latina.
"Fighting over me ladies?" He smiled so self assured. Santana had to push away the want to disengage herself from his arms.
"Shut up Noah. Britt don't play around, you know what you've been doing. You should stop." Santana stared straight into Brittany's eyes seeing the frustration there.
"I see now. You think I have been screwing him? Really San?" Puck began to look sheepish slowly backing away. "He's been teaching me how to play guitar, I haven't slept with him since that first time."
She paused as Santana turned around to glare at Puck, his hands raised up in front of him.
"People say I'm stupid, but look at you. You jump to conclusions, you're jealous and yet you still can't admit even the basic stuff to yourself." Santana had lost interest as she focussed in on him.
"Jealousy is the best way to get someone to fuck you. You were jealous of Brittany getting to spend time with me and now you realise how much you want me." She let out a string of profanities as she lunged for him. Puck sprinted upstairs for his keys, the Latina in hot pursuit as Brittany tried to clear the tears from her eyes.
She turned to look at her mom, who beckoned her over.
"Britt-bee, I'm going to call Santana's mom. She needs to know what her daughter has been doing. I couldn't hear but I'm assuming Santana was having relations with that boy .It's disgusting." She muttered the last part as she strode back into the Pierce household.
Brittany watched from the safety of her window as Santana began throwing things at Puck who was dashing to his car, still clad in just his boxers. She could see her hurt and confusion even from this distance.
She just watched her, not knowing what to say or do. Brittany wanted to comfort her, but she didn't know how or if it would all just make it worse.
She heard the quiet murmurs of her mother speaking quickly probably to Santana's mom. She slipped out into the back yard, climbing up and over the fence and knocking lightly on the glass.
When Santana's face appeared with her nose and eyes red from all the crying, Brittany couldn't help but feel for her, she pushed the door open and wrapped her up in a tight embrace.
"Please, stop doing this to yourself. Please, just be happy." Santana sobbed harder as Brittany pulled her in tighter, smoothing her fingers through her long, dark hair.
The next day at school was the worst. Puck must have sent a mass text letting everyone know how he "got into Lopez's pants and rocked that shit" she could feel the stares as she walked on by looking at the ground rather than at anyone else. She didn't want to be here, but her mom made her. As her parents had been called back early from their mini-break by Britt's mom, her punishment was to go to Sunday school – it made her gag. She felt someone standing in front of her; she looked up slowly to see Kurt staring at her with concern.
"So... you and Puck?" He hesitated trying to feel out how she would respond. She rolled her eyes ready to walk around him.
"Britt seemed pretty upset about it all." He offered up the information and saw a flash of emotion although he couldn't be sure what it was.
"She was crying about it when she came into school this morning – I suggest you go talk to her Santana. You both need this talk." He gave her a knowing look, but she chose to ignore it.
"I don't know what you are talking about homo-Hummel. Shouldn't you be off choosing your dress for glee club?" He flinched at her harsh words, not wanting to incur anymore he departed, reiterating that they should talk.
"She totally rode my beast you know! She is so into me, but I keep telling her that I'm like a sex shark. But she wants me to be exclusive now. Pshht no-one can tie down Puckzilla." She rounded the corner to this crap. He had made her feel sick and dirty, but in her mind she had stopped him from doing the same stuff with Britt and that brought her some relief.
The only way she garnered any satisfaction was from imagining Brittany, slightly tan and wet her smooth stomach glistening in the sun light. She fantasized about trailing her hands up her body. But then she remembered that she was straight and she should be enjoying this moment with Noah. Rather than feeling satisfied about their sexual encounter she felt it was more of an accomplishment that she had gotten through it an achievement almost.
She almost didn't see Karofsky striding up to her.
"Sam was right about you. You are a slut; you fucked me and Puck in one night? You were trying to get rid of me for him weren't you?"
Santana looked at him for a moment, continuing on wordlessly, feeling that this school had turned into her own personal house of horrors.
Encountering Noah, then Karofsky and now seeing Britt whispering to Kurt her eyes like red stop lights probably from crying, San couldn't help but run. She ran to the bleachers and found Quinn holding a cigarette in hand, turning it with her fingers.
"Need a light?" Quinn shook her head and handed it over. Santana gladly lit it up and took a deep drag eyeing up the Queen of celibacy.
"Why are you here?" She eyed Quinn dubiously taking another long pull of the cigarette and exhaling.
"To escape the gossip, you're not the only one that made news today." Quinn bowed her head low reaching out for the cigarette.
"What did you do then? Did you finally say fuck?" she passed it over as Quinn's head snapped up.
"Nope, but I did have sex last night. Sam Evans told me he was a virgin, then he got me drunk and... apparently told the whole school." She saw tears in the other girl's eyes.
"It's like initiation for Cheerio's or something isn't it? All the older Cheerio's don't think anything of it you know, getting laid. I don't know though. I do know however that I'll be seeing you at Sunday school." The last bit of news made the other girl laugh until the point of hysterics.
"You. Sunday school." She sputtered out, choking on the smoke she was trying to exhale. Santana rolled her eyes feeling a little lighter.
But she could feel someone watching, she didn't have to turn around to know it was Brittany. She knew that she wanted to talk.
The smile slid from the Latina's face.
"I've got to go. There's something I've got to do." Quinn gave her a nod of acknowledgement as she watched the girl walking over to Brittany, how her pace slowed and her shoulders slumped. She couldn't be sure. But there was something happening.
She couldn't be sure. But there was definitely something up.