A/N: ATH is an abbreviation of 'All Things Hallyu'. The entire title wouldn't fit, so I guess that's how I'm doing things now. I probably should have thought about that before, but you'll find I'm quite terrible at foresight and reason and coherent thought and all that nonsense. Now, onto the abomination! In the name of k-pop, we will destroy your childhood!
Do not use with sleeping medications, lysergic acid diethylamide, or significant quantities of sanity.
Seoul, the bustling capital of South Korea, was as obscenely loud as could be expected. The crisp night air was filled with car horns, skidding tires, and citizens complaining about unfair stereotypes. Yet not a single sound reached the ears of a certain red-haired corn addict. From where she stood on top of YG headquarters, the night was silent.
SLAP! "BITCH!"
Nevermind.
"It's my skirt, damn it! She bought it for me!" A bright orange skirt was yanked out of small hands, and a shrill, indignant cry rang out in the darkness. Kim Heechul, inexplicably away from his military-issued post and standing on top of a skyscraper at just past midnight, looked smug and victorious as he held the garment against his chest.
"Unnie would never," cried Sandara Park, inexplicably away from her me2day and pet cat. She glared at the man opposite her. He childishly stuck his tongue out at her, spitting and sputtering as the hairs of his long blond wig blew into his mouth with the wind. She spun on her heel and stared at the Korean woman behind her. "You wouldn't, would you unnie? I'm Sailor V, right, not the scary crossdresser?" Before her question could be answered, however, the man (man?) in question popped up behind her and slapped her from behind.
Bom sighed in relief as Dara whipped around, jaw dropped to the ground. "How dare you hit a lady!"
Heechul crossed his arms and huffed into the cold night air. "You hit one first! I'm Sailor V, you can be Sailor Jupiter!" Dara stomped her foot and pointed to a spot near the edge of the building's roof. "I can't be Sailor Jupiter," she whined, "Seunghyun-oppa is!"
"I'm not comfortable with this."
Several feet away stood Choi Seunghyun, aka TOP, in a white blouse and emerald green skirt with matching heels, head covered by a brown wig styled in a ponytail and a wholly unamused expression on his face. His hands twitched in their position at his sides as he tried—and failed—to nonchalantly pull the hem of his skirt down to cover all of his ass.
"D'awww," Kwon Ji-Yong (better known as G-Dragon) cooed, pinching the other man's cheeks. He was dressed in a black suit, cape, and top hat, with a white mask over his eyes. TOP both envied and hated him for it. "Hyung is blushing." The pink tint that covered TOP's cheeks darkened to a violent red, and he showed G-Dragon the truth behind the rumors of his mean right hook.
Nearby the still-blushing, unwillingly skirt-clad rapper, Choi Siwon sat on the building's ledge. He winced at the thunk of G-Dragon hitting the cement and glanced around him, his eye noticeably twitching at his... company. He sighed, ignoring the shaggy bright blue hair that fell in his face. The wig he had mysteriously found himself in was poor quality, but it wasn't the worst he'd been forced into. The little blue skirt and matching knee-high heeled boots were among the worst, however, and the bow on his butt took the shitty cake. He watched Heechul and Dara's feud (which had continued with more slapping) with a bored, mildly tortured expression. CL, having woken up this morning as a blond-furred cat for some reason, sat at his feet. Her tail swished back and forth as she watched Bom try to sneak a corn cob down her throat.
"Bom-unnie, what are we doing up here? It's cold," the last member of the group spoke up. Minzy, dressed in a red-skirt version of TOP's outfit and current object of hatred, had remained silent most of the night, settling for shivering in a corner and watching Heechul and Dara's catfight. She had spent some time debating with herself on whether or not she should intervene on Dara's behalf. She then remembered a time when she accidentally addressed Heechul as unnie and dismissed the thought; she could throw a damn good punch, but Heechul slapped hard. He also had a penchant for hair-pulling, and with her hair having somehow grown overnight to a length it hadn't been since her trainee days, she didn't think she had much of a chance.
The artificial redhead turned her head slightly, trying to hide the corn before turning completely. After several seconds of staring blankly at Minzy over her shoulder, she pivoted on her heel, whipping her arm out to toss the corn cob as hard as she could and barely keeping herself from tipping over as she stopped herself with the heel of a knee-high red boot. She smiled sheepishly at the maknae, but the corners of her mouth turned down so quickly afterwards that it had to have been some sort of record when a loud, feminine yelp rang out in the night, followed by a startled yowl from CL. Dara cheered as Heechul dropped to the ground and held the orange skirt skyward. Siwon began beating his head against his knees and CL relocated to Minzy's lap, while G-Dragon collapsed in hysterics nearby. TOP stood in the farthest corner of the skyscraper's roof, the Super Junior member's dramatic writhing and shrieking going unnoticed by the rapper as he sulked over the unpleasant draft he felt.
Bom's eyes widened. She'd gone as white as a sheet the second he fell, and now she slowly inched her way around the screaming heap that was Kim Heechul, diving behind Minzy when she had come close enough. "Dongsaeng," she whispered, making Minzy sigh and utter an unenthusiastic, "hmm?"
"Hide meeeeeeeeeee!"