Chapter Two
"Oooh, yes, Remus, I love what you do to me. Harder, baby, harder."
Lupin grunted. He hated when Sarah Callahan called him 'baby'. It was a stupid term of endearment to begin with, implying a degree of infantilism, made all the more idiotic that she was young enough to be his child. He had asked her not to use it, but she had a tendency to forget in the throes of passion.
He grunted again. It was a small complaint. She was eager to please and open-minded in bed, and possessed more than a few talents – talents that he knew ought to be beyond her seventeen years. And she was discreet and appeared not to mind when he graded her papers according to her (somewhat average) ability as a DADA student and not her status as his lover.
He pumped her hard, stroking between her legs as he barrelled towards a climax. With both of them satisfied, he withdrew, ever aware of the condom. He actually used a very effective contraceptive potion but he was very aware of how careful he had to be. He wasn't in a position to marry Sarah if he got her pregnant... and she wasn't the kind of girl he would marry even if he could... whatever Sarah might think otherwise.
He settled on his stomach and kissed her shoulder idly. He wondered how he could get Sarah to leave early. They usually spent most of the evening together when she came to him, but he had visited his wife yesterday and being with Sarah made him feel guilty. And feeling guilty didn't do much for his libido. He wished she hadn't come now. He wanted to get rid of her and spend the rest of his night with Teddy.
Sarah tensed up. She knew when he was thinking about his wife. She hated being reminded that he was married, although of course everyone knew about it. It was such a great tragedy, the war hero whose wife had been cut down, alive but not alive. She'd been in a coma for nine months; there weren't many who had more sympathy. Possibly even more than if Tonks had just died.
And that was Sarah's plan. She had had a crush on Lupin way back in second year, and had felt childish jealousy when he had gotten married, and felt a vindictive pleasure when she'd heard about what had happened to his wife. It was her plan to be his companion during his wife's deterioration until he realised what he had in her.
Except now he was thinking of his wife. And he did that when he had been to see Tonks. Sarah had no idea what he got out of it. What could he get out of a comatose wife? "You've been to see her," Sarah came sullenly. "And then you went to bed with me."
"You came to me," Lupin reminded her. He never sought Sarah out, it would too easily draw attention to their relationship, which so far had remained a secret to everyone but McGonagall. She came to him when she was free.
"I wouldn't have if I'd known you gone to see her," Sarah said, still sullen, and Lupin remembered something else he didn't like about Sarah; she was easily jealous.
Inwardly, Sarah was seething. She was jealous by nature and furious that Lupin didn't seem to give a toss that she didn't exactly have a snow white past. She wanted him to be jealous – it would be a sign that he was crazy about her. "I deserve more respect," she complained. "I'm not just a warm body for you to use and discard."
"What do you want me to do?" Lupin asked testily. "You knew when you get involved with me I was married."
"Yeah, and she's done you the world of good," Sarah said sarcastically. "I'm here and I demand some goddamn respect."
"If you want respect, then I suggest you don't go around sleeping with married professors,"
Sarah flared at that. "You bastard," she spat. She went to strike him. Lupin deflected the blow easily. At that point, Teddy began to cry in the next room. "You walk away from me and it's over," Sarah threatened as Lupin slid out of bed.
"I'll never put you before my son," Lupin said. He performed a basic cleaning spell on himself so he wouldn't smell of Sarah in front of his son – something he was always paranoid about.
"I mean it, Remus." Sarah couldn't believe how quickly things had turned sour. She had planned to be indispensible to him, but he had shrugged her off as if she were of no consequence.
"I've no doubt that you do. You should find someone your own age, Sarah, who is free to be with you. I can't give you what you need."
"You mean you won't," Sarah corrected.
"OK, fine, I won't. I love my wife. I wouldn't be free of her even if I could. Do you understand?"
"I understand that you used me," Sarah spat. "How do you think people will feel when they found out what you did?"
"And are you going to tell them?" Lupin asked coolly. "I might come across as a jerk for playing around on my wife, but people will understand, if not approve. You, however,will be the tramp who's sleeping with a married professor."
Sarah scowled. "Fuck you," she spat. "You'll be sorry," she promised. They both knew it was an empty threat.
She stomped out of his rooms and Lupin picked up his son. "It's OK," he said to the wailing child. "I didn't like her much anyway. Daddy's just really lonely," he admitted. There was a knock on the door. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he growled. Putting Teddy down, he went to the door. "Sarah, I thought you never wanted to see me again...er, hello, Ginny," he said, deeply embarrassed to have been caught out. "I – er – didn't mean – " he started lamely.
"I had my suspicions for a while," Ginny said. "She's never liked me and couldn't resist gloating a little. Don't worry," she said when she saw Lupin frown with concern. "I don't think anyone else has a clue. You play a very good grieving widower," she couldn't help tease.
He frowned again. "I'm not playing," he said. "I'm just lonely."
"Of course you are. I didn't mean to insult you."
"You may as well come in. What are you doing here, anyway?"
"Following you sister's instructions to see how you were doing under the guise of asking for help with my studies."
Lupin laughed at that. "Tess clearly doesn't know you too well, although Charlie ought to," he said. "No-one who knows you would buy that you need help with DADA."
And he was very fond of her, fonder than he had dares show in case he was accused of favouritism. He welcomed her company even with such a transparent excuse. "I was really lonely," he repeated when they sat down.
"You don't have to justify yourself to me, Professor."
"I thought I told you to call me Remus in these rooms. And yes, I do. I value the esteem you hold me in. I don't want to lose it."
"You're not going to lose it... Remus. Though I might question your taste..."
"Sarah – Sarah's trash," Lupin said, feeling oddly guilty for saying such a thing about his very recent lover – even if it was true. "I can't ruin her reputation any more. She's not someone I could fall in love with, and I don't want to forget how I feel about Dora. I don't love Sarah and whatever plans she had, she didn't love me. It was... convenient."
"And you don't think she'll go blabbing?" Ginny asked.
"Not particularly. And even if she does, her reputation will suffer more than mine. I'm a popular war figure, and everyone knows that werewolves have abnormally high libidos. People will understand, even if they disapprove of me playing around on a Black. But she'll be the one who's sleeping with a married professor. Its hypocrisy, but with any luck it will encourage her to keep her mouth shut."
"But – you're not seeing her anymore?"
Lupin shook her head. "It was a mistake. I overestimated her grasp of the situation. She wanted more from me than I can give her... and even if I could, I wouldn't. I know they say I married above me, and maybe I did – "
"Remus, that's not true – " Ginny started to say, but Lupin gave her a pointed look and she shut up.
"Maybe I did marry above me, but I would never be happy with someone like Sarah. She's not – she's not – " he struggled to find the words.
"Not good enough for you?" Ginny offered. "You're worth more than you think, Remus. And you didn't marry beneath you. Tonks loved you, and you deserved that love. You're not going to get it from someone like Sarah Callahan."
"And who else am I going to get it from, Ginny? I don't have anything to offer a woman. I'm married but my wife has been in a coma for the last nine months. I can't commit to a public relationship 'cos that makes the woman my mistress – and a whore. And I can't be with my wife. That only leaves me with women like Sarah, who were tramps to begin with." And light years from what Lupin wanted out of a relationship.
"I'm sorry. I wish you were with me and I didn't have to resort to this stuff. I wish I could take it all back. When I think about the time I wasted running from you – I'm so, so sorry, Dora. Please, if you just wake up, I'll never look at another woman. I swear. Please..." He gripped his wife's hand tightly. He ought to have known by now that pleading with her to wake it wouldn't work, but he still attempted it every time he saw her – especially now that he felt so guilty about his affair.
"You have some nerve, acting like the grieving widow after your actions," came the voice of his mother-in-law.
Lupin cringed. Andromeda was the last person he felt like talking to. "What actions?" he asked coolly, although he knew what Andromeda was referring to. She had a sixth sense about indiscretions and had always believed the worst in him.
"Your dalliance with one of your students," Andromeda said. "Who, from what I hear, has been with half the boys in her year. Guess that makes her almost a match for you in the promiscuity department," she jeered.
"I never cheated on her, which you damn well know," Lupin retorted. Andromeda gave him a pointed look, which he writhed under. "I mean – not before this happened. And not until recently."
"Because that makes me feel better, knowing you didn't seduce a student until after your wife slipped into a coma."
"I didn't seduce her! She came onto me! God, why do I even care that you don't believe me? You never wanted to believe anything good about me anyway. I loved her – I still love her – and if I could have her with me that would make me the happiest person on the planet. But I can't and I'm lonely. I'm not you, Andromeda, I can't just go on embracing my widowhood like it's some cloak of pride."
"You're not widowed!" Andromeda screamed at him. She went to strike him, and he caught her wrist easily, taking a perverse pleasure out of seeing her flinch at his touch.
"There was a time you were my friend," he pointed out. "Are you so shallow that your friendship disintegrated when I started seeing your daughter? Don't tell me you're one of those bullshit liberals who preach open-mindedness but only so long as it doesn't have to do with them personally?"
"No, I'm a mother whose daughter is barely alive because she was too weak to fight – because of what you did to her. Besides, I have no problem with Teddy being whatever he is."
"And if you don't get off my case, you won't see him again," Lupin said.
"You wouldn't dare. I'll have you declared an unfit parent. You think anyone will have any sympathy for you after they find out about you and that trollop?"
"You don't want to get in a fight with me over Teddy, Andromeda. You know I'll win. And then you won't see Teddy again. Cut me some slack and you'll see him at least once a month." As a matter of practicality, Andromeda needed to have Teddy at the full moon anyway; but no point in making it sound like she was doing him a favour.
"Twice a month," Andromeda countered. "Every second weekend."
It was only what he'd been willing to give her in the first place. "Deal," he said. "Hell, you can even have him every second summer. Minerva wants me to spend my summers doing research for Hogwarts." It was a Hogwarts-funded trip to parts of the world that contained the biggest concentrates of Dark Magic and Dark and Dangerous Creatures. Lupin figured that he couldn't exactly turn down expenses-paid trips to Eastern Europe, Asia and Africa, although he had negotiated her down to every second summer; no way was he spending every summer without Teddy, and he didn't want to take Teddy with him, either.
Andromeda eyed him suspiciously, torn between her natural distrust of him and her longing to get an even better deal out of him, before deciding it was the best that she was going to get – and it was better then she had hoped for. "Deal," she said. "But Remus? If you're ever so indiscreet again, I'll kill you myself. Then I won't have to worry about a custody battle."
Which was her way of telling him that in future, she expected him to be discreet enough about his dalliances that she wouldn't hear about it.
"Healer Tonks? It's important that you come down to the lobby. It's someone claiming to be your grandson's uncle."
Andromeda frowned. Her daughter had been an only child, as was her son-in-law – at least in the biological sense. Although she was extremely fond of Charlie Weasley – if she couldn't have had him as a son-in-law, than uncle by marriage to Lupin's pack-sister was the next best thing. But marriage was hardly on the cards, which only left one possible answer – that this 'uncle' was one of Lupin's mob. And while she had to concede that Lupin and Tess were remarkably civilised for werewolves – hell, she had no issue with him beyond the fact he'd gotten her daughter pregnant which had left her in a weakened state that had made her easy pickings for her sister – the same couldn't be said for many others of their kind. And Fenrir Greyback, their sire, was a particularly vicious werewolf. Andromeda didn't want anyone he'd sired anywhere near her grandson.
Despite herself, she shivered when she saw the claimant. He had that feral look that Greyback had acquired in the last years of his life, the result of feeding all month long which had left him in a partially transformed state year round. She was suddenly glad that Lupin had Teddy; no way would this creature dare to breech the security at Hogwarts. "Who are you?" she asked coolly.
"Fenrir Greyback," he announced promptly.
"Ah... Junior," she said contemptuously. His most notorious sired werewolf, he had taken on his sire's name – and feeding habits.
"I want to see my nephew," Junior said, clearly stung by the reference.
Andromeda shivered. Lupin hadn't been popular among werewolves since the end of the war, having killed one of Voldemort's most vicious foot soldiers. No doubt Junior wanted revenge through Teddy. She calmly recited a wordless, wandless curse that sent deep gashes across Junior's chest. He howled in agony. "If I see you again, I will kill you," she promised.
She was shaking badly when Lupin arrived soon after. "Where's Teddy?" she demanded.
"I left him with Minerva. Given the circumstances, I figured you wouldn't want him leaving Hogwarts." Andromeda nodded tersely. "What happened?"
Andromeda explained briefly. "I think he wants revenge on you," she said. "You did kill his sire."
"He'd have gone after Dora. I did kind of steal Tess from him." Lupin started pacing. "I wish you'd have killed him. OK, Hogwarts and this place are well-protected enough that he won't get through. You might want to up the security on your place, though."
Andromeda nodded. "If I were you, I'd be concerned about Tess," she said. "If he wants revenge on you and can't get to Teddy, he'll go after her."
Lupin shivered. "I hadn't thought of that. And if he's anything like Greyback, the fact she's his sister won't discourage him. Maybe it will even encourage him. God, why won't these creatures just leave me the hell alone?" he asked. "Greyback deserved everything he got."
"By all accounts, I think Andy scared him off," Lupin said. "But I want you to up your security. If he's anything like Greyback – "
Tess shivered, remembering what Greyback had done to her. "I'll never forget what he did to me," she said in a small voice.
"Charlie says you have nightmares," Lupin said, concerned.
She turned her head away, embarrassed that Charlie had witnessed such a thing – and gone blabbing to Lupin, who had plenty of other things to worry about right now. "Remind me not to let him stay over again," she said, scowling.
"He cares about you a great deal, Tess. More than most of our kind get to have people care about us."
"He's a pureblood, Remus. I would never have gotten his parents approval."
"Molly accepted Fleur eventually, she would have accepted you."
Tess shrugged. "He has to go back to Romania eventually. We both knew it wouldn't last." Besides, after all he had done for her, she couldn't exactly leave her brother when he needed her.
Tess gripped the headboard, the reinforced steel frame that had been Charlie's idea after she had broken it in a fit of passion. Completely naked, Charlie was eating her out with a vigour. He genuinely loved giving her pleasure, and didn't push her to return the favour. She reached down to grab his hair – she loved how he kept it a little long, giving her something to get a grip on. "Charlie!" she cried out, writhing on the bed as her boyfriend went down on her.
Boyfriend? she wondered. Slip of the tongue, so to speak. "Oh – God – Charlie, let me come. Please..."
"I love it when you beg me," Charlie said with a cheeky grin when he obliged her with an orgasm. He kneeled between her legs and started kissing her as he eased himself inside her. "I can't believe how hot you make me," he murmured. He bit his lip to stop from blurting out his real feelings. Tess discouraged him from speaking about his deep feelings for her.
The fact was, he was crazy about her. He looked forward to seeing her when he wasn't with her, and it broke his heart when she had her nightmares. He knew she got a lot of unwanted male attention – it turned out Junior was the least of her problems – by men who saw her as less than an animal, someone whose alleged promiscuity was something to take full advantage of, without treating her with one iota of respect. It broke his heart to know that she could be so badly mistreated and they couldn't do anything about it. He wanted to take care of her, but she didn't seem likely to let him. "Tess," he cried out. "Ahhh – my love – Tess..."
He curled up next to her after they were finished. He loved holding her, feeling her higher body temperature and faster heart rate and – "Tess?" he asked.
"Mmm?"
"I was thinking... we should get married."
"Pardon?"
"We should get married," Charlie repeated.
"Er... why?"
"I want to take care of you," Charlie said. "I've looked into it. I'd have certain rights as your husband that you don't have on your own."
"Excuse me?" Tess asked coolly, and Charlie knew he'd blundered.
"Well – I just mean – I have a right to redress if something of mine is violated," he explained. "It's an Azkaban offense to rape another man's wife. There's no crime in raping Tess Green – at least, none that you can prosecute for. There's plenty a crime in raping Tess Weasley."
"So what, now you're my keeper?" she asked, stung by Charlie's sense of obligation. She supposed she should be flattered that he cared about her so much, but really? That was his proposal?
"I didn't say that."
"I can take care of myself, Charlie."
"No, you can't. I know you're strong, but not even you can fight a group attack. It keeps me up at night, Tess. I want to take care of you."
"I don't need you to take care of me, and I can't believe this is your idea of taking care of me."
She got out of bed. "What are you doing?" Charlie asked.
"Getting dressed and going out. I expect you to be gone by the time I get back."
"Tess, don't be like this. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it came out. I – "
He started to tell her that he loved her, but Tess cut him off. "Don't," she said. "I don't want to hear it. This is exactly why I didn't want to get involved with you. I'm just a half-breed that needs looking after to you."
"That's not – "
"Stop it!" she screamed at him. She was more upset than she cared to admit that Charlie's concern for her only extended to keeping her safe. She had discouraged him from revealing his feelings for her, only to discover that he didn't have any feelings for her. OK, so he was attracted to her and felt a sense of obligation to her, but he didn't love her the way she'd secretly hoped he did. "Just – stop it!"
Charlie was genuinely puzzled at to why Tess was reacting the way she had. Sure, it hadn't been the most romantic of proposals – he should have been upfront about his feelings for her – but it didn't warrant her reacting like this. "Tess, c'mon baby." He went to embrace her and she pushed him away violently.
"Go back to Romania," she said bitterly. "I don't want to see you again."
And she charged off into the night.
"Your kind aren't welcome here," a snarling voice startled Tess from behind – so snarling that she couldn't have done such as good voice.
"I have just as much right to be here as anyone else," Tess said coolly. She was drunk and a little intimidated by this guy. She hadn't yet gotten used to the open hostility that some people demonstrated towards her... especially when it was coupled with obvious appreciation for her stunning fair looks. She had gone to a pub in Knockturn Alley to drown her sorrows. Except she wasn't having much luck. She was deeply heartsore over Charlie's sense of obligation. Though she'd rather die than admit it, she had developed feelings for him and had deep down nursed a hope that those feelings were returned.
It was just about closing time. She got up to leave; the man followed her. She realised too late that he was part of a group of men – none of whom looking friendly. Sick to her stomach with dread, she went for her wand but her reflexes were off because of how much she'd had to drink. And worse, Charlie had been right; she had superhuman strength, but not enough to defend herself against a group attack.
She found herself shoved against a wall, her wand snatched out of her hand, at least two men holding her down. "I told you, your kind aren't welcome here," the first man snarled again. He shoved his hand under her shirt, fondling her breast roughly. "I hear your kind like it rough... and plentiful," he jeered.
"No..." she moaned. She closed her eyes, trying to clear her head, and almost fell down from the dizziness. No, this couldn't be happening, she thought as she felt fingers forcing themselves down her pants...
"I came as soon as I heard," Charlie said. "I'm so, so sorry. If I hadn't picked a fight with her, she never would have left," he blathered.
Lupin stared blankly at Charlie. "I've got no idea what you're talking about," he said.
Charlie felt another stab of guilt. Lupin was already dealing with the loss of his wife, now he had to go through watching someone else he cared about barely cling onto life. "I asked her to marry me and made a complete hash of it. She walked out on me. She should have been with me and not out there drowning her sorrows. It's all my fault."
"No, it's all their fault," Lupin growled. "She doesn't deserve this – contrary to what some people think. I know you care about her."
"I made it sound like I was doing her a favour. I couldn't just tell her I loved her, I had to make it sound like I had an obligation to her."
Lupin looked at him in surprised. "I knew you liked her," he said. "I didn't realise you loved her. But then, sometimes it's hard to believe that we can be loved."
"I love her to absolute distraction," Charlie said sadly. "I can't believe anyone could be so callous. She's in so much pain. Why didn't they just kill her?" Her injuries were substantial enough that her healing ability couldn't wholly take care of it – she was now in a kind of trance.
"Maybe they didn't realise you need silver to do any permanent damage... or maybe they did and wanted her to be in this much pain." Lupin watched as Charlie threaded his fingers through Tess's. "You're good for her," he said approvingly.
"She's good for me. You know, when I first heard about you and Tonks, I didn't understand what she saw in you. I mean, you were so much older than her and her parents were so disapproving... but then I met Tess and it didn't matter that she was younger than me or a werewolf. I just wanted to be with her. I made up any excuse I could to see her. Even when she held me at arm's length, I wasn't discouraged. I had to be with her. I was driven. When you fall for someone, you fall for them, and there's nothing you can do about it."
Lupin looked intently at Charlie. He had been possessive of Tonks and disliked the man visiting her. But hearing Charlie speak about Tess made him realise the man had never had those kinds of feelings for his wife. "You can visit her, if you want," he said.
Charlie smiled sadly. "Thanks, but Tess is just as jealous as you. I don't want to incur her wrath over someone who's just a friend."
"Oh, thankgod. We were so worried about you."
"We?" Tess asked. She struggled to sit up and winced from the pain in her side.
"Charlie and I. Take it easy. They really did a number on you. If you were human, they would have killed you."
The memory hit her like a flash. Being grabbed, being disarmed, having their vicious manhood forced inside her, tearing her apart. She ached everywhere, but particularly inside her when they had violated her. "They raped me," she said pitifully. "I don't remember how many of them – Charlie warned me..."
"Your man is crazy about you," Lupin said. "He's been here every day. He's so remorseful, he blames himself."
"Blame – himself – why?" Lupin explained. "He didn't have to offer to marry me," she said bitterly. "I'm not some charity case."
"He doesn't think of you as a charity case, love," Lupin said. "He really loves you. I saw the way he looks at you and I was completely over my territorial feelings. He doesn't have room in his heart for anyone else. You're it. Look, he even brought his bear over," he said, gesturing to the ratty-looking stuffed bear next to her that had clearly received a lot of love. "And gave you his robes." He had wrapped her up in one of his old Gryffindor robes; it was miles too big for her, but it only looked charming, the patient in her boyfriend's cloak. "Marry him, Tess. He doesn't care about your being a werewolf or nineteen. He does care about you. Marry him and go to Romania and be happy. Please don't make the same mistake I did with Dora. None of us knows how much time we have left with the people we love."
"Thankyou so much for this," Charlie gushed a few weeks later. After Tess had accepted his proposal, Charlie had insisted they get married as soon as she was well enough to eave St. Mungo's. He was a little scared that she had accepted his proposal out of fear and would try to get out of it once she was in a calmer frame of mind. As it was, she had refused to wear his mother's ring, saying it was pointless for her to have a family heirloom when they wouldn't be having a family. Better to give it to Percy, George or Ron when the time came.
His fears were ill-founded. Tess was glowing with newlywed happiness. Watching her, he couldn't believe he had gotten this gorgeous, intelligent young woman to marry him. Him!
"Anything to make my sister happy," Lupin said. And Tess did look happy. There was no denying that she and Charlie were good together.
"I'm going to miss you. And Teddy," Tess said regretfully.
"You'd better come back to visit," Lupin said. No way would Andromeda allow him to take Teddy to Romania. He shifted Teddy on his hip. "Say goodbye to your aunt and new uncle," he said. "Bye-bye."
"Buh," Teddy said. Lupin wasn't sure if he knew what he was saying or was merely repeating his father.
"I always wanted Charlie for a son-in-law," Andromeda said later. "But failing that, an uncle for Teddy is the next best thing."
"Careful, Andy. I might start to think you approve."
Andromeda chuckled. "You're a good dad," she said grudgingly. "I only wish Dora was around to enjoy this."
He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I miss her every day," he said. "I dream about her at night. Sometimes so vividly that when I wake up I have to remember all over again. There's this massive ache in my chest that nothing can take away."
Andromeda nodded. It was how she felt about Ted. "You do love her," she noted.
"I wouldn't have married her if I didn't," he said. "And God, what I'd give to have her back."