CHAPTER THREE

When I opened my eyes some time later it was still dark. The music was off, the fire was burning low and the only sounds were the crackling of the embers, the lapping of the sea at the sand and low voices talking. I was warm, wrapped in the rug and lying mostly on my back, my arm stretched out and trapped underneath something. I could feel another body resting against mine, hair against my cheek, hot breath on my throat. I moved slightly and the body beside me stirred, warm lips brushed my neck, then my jaw. I shivered.

"Jacob..."

I knew it was Embry even before he spoke and my heart began to bang against my ribs as if it meant to burst out of my chest. 'Do something,' I told myself. 'Push him away, get up or something. He's probably still drunk; doesn't know what he's doing; dreaming maybe.'

His lips touched my cheek and then my ear; soft, warm, moist, coaxing. I turned my head towards him even as I tried to talk myself out of it and my lips touched his, clinging, caressing. My first kiss and somehow I didn't even need to think about it; it was instinctive to move my lips against his, slide my tongue out slowly, to tease and taste his mouth while my heart thumped wildly and my blood raced through my veins. He whimpered softly into my mouth and slid his arm up around my neck, pressing himself closer to me and I put my hand on his waist, thinking I would push him away, but then just slipping it around his back and holding him tight.

I did pull away after a few long moments of breathlessness and then pressed my face into his neck instead, trying not to let myself think. I was too confused. I liked kissing him and I didn't want to stop, but at the same time it was scaring the hell out of me. Did I like guys then? Or was it just him? Maybe it was me who was still drunk and didn't know what I was doing. Or maybe it was...I didn't know what it was. My heart was still pounding and he was still in my arms, his hand on the back of my neck under my hair, his mouth pressed against my ear now, warm breath making me tremble. The only thing I did know was that right then I didn't want to back away; it felt too good. And I just wanted one more taste of his mouth before I pulled myself together.

I pressed my lips against his neck a little way below his ear. I could feel the pulse there under the skin, strong and rapid and I nipped gently with my teeth, hearing his breath hiss out suddenly and a soft moan escape him. I lifted my head up and looked at him for a second. His eyes were closed, long lashes resting on his cheeks, his lips parted slightly as if he was waiting for me to kiss him again. His arm was still around my neck and he raised the other one now and slid it around me, shifting onto his back and pulling me down towards him. I lowered my face towards his and closed my eyes again, my mouth covering his less tentatively this time. His lips moved eagerly against mine and I plunged my tongue in, exploring and tasting, feeling him running one hand through my hair and then touching my face as he kissed me back.

I was excited, more than I'd ever been in my life, but still concerned that I wouldn't have been doing this if it wasn't for the beer and that I was only going to regret it later. I pulled back again after another minute and slid onto my side, breathing deep and trying to calm myself down. Embry turned towards me and snuggled close, his hand resting on my chest. He must have been able to feel how hard my heart was pounding and I did my best to relax. It took a while, but eventually I guess I must have done. Despite my nervousness, the warmth and fuzziness from the lingering alcohol in me made me begin to drift into that state halfway between sleeping and waking and then I realised Embry had fallen asleep, holding onto me as if he never meant to let go. I began to slip out of consciousness again and as I dozed off I thought vaguely that if Quil came looking for us now he was going to get a hell of a shock. Then I was asleep.

It was just past dawn when I woke again. Embry was still sleeping in my arms although he had turned over and was curled up with his back to me, his face mostly covered by his hair.

'Oh, shit.' My face began to burn with embarrassment and I edged away from him carefully, sliding my arm out from beneath him an inch at a time and hoping he wasn't going to wake up. 'What the hell have I done? I kissed Embry. And liked it!'

He didn't wake and I slipped out from the folds of the rug and got to my feet, looking around me anxiously. No one was watching, thankfully. Probably a dozen people were up and about, gathering up empty cans and bottles and the remains of food into plastic sacks. I couldn't see Quil anywhere and much to my relief there was no sign of Paul and Jared either. I glanced guiltily at Embry, still asleep, and then tiptoed away quietly to the dunes to take another pee. Then I made my way back to help out picking up trash. A girl I didn't know handed me a sack and I started gathering up bottles, trying not to think too much.

'I am never going to drink again,' I thought. 'It makes me do crazy things. I never would have kissed him if I was sober. Or maybe I would. Who knows? Maybe I just needed something to take away my inhibitions.'

"Damnit!" I growled aloud.

"What's with you?" Quil's voice came from behind me and I almost leaped out of my skin.

"Uh...nothing...fucking hangover," I grumbled. Surprisingly I actually didn't have a hangover. Maybe I hadn't drunk enough for a hangover. Only enough to make me kiss Embry. My face began to heat up again and I turned my back to Quil and grabbed another bottle.

"Oh, they suck, don't they?" Quil said. "How was your night?"

"Alright," I grunted.

"What did you and Embry do? Just drink and pass out?"

"Yeah. That about sums it up." I wished he would shut up and leave me alone.

"Where is Embry, anyway?"

"I don't know. Still asleep probably."

'Godamnit,' I thought. 'Don't ask where we slept.'

"You two are so boring," Quil said. "Don't you know the bonfire is for getting laid? I made the most of it!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you did."

"Lucy is awesome," he went on. "You'll never guess what she did!" He proceeded to regale me in vivid detail on Lucy's extraordinary flexibility and various other things, which I did my best to tune out until he had finished.

"I'm sure she'd be delighted to know you're telling your friends all about it," I commented.

"Oh, she wouldn't care. She was telling me all about..." Off he went again, about Lucy's previous exploits, following me around as I gathered up trash, apparently convinced that I was dying to hear about it all. He finally got to the end of it about ten minutes later and I almost sighed with relief.

"Are you going to help with this?" I asked, indicating the sack.

"I guess." He picked up a bottle and dropped it into the bag, then shoved his hands into his pockets and watched me. "Maybe I should go look for Embry," he said.

"No need, I'm here."

I looked up and my heart immediately jumped into my mouth. I met his eyes briefly and he gave me that quick little smile which vanished in a second, then began chewing his lip. He appeared as nervous as I was and I had no idea what to say to him. Luckily I didn't have to say anything. Quil launched into another description of his night with Lucy and I escaped, hurrying down to the shoreline to grab a handful of bottles before the tide sucked them off the beach to litter the sea.

By the time I had filled the sack and tied a knot in the top, the truck which had been selling the beer was rolling slowly along the sand, allowing everyone to throw their trash bags into the back. I took mine over to it, tossed it in and then looked around me. Quil and Embry were some distance away, still talking. I was tempted to just leave, but I knew it was cowardly so I walked over to them.

"Hey, I'm going to get off home," I said. "Dad will probably start worrying if I'm any longer. I'll catch you guys later, ok?"

"Sure," Quil said at once. "I should go and face the music anyway; Gramps told me to be back by eight or else."

Embry's eyes found mine again and I noticed he looked hurt. He must have thought I couldn't wait to get away from him and in actual fact that was the truth. I was more than a little embarrassed, especially with Quil standing there with us and I wasn't sure if I regretted kissing him or not. Would I have done it without the beer? If I hadn't been half asleep? I had no idea. I needed to think about it. I dropped my eyes away quickly and then turned to go.

"See you." I set off up the beach and neither of them followed me. I quickened my pace and headed for home, somehow hoping that Quil's Gramps and Embry's Mom weren't going to let them out again for the rest of the day. I needed some time to myself.

Dad was eating breakfast when I got in and he eyed me up and down for a second, then smiled.

"Well, you don't look as bad as I expected," he said.

"I said I'd behave," I reminded him. "I had three beers," I continued honestly. "And I won't be doing that again. I was up half the night peeing."

Dad laughed. "It can do that to you. How about Quil and Embry?"

"They didn't drink much either," I said, deciding it wise not to tell him Quil disappeared and spent the night with some girl none of us knew.

"That's good. Do you want some breakfast?"

"Um...not really," I said. "I'll just have some juice."

I poured myself a glass, drank it quickly and then headed for the shower. I was still tired, but I knew I wouldn't get any sleep now even if I tried. I decided to go out to the shed and work on the car; maybe blast some music and hope that I would be left alone.

An hour later I was out there working on the suspension, listening to a Buckcherry CD. Usually I liked more bluesy type music, but rock suited my mood right then. I felt confused and irritable and repeatedly tried to tell myself there was no problem in what had happened with Embry. We both had a few beers and kissed; why was it such a big deal? Only because it was probably going to make things really awkward between us, maybe even spoil our friendship. I had no idea what I would say to him now and he probably felt just as uncomfortable. My hasty escape from the beach had obviously upset him and he must think I regretted it. If only I was sure one way or the other how I felt, but I didn't have a clue.

I had no interruptions for a couple hours and I continued working and playing music, trying to get my head straight and failing. I just kept going over and over the same thoughts and getting nowhere. Eventually I began to feel hungry and went back to the house to grab a sandwich. I was just finishing it when a truck pulled up outside and a minute later Charlie and Bella were at the door. I let them in and realised I had never been so glad to see anyone in my life. I threw my arms around Bella and lifted her off her feet in a bear hug. When I set her back on the ground she was laughing.

"Gosh, Jake, did you miss me or something?"

"Um...just pleased to see you," I said. "I was working on the car; do you want to come out to the shed and chat?"

"Sure, ok. Maybe I can help. Pass you tools or something? Dad's going to be busy with Billy for a while, he brought beer and a DVD of some old ball game from years back."

"Exciting." I pulled my jacket on again and led her back out to the shed.

"So...Dad said you were going to the bonfire," Bella said as she sat down on a stool I indicated which was close to the part of the car I was working on.

"Mmm...yeah."

"How was it?"

I wondered if I should tell her. She was my friend and I guessed I could probably trust her. She had confided in me after all. She had been dating Edward Cullen for a while; one of the weird clan who lived in the woods. There were five of them, all adopted and four of those dating each other. I didn't know much about them, other than that Dad and some of his friends didn't like them and wouldn't say why.

"I did something stupid," I said.

"Oh? What was that? If you got drunk and threw up everywhere, it's not that stupid. From what I heard, everyone does that."

"Well, I got drunk, kind of, but I didn't throw up," I said. "I...uh...kissed somebody I probably shouldn't have."

"You kissed someone. That's all? You worry too much. Is she somebody else's girlfriend or something like that?"

"No."

"So what's the problem?"

"She's a..." Was I actually going to tell her? Well, I felt like I had to tell someone. "...a he," I finished.

"You kissed a boy?" Bella's eyes widened. "Are you gay, Jake?"

"No! I don't know. I had too many beers."

"Is he gay?"

"Yes."

"Anyone I know?"

"Don't ask me that." My face began to burn and I avoided her eyes. Why the hell had I started talking about this? I should have kept my mouth shut. Now she was going to ask lots of questions I didn't know the answers to and probably get more out of me than I wanted to tell her.

"Ok, so does he like you?"

"I'm pretty sure he does, yeah."

"And how do you feel about him?"

"I don't know!" I cried. "I mean, we've been best friends for like, forever, but...shit!" I stopped with a groan and covered my face with my hands. 'Why did you say that, you idiot?'

"Best friends? So it's Quil or Embry? Well, Quil's your cousin, not that it would really matter...but this girl at Forks High, Jeanie, says she had a thing with Quil a few weeks ago and he's apparently jumping from one girl to another so...it's Embry?"

"Yes," I said through my teeth. My face grew hotter than ever and I could only imagine I was as red as the checkered shirt I was wearing.

"Well, don't be embarrassed about it with me, Jake, you can talk to me about anything," Bella said with a smile and reached over to squeeze my arm. "Did you like kissing him?"

"I don't even want to think about it."

"You'll have to at some point. What are you going to do? Avoid him? If he already likes you, don't you think that'll hurt him?"

"I expect so." I could see his face in my head when I said I had to get home and took off as fast as I could. He was already hurt.

"What's the worst part of it?" Bella asked me. "The fact that he's a boy or that he's your friend and you're worried about your friendship if something happens between you?"

"I don't know, I'm just confused about the whole thing," I said. "I never really thought about either girls or boys until the summer when he suddenly said he was gay. As pathetic as this probably sounds, I never even kissed anyone before so I have nothing to compare it to."

"That's not pathetic," Bella smiled. "I didn't kiss anyone until last year and I'm eighteen now. You should just take some time to think about it; maybe see how you feel the next time you see him. The only thing you can do is talk to him about it; he's probably feeling as confused as you right now."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

The idea of talking to Embry didn't fill me with delight at that moment, but I supposed it was the only way to deal with it. However, another thought had occurred to me, stupid as it probably was. I knew it was stupid; completely messed up in fact; but maybe if I kissed a girl I would have some clue if I liked guys or girls better. I knew I was probably going to earn myself a slap, or a severe telling off at the very least, but once the idea was in my head I couldn't stop myself.

I leaned closer to Bella where she sat on the stool in front of me, rested my hands lightly on her shoulders and kissed her. Her lips parted, but I think it was more with a gasp of shock than a response. I continued anyway, covering her mouth more firmly with mine and caressing her lips even as her hand thrust against my chest in protest. In those brief seconds I noticed everything - the taste of her lips and their softness, the sweet smell of the perfume she was wearing, the silky brush of her hair against my cheek - and I felt nothing. I didn't feel the excitement I felt when I kissed Embry and when my heart rate sped up it was only with fear that I had taken a gigantic step across a line that would probably ruin the friendship I had with her.

"Oh...um...sorry, I'll leave you to it."

I jerked back quickly at the sound of Embry's voice, just in time to see the completely crushed expression on his face before he turned away from the open door and walked off.