A/N: Wow. I just want to take a minute to say thanks to anyone who's still following this story even though I promised an update about a month ago. I'm sorry for having you wait so long. Here's chapter six; chapter seven is in the works so hopefully the wait won't be nearly as long. C:

Please review, it's always a pleasure to hear from each and every one of you who enjoys my story. Don't be hesitant to let me know what you think, I promise I can take it. ;)

Again, sorry for the long wait, and please enjoy.

Madame Pomfrey didn't tell me anything I hadn't already figured out myself. She said something about auditory frequencies and synaptic overload – technical words that didn't hold any meaning with me. I wasn't blind, but only just, and there was a very real chance I wouldn't get any better.

"But there is a chance you will get better." Professor Sprout stressed. "As long as you take these potions and keep away from bright lights, we'll see whether or not your eyes are responding to the Quiritatio Claudeo charm Madame Pomfrey performed by the end of the month."
"And if they aren't?" Sprout squeezed my hand and for once I wasn't comforted.
"Then you'll be nearly blind for the rest of your life." Pomfrey answered.
A dead weight had settled in my stomach and I felt sick. Blind for the rest of my life? What about Quidditch? What about Hogwarts? Would I be cast back to my muggle family? I loved my parents, but after seeing all the things the magical world had to offer, after realizing how much I had left to see, being sent back to live as a muggle was unthinkable. I had abandoned my muggle schooling when my Hogwarts letter came; how could I be expected to take my CSE's? How would I become a fully-functioning member of society if I didn't even have a proper education?
"Do my parents know? What did they say?" I turned my unseeing eyes towards Professor Sprout, aware of how, even with the dim candlelight flickering from behind a sheer screen, my head was starting to hint at a headache.
"Your parents are aware of the situation but are unable to visit. Being muggles, well – Hogwarts was built with the main purpose of keeping muggles away."
"I understand." I did understand, all too easily.
Diagon Alley was our first hurdle, though easily handled. My first time there Professor McGonagall had tapped on the bricks and the wall folded away, allowing my parents, my sister, and I easy passage. King's Cross was a bit more difficult. We had to say our goodbyes on the muggle side of the wall. It pained me, somehow, to know that they would never see that scarlet train – that they would never step foot on Platform 9 3/4's. But this was worse.
I wanted my parents. I wanted my mum to stroke my hair and my dad to reassure me and I wanted to have the knowledge that they were at hand, should I need them but that wasn't going to happen. They were so far away and there was no way of getting them anywhere near here and for the first time in a long time I felt desperately alone.
"I do have some good news, though." Sprout said. I couldn't see her face, but I could tell that she was smiling. "They're sending your sister!"
"Not…" I frowned. "Please don't tell me they're sending Bertha!"
"Is that a problem dear?" Sprout asked, concerned. I grimaced.
"Of course it isn't a problem." Pomfrey said as she bustled over with a tray full of potions. "She'll need someone to look after her while she's at her lessons and Bertha's offered to help her little sister out so long as she gets a good recommendation at the Ministry for her services. Everybody wins."
"Everyone but me." I muttered. Pomfrey handed me a goblet and I sniffed it cautiously. "Can't Alice and Lavinia look after me? They're wicked responsible."
"And have them start shirking their other duties?" Pomfrey scoffed as she tipped the goblet to my mouth.
"Alice is prefect this year and has patrols and Lavinia, well, she's been having a hard enough time just keeping up this year." Sprout said gently. "They've got a lot on their plates and it would be unfair to ask them for more, don't you think."
"I suppose you're right, Professor." I ran a mental list of everyone I knew at Hogwarts but everyone in my year was having a hard time adjusting to the increased workload, and all the 5th and 7th years were busy studying their O.W.L.'s and N.E.W.T.'s. "I told Lavinia not to take Arithmancy." I muttered to myself.
I finished my potions and Pomfrey smiled primly down at me. "You are to stay for three more days, after which I will teach you the Obfuscating Charm. It's a wee bit tricky, especially when you're performing it on yourself, but it'll be necessary in order for you to be able to go to your lessons."
"Shouldn't Bertha be the one learning it then? That way she can just do it on me."
Pomfrey tutted. "I remember Bertha and in all sincerity, I'd sleep sounder if I knew you were the one handling any magic. She will be in charge of making sure you take your potions, though, and keeping you from going outside."
"I'm not allowed outside?" I whined. "But what about Quidditch?"
"You're not to play until I am one-hundred percent certain you are healed."
"I know I can't play," I gasped, exasperated, "But can't I watch, at least? Gryffindor is playing Ravenclaw next Saturday and I was really looking forward to it."
"Well you should have thought of that before playing with mandrakes." She huffed. Sprout squeezed my hand again, a bit harder this time, and Pomfrey left my bedside.
"I didn't do it on purpose." I pouted.
"I know dear." Pomfrey patted my hand gently. "Poppy just wants what's best for your safety and, well, mandrakes aren't the safest plants this far into their development." She said, guiltily.
"I don't want you to think this is even the least bit your fault, Professor!" I exclaimed. "I was completely off guard and not paying attention. I'm sure this sort of thing would never happen in any of your other classes; I was just a bit preoccupied that day, is all."
"Well, I should have known better, especially after what transpired between you and Mister Potter." Professor Sprout stood and made her way to the exit. "By the way, there's been a young man out here waiting for you. Should I send him in?"
My stomach somersaulted as I thought of Remus. He hated missing class.
"Yes, Professor." I called. "And thank you!"
"Any time, dear."
Remus had been waiting for me all day? The thought made my heart skip. Was he really so eager to see me? Maybe he had made up with James, and had come to let me know.
Or was it James who had come to see me? I wouldn't put it past that sneaky, conniving, son of a witch. Well if it was James, I'd have him sent out faster than he could flash that cocky smirk of his.
I waited expectantly, but for what seemed like an eternity no one appeared. I heard talking just outside the hangings, and some light laughter, but it didn't sound like anybody I knew.
Finally someone walked in, ripping open the hangings and setting off another earsplitting scream inside my head. I ducked under my covers and closed my eyes shut, hoping Pomfrey would give whoever it was a firm scolding.
Sure enough, the instant the screaming in my head subsided I was bombarded by the sound of Pomfrey's nagging; thankfully, it wasn't directed at me.
"-no respect for the privacy of others? What if she had been undressing? An infirmary is no place for your shenanigans Mr. Pettigrew. She is seriously injured and utmost care is required when dealing with her. Her eyes are incredibly sensitive to light at this stage and it is imperative that we keep her shrouded in darkness at all times."
"Oh Merlin, Madame P, I didn't know," Peter said, bashful as ever. "I just came to check up on her. James and the others are real worried about her and I figured I'd stop by to make sure she's alright."
"Well that's a wonderful sentiment, Peter, but next time let me know."
"I tried, Poppy, but I was distracted by your beautiful green eyes."
I heard the same coy laughter and realized Pomfrey was giggling. The thought made me nauseous.
"Is it safe to come out now?" I called, hoping she would leave. Or Peter. Or both, though preferably not together.
"Yes, yes, the hangings are drawn." Pomfrey said, obviously annoyed that I had interrupted her chat with Peter.
I frowned as I emerged from my sanctuary but was glad to see Pomfrey was gone. Peter, however, was staring down at me from the foot of my bed where he sat, cross-legged.
"Did James send you?" I asked. It was the only thing that made sense right now.
"Yes…" he said, still scrutinizing me. "Yes and no. I was a little bit curious about you."
"What are you curious about exactly?" I said, trying my best not to let on how frustrated I was. "About my injury? Or about the rumours that James and I are dating? Or about how James forced himself on me? Or did James tell you I'd take any Marauder and you figured you'd give it a go?"
Peter chuckled. "I see the appeal…"
"What?" I seethed.
"No, not that!" He laughed again, then took a deep breath. "I was wondering why Hufflepuff." He shook his head and grinned. "You lot aren't the most popular around here, you know."
I conceded this, slowly nodding my head once, though still entirely confused.
"I always figured he'd go after a Ravenclaw. A brainy type like Evans. Or maybe he'd try a little closer to home – go out with one of the chasers. Someone who loves flying as much as he does." He paused for a minute, deep in thought. "You fly, right? You're on the Quidditch team and everything. Er, maybe not anymore, but you were, right?"
"You are astoundingly tactless…" I mumbled.
Peter laughed. "It's one of my many talents."
I couldn't help but grin back. "Well, go on then. I'm still waiting to hear what makes me so appealing."
"It's just that! I never would have guessed it, but you have sort of a spunky side that isn't obvious at first glance."
"Spunky?"
"Yeah. It means you're a bit – I don't know – rebellious…snarky." Peter made a face as he tried to think of the right word. "Spunky."
I tried to digest this bit of information but it wasn't registering. "Peter." I said, "We're 'mates' right, I can call you Peter?" I paused, for effect. "I don't care."
He didn't seem taken aback at all. In fact, his grin just grew wider. "You will. I've been helping him meet up with his secret girlfriends since fifth year and there are three defining characteristics." It was now his turn to pause for dramatic effect and I considered feigning disinterest but it was no use. I was deeply curious about James' secret girlfriends.
"One: they have all been Hufflepuffs. Two: they have all been chasers on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. And three: they have all been – to some extent – 'spunky'."
"So, what, I'm just helping him reach his quota for the year?" I laughed, wondering if this was why Remus had been so worried. Did he think I would react badly to being just a number on James' list of secret girlfriends?
"You're taking this a lot better than I had expected," Peter said, smiling.
"Well, sure." I explained, settling back into my bed and pulling the covers up to my chin. "I mean, it's a despicable thing to do – especially since there are some girls who would kill to be in my position – but I'm glad that's all I mean to him. Once he's done pretending to be my boyfriend I can just forget I ever had anything to do with James Potter at all."
"James?" Peter frowned, uneasy understanding spreading across his face. "I was talking about Remus."
"I – oh." I looked up as a tall visitor entered through the partition in the hangings. "Oh."
"Pete, could you give us a few minutes." James said, handing him a piece of parchment. "Patrol the corridor."
Peter left and James sat on my bed, at my side. "I tried to warn you," he murmured, stroking my hair. "I told you to stay away from him."
"But this seems so unlike him!" I wailed.
"You don't know him." He said, jumping up. James ran a hand through his messy hair, pacing at the foot of my bed. "You only know the stories about him - about us. The things people made up when they decided they needed a ragtag group of heroes to help keep their mind off this god-awful war that's ripping their families apart.
"It was all too easy. We were clever, rebellious, charming," James grinned. "Handsome. No one would have any problem believing that Sirius tamed the Acromantula in the Forbidden Forest or that Remus raised a blessing of unicorns and had them trained as show ponies. Peter's just eclectic enough to have people believe he's half-centaur and as for me, well, I've got so much money I could buy someone else's life story and sell it as my own.
"You don't know a damn thing about us, much less Remus, and I think it's time that you accept that fact. I've drawn up a plan - I'll leave it on your nightstand - about what's going to happen three days from now.
"You are to rejoin your friends in the Great Hall. You will actively ignore me, despite multiple loud and anxious shouts by yours truly. I will then proceed to sidle up to you and attempt to engage you in conversation. You will repeatedly shoot me down. When I press you for further information about what is going on with 'you and me' a.k.a. 'us', you will loudly declare that I had better 'fucking know' what is going on with 'us'. You will express your distaste in 'boys' who do not visit their infirm girlfriends, and I will look completely taken aback. You will storm out of the Great Hall and I will stay back, looking forlorn. Sirius will crack a joke at your expense, which I will laugh half-heartedly at. We will then proceed to ignore each other for the rest of our lives."
"That sounds amazing." I managed to say, after a while.
James sat back down besides me, arms behind his head, and we basked in the mutual silence that came as we both tried to make sense of out thoughts. I became acutely aware of the steady rhythm of my chest as it rose up and down with each breath. It was over.
I had endured sleepless nights and restless mornings, hoping with bated breath to catch a glimpse of Remus as he walked through the halls of Hogwarts every day for the last month. I had gone behind my best friends' backs to keep this relationship running smoothly. I had incapacitated myself, stupidly worrying about how to keep myself out of the public eye that I nearly blinded myself. And for what?
"I didn't mean for this to happen," James said, eyes closed. "The mandrake thing."
"It's not your fault." I mumbled grudgingly, even though it kind of was.
He smiled. "That's what I like about you Hufflepuffs - you're always so quick to shift the blame away from others."
"Not all Hufflepuffs are the same, you know."
"Hmm?"
"We're not...clones." I said. James sat up, pondering this. "Just as you're a twisted, conniving, scheming Gryffindor, I'm sure there are nice ones." I racked my brain for an example. "Like Lily Evans."
James smiled again, a sly crafty smile. "What do you know about Evans?"
"Well, she seems really nice."
"Oh yes. She's awfully nice, up until she's blasted you in the face with a Bubbling Boil charm - her specialty."
"Well, whatever the charm, I'm sure you deserved it." I smirked.
"Indeed I did. You know, she's got this internal sense of justice that is absolutely admirable. The way she stands up for those in need. Not to mention she's brilliant. Can't pull a fast one on Evans."
"And she's pretty, too."
"What are you, blind? She's gorgeous!"
"That would be really sweet, if this poor girl wasn't actually incredibly ill because of you." Lily Evans said as she drifted into the room, my sister strolling in casually behind her.
"Evans!" James started, paling instantly.
"James." Lily was as collected as James was panicked. Luckily for James she just shook her head and said: "The prefects are all gathered in the usual place. Hand out their schedules for the week, while I chat with your girlfriend."
James slunk from the room, head down. For a minute I actually felt bad for him, that is until my sister plopped herself down next to me, and gave me a rib-crushing hug. Through the darkness, I could see Lily beaming down at us.
"I can't believe my baby sister is going with James-fecking-Potter!" Bertha cried, smooshing up my face. "What does he see in you?"
"I'm not his girlfriend!" I pouted. "I'm not." I repeated emphatically, gauging Lily's reaction. She just smiled blandly.
"Well that's not what I heard!" Bertha singsonged. She stood up abruptly, as if remembering something important. "I don't have to stay here all day, do I?" she asked Lily.
Lily shook her head no.
"Well then I'm off." She sashayed behind the curtain, then popped her head back in the room. "I have some business to attend to." She smirked.
"I don't care." I mumbled, mostly to myself since she'd already left.
Lily laughed, soft and tinkling, and I wondered what it was like to be her. She seemed so composed - so perfect - it was no wonder why James was absolutely mad about her.
"What's it like?" she asked me.
"Being stuck in the infirmary?"
"No." She smiled. She smiled a lot when James wasn't around. "Having your sister here. What's it like?"
"Well," I began, unsure of my feelings for Bertha at the moment. "It's like being stuck in the middle of a long summer holiday." Lily was watching me closely, waiting for me to go on. "You keep telling yourself to enjoy it because it's supposed to be fun and it's supposed to be relaxing but every bone in your body is aching to go back to school because you don't feel at home in your home anymore. Bertha's my sister and yes I enjoy having her around but only in small doses. But when I know it'll be weeks, or maybe even months of her constantly at my side, well..."
"Your bones start to ache." Lily concluded for me.
"You're a Gryffindor." I said. "Surely you've had to deal with Bertha before, when she was still here."
Lily nodded. "She can be a bit - abrasive." She admitted.
"And that's without the familiarity of being sisters." I motioned for Lily to sit on my bed. "She used to torture me about being magic." I confided. "Back before either of us knew about Hogwarts."
"Really?" she said. "But couldn't she do magic, too?"
"If she could, she kept it very well hidden." I sat back comfortably; Lily was a lot easier to talk to than I had anticipated. "And when her Hogwarts letter finally did come, she teased me because I was too young to go."
Lily nodded thoughtfully. "I see..."
"No matter what happened she'd always find a way to belittle me." I continued. "Eventually I came to realise that, despite whatever I had hoped when I was younger, she's never going to change."
"So now you're unhappy she's come to see you?" She asked.
I frowned. "I'm not unhappy." I explained. "I just know it's not going to end well."
"What's not going to end well?" Lavinia asked as she tiptoed into the room.
"Bertha being here."
"Bertha's here?" Alice asked, checking behind her for Madame Pomfrey. "I thought she said she never wanted to see you again."
"If only I could be so lucky." I said, rolling my eyes. "Pomfrey's promised her a good recommendation at the Ministry if she does a good job of watching over me."
There was a tense silence as my friends reflected on the fact that I needed watching over. Alice was biting on her lower lip - a habit of hers when she was deep in thought - and Lavinia was frowning as she looked at Lily.
"Hello." Lily smiled tentatively.
"What are you doing here?" Lavinia asked bluntly.
"We were just having a little chat." Lily said as she stood up. "Actually, I think I'd better go make sure Potter handed out those schedules."
"He did." Alice smiled.
"Well I'm sure he did something wrong. I'll see you around." She flashed a toothy grin before making a quick escape.
"Speaking of Potter," Alice grinned, sidling up to me. "I'm pretty sure he's stationed Peter outside to keep an eye on you."
I gave a noncommittal grunt.
"He helped us sneak in, actually." Lavinia tapped her lips. "He was...um...distracting Pomfrey." She laughed loudly, inciting hushed shushes from Alice.
"I can't stay long," Alice frowned. "I've got History of Magic and you know how Binns gets." She reached over to give me a comforting hug. "You have to get better soon, alright?"
"I'll do my best." I promised.
"Keep an eye on her." She said, pointing at Lavinia.
"Actually, I can't stay either." Lavinia tugged at the hem of her skirt. "Flitwick bullied me into tutoring some third years."
"Flitwick bullied you? Wait, Flitwick bullied you." I exchanged incredulous glances with Alice. "Flitwick bullied you?" I didn't know which was less hard to believe.
Lavinia shrugged. "He can be really persistent."
"Fine." I sniffed. "That's fine. You two can just rush off to attend to your schooling and your lives while I waste away in here, infirm and alone."
"That's the plan, love." Lavinia grinned, planting a kiss on my forehead.
I was touched at the gesture but she smiled and left just afterwards, leaving me alone to my thoughts.
My terribly toxic thoughts.