Soooo sorry for the huge delay! Was busy being way too social; ugh! Haha. Thank you so much for waiting! Hope you enjoy this next chapter. Takes place during the night Olivia is staying with Alex. Would love if you reviewed! 3
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Must be the pizza guy.
"Coming," I call out as I smile to Alex.
The pizza smells great as I trade the money for the delicious Italian cuisine. I ordered it with the toppings Alex loves; mushroom and Canadian bacon. We had grown to memorize our favorite dishes over the years of late nights.
"I'm starved," the blonde says as I near the table for two.
"Good, I got a large."
As I place the food down I can't help but feel overjoyed. I had missed my old friend dearly. I thought I would never see the ex-A.D.A again. It was a bit surreal still. I fear I am dreaming and I will wake up to find none of this is true. I shake the thoughts from my mind when Alex asks why I have such a broad smile upon my face. I lightly chuckle as I hand her a slice.
"Just happy to see you again."
"I'm happy to see you, too, Olivia. I've missed you." I feel my heart flutter. "And the boys. I miss everyone down at SVU. I miss all the familiar faces." Suddenly I feel a bit let down to the added people she had mentioned.
I gently bite my lower lip in thought. There has always been this connection between Alex and I that we both acknowledged. I found myself growing more fond of her as the months turned into years. I could have sworn I sensed her heart yearn for me as mine did for her. Yet, for some reason, neither of us ever took that next step. Maybe we would have another chance. I can feel my heart beat a bit faster at the idea. I stop before I get ahead of myself.
"How have you been?" I pause, my burnished copper eyes searching her piercing blues and I know she knows what I truly mean.
There's a moment of silence.
"I'm doing alright." She gives a pause, looking at her pizza. "For living a different life, I suppose. I'm as happy as I can be...the job I have can't even compare to what I had. It's just different, you know?" She is averting her eyes, as if she wants to tell me something but doesn't know how. I give her a reassuring look before she continues.
"I'm seeing this wonderful guy," suddenly I don't feel so happy anymore, "but," she pauses and furrows her brows. I wonder if it is I who caused her to look so disheartened. "I don't like having to lie to the new friends I have made. To my boyfriend. It bothers me each night we go to bed and he calls me Emily. I'm not Emily...I'm Alex," she sighs and shakes her head.
I feel like a complete jerk. My own brows furrow in concern. I never thought about how much her life had changed. I never realized Alex would have to live a whole different one. I feel selfish for not taking that all into consideration.
"Alex...I am so sorry to hear that. That must be so hard," my hand reaches over the table and I cup her forearm, giving her a sympathetic squeeze. She smiles lightly; that beautiful smile that lights up my heart. I had missed her so much and all I can think of is keeping her to myself. This is when the jealousy sets in.
"Well, you can see why I was more than eager to return home."
She smiles and I give her a small one in return. Silence befalls upon us and we eat a few bites of our pizza. Why did this suddenly become so awkward? She must of sensed something shift in me; it was only my heart being weighed down with the sad fact of reality. And that reality was Alex and I would never become something. I could read it in her eyes. They were soft, delicate, and caring, but they bore the truth in them.
How badly I wanted to ask if she was happy; truly happy with that man. How badly I wanted her to tell me know and how much she truly missed me. I wanted to hear her say she hadn't felt happy since she left because when she did there was a void that could only be filled by me. I knew I set the bar too high. I knew how foolish I was being but I still couldn't stop my mind from coming up with these outlandish ideas.
Alex breaks the oddly uncomfortable silence as if she knows what is going on through my head which I am grateful for yet dislike the question she chose to ask.
"So, what is new in the world of Olivia?"
"Same old stuff, Alex, same old stuff."
"Typical detective answer," she says with that signature grin that can melt glaciers.
"I'm serious," it's half true. There is no need to bog her down with the typical troubles that come with my job.
"What? Still not seeing anyone, Liv?"
My heart stumbles from her question and I find myself subconsciously placing my hand over it as if I can catch it from falling to the floor. I quickly mask my infernal emotions and give her a half smile with a shake of my head. I want to tell her the truth. That I haven't had must interest in anyone since she was forced to leave. But I don't.
"No one has really peaked my interest."
"Well," her brows rise, "What about that Casey Novak, gal? She's a pretty one. A bit abrasive but I am sure you just need to get to know her."
I know my brow has raised high and a skeptical look is upon my face. Casey Novak? Why on Earth would Alex think I had any interest in her? Well, now that it was brought up, I couldn't deny that I didn't find the A.D.A attractive. Yet, I never really thought anything of it.
"What about her?" I ask, a bit nonchalant, suddenly having much more interest in the content on this pizza than I do about where this is going.
"God, Liv, you really haven't changed," she breathes a light chuckle. "You choose to be oblivious at the worst times in your life."
"What are you even talking about?" I ask quite seriously. I wonder where she is going with this.
"You really don't see how badly Casey is crushing over you? I talked to the woman for five minutes and even I could detect it! I would say it is even past the crush stage and has evolved into flying but soon to fall stage."
"Alex, what are we, high schoolers?" We both give a light laugh. "But...no...," my brown eyes stare down at the table, "I doubt she is into women let alone me. Alex, you wouldn't believe how much we argue. It's like we're an old, bitter married couple but without the tax break," I smile when she chuckles. God, she is beautiful.
"Well, she is an attorney, Liv. You just hate having an argument with one of us because you know you're going to lose. But, you're avoiding the subject matter, Olivia."
"I do not always lose, thank you!"
She sighs with a shake of her head, leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed. Oh, no, she is going to drill me.
"You really hadn't noticed, Novak?"
I shake my head no in all honesty. My brows knit together in thought, trying to recall anytime where Casey may have shown interest. It would make sense that I had never noticed considering my thoughts and heart were on Alex. Yet, could I be blamed for not recognizing the signs when the A.D.A and I argued over cases and our performances; always accusing each other of not doing their job.
"No, considering her and I point fingers all the time. I, mean, it's like she is searching for a fight."
"Defense mechanism." She states rather simply. "She is probably afraid of you discovering that she likes you. Makes sense. I would probably do the same if I was getting flustered over you."
I feel my cheeks burn with a blush and hope she can't see it.
"You should look into, Liv."
I give a shrug and take a swig of my beer. I'm not sure if Alex is telling me this because she just wants me to be happy or if she is trying to get me off her. I know she is a bright woman and has to know I am still craving her. Has to know I am not over her.
"Why?" I have to ask even though I am afraid of the answer.
"So you can have a shot at happiness. Companionship. Move on with your life, Liv."
For some reason I feel myself getting a bit defensive, knowing I have to get angry instead of sad. That last statement had to be personal and it caused my heart to weep internally. She must sense it because she interjects before I can retort.
"Okay, let's drop it. I'm sorry I was pushing you."
"Yeah," I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "I'm going to go get the couch set up."
As I get up, I can't figure out why I was so upset. It must have been a combination of the obvious rejection from the woman who I have been in love with for many years or the fact that she was right; that I should start seeking other people and move on; that maybe I should learn more about Casey. I almost wanted to groan in frustration.
I'm guessing 15 minutes or so had passed considering when Alex interrupted me she was in her pjs. Even if a two piece-pant pjs she still looked stunning.
"Thanks for staying with me, Liv. And I am sorry again if I offended you."
Those ice-blue eyes sing sincerity and I can't help but give her a small smile and nod of acknowledgment.
"It's okay, Alex." I throw the pillow on the couch and she smiles.
"Night."
"Good-night," I bite my lower lip, wishing I could say a pet name.
Once she left into the other room, I fall onto the fold-out mattress with a deep sigh. My mind is racing with thousands of thoughts; all which seem to be disheartening and sorrow-filled. I begin to wonder how I will officially start my agonizing struggle to get over the blue-eyed beauty. I never realized how badly reality hurt. I never guessed it would cause my heart of stone to feel such pain. Blinking away some fresh tears, I roll over and wish for some many things to be different.
I had a feeling I wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight.