AN: So, once more, I was struck with fear and nerves and couldn't bring myself to post anything. I was looking through my un-updated works and sighed when I realized it's been nearly five months since I last updated this story. I am SO sorry about keeping you guys waiting so long! Life keeps getting in the way of things! Luckily though, the next chapter is almost finished and school is almost over so it should be up soon! Enjoy this chapter! I hope to hear what you thought in your wonderful reviews! (Keep some Kleenex with you as you read this!)

Disclaimer: I own nothing! *tear, tear!* Oh! Except Ilana (E-yana) Her, I own :D YAY!

Chapter 3: New Companion

Tony walked quickly into the parking lot of the law firm. He looked up and the sky was absolutely cloudless, such a beautiful spring day outside which countered his gloomy emotions and state of mind. The sun shone as if there was no tomorrow, helping to give the beauty of nature the nutrients they needed to continue on living. It provided them with protection against the otherwise impossible and deadly winter and comfort from what the horrible one they had just experienced. As Senior NCIS Agent, Anthony DiNozzo was supposed to provide that protection for his other teammates. Have set in his mind that if anything were to go wrong, he'd give his life for his team to protect them; that is what a teammate did. He was willing to give his life for those around him to make sure that… He failed. He… Let Ziva die. As an NCIS agent, he did not risk his life for her; he did not protect her when it counted… He failed her.

In his hands, he clutched the papers that could potentially change his life forever. He unlocked the car door and got inside, slamming the poor door shut. His head hit the steering wheel several times in a huff as he gripped it tightly, after throwing the papers to the backseat. He was frustrated to say the least. "Dammit, Ziva!" He yelled at the still air, pounding his fist on the dull dashboard.

He punched the air because he didn't want to risk a broken hand as he leaned back in his seat and rubbed his face. He sighed once more, trying to hold in the tears that brimmed his eyelids, threatening to fall. Tony was confused, upset, angry, absolutely distraught… Tony was grieving. "Why? Why me, Ziva? Why would you curse your daughter by leaving her in my care! I couldn't protect you, now how the hell am I supposed to try and protect her? She's a child, Zi! Did you know that? A kid, she… She… She has her whole life ahead of her , what if I fail her too? And you… You decide to… Why? I… You've said it yourself that I can barely take care of myself, how do I take care of her? I know nothing about kids! I… I.."

Tony swallowed and put his head in his hands, hoping he'd be able to suppress the tears that were on the crease of his lids. He failed that as well and the tears slowly began falling. First, it was a silent cry, tears just slowly slithering down his now rosy cheeks. They would run down to his jaw line, dance across the defined bone and find their way down to his neck. He bothered none to wipe them away. He had suffered so much at war with himself if to cry or not. If he should be allowed to or of if he should suck it up. Since it was his fault, he had no right to cry, if… He couldn't take it any longer.

His heart ached.

Someone had taken grasp of it tightly, and they refused to let go. They held onto it in a way that made it difficult to breathe. Guilt. She is who now has this ever tightening grip on his heart and she refused to let go. That was enough suffering for one person, but to have to repress or hide the pain he felt at the loss of the woman who he lov- There was only so much he could take. Letting himself cry was a luxury he was willing to allow himself to indulge in at that moment and he didn't care who saw him. He wanted to mourn the loss of Ziva. It was his fault, and he had a newfound self-loath because of it. He regretted it and guilt was unbearable more times than not. In such a short amount of time since her death, Tony had never known it were possible to not breathe for that long…

At times when he was alone, at home, staring blankly at the dark screen of his TV, off… He wondered if he was alive. He wondered if he could still feel. He wondered if… He wondered if there was a reason why he was still there. Why he was still alive. Why things turned out the way they did. Was it just a freak accident because he wasn't paying attention to protect Ziva? Or was it because he… No… He would not allow himself to think that way. When he would try to sleep, shut his eyes, all he saw was the look on her face when she…

He hadn't slept in what felt like years, constantly pondering on what had been lost. Tony sat forward in his car and pressed his head against the steering wheel that he continued to clench as tightly as She, Guilt, clenched his heart. A familiar scent suddenly engulfed him. Japanese Cherry Blossom filled his nose… That scent… Mixed with strawberry shampoo… That's when he heard it; an incoherent whisper in his ear. He could feel someone hot breath tickling his neck, causing the hairs to stand. It must be a cruel joke someone was playing on him, it was all Ziva… The scent.. The voice that whispered in his ear, the breath…

Tony turned in his seat and he saw her. His heart stopped, and all oxygen left him. There she was… She was perfectly fine. Her beautiful, heart-shaped face; radiant. Her chocolate colored orbs that he often had found himself lost in… He was currently drowning in the concern they were filled with. Her gorgeous, dark brown curls fell just below her tanned shoulders. Her rosy lips spread across in a small smile, "Are you alright, Tony?" She whispered to him with a voice that he would never forget even if he wanted to.

Goodness, Heavens how he wished that this wasn't all a dream or a cruel joke. How he wished that this was really her... that she was still alive and well, hiding from all of them the secret that she had a daughter that was now being placed under Tony's care… How he hoped that.. Goodness how he hoped….

"Tony?" She called again, wanting a reply from him, "Tony?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound would emit from his lips. Her perfectly manicured eyebrows furrowed slightly as she called to him again, "Tony? Tony?" Her voice was beginning to sound as if she were drifting away from him.

No! She couldn't leave again now! No! She couldn't leave him again! She couldn't…. He gasped for air, maybe he could scream for her not to leave now. His eyes went wide when he realized that it was all to no gain. Tony was unable to breathe, it was impossible. He was sinking ever so slowly into a sea of what was once air but would now be his death. He couldn't breathe; it was like he was suffocating. He tried to scream out, but he couldn't, it was as if his voice box had been ripped out of his throat, leaving him mute.

His eyes were almost pasted forward. "Tooooony…" Her voice screamed to him faintly as she slowly began flying further and further away from him.

She held her hand out for him to take. He was about to, but he couldn't lift his arms. It was like his arms were replaced by three ton weights, holding them down. He wanted to take her hand, bring her back to him and hold her tight, never let go. She continued to call out for him, begging for his help. "Please Tony… Please… Help me, Tony… Don't let me go… Tony… Please…." She continually called for him to save her, but he couldn't.

Anthony DiNozzo was paralyzed and unable to help the woman who supplicated him for help. Ziva began drifting further away and she was now outside of the car, drifting farther and farther. Tony internally cursed whoever was responsible for his sudden inability to move. Anxiety gripped his every organ as he watched her pained face still calling for him and begging.

Suddenly, he could move! His arms were moving, he could move his legs! He could save her! She was far, but he could reach her! He would prevail and save her! He exited the car… He then realized that he was no longer in his car, but he had been sitting in Ziva's car. But none of that mattered at the moment! Ziva needed his help and to save her. He looked at her body floating away from him as she continued to call for him, the anguish in her voice and the one that twisted in her eyes made that her grip his heart tighter. He ran to her fast, as if he was running for a marathon, but this was more important than a marathon… This was Ziva.

Then it became a game again. As he would near her, she would drift further away and he would constantly just barely miss her before she would drift further away. She wore the clothes from that day… "Tony! Save me! Please! Please, Tony! Don't let me die! Tony! Please!"

He was breathing heavily. The rise and fall of his chest was quick as it competed with the beads of sweat that glided down his face from his forehead. He wasn't going to five up on her, he was going to her and save her! He could do it! He had to do it! He could d-

Abruptly, Tony awoke! None of it was there; he was back in his own car. Everything was gone... The only thing that had hung around was the rapid breathing and the sweat. He looked around disoriented. Ziva was gone again. He was now alone. It was just him, his thoughts and she who refused to let go of his heart and let him breathe. He looked outside through his windshield and recognized that he was still in the parking lot of the law firm. He realized, however, that the skies were no longer blue but a beautiful assortment of bright oranges, purples and yellows as the Sun began sitting… That faithful servant, just as the moon was.

What time is it? He thought to himself. How long had he been asleep for? He took out his phone to check the time but instead found four missed calls and three voicemails, all of which he needed to check as soon as possible. Just not now. He sighed and rubbed his face, trying to make sense of what had just happen. Tony shook his head and took a long draw of the water bottle that he kept in the cup holder beside him. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand when he was finished. He could breathe…. But the grip was still there… That was when Tony realized that... She wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Guilt was his new companion…

Sorry if the chapter might have seemed slow, but I needed to get inside of Tony's head and such. Either way, I hope you liked the chapter and I will post more as soon as the next chapter is finished (hopefully by this week! :) ) Please review and tell me what you thought! I hope I didn't make you cry too much! :( If I did, I'm sorry! *hugs*