Chapter 5: Help

Tony stayed squatting there with Ilana for nearly ten minutes before he was able to calm her down and get her into his car. The Senior NCIS agent struggled with her car seat belt and fought the urge to just use a Boy Scout knot he knew to keep her safe in the chair. Ilana watched with wide, curious brown eyes as Tony fumble with the straps, "Help needs Mr. Tony?" She asked innocently and sweetly in her broken English.

Tony raised a brow at her, "Yoda you talk like?" He teased her back gently giving her a hint of a DiNozzo grin.

The small human mirrored Tony's raised brow, "Who Yoo-da? Is it good?"

"It's nothing you can eat kid, it's… Never seen Star Wars, huh?"

She blinked at him then shook her head, "So no cake?"

Tony's eyebrows furrowed and he chuckled a bit, "Nope, sorry, it's not cake.. It's a movie. Do you know how to get this thing on so that we can go?"

Ilana smiled at him a bit and showed him how to buckle the top part of the safety harness first then taught him how to put the belt on after matching the two metal pieces as if a jigsaw puzzle and buckled that in as well. He looked over at her when he was all done; looking very flustered as if he'd just finished solving the world's toughest quantum mechanics equation. "Okay, done." He huffed, "Comfortable?"

Ilana just nodded quickly and quietly, the smile now gone from her face. Tony nodded as well, "Good, let's go." He closed the car door and went around and got into the driver's side.

Putting down the large manila folder in the passenger seat, Tony then shoved his hands into his jacket pockets in search for the keys to put into the ignition but found his cellphone instead. He'd completely forgotten about work! He took it out and flipped it open to see that he had seven missed calls: five from Gibbs, one from McGee and one from... Jenny? He blinked, "Well, that's weird..."

"Mr. Tony?" He heard a small voice from the back call softly.

Tony looked in the rearview mirror to be able to look at the little girl, "Yeah, Ilana?"

"I hungry." She whispered plainly and was she blushing? Embarrassed that she was hungry?

"Ooh, okay, right it's..." He looked at the clock and made a face, "It's 9pm... Uhm.. Do you like pizza, kid?" He watched Ilana shrug and he nodded, "Right, let's go get some pizza then we can go meet the rest of the family, okay?"

Ilana just nodded again but said nothing.

Tony stepped out of the elevator at NCIS Headquarters with little Ilana holding onto his hand with her small one as she happily sipped on some Caf-Pow at nearly ten o'clock at night; Tony hadn't put two and two together yet. He walked over to his desk with her and McGee looked up from where he'd been typing furiously. He blinked at Tony: "Where've you been? Gibbs has called you at least ten times." Tim then noticed the little girl walking alongside Tony, "And who's this?" McGee gave her a smile.

Ilana cowered behind Tony, out of shyness as Tony gave his answer, "Actually, he's only called five times and this is Ilana David. Ziva's daughter and apparently, she don't like you." Tony gave a cheeky grin.

"What do you mean she doesn't like me, Tony? Of course she does. Or she will, she's probably just a little shy, right?" He said to Tony and then diverted his gaze to the little girl who peered out from behind him.

Tony opened his mouth to speak, ask McGee why he was still there, but Gibbs' voice beat him, "DiNozzo! Where've you been?"

The man in question looked up to see Gibbs walking down the stairs from the Director's office with her by his side. Had Ilana gripped onto Tony's hand any tighter, he would've lost circulation by then. Tony rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand as he turned to face the staircase, "I... About that, boss... We gotta talk..."

"Is it about the will?" Jenny's voice asked.

Tony raised a bit of a brow, confused, "Yeah... How'd you know about it..."

"Auntie Jen?" Ilana's voice cut through. Tony looked down at her and saw her eyes go wide and a grin spread across the face of the little girl. She put down her cup of Caf-Pow and raced toward the staircase and climbed them up to get to where Jenny now was waiting, with her arms opened.

"Oh, how are you, sweetheart?" Gibbs heard Jenny ask the little girl as she hugged her tightly.

He continued down the stairs though and didn't stick around to hear the rest of the conversation; instead, the head of the team headslapped Tony before pulling him into the elevator and stopping it. The small box went dark instantly and Tony sighed. Gibbs paced back and forth, putting a hand through his silver hair. He looked flustered, confused but most of all, exhausted and drained. He took a breath then looked over at Tony, "What the hell are you doing, DiNozzo?" He frowned.

Tony blinked, watching him, "I... Don't think I foll-" His eyebrows furrowed when he was cut off.

"Why is she here? Are you really going to suddenly take on this responsibility of raising a kid that isn't yours? Now?" He all but screamed at Tony, his own snowy-gray eyebrows crinkly as well.

Then, the Senior Field agent understood. He understood why Gibbs was so mad and frustrated; or so he thought. Tony took a moment to really gather his thoughts and formulate the best response he could. He was, of course, going to tell Gibbs the whole truth; however, it was proving to be harder than he expected having to answer his boss.

"Boss, what does Rule #1 say?" Tony felt himself finally speaking after long moments of silence.

Gibbs looked at him, "I know what my rules are, DiNozzo." His voice dropped to that low intimidating tone.

But the younger man didn't teeter; he wasn't going to budge on the matter. Gibbs wanted to know the reason who Tony was doing this, so he was going to give him the reason. "Rule 1 says: "Never screw over your partner"..." He took a breath before speaking again, "I let Ziva die, Gibbs. I screwed her over! I didn't protect her like a partner is supposed to! I didn't take the bullet for her like I had vowed to do before! It wasn't even meant for her! It was meant for me and I didn't-"

The guilt stricken chap fell silent. So many emotions ran through his body, he couldn't form any words anymore. He tried hard not to let the tears that were accumulating in his eyes spill. He swallowed hard and began pacing, while Gibbs leaned back against the elevator wall in front of him and watched Tony; allowing him to let out all of his emotions. This was why he brought him in here and demanded an explanation. Not because he was truly angry with his agent, or because he didn't think he could do it; he knew very well that Tony was the kind of guy that when he set his mind to something he could always do it. Even something as complicated as raising a child that isn't yours.

He wasn't trying to discourage Tony in any way. He was also doing it to try and get some emotion out of the kid. Tony had been living the last two weeks since her death in a complete daze; living day by day like a robot. Saying very little, eating just the same and barely being Tony. He blamed himself, he understood that completely. He'd been there, did that, and bought property... Still, he wanted Tony to say it. He wanted Tony to express what he was feeling, not shut down again like he was about to do. But Gibbs gave him a moment, knowing that he'd soon begin speaking.

And he was right. "...It... It was different with Kate, you know, Boss? I mean, yeah we were there.. But God, this was soo much more different... Ziva was different, Gibbs," he had stopped pacing by now and had this far-off look in his green eyes as he stared at the wall that Gibbs was against.

It was almost as if he was seeing Ziva right there. A small smile spread across his lips, "I guess it doesn't matter now," Tony whispered then finally admitted out loud what Gibbs had been waiting for the last four years, "I loved her."

Gibbs then saw tears begin to roll down Tony's cheeks as he began pacing again. Gibbs still stood there silently. After a moment, he asked, "Why are you crying, Tony?" It might've seemed like a stupid question at the time; however, he had good enough reason to ask.

"Why am I crying?" He scoffed and rubbed his now red face in a flustered manner, "Because she's gone! And she's not coming back! She's dead Gibbs, and I can't do anything about it! It's all completely out of my hands and it's my fault! I didn't get to tell her how I felt and there's no one else to blame for any of this but me!"

"What about the guy he pulled the trigger?" Gibbs pointed out, shoving his hands into his pant pockets and watching him.

Tony shook his head, "He was unstable... He was going to shoot someone anyway. Why wasn't it me? Why didn't he hit me? We would've been better off. She would've been alive. Ilana would've still had her mother..."

"But she wouldn't have had you, DiNozzo. She would've been in the same place you are at right now... You haven't answered my question though. Why are you doing this, Tony? Why are you taking Ziva's daughter?"

"Because she doesn't really have anyone else, Gibbs. She's just a kid; she just lost her mom... Ziva left her to me in her will... Why, I don't know. It's completely beyond me, boss. I don't know how to raise a kid? I don't know anything about kids... I... I-"

Gibbs cut him off and whispered, "We're all here to help you, I promise," then handed him a handkerchief.

I know, it's been what...Nearly six months since I last updated? I have no words to express how sorry I am about all of it. I'm in my last year of school and things are much more than just hectic. Either way, I hope you guys haven't lost interest in the story, and do continue to read and review. Thank you so much for your support so far! Thank you also to those who have read and favorite, alerted and reviewed.