Mea Culpa : Amor Gignit Amorem
"Love Creates Love."
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, I do however own this story, I'm just borrowing the characters.
A/N: gotlovetokill and crazyfornaya thank you for your continued support. After this chapter I am taking a short hiatus so that I can do the ending justice. Right now I'm still in an angst ridden frame of mind hence why I have started my other ff. I will be returning to this ff in 3 weeks maximum. Thank you again everyone!
C x
Santana woke up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. Her dream had started off intense, powerful and erotic. Brittany's fingers were touching her everywhere eliciting fire and passion. But just as quickly as the pleasantness of Brittany's body - lithe and lean and had been writhing against her own, it soon gave way to darkness; her mind was recalling a memory, but twisting it so that it didn't quite make sense.
"Brittany where are you going?" she called out, but it was too late, she had already disappeared. Slipping in between the shadows, Santana reached out blindly, fumbling through the blackness and tripping over her own feet. Soon she was pressed up against a brick wall, her palms pushing and pushing but unable to move it from her path. She looked up to see trellis practically embedded into the wall and just beyond that was Brittany, a bright light shining behind her as her blonde hair trailed down resembling Rapunzel stuck in her tower. She beckoned to her waving her hand and mouthing words that Santana couldn't decipher. She wandered around, finding no doors or windows to sneak through so she began securing her feet into the gaps of the trellis, slowly but surely making her way higher and higher.
She climbed until she could no longer see the ground, but she seemed to be no closer to Brittany.
"Britt, why are you so far away?" But all she could see was Brittany's mouth moving but no sound coming out.
She climbed and climbed until her legs ached, she contemplated letting go the tiredness was so overwhelming. Just as she was about to she found a soft hand capture her own, looking up into the bright shining face of Brittany.
"Britt, they won't let us be together. So, I have been thinking about it a lot and... will you come with me to Philly? They won't find us there and we can finally be happy. We can be together."
"I don't love you San." She could finally hear Brittany's velvet voice announcing all of her fears in one go.
"You were just sex San, nothing more. I'm sorry." She let go, she was falling and it seemed to be never ending. She felt weightless, she didn't know how long she had been falling for, but she could sense the ground nearing.
"I'm sorry" was being repeated over and over again. The ground came in to view and Santana closed her eyes, bracing herself for the impact.
Instead she sat up with a jolt, which brought her back to this moment. She gripped the sheets tightly, glancing at the clock it read 7:45pm. She still felt exhausted and only had 15 minutes until Brittany was due back.
Santana stretched out across the bed, clicking and twisting her joints preparing herself to leave the warm confines of her duvet.
A soft knock resounded through the apartment, without a second thought Santana sprang from the bed to the front door. Swinging it open she remembered she was still in her shorts and tank top, she looked back down at her feet shyly.
"I can come back later?" Brittany's voice lilted.
"No it's fine. Come in, I'll just get changed. Just – wait."
Brittany stared after her, taking in the sight of a just-woken-up Santana a familiar ache making its self known. She had missed her so much.
"So how did you find me?" Santana's voice echoed through the apartment, interrupting Brittany's thoughts.
"I just searched around Philadelphia, plus, Noah has some police contacts. I'm glad that you aren't drinking as much."
Santana couldn't help but feel violated. One little charge of being drunk and disorderly and that was how she was located. She wanted to hit Puck all over again. She pulled a crimson jumper over her head, scooping her hair out from being tucked into the jumper she made her way into the living room.
"So you think it's ok to pry into my private life? What's the name of these officers?" She began scrabbling from draw to table top back to another draw in search of paper and pen.
Brittany stepped forward, interrupting Santana's searching.
"No I don't think it's ok to pry, but I really wanted to find you. Is it such a bad thing? Me being here?"
"Yes it is. There was a reason I decided to leave without you – and that was to put distance between us. You said you didn't love me, you went back on every promise you made me, so what do you expect from me?"
Brittany didn't know what to say. It seemed that regardless of everything that she had revealed and explained Santana couldn't see beyond herself.
"Did yesterday mean nothing to you? I thought you had grown, changed even since you left. But now I see exactly how you are – you're still selfish, stuck on yourself and nobody else."
She stepped towards the door.
"If you leave now Brittany then that will be it!" Santana's voice was shrill and loud as Brittany took another step closer to the door.
"But I thought that's what you wanted San? Me to just leave and not come back." Santana bit her lip, trying to think of something clever yet cutting to say, before she could say anything the blonde was gone, dashing down the stairs at a break neck speed.
"Britt wait!" She called down the stairs. "Britt I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you."
"About what?" Came the muffled reply.
"About our mistakes, starting with right now. I'm sorry Britt. Just – please come back up? I don't want us to talk like this." Santana's voice was desperate and needy.
Brittany slowly reappeared, her face the epitome of confusion.
"So I know what I want, but what do you want San?"
"I want..." her lips became dry, her thoughts a whirlwind of contradictions. She wanted her to leave, she wanted her to stay.
Most of all, she wished that none of this had happened at all. That they had never been parted.
"I want us to figure this out Britt, because right now I don't know what I want from this."