- 3 -

As cold as it is on this winter's night, I know the snow is going to melt again soon, draining away the days with you as it goes. You haven't come for me, Rin. I've waited, but now it's another new year. Don't you understand? I can't find you. I need you to find me. Why won't you?

I'm staring out the same window that we'd always stare out, and I'm sitting in the same armchair where you'd crawl onto my lap and pull a blanket over us, bringing your warmth and a steaming hot chocolate for us to share. The snow is still falling like it was back then, that day that you boarded that train with a smile and left me far behind. You promised that you'd be back this year, but I've known all along that you wouldn't come back this year.

And, still, I wrap around the same scarf I wore last year and leave that house to wait for you. I recall your joyful face as you ran through the snow, always going ahead of me and then turning back and waiting for me to catch up. I smile at that thought, but it's much too sad for me to smile for too long. By the time I reach the empty station, that smile has faded.

Standing in this silent, abandoned station, I remember saying goodbye. I wish I'd known how little time we were always bound to have together. I would've stopped you from leaving if you'd told me beforehand. I would've made you stay here with me, because I'd know better than to trust you when you said you'd come back.

Then again, I didn't ever trust you, did I? After all, I never told it to you, how much you meant to me. I thought that, this year, I could tell you, but you never came. Please, Rin. I don't want the snow to thaw once more before I get to tell you.

Then, I hear you behind me. You're asking me what I mean. I don't truly believe you're there, but my hopeful heart tells me to look, just in case. Then, I see you. You're standing there, Rin, with that beautiful, tender smile on your face as you look down to me, me who had unknowingly collapsed onto the ground and broken into sobs. I ask you if you're really here. You tell me that you promised you'd come. I tell you that you missed Christmas. You apologize, but we both know that it isn't important, anyway, and fall silent.

I can see it between us, Rin. The red string. Do you see it, too? You nod, smiling at me, and then tell me that it's time for it to be untied. I stare at you, unable to believe that you'd speak such words. Do you truly mean it? Does the string truly need to be torn away from us both? Then how could I ever find you again? You tell me that it's time for me to be free from that red chain, because you can't be with me anymore. I ask you why, and you just smile at me and tell me that you want to hear those words that must come before the snow thaws.

So, I tell you how much I love you, how much I need you here, and how much you mean to me. I tell you how I'm sorry that I didn't tell you last year, how I'm sorry that I never understood that you'd have to leave, and how I'm sorry that I didn't stop you from leaving. Then, when I'm done telling you everything I've always wanted to, you laugh, that beautiful laugh of yours.

You thank me for everything, and you tell me that you love me, too, but that it's time that I find someone else to love. Then, I see you gripping the end of our red string, and I beg you to stop. You're still wearing that same smile as last winter as you request that I do the same, but I can see that you're sad, as well. Still, you believe that it's for the best, and I know that it is, too, but must I really do this? You say I must, so I gently take the end of the string. Then, we pull together, and the knots binding it to us are gone. When I look to you, both that string and you have vanished. And it's too much to take. I break into sobs until I can no longer breathe, and then, once I can find the will to, resolutely, I stand, because I know it's what you'd want for me.

Last winter, you were coming here to visit someone. Instead, you met me, and you spent all your time with me. You lived every moment knowing you'd have to go home when winter ended. Still, you faced it all with a smile, up until the end. Then, you boarded that train, and you left. But winter is a cruel season, and no one could have known that those train tracks were slick with ice or that your train would run off the tracks and crash onto its side, bringing an end to many lives, even yours. No one could have known that you'd never be able to keep that promise you made to me.

Now, I walk through this winter, our picture still in my hand. My feelings for you will never vanish, but I will let you go. That red string no longer binds us. I will find someone else, and we will tie that string together. Never will I forget you, Rin, but I will do as you ask and release you. Little by little, your warmth will fade away, but that's okay. Thank you for letting me tell you how I feel. I'll brave the thawing snow, this year and the next, and I will forever treasure you. I love you, Rin.

Author's Note: Thank you for reading. This is a very personal story for me, which is probably why it took me so long to finish, because, in finishing it, I had to let go of the girl I loved but never told. I moved far away from her, as in opposite sides of the globe, and I had to let go of her, which writing this helped me do. So, I wanted to tell my special girl that I'm ready now, and I promise that I'm all yours. Again, thank you, everyone, for reading.