Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, I do however own this story, I'm just borrowing the characters.
A/N: Well that was the longest few weeks ever! Sorry for not updating sooner, but I've been in emotional turmoil with my other ff all this time. Please forgive me and please review. This ff will be drawing to a close in the next few chapters and I'll be sad to say goodbye.
Please review!
"I don't know if I can"
She could see the look on Brittany's face fall, but she also couldn't bring herself to lie.
"Right now I really don't know."
Brittany had taken it as a sign of rejection, she was meeting yet another stone wall set up by Santana.
"San I am asking you give me a chance. Just one chance and if you don't want me then I'll accept it." Brittany loosens her little finger and stares expectantly at Santana.
"Fine." She says and Brittany doesn't want to make a big deal out of it. If she makes a big deal out of it she knows it will just panic Santana more.
"Great," Brittany beams, "when, where and what time?" The words rush from her lips and it almost sounds like one long word. Santana's mouth twists up into a smile, but when she realises what she is doing her face drops into neutral territory. It's almost as if she is punishing herself for being happy.
"You decide Britt." The nickname causes Brittany to smile a little more. "And you can text me the details ok? Here let me write my number down." Santana gets up to locate some paper, but as she turns around Brittany is already thrusting her phone in her direction.
As Santana taps in her number she notices Brittany's leg bouncing up and down in nervousness or excitement she couldn't be sure.
She hands the phone back and gives another small smile as their fingers brush in the exchange. As she stands up Santana can't help but emphasise her point.
"Britt, this doesn't necessarily mean anything ok? This is just to see. So please don't build your hopes up." She sees the blonde scrunch her face up and she wants to take back what she has just said. But if Santana does that, she would be lying. What she had just said doesn't make it any less true and she wasn't going to change the reality of it to keep Brittany happy.
"Ok." Brittany says hesitantly, she knows Santana only said things like that to save disappointment and hurt. But sometimes it was almost as if she said it to convince herself of something rather than stating a truth.
"I'll text you ok?" Santana nods as Brittany gets to her feet another smile taking over her features. Brittany's mind is buzzing with different scenarios but then realises that she isn't sure what there is to do in the area.
They both make their way over to the door and there's an odd kind of tension between them.
"I'll see you soon." Santana says with finality.
"I will see you soon." Before Santana even registers what is happening, Brittany leans forward and plants a kiss on her cheek. She can't deny the flutter in her chest as Brittany pulls away. With one last cheeky smile Brittany disappears out of the doorway and down the stairs.
Santana remains in the doorway wondering if this was a good idea at all. For the first time in a long while she feels the need to talk to someone.
The only person she really had was Melissa. She immediately grasped her thick winter coat and began her walk down to Melissa's house.
"... so that's everything. Brittany was pregnant, was in therapy, didn't tell me about it until now when she turns up with Puck and here I am not sure if I'm making the right decision." Santana was nervous and had rambled her way through their entire conversation.
Melissa sat there unmoving, mouth slightly open just staring. Melissa hadn't known a single thing about Santana before, she wasn't exactly the sharing type and now she had been hit with all of this information – it was overwhelming to say the least.
Her silence was unnerving Santana.
"Say something." Santana says slightly bashfully, she wonders if it was the right thing to do unloading all of this onto her. But she needed another perspective, a sign that this was all a bad idea.
"Let me get this straight-" Melissa pauses contemplating her next words. "Firstly, you're a lesbian?" Santana nods.
"Your ex girlfriend turns up out of the blue after all this time to explain why she chose to stay and let you leave?" Santana nods again.
"She brings the guy who got her pregnant with her here, tells you she miscarried and that she tried to not be gay but couldn't because of you." Santana nods her head a little more slowly afraid of what she's about to say.
"Santana that's just- it's just all kinds of fucked up." With those words Santana visibly deflates. She hoped and yet feared this reaction. She wanted a justifiable reason for why she shouldn't go out on a date with Brittany.
"It's so messed up, don't do it Santana. It's going to mess you up. Just move on for both of your sakes." She doesn't know where it comes from but Santana feels this overwhelming need to defend Brittany.
"You don't know her Melissa she's just-"
"I know I don't know her, but I trust in what you've just told me." Santana goes to interject but Melissa carries on.
"Tell me was there any point during your relationship where you had a happy moment?" Just like that an abundance of happy memories flood Santana's memory.
Days at the park, nights spent steaming up car windows or just talking about inane things. Her chest tightens as she remembers one moment in particular.
The moment when she realised she was in love with Brittany. It was equal parts exhilarating and terrifying and she hadn't felt that way up until Brittany had reappeared.
"Yes" she replies softly, but she catches the frown on Melissa's face.
"Tell me about it then." She challenges and Santana is hesitant to accept.
The sky was aflame, reds and oranges mingled effortlessly, intertwining deliciously like lovers. Santana was half in shadow, as was Brittany. But the other half of her was golden in this setting. She could feel the heat, the burning longing for them to be complete. They were outside, completely alone staring at the point where the water met the sky in a perfect union. She could see the spark in her eyes as she got closer, the concentrated dose of ardour accumulating there as Santana kissed her flesh, her hand stroked down Brittany's body and between her supple breasts. Her fingers trailed further and further, eliciting a sound of gratification.
"How can I ever make you mine?"
But she knew how. Santana was doing it right that moment, as she loosened the material from Brittany's body, unfastening the binds from her skin. She was touching her in a knowing way, causing her to tremble.
Small sounds and murmurs punctuated the rhythmic movements of their yearning, Santana teased her and Brittany allowed her. It propelled her to new dizzying heights of satisfaction. It was a new world of sensuality, as her leisurely touches caused her to become overly heated and flushed. Santana could feel the effects she was having on her.
The sensory overload was too much to bear, as Brittany tried in vain to focus purely on her. But the perfection of the moment wasn't wasted on either of them. Santana was also flushed as she stripped herself of her shirt.
They spent hours lying side by side, partially obscured in the dying hours of day just feeling each other. They explored every inch in every conceivable way; with moist tongues and pliable lips and wanting hands. Each bestowing upon the other a new erotic experience, until they peaked, writhing unashamedly.
Somewhere in the distance church bells rang, faint and hollow as the two lovers put their clothes back on, sharing a long deep kiss afterwards. Although temporarily satisfied, it still left them both eager for that experience again. That moment would be etched permanently into their memories, serving as a sexual pinnacle to aspire to in the future.
Brittany checked her watch, noting that it was 5 minutes beyond the time she should have been home.
"Meet me here tomorrow ok? Same time" she said as she got up dusting off her jeans. Santana stood up straight away and kissed her neck slowly and softly, it was her silent plea for Brittany to not go home.
"Tomorrow" she breathed out, her chest heaving with exaggerated breaths as she made no move to leave. Santana smiled into her neck as she kissed along the curves down to her collarbone.
"Bye" Brittany uttered, the word sounding strangled.
"Wait" Santana said. Brittany hesitated and then turned back around.
"Britt, I-" Santana stared so deeply into Brittany's eyes that it made her want to look away and stay staring all at once. She was confused by the look she saw on Santana's face.
"Britt I love you. I will love you for the rest of my life. I'm just-" Santana runs her fingers through her hair in frustration unable to find the right words. "Brittany Susan Pierce. I am in love with you."
The vulnerability Brittany saw there made her chest pound.
"I love you too San. So much."
Santana doesn't divulge the entire situation to Melissa but glosses over the more intimate aspects that led up to her declaring her love sincerely to Brittany.
"But do you love her still? After everything you've gone through together and apart?" Melissa asks but she is almost certain of the answer.
"We have been through a lot. It's hard for me not to love her." Melissa expels a breath but Santana continues.
"But sometimes loving someone isn't enough." Melissa continues to be silent as the heaviness of Santana's words hang in the air.
She's repeating it over and over in her mind. Santana was confused by what she is feeling. One moment she doesn't know if she wants to repair their relationship and then the next moment she is defending Brittany and saying she loves her.
She just didn't know what to do or say anymore.
How can she know for certain if this time would be right? But she wouldn't, no-one could and it seemed Santana was searching for answers that nobody could know or give.