A/N: Hello all! Here's the first chapter! I hope you enjoy it. It's basically just setting up the plot. The general P.O.V. I'll be using is Liz's. If there's a change in it, I'll mark it. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. :)
Disclaimer: I only own the plot.
Where do I begin? Let's see here.
I've only loved two people in my lifetime. Of course I've had a few relationships here and there, but none were too serious, besides those two. Out of the two relationships I've had with my 13 castmate, Eric, and the one with Avan, I've only been actually in love once.
You can probably guess who that one person was. And if you can't, I'll give you a clue. It certainly wasn't Eric.
I mean, he was great. But we were young. I was just getting into the whole idea of having a boyfriend. After I auditioned for Victorious and landed the role, we decided that long distance wasn't worth it and wouldn't last, and truthfully, this really didn't break me. Again, I'll reiterate, I wasn't in love with him.
Avan on the other hand…I never thought we'd be as serious as we were. You have to understand, Avan is the biggest flirt you could ever meet. It becomes quite ridiculous. But there was something that dragged me in.
I was convinced that I'd be able to resist him. And I managed for a little while.
See, resistance immediately implies that you're fighting something off. So the feelings were always there to begin with. It could only have been a matter of time.
The first day we met, he immediately turned on the charm. And my God, I had to force back feelings at that moment.
We really connected after Dan made us run our stage kiss numerous times in the pilot episode. And that's when I knew I was in trouble.
That kiss…felt so real. It left me breathless. And when he pulled away, a boyish grin was plastered on him, which radiated throughout his entire face, making his eyes glint with a shimmer of satisfaction and delight. He was proud of himself. He knew he had me where he wanted me.
It was as if he threw a lasso around me, dragging me in. And just like that, he had my heart.
We had decided to take things slowly. If you take your time, it's supposed to last longer. He told me that. So we ended up doing just so. When we did anything intimate, Avan made sure it was completely perfect and special.
Avan's such a romantic. It's so easy to slip deeper and deeper in love with him. And I was able to do so with no trouble at all.
He told me he was in love with me. He said he saw a future with me. I was his everything.
And yet, he sneaked around with me. He didn't want the press to find out about us. We even shied away from the cast and Dan for awhile.
He said that if people knew, it would potentially ruin what we had. But he ruined what we had himself. He said that it was awkward being with me. This was the biggest, most blatant fallacy I've ever heard. Especially since we were joined at the hip for a year and a half.
Only after two weeks of letting me go, he moved on. He asked her out. Clearly, she was around while we were together and I now know that he just wanted to get to her.
Now with her…oh, he has no problem showing her off. He won't squash any rumors about her. He's perfectly fine with flaunting her on set. Hell, she comes all the time.
Honestly, I don't blame him for leaving me for her. Her…Zoey…she's perfect. She's absolutely everything I'm not. She's so flawless and poised. Me on the other hand, I'm imperfect. I'm a bit insecure at times.
I usually create a confident façade, but that's not something Avan saw. He saw the real me. The stressed, anxious me.
I'm so wishy-washy with my emotions. Sometimes Avan would call me emotionally unstable. Of course, it was intended to be a joke. But now, I really question the jocularity behind it. Quite obviously, the real me just wasn't good enough.
I try to keep low whenever she's around. Be friends with the both of them. Get on her good side. But it hurts too much to linger too long. I can only contain myself so much. So usually I excuse myself and flee to the comfort and solitude of my dressing room.
Being this way has become a chronic affair whenever I'm on set. Sometimes Matt or Ari will join me. But mostly, I'm alone. I don't really mind the aloof feeling. It lets me escape the torment of watching Avan and Zoey act "adorable" together.
Nothing is the same between us anymore. He hangs out with Zoey, Leon, and Vic nearly all the time. I'd opt out of being around them…but I still can't help but wish that he'd take the time out to ask me to do something to bond as a group.
I shouldn't say that "nothing" is the same. Some things haven't changed. Whenever we morph into character as Beck and Jade, I feel like our relationship is slightly rekindled. We haven't had many Beck and Jade kisses lately (upon Avan's request for Zoey's sake), but whenever he snakes his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side, I relax slightly into him and feel an inner peace take over me.
As soon as Dan shouts, "CUT!" however, Avan immediately removes his arm. He used to grin cheekily and allow his arm to remain around my shoulders.
For that split moment that we were entwined…I feel tingles course throughout my body. Although he feels absolutely nothing, I still feel that desire that I'm suffocating in. Then I realize that it was just an act. The tingles stop, as if operated by a switch. I'm left feeling pain where the prior tingles shot through.
Seeing as Avan's broken every promise he ever made to me, it's kind of irrational for me to keep holding on to my promises. I don't care about the irrationality of it though. I swore I'd always love Avan, and because he has the lasting effect of dragging me in, I don't think I can ever stop completely, no matter what new guy may come along.