- 2 -

We celebrated Christmas together that year. We were so happy. I still think of your smile as I take a seat on this snow covered bench, letting the snow slowly build around me. It must have been just as cold back then, but it didn't feel quite so cold as it does now. Now, without you here beside me to hold my hand and share your warmth, I feel so small, so cold, so alone.

If I'd asked you to stay, you'd still be here. But I didn't, and you aren't.

I'm sorry that I hurt you so much, Rin. I just wanted to be with you, to spend Christmas with you. I didn't see how selfish I was being, how much it hurt you each time I'd bring you closer. You knew more than I did. I was just an innocent child. I thought I was grown up, that I understood how everything works, but I didn't know anything. You knew everything. You understood right from the start. Why didn't I see it?

If I apologize now, will you come here and spend Christmas with me again? Is there any way that my voice can reach you now? Will you follow the red string and come find me? Do you still remember me?

I'm alone now. Everyone else has left. They've gone inside, into the warmth of their houses, to huddle around the fireplace. We did that, too, that first day you were here. You said you hadn't realized how cold you were until we got inside and you laughed, smiling that smile for me.

The last time you smiled at me, you were crying.

Why didn't you ever tell me? I wish I'd known. I wouldn't have been so terrible if I'd known.

But, even so, I can't find it in myself to regret it. I won't regret spending time with you, smiling with you, holding your hand. Even if it was only for one winter, I'm glad I got to spend it with you, and I'll never regret it. I'll never forget that you smiled for me so brightly, all the while knowing you'd have to leave.

It hurt you to be close to me, because you knew that, after Christmas, after the snow started to thaw, that we'd both be left alone. You were only here for winter. You'd be gone after.

When we went separate ways, you were crying. You smiled as you did, though, and promised you'd be back again the next year, this year, so where are you, Rin? You promised you'd be here, so why aren't you here? Why can't that train you climbed onto as you said goodbye bring you back here again this Christmas?

I need you here, Rin. I can't forget your warmth.