The office party was in full swing. Cal watched his employees through the glass front mingle and socialise in the break room as Gillian's eggnog was passed around. Foster. His hands suddenly felt heavy with the weight of her gift. He'd just finished wrapping it in his office. He was a bit late but that didn't matter.
He knew it was against the rules but he was really glad he switched with Anna. Torres was much easier to handle as a Secret Santa. He watched his young protégée as she engaged in conversation with Loker, both of them trying desperately to ignore that they were standing underneath the mistletoe. Cal trusted his daughter to remedy that situation as soon as she was done talking Foster's ears off about how awesome probably Liam was.
Jingle Bell Rock was blaring from the speakers, trying to create a fun but festive mood in the otherwise sterile high tech environment of their company space. Cal looked at the table where all the Secret Santa gifts had been stacked, and while he felt increasingly confident about having made the right choice for Torres, he seemed to feel exponentially sheepish about his gift for Foster.
"Dad! You're back!" Emily exclaimed when she spotted him and Cal had no longer an excuse to stay clear of the Christmas party. He put on a fake smile, why he didn't know because the whole point of his staff working for him was to see through such lies.
"Good, now we can open the gifts." Gillian smiled at him and nodded towards the table for Cal to deposit his gift.
"Err…no this one's for someone else. I already dropped off my Secret Santa gift earlier in the afternoon," he explained and immediately regretted it when he saw Gillian's eyes darken. She probably thought he'd gone out earlier to buy something for Shazzer and used it to blow off her and their party.
"It's for y…" he started but felt himself being pulled away by Heidi who gave him the first present, claiming as the boss he had to go first. Cal rolled his eyes and took the offered gift but retreated to a corner to open it quietly. Or that was what he pretended to do at least, while in reality he studied everyone's faces as they received their presents, opened them and then looked around trying to find out who their Secret Santa was. Some faces truly beamed with joy and surprise at the gift they'd gotten, some mustered a polite smile and thank you but he could see their disappointment that their Secret Santa hadn't put that much thought into their present.
He waited with bated breath for Torres reaction and almost broke out into laughter at her deer in the headlights look. The way she glanced around the room in slight panic mode was priceless. When her look fell on Foster, she squinted her eyelids, weighing the chances whether she was behind everything. Then her eyes darted briefly in his direction and Cal just flashed her his wolfish grin. He loved reading her face right now: How'd you find out? How long have you known? Are we in trouble?
Cal shook his head and suppressed his laughter. Instead he rose his cup of eggnog and toasted Torres a "Merry Christmas" from across the room. She blushed and glanced at Loker who was still unaware of his luck. Cal mouthed, "Don't fuck it up" and then saw his daughter approaching him out of the corner of his eye.
"What did you give Torres? She looks completely freaked out?" Emily asked curiously as she walked over to her father.
"Brilliant, isn't it? Totally worth the switch with Anna."
Emily glared and Cal realised it was too late to retract his blab. Damn the eggnog!
"I thought she could use some company over the holidays so I made a reservation for her and a special guest at a nice restaurant."
"Oh you put in a good word for her sister to come home for the holidays?" That's when she saw the blank gaze of her father, "No, you didn't think of that." Emily wondered, "I know that look, you've been naughty, what did you do?"
"The restaurant I picked happens to be Loker's favourite one." Cal said as a way of explanation. He waited a few moments for the penny drop with his daughter.
"Ria and Eli? Since when?" Emily gaped.
Cal shrugged his shoulders and grinned, "They had a fling a few months ago and thought they could keep it from me. Thought I'd take a leaf out of your book and play Cupid."
"You're such a romantic." Emily returned her father's grin, "You're not going to spy on them, are you?"
He gave her his best innocent look. He wished he could install cameras at the restaurant just as he had them strategically placed throughout his company offices.
"Dad!" Emily slapped his shoulder and shook her head to scold him, "Leave them alone. It's bad enough that you spy on your employees, what they do outside of the office is their business."
"You're taking all the fun out of my little game. Can you imagine what opportunities for teasing them I'd miss out if I followed your advice?" Cal countered.
"That's a new low, even for you, dad." Emily shook her head, "They're not your lab rats you can study."
"Fine." Cal grumbled.
"Did you find a gift for Gill yet?"
Cal nodded.
"So? When are you gonna give it to her?" Emily asked and followed her father's gaze as he took in how Gillian unwrapped Anna's gift. The little snow globe conjured up a huge smile on Gillian's face and quickly gathered the attention of the rest of the staff.
"Bloody hell!" Cal muttered when he realised it was a handmade snow globe with small replicas of Gillian, him, Loker and Ria ice skating against the backdrop of a miniature of the Lightman Group sign in their entry. "I'm so done." He whispered. Why did he never think of such things? Any blind man could see how much Gillian enjoyed the simple but oh so thoughtful gift.
Suddenly he felt stupid. The box in his hand seemed to gain weight with the disappointment of the realisation that his present would pale besides Anna's self-made snow globe. Cal picked up his gift and looked at Emily, "Come on, I'll drop you off at your mum's."
"What? Why? You're not leaving yet, are you? The party's just started…"
Cal just nodded and gave his daughter a soft nudge, "Say good-bye to everyone."
"But what about Gillian's gift? When are you…" Emily trailed off and then realised, "You aren't… You're an idiot, dad." With that she left Cal to make her rounds and wish everyone happy holidays one last time.
"What were you going to say earlier?" Gillian asked as she strolled over noticing he was readying to leave.
"Nothing. Never mind", Cal shrugged it off. "Merry Christmas, love." Cal brushed his lips against her cheek softly.
Gillian tried her level best not to let her disappointment at Cal's change in behaviour show. "Merry Christmas, Cal."
0~0~0~0~0
Gillian Foster was just about to turn off the lights in her house and make herself comfortable on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate when her doorbell rang. She paused the DVD with the remote, wearing a frown. Who could this be? It was much too late for carollers and she didn't expect anyone. Oh God, please don't let this be Alec trying to make amends. She was not in the mood to deal with his demons right now; she had no strength left. All she wanted was some peace and quiet for the night. She flung the door open and gasped in surprise.
"Merry Christmas, love."
"Cal!"
"You should be more careful, answering your door like that! I could be a criminal. It's late evening…" he trailed off, leaving the details of the picture he was drawing to her imagination.
"What are you doing here? Where's Emily? Are you ok?" Gillian asked worried hoping nothing had happened to them. The roads were slippery with snow and ice and she hadn't heard from them since they left the party.
"I dropped her off at her mum's and I was on my way back", Cal grew silent, "and somehow I ended up here in your neck of woods."
"Oh."
"Can I come in? You'll catch your own death in this cold." He nodded at her flimsy robe.
"Of course." Gillian stepped aside and let Cal enter. She took in the image of a worn out Cal with tousled her, carrying gifts and standing in her hallway looking a bit like a fish out of water. She broke out into a giggle and Cal gave her a funny look.
"It's just you look quite the picture right now", Gillian laughed and pointed at the mistletoe over his head.
"Oh!" Cal exclaimed as he looked up.
Gillian took the opportunity to return his kiss on her cheek the last time they talked but just at that moment Cal decided to look down again and Gillian's mouth met his lips instead. They both seemed to freeze in the action – Cal's eyes grew wide and Gillian's popped open in surprise. And yet neither broke their contact, they looked into each other's eyes and suddenly were overcome by their suppressed emotions. Cal kissed her back, pressing his lips against her a bit more forcefully, trying to deepen their kiss. Gillian's lips opened and her tongue snuck out, brushing softly over Cal's lips, before it disappeared in the depths of his mouth.
Cal groaned and Gillian's knees buckled. He held blindly on to his gifts for fear of dropping them as the passion of their kiss grew. When they finally broke apart they looked at each other sheepishly.
"I come bearing gifts." Cal broke the silence and hopefully the awkwardness of the moment. He held up an awkwardly wrapped present with a bottle of wine and a few DVDs strewn upon it.
Gillian offered to free his hands so he could take off his coat. She looked through the DVDs he'd brought, "The Grinch? Scrooge? A Christmas Carol? Trying to spread some holiday cheer?" She looked at him scolding.
"That's Loker's doing, that is. I'm pretty sure he was my Secret Santa and attempted to send me a message with his selection."
"Touchy today?" Gillian laughed.
Cal wrinkled his nose and sniffed a few times, "Do I smell hot chocolate?" Well, technically he tasted it first on Gillian while they kissed but he didn't feel confident enough right now to talk about the pink elephant in the room.
Gillian nodded, "I made caramel hot chocolate. I was just about to start watching a movie myself."
"Well then, shall we?" He nodded towards the living room once he'd taken off his boots as well.
"Sure. Just let me switch the movies, which one did you want to see first?"
Cal couldn't care less. All he really wanted was to spend some part of Christmas with Gillian because he knew it would make his holidays a bit more bearable. He loved how she implied that they would watch all of them.
"Cal? Which one?"
"I don't have any preference. What were you going to watch?"
Gillian laughed, "A chick flick. You'd hate it."
Cal turned around and looked at her, "No, go ahead. I don't want to change your plans, I just want to be part of your holidays for a little while."
Gillian furrowed her eyebrows. He acted weird. He was up to something. But she knew him better than to push him, he'd tell her of his own accord in due time. After all that's why he'd shown up on her doorstep on Christmas Eve. Something was on his mind, if not even bothering him deeply, that he needed to get out but just didn't know how. And like always she'd sit and wait until he found the right words to tell her. Sometimes she thought things would be really easier if she could read him as well as he did her. If only he'd let his mask slip every once in a while and show his true emotions, things between them would improve vastly.
"Ok but I'm warning you. It's a sappy English romantic comedy set before Christmas." Gillian said dramatically as she made her way into the kitchen to fetch him another cup of hot chocolate and stock up her plate of Christmas cookies. On her way out she remembered Cal's bottle of pinot noir and grabbed the corkscrew and two wine glasses.
Cal grinned and gave an even more dramatic eye roll, "Oh the things I do for you, love…"
When Gillian returned Cal had busied himself by getting two blankets from her cupboard and starting a small fire in her fireplace. Gillian's eyebrows shot up at the cosy atmosphere he'd created in her absence.
"The temperature outside's dropping to the low twenties tonight, I thought we'd prepare to keep warm this evening."
Gillian nodded and offered him his cup. Cal took it, muttering cheers, and patted the seat on the couch next to him for her to sit down. She sat down the glasses and cookie platter and then snuggled herself into the opposite corner of the couch. Cal's hurt at her desire to keep her distance from him didn't show on his face but he stretched over to drape the blanket around her to keep her warm. Gillian smiled gratefully in response.
When she pressed play, Cal let out a groan of recognition. Gillian sent him a shut up you've had your chance look.
"Didn't we watch this movie last year? This reminds me…"
Gillian just grinned and scowled when Cal stopped the DVD.
"What the? Cal!"
"What are your plans for Boxing Day, love?" He sat up and turned so he was facing her.
Gillian stared at him confused, "Nothing, why?"
"I am under orders by my daughter to invite you over for a second gift unwrapping orgy."
Gillian just raised her eyebrows, "I already gave Emily her gift at the office party."
"She didn't open it but that's besides the point. Emily doesn't want you to spend the holidays alone and if you don't want us to incur her wrath you better say yes to her invitation."
"I thought you said she's spending Christmas with her mother?"
Cal nodded, "Emily insisted on separate Christmases this year. She claims it's to avoid the fighting between Zoë and me but I think she just hopes she'll get more gifts this way." Cal reached casually for the bottle of wine and looked at her with a question in his eyes. She nodded and pushed their glasses together. "So we've decided Zoë gets her Christmas Day and I get her Boxing Day."
Gillian smiled at Cal's way of rationalising his daughter's decisions but then sobered up, "What about you?"
"Me?" He retorted while opening the bottle.
"You said Emily invited me because she doesn't want me to be alone for the holidays. What about you, do you…"
"I'm here, love. With you on Christmas Eve. I think it's obvious what I want." Cal said, his tone laced with pent up emotions but he didn't look at her. Nor did he go into detail of what he was actually trying to accomplish by showing up on her doorstep tonight. He focused on pouring wine into each one of their glasses.
Gillian nodded and let out a deep breath. "I suppose I've had worse invitations to spend the holidays."
"Good, it's settled then." Cal held up both their glasses and extended one to her, "Merry Christmas, love."
"Merry Christmas, Cal." Gillian toasted back and clinked her glass with his one. They both took a sip of wine and enjoyed its taste as it spread.
"Why didn't you fly out to meet your parents?"
"Because they're going on a cruise out of San Diego. They're sleeping at my sister's over Christmas and leave on Boxing day for two weeks."
Cal raised his eyebrows, "And you didn't want to join them?"
"I can't leave the company alone for two weeks. Besides being confined to a floating vessel with my parents is not exactly my idea of relaxing."
"Sure you can. Emily and I went on vacation to Mexico last year."
"Only for six days. And came back with a case!" Gillian admonished him.
"I'm sure there won't be any missing mothers on a cruise ship. It's pretty hard to vanish from an enclosed space." Cal reasoned, "You should've gone. You deserve a little break. You've been working really hard. I can hold the fort down while you're gone."
"You'd ruin the company", Gillian scoffed, "I'd return to a carcass after you've run away everybody and gambled away our assets."
"Now you're exaggerating, I'm not that bad", Cal put on a mock look of hurt but then turned serious, "I'm sorry for what I said about our assets being mine. I get it. I really do, not least because Emily took it upon herself to remind me of the meaning of equity partner. I shouldn't have said that. I was way out of line."
Gillian gaped at him in surprise and needed a second to catch herself, "Thank you, Cal. That really hurt that day."
"I know it was meant to." He admitted and Gillian would have grown angry had his words not been accompanied by that wretched look of his. This was the most heartfelt apology she'd received from him – ever.
"I just want you to understand that when you put the company at risk, financially, you put my financial security at risk, too. I've invested the majority of my savings in our firm, if you ruin our business I've got nothing to fall back on."
"I know." Cal sighed, "And I really don't want to jeopardise our friendship over money. That would be too much of a cliché."
"You won't… if you finish that darn book of yours. We can't afford them coming after you in the new year. I'm barely keeping the ship afloat; quite honestly we could really use the rest of your royalties to carry us through the next quarter. Now can we please watch the movie?"
"Can we keep Love Actually for Boxing Day? Emily will never forgive us for watching it without her and I'm not sure I can suffer through it twice on such short notice." Cal quipped.
"Okay, shall we get one of yours?"
Cal nodded and got up to retrieve his gifts from Loker. He held up each DVD to get Gillian's vote. They ended up watching The Grinch and falling asleep halfway through.
0~0~0~0~0
When Cal woke up hours later, the only source of light came from the TV, bathing the room in a bluish tinge. Gillian had snuggled up to his chest, which made Cal feel giddy inside. She felt comfortable enough around him to cuddle up to him in her sleep. He was loathe to wake her up, he'd much rather spend the night there on her sofa, watching her sleep, keeping her warm, playing her pillow. However, he could already feel his body protesting now and could only imagine how they would both feel like in the morning if they'd sleep on the couch. Also, it was a bit chilly because the fire had died down. Cal stretched as well as he could, nudging Gillian softly in the process, but she responded only by pressing her face deeper into his chest and humming contently.
That's it. Cal decided. He would never leave this couch again. They were going to stay like this for the rest of their lives. Gill's face glowed softly in the faint light and he was tempted to lean down and breathe in her scent. She was so beautiful even when she was asleep. He felt privileged being in the position to actually find out and be a judge of it. She smelled so good, he thought, as he inhaled the scent of her hair and shampoo. Cal could feel his body starting to react to Gillian's proximity. His gaze fixed on her full red lips. He thought back to the first time he'd actually had the pleasure of kissing them. He couldn't believe that was only six months ago and so much had happened between them since. Where had it all gone wrong to a point where they could barely speak let alone stand being around each other? What he would give to go back in time and change the outcome of things. He felt magically drawn to her lips and before he could stop himself he pressed his mouth against hers.
Gillian stirred and cracked her eyes open. The room was dark and she could barely make out Cal's face as she felt his lips brushing over hers. However, she could make out just enough in the dark to see that he had his eyes closed and no idea she was awake. He was taking his sweet time and Gillian surprised him by opening her mouth. Instinctually, Cal's tongue swiped over her lips and sought out her tongue. They both let out a soft moan and registered in the back of their minds that they were both awake now, about to engage in a heated make-out session on her couch. But neither cared.
Her tongue felt so soft against his, he thought, and yet her kisses were so demanding. At one point she'd briefly broken away from him to pull herself up to eye level with him. That gave her better access and she could rest more comfortably against his body. Cal groaned inwardly, knowing it was just a question of time until his lower body started to respond to their kissing and her touching him. He could feel her hands sneaking underneath the fabric of his shirt, trailing invisible lines on his stomach. His brain told him to put a stop to this, to leave and come back with a clear head before they made a mistake. But every fibre of his being told him to melt into her touch, to kiss her back with the same fervour she put in her gentle explorations of his mouth and neck.
Gillian noticed his change in demeanour and broke away. She gauged his reaction carefully and was surprised to see the mask from his face gone. He was obviously at war with himself whether this was the right thing and time to cross the line.
"Hey." Gillian whispered and brushed her hand over the scruff of his cheek.
"I should leave." Cal blurted before his hormones clouded over his judgement again.
"Yes, you could. Or you could stay. Here. Inside where it's warm." She read his face that displayed a myriad of different emotions. She loved the fact that being with her like this made it impossible for him to keep his mask in place. "With me."
"That wouldn't be such a good idea." Cal said and knew that every fibre of his body was betraying his words. Gillian had a way of getting under his skin and he was pretty sure that she could see the struggle he went through play out on his face, no matter how hard he tried to keep a neutral expression.
"Why?" She challenged him and Cal blushed. In lieu of a verbal response he pushed up his hips and let Gillian feel where his mind was at right now.
"So?" Gillian raised her eyebrow.
"You deserve better than that. Flowers, dinner and a movie and all that crap. You know proper date and all…" He trailed off when she shushed him with her finger.
"Well, you did bring me a Christmas gift instead of the flowers, we shared cookies and hot chocolate, which we'll just file under dinner and we did watch the first half of a movie. Besides, I think I'm old enough to know what I want." Gillian teased him with a grin on her face.
"What do you want?" Cal looked at her expectantly and in the blink of an eye the atmosphere in her living room was charged with high-strung emotions and desperate passion.
I want to be the only woman in you life. Gillian thought but opted instead for the less dramatic, "Right now, I want you to kiss me senseless."
Cal sighed and shook his head wistfully, "It's always been you, Gill, you know that right?"
"What?" This was the closest Cal had come to baring his soul to her. She wanted to ask about Clara and Wallowski and that jewel thief but she didn't have to because Cal saw it before she had a chance to put her thoughts into a coherent sentence.
"They meant nothing. And the only place I want to squeeze Shazzer is on the streets. Really, Gill, I swear I've never slept with her. Not even so much as kissed her."
More than his words, Gillian picked up on the things he'd left unsaid. "You couldn't hurt me like that could you? After all the crap you put me and the company through, you couldn't…" She trailed off at a loss for words.
Cal shook his head, "I thought about it but it felt wrong", and he winced, "almost like cheating on you. Couldn't betray you like that. Not at least knowing how you felt about her."
"This isn't a…."
Cal didn't even let her finish that thought. He reached out to take her face between his palms. "No! You could never be just something like that. This…whatever this is…it's the real deal. I don't think I could ever sleep with you and just move on."
"Good because once we cross this line I don't think I can go back."
"I don't want to go back, love. I hate the bloody line. If we do this I won't be able to stop. I've waited too long for this moment to happen. This is it. Gillian. This is it for me. If you have doubts you need to say no now because once we go back to kissing I don't know if I can stop again."
She smiled encouragingly, "Then what are you waiting for?"
Cal returned the grin and resumed their passionate kissing. Gillian ran her fingers through his hair, playing with the strands in his nape. She felt his arms tighten around her waist and immediately cuddled deeper into his embrace. Cal's hands began to travel lower and thread their way through her robe. Gillian couldn't remember the last time she'd shared such an intimate and longing kiss that coursed through every fibre of her being. She gasped and drew in a sharp breath, when she felt Cal's hands touch her intimately. She slowly pulled back and grazed his lips with her teeth teasingly. They broke away from each other, a little breathless gazing into each other's eyes.
Cal groaned when he felt how ready she was for him. He began to stroke her softly and mumbled, "Please tell me you've got condoms in the house…"
"As a matter of fact…upstairs…in my nightstand…" Gillian murmured in between moans.
Cal pulled his hand out and pushed himself off the couch. "Then what on earth are we still doing down here?" He reached for her hand and let her guide him to her bedroom.
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