CHAPTER TWELVE

I didn't go home. I longed to go and get in the shower and scrub myself raw, but I didn't want to face Dad when I was so shaken up by what had happened. Had I been wrong after all? Had he really tried to stop it happening and I ignored him? I knew that wasn't the case. He had wanted it as much as I did, despite the initial protest. He had been wrapped around me as tight as he could get, holding onto me like he never wanted to let go.

"Oh, God...yes.." I could still hear his voice in my head and I was beyond confused. He had been pushing me away since right after my birthday when he had disappeared for that week and somehow I knew he hadn't been in Seattle with his aunt. Now he was saying no to me and yet responding as if he couldn't get enough. I couldn't figure it out, but I was determined to get to the bottom of it. Maybe it was time I paid a little visit to his new friends to find out exactly what was going on with them, over there at Sam Uley's house.

I didn't actually pluck up the courage to go until Sunday. I spent the rest of Saturday on the beach, a few hours alone and then with Quil after he sent me a text to ask where I was and what happened. I wasn't sure if I should tell him or not when he came to meet me. I almost felt ashamed of what I'd done and was embarrassed to confess that to Quil, even though he had got used to me whining about Embry by now and knew most of the details.

"What happened?" he asked me when he arrived. "You look like shit."

"Yeah, thanks, Quil," I grunted. "I feel like shit."

"So? Did you talk to him?"

"Not much."

"Well, wasn't that the point?"

"Yeah, but he wouldn't say anything. Other than that I should go hang out with his weird new friends."

"Oh, great, they're trying to get you to join the cult, are they?" Quil almost laughed. "Are you sure they haven't brainwashed him somehow? He's not himself."

"No, he's not," I said. "I'm going to see what I can find out tomorrow. I'm going to see Sam Uley."

"Seriously? You want me to go too?" offered Quil.

"No, this is something I have to sort out on my own."

"Ok. Well, let me know."

It was Sunday afternoon before I went out and as I walked towards the house at the edge of the woods, my stomach filled with butterflies and my heart thumped unevenly. I was very nervous and I wondered what my reception was going to be. Embry and Dad had both suggested I try getting to know the guys and now I was on my way to do just that, I was scared. I wondered if Embry would be there or if it would only be Sam. They all seemed to spend Sundays together, from what I'd seen of them so far.

The house seemed deserted when I got there. No truck or car stood outside and there was no sign of life. I stepped up onto the porch and knocked anyway, but didn't get an answer. I walked down the steps again thinking I would just leave, but then the faint sound of voices reached my ears. It seemed to be coming from the back of the house and I turned left and made my way along the house wall, then left again down the end of the building. I stopped before I reached the rear corner, instinct telling me I was going to learn more if whoever was talking didn't know I was there.

"...it's kind of awkward. I don't want to keep going on about it when Sam's around; it's bound to be bugging him." It was Jared's voice and I frowned as I listened, curious to know what they were talking about.

"Yeah, but it might not even be Sam's Dad," Paul's voice answered. "If we could find out the truth and it's not him, Sam could chill about it."

"It must be a bit of a bummer though, to find out your Dad's been fucking around with a Makah tramp and you got a brother you never knew you had," Jared said. "I don't even know what Sam's Dad looks like; he left La Push when we were babies. I mean since the only families with the gene are the Uleys, the Atearas and the Blacks, it has to be one of them. I know Quil's Dad died, but he looked pretty much like his Gramps. Do you think Embry looks anything like either him or Jake's Dad?"

"Hell, I don't know. There's only one of them we could actually ask about it and can you imagine Billy Black owning up to cheating on his dead wife?"

"There's always Embry's Mom."

"Yeah, like she'd confess to being a homewrecker. She had a hard enough time being accepted here as it was, from what Sam says. She's not going to fuck things up for herself now."

"Embry must be feeling pretty shit, wondering who he's actually related to. His Mom could have at least told him."

I tuned the voices out. What were they saying? I tried to put it all in order. Embry was Makah - or at least everyone always thought he was. But now it seemed he was half Quileute and that his father was either Sam's Dad, or Quil's...or mine? Embry could be my brother?

How could that be? Did Dad cheat on Mom four months after I was conceived? Had she known? I just couldn't picture Dad doing something like that. The possible involvement of Josh Uley and Quil Ateara IV went completely out of my head and all I could think about was that I could be related to Embry. Could be quickly changed to probably in my mind; I always saw the worst in everything if at all possible. I was probably related to Embry. I turned and began to run back the way I had come, my stomach churning, heart pounding. I did things nobody should do with their brother and I was going to be sick.

I skidded to a stop and bent over, vomiting violently onto the grass in front of me until there was nothing left in my stomach and my eyes were watering. Embry knew. He knew yesterday when I was with him, when he said no and then gave in anyway. Now everything had begun to make sense and I was horrified. How long had he known? Probably since the day after our weekend together if his subsequent behaviour was anything to go by.

Rage filled me and overtook the panic and pain and sickness boiling inside me. How the fuck could he have let that happen? I began to walk away as fast as I could and then halted quickly again as I suddenly came face to face with Embry heading in the other direction. Right at that moment he was the last person on earth I wanted to see. He stopped a few feet away from me, his face pale and scared looking and I lost my temper.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I cried. "You knew!"

"I only found out recently," said Embry shakily. He knew exactly what I had heard.

"How recently?"

"Um..."

"How recently!" I yelled.

"Sunday night, after your birthday."

"So you knew! All this time! Yesterday when we were together, you knew I could be your...brother! Why didn't you stop me?"

I was screaming and I was well aware that Paul and Jared could probably hear every word even from behind the house, but I just didn't care. I was completely out of control - scared, sickened, furious, devastated - and I felt like I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. I'd never been violent, never wanted to hurt anyone, and this new feeling shook me up even more. Where was this incredible anger coming from? The fact that Embry had been trying to keep me at a distance for weeks didn't register at that moment and somehow I had also forgotten that really there was only a one in three chance we were related.

"I tried." A tear spilled over and slid down Embry's cheek. Another quickly followed it and almost at once they were tracking down his face like rivers.

"Well, you didn't try very hard, did you?" I snarled at him.

I shuddered and my stomach rolled. I was going to be sick again; I could feel my gorge rising and I grew hotter and hotter, sweat bursting out of every pore in my body. How could I deal with something like this? It was bad enough that we could be related at all, that Dad may have betrayed Mom, but the fact that Embry knew...

I bent over, expecting myself to vomit, but what happened was that everything spun around me and suddenly I was changing...changing shape? I dropped to my hands and knees and looked down at myself, seeing large russet-coloured furry paws where my hands should have been.

"What the hell?" I gasped.

It was my voice, but inside my head, not out loud. I was a wolf; a fucking huge red wolf and Embry was standing in front of me with a terrified look on his face. I let out a growl of rage and sprang at him without even a thought. He jumped to the side a split second before I hit him and in an instant he wasn't Embry any more, but a grey wolf, a little smaller than me and I could hear his thoughts.

"Please, Jake, I'm sorry. I love you. I didn't mean for this to happen."

I turned my head to look at him. His dark wolf eyes had the same look in them that his human eyes had the times he had said he loved me and I threw myself at him, revulsion and fury rolling through me. I hit him with as much force as I could muster from a single spring and knocked him off his feet. He rolled onto his back and thrust his front paws upwards to ward me off. Shaking with rage I plunged my head down, snapping at him, not quite able to reach.

"Don't, Jacob, please, we can talk about this..."

"I'm done talking! You wouldn't say a word when I wanted you to! You're a fucking freak! Hell, I'm a freak. How the hell did I get to be a wolf? How did this happen?" My thoughts jumped from one thing to the other and back. I felt as if I was losing my mind.

Embry's paws stopped shoving against my chest and I thrust my head down instinctively and sank my teeth into his neck. I felt them break through skin and flesh, the taste of salty coppery blood flooding my mouth. A shrill whine filled my ears and Embry lashed out with his paws again, clawing at me desperately.

"Jake...stop...please..."

I forced my jaws closer together, ignoring him, still too shocked to realise just what I was doing.

"Jacob! Let him go and back away! Now!"

The deep rumbling voice in my head was Sam's. I couldn't see him and I didn't actually know his voice, but something inside me told me it was him. I froze and then slowly began to release Embry. I found there was nothing I could do to resist Sam's order and I backed off one step at a time. Embry rolled onto his side, panting and choking, blood staining his grey fur. I turned towards the huge black wolf behind me and the reason for my attack on Embry faded from my mind temporarily.

"What happened? I'm a wolf? The legend's true?"

Dad had a book about the history of the Quileutes, how they descended from wolves, and could turn into them to protect the tribe from the threat of...vampires? I had always thought it was just a story, but obviously I was wrong. I knew I wasn't dreaming. No one could dream such an agonising horror story as this.

"Yes, it's true. I would have told you, but it happened to you sooner than I expected. Painful situations often do that."

I turned my head and glanced back at Embry. He was himself again, lying naked on his side with his arms wrapped around himself, shivering and crying, the scar of a rapidly healing wound visible on his neck. I jerked my head away. I couldn't bring myself to keep looking at him, but at the same time guilt that I had hurt him so badly made my heart ache.

Paul and Jared appeared at that moment, Jared with a pair of shorts in his hand. They both ran to Embry and I ignored them. I had to get away from all of this. I needed to stop thinking, somehow. I turned and ran.

"Jacob!"

Sam's voice echoed in my head, but even he couldn't stop my flight. I bounded into the woods, tearing through the trees, paws covering the ground beneath me in giant leaps until I was far from La Push and everyone in it. No one followed me; not even Sam.

Four days later I was still a wolf. I had paced about constantly for most of that time, occasionally lying down to rest, but mostly just pacing and thinking. I had no idea what to do. I was still in shock from everything that had happened and I couldn't even let myself think about Embry. I shoved him into the furthest corner of my mind and slammed the door on him, too scared to consider any longer how I actually felt about him.

It was the morning of the fifth day when Sam found me. It was just past dawn and I had been sleeping fitfully when I suddenly opened my eyes and sensed his powerful presence. I stayed where I was and waited for him. Although I was tempted to get up and run again, I needed someone to help me and who else could I go to?

"Jacob."

Sam reached the shrubs under which I rested and halted a few feet away, ears pricked forwards as he looked down at me. It seemed strange to be looking up at such a huge and impressive creature without fear, knowing I was the same. It was clear that communication was by thought and I did my best not to let the desperate muddle in my head out so that he could hear it.

"Come back with me," he said.

"I can't." The thought filled me with horror. "Embry's my brother!" I couldn't prevent it escaping and I lowered my eyes from his in embarrassment.

"No one knows who Embry's father is, except for his mother. The only one who can tell you what you want to know is your own father."

"I can't ask him that!" I thought in panic.

"You won't need to. He'll talk to you when you get home; I called him. He'll tell you about Embry and everything you want to know about us - the shape-shifters. But you must come back with me."

"What did you tell him? Surely not..." I cut the thought off quickly and buried it.

"I just told him that the mystery of Embry's parentage is causing trouble for you and the pack."

I whimpered miserably. I was actually scared to know the truth. I didn't want to hear Dad say that he went behind Mom's back with another woman while she had been carrying me. And I didn't want him to confirm that what I did with Embry was so wrong. I lay there a few more minutes and Sam said nothing more. I knew I couldn't stay where I was forever and eventually I got to my feet and shook myself.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah." I waited as Sam turned away and then followed him slowly down the path in the direction he had come from.

It was dusk when we reached La Push and I realised I must have run a lot further than I thought. Sam had explained a lot more about the shape-shifters and the act of phasing - actually turning from human to wolf and back again - on the journey and the reason for the sudden emergence of the new wolf pack within the tribe. Vampires were coming and we needed to be ready to protect the tribe from them. That part still sounded like something of a fairy story to me, but when I looked down my own nose and saw a russet furred muzzle with a black snout, and glanced behind me to see an enormous wolf's body covered in rather shaggy fur, I couldn't really convince myself that the rest of the story wasn't also true.

In addition Sam told me about Imprinting - fate selecting for you a mate who you would only be parted from by death; that once it happened that person became your whole world and your reason for living. Sam had Imprinted on Emily, even though he had been in love with Leah Clearwater at the time and the triangle had caused immense pain for all three of them. None of what he was telling me filled me with hope and I wished fervently that I hadn't had to be part of all this.

"You need to cut your hair," Sam advised at one point as we walked together, his tone sounding as if he were grinning. "Your human hair."

I realised immediately why Embry had cut his hair and that he must have phased for the first time right after my birthday, probably prompted by the fight with his Mom when she got back from Seattle. Now I knew what we were, I would have bet anything he wasn't in Seattle with his aunt that week.

"He was with Emily and me."

"Damnit. I have to keep my thoughts to myself."

"It's alright, Jacob, you'll get used to it," Sam said. "It is possible to block thoughts from the others although it takes some practise. Paul's pretty good, but even I can't do it well."

"Well, I managed to stop myself thinking about...shit!"

I heard Sam's deep laugh in my head and then he halted suddenly and I realised we were outside the rear door of his house. A light was shining through the kitchen window and I dropped into a crouch, horrified at the thought of being seen by anyone, even if it was only Paul and Jared who were the same as I was.

"It's just Emily." Sam moved closer to the door and transformed rapidly back into a human as I watched, stunned. Naked, he pushed the door open. "Hey, babe, it's only me."

"Here you go."

Emily passed him a pair of shorts and he pulled them on, then took another pair, came back outside and closed the door after him. He had already told me how to phase back by imagining yourself human, picturing it so vividly you could see it; feel it. He had warned me I might find it difficult at first, but as he turned towards me with the shorts in his hand, suddenly I found myself crouching on the ground naked, my hair loose and tangled around my face and my fingers pressed into the dirt. I took the shorts quickly and pulled them on.

"Come in and clean up before you go home," Sam told me and I did as he said.

Emily had left the room when I went inside and she didn't emerge while I was there. Sam told me he would introduce me to her soon when I next visited. I left him minutes later, having put on my own shoes which someone had apparently found in the meadow after I first phased. I jogged home, growing more and more nervous with every step and then hovering outside the door when I got there, too afraid to go in and find out what Dad had to tell me. He opened the door himself a minute later.

"Sam called to say you were on your way," he said. "Come inside."

My heart began to hammer and I closed the door after me, following him into the living room. I wondered how much he knew about what had happened with Embry. Would Sam have told him what went on before I ran away? Somehow I didn't think he was he type to gossip unless it was absolutely necessary. I didn't look at Dad. I didn't want to see his face when he told me he was Embry's Dad too.

"Jacob, listen to me, son," he said. "There's something I need to tell you."

I sat down slowly. I was shaking and I didn't want to hear him confirm what I thought I already knew, because that would make it real and I didn't know how I would be able to face it, but I knew I would have to sit there and listen. I squeezed by eyes shut and waited for Dad to start talking.