Chapter 4
"Sensei," Oz called again. "Sensei?"
"Ah?" Gilbert leaned closer to him. Oz can feel his body getting warm. He slightly backed away. He doesn't want to look like he's taking advantage of a drunken teacher. "Sorry, Oz…"
"For what?" He asked.
"For hurting you…" Gilbert said with a hiccup. "emotionally… physically… Sorry…" He then touched Oz's cheek with his hand and caressed Oz's hair, cheeks, and lips.
Oz thought that he would burst into tears, but he held everything inside. It's really a mystery how a person who loves can take all hardships and accept everything with just a single apology. He feels happy right now, so happy… "Yes, of course… I accept it… your apology…"
"Ah, what are we talking about again..?" Gilbert asked.
"Sensei, why did you get angry at me that time?" Oz asked again. To his surprise, Gilbert gulped a mouthful of alcohol and kissed him full in the lips. Oz's immediate reaction is to push him away, of course. But Gilbert thrust his tongue inside Oz's mouth and passed the mouthful of alcohol to him. Oz coughed because of that. Gilbert was pushed on the sofa once more.
"Because you wouldn't drink from your bottle…" Gilbert muttered incoherently. "I had to give you some alcohol…"
"T-That's so generous of you, sensei." Oz said while trying to wipe his mouth of alcohol and of Gil. His face is so red. He remembered it happening before, when Gil tried to choke him. He brushed his lips on Oz's. But the feeling right now is very different. "But I told you I'm a minor–"
"Let me kiss you again, Oz…" Gilbert interrupted before Oz can even finish his sentence. Gil looked at him seductively with those handsome and elegant emerald eyes. "Come here… Let me kiss you, Oz…"
"S-Sensei… you're… I think you're really drunk…" Oz said. He's so red that he feels like he'll explode from so much heat any second now. "You need to sleep now."
"Oz, come here." Gilbert insisted. Oz is really on the verge of taking advantage of him. The only thing that's preventing to do so is Eliot. He also loves Eliot, though not in the same way as he loves Gilbert. Instead, he tried to help Gilbert stand up by making the latter lean on him. He did so with utter force and strength.
"You should go to your room, sensei." Oz is struggling to say. "Tell me the way."
"Here." Gilbert answered while pointing on the sofa where he's leaning earlier. "I sleep here every night." He then pushed Oz on the sofa and lay on top of him.
"S-Sensei!" Oz tried to push him but Gil is so damn heavy. Gil looked at him directly in the eyes.
"Oz, what you said to me…" Gilbert started. "Tell me that's a lie… about you only pulling a prank on me… Tell me that's a lie…" This time, Oz noticed the pain in Gilbert's voice. Unlike last time, his voice right now is pleading… devoid of any authority or strength… just pure, agonizing plea…
"Sensei…" Oz couldn't help but pull him close and hug him. "I'm sorry about what I said… I'm sorry that I hurt you so much… I only did that to at least protect my damaged pride… I only did that so–" He was not able to finish his sentence when Gilbert kissed him again on the lips, a chastised one this time. Oz feels that his red cheeks will remain that way forever.
"Don't leave me alone…" Gilbert muttered. His head rested on Oz's shoulder and he fell into a deep and peaceful slumber.
"What happened?" Break almost shouted. "I still dressed up so I took so long. I always sleep naked after all…" He then winked.
"Ah, s-sensei. Gilbert sensei slept–" Oz's statement wasn't finished again because of Break's interruption this time.
"Oh?" Break grinned. "Gil has never slept that peaceful before."
"Huh?" Oz's veins of annoyance are all over. "Can you help me here please? He's heavy!"
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Break answered. "I don't see anything out of the ordinary, you know. Well, don't wake me up for nothing again. Goodnight."
"H-Hey, wait!" Oz called in exasperation as Break walked upstairs and disappeared onto the second floor. "Now, what?"
"I can feel his even breathing… It's making me peaceful in a way I can't explain… I… I really love this guy… I just wish that this moment will last a little longer… I want to hug him more and more… and yet, when he wakes up, everything will turn back to normal… He might even accuse me of taking advantage of him… That's worse than him choking me."
"Well, goodnight then, sensei…" Oz kissed Gil's seaweed-head before he also fell asleep.
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"Sensei, I'm sorry about what I said… I'm sorry that hurt you so much… I only did that to at least protect my damaged pride… I only did that so–" He saw himself kissing Oz for the second time. He feels strange. He hates it and yet contrary to what his mind shouts, his heart doesn't feel disgusted at all. He hates it and yet he likes it. He's addicted to it... He's… captivated…
Gilbert's eyes slowly opened. "What a terrible dream…" He thought.
"Morning." Gilbert heard Break's voice. He groaned. His body is in pain. His eyes suddenly widened when he saw what's underneath him.
"Break!" Gilbert looks so shocked. "W-What is this?"
"Well," Break leaned closer to Oz's sleeping face. "I think it's a student. And I think–"
"I know that!" Gilbert exclaimed. "What I want to know is why he's here!"
"Oh, that?" Break put his index finger on top of his mouth so that it'll look like he's in a deep thought. "I was so shocked last night when you go out to buy more alcohol but went back with him. You even told me not to tell anyone because you only kidnapped him. Something happened between the two of you, by the way. So…"
"What did you say?" Gilbert's face is dark. "Are you telling me I did something to this kid? Why didn't you do anything?" Break is stifling a laugh.
"Uh, I thought I'd die if I stop you." He answered. "You're so addicted to him last night that he even passed out because of what you did."
He stifled more of his laugh when he saw Gilbert's color drained.
"He's… my student…" Gilbert muttered after a while.
Break rolled his eyes. "Our school doesn't have any problem with that remember?"
"It doesn't matter! He's still my student! And most of all, he's–"
"A guy?" Break interrupted even before Gilbert can finish. "So what? Are you saying those things that you read upstairs cannot happen for real?"
"What do you mean those things?" Gilbert asked.
"I mean, those yaoi manga that you're reading upstairs…" Break immediately stopped when he saw Gilbert's dark aura gathering.
"You…" Gilbert muttered. "YOU WENT INSIDE OF MY ROOM?"
"I-I only did so because I want to clean!" Break immediately said in defense. "And I accidentally saw them!"
"Those are not mine, just so you'll know. I don't read things like that." Gilbert said. "Those are mere things that I confiscated from the students when I am noticing that they are not listening to me during class periods."
"Then why are you keeping them inside your room?" Break smirked when he saw Gilbert's boiling anger.
"YOU–!" Gilbert wasn't able to finish his sentence when the student underneath him shifted his position.
"S-Sensei..?" They both turned when they heard Oz's voice. He's equally looking at them.
"Sorry we were so noisy so early in the morning." Break started. Gilbert immediately stood up and muttered something about going in his room and checking if the manga are still there.
"Wait, Gil." Break called. "I think you should talk to him again. This time don't fall asleep in the process."
"What?" Gilbert turned around, facing Break. "What do you mean?"
"You talked to him–, oh shoot. I forgot about my prank." Break slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand.
"I think I should go home." Oz said. They both turned to him. "Our conversation last night is enough." He smiled at both of them. He wants the Gilbert last night to remain in his head, not replaced by some teacher's terrible and offending attitude.
"Wait, what did you say?" Gilbert asked. Break was about to say something but Gilbert glared at him.
"We had a conversation last night..?" Oz answered in a question.
"Nothing happened?" Gilbert asked again. "I mean, I didn't do anything?"
Oz immediately turned red when he remembered the kisses last night. Break smirked when he noticed this. "Ah n-nothing! Nothing happened!"
"You're so defensive, Bezarius." Break smiled.
"Ah, sorry…" He answered.
"It means all those things about you saying I kidnapped him and did something are all lies..?" Gilbert's dark aura is starting to gather again.
"Y-Yeah, you can say that…" Break sighed. "I was the one who kidnapped him, thinking that you two will be able to talk to each other. Well, you did but as usual, you don't remember what happened."
"Did I say anything weird?" He asked Oz coldly and directly.
"N-Nothing…" Oz immediately looked down. He really likes the Gilbert last night. Today's is kind of scary and angry at almost everything…
"You can go home now." Oz's eyes widened at the statement. Break tried to argue but Gilbert doesn't want to talk to him anymore. "I bet your parents are sick worried about you. Now, go."
"Ah, yes." Oz looked up and smiled. "Only, no one would worry about me there."
He walked out of the house and into his own, empty house. He just got inside when someone pushed the doorbell button. When he got out, he saw Break's car and Break and Gilbert outside. Break is waving at him while Gilbert is looking the opposite way, smoking. He smiled at them and asked them to come in. They did so in utter silence. When they got inside, Break immediately sat comfortably on the sofa. Oz chuckled at him.
"Sit as well, Gil." He invited.
"I'm fine here." He said, still smoking. He's standing, leaning on the wall beside the door which is now closed.
"Why did you come here, by the way?" Oz asked politely. "I'll make you some tea."
"Sure, thanks." Break brought out a bag. Oz looked at it for a while. When realization came in, his eyes widened and he gaped at the bag.
"Whe–? H-How did you..?" He can't even able to talk coherently because of so much shock.
"Gil found it in the school pond and rescued it." Break said and he saw Gilbert flinched in the corner of his eyes. The two of them agreed that they will not tell Oz that Gilbert was the one who found it. "Oops." He added inside his head.
"T-Thank you." Oz bowed to the two of them and happily accepted the bag. He put it down on one of the tables in the living room.
"How did that thing end up in the pond? Tell us." Gilbert asked.
Oz was surprised for a while. Gilbert actually wants to start a conversation with him instead of letting Break handle everything. "Well, it's a long story. Let's just say someone tried to bully me that time. But that incident is over and everything is okay now so…"
"I see." Break was the one who answered. They both knew Gilbert would not say anything anymore because he already looked satisfied. After that, Oz bowed to them and went to the kitchen to prepare for tea.
"Beza–, Oz," Break called. "Are you living alone in this house?"
"Ah, yeah." Oz answered from the kitchen. "My parents are abroad ever since I was in my fourth grade of elementary so… I've been living here alone since then. They sent me money for food and allowance, though. Oh yeah, I have a brother but he lives somewhere else because that idiot thinks he can take care of himself and not depend on our parents. He's sort of angry at them for leaving us just like that so… He visits me sometimes though."
"I see… Sorry for being nosy." Break apologized.
"No, it's okay! I'm used to it. I don't even know if they will still come back here so I…" Oz trailed off again. Gilbert's eyebrows creased. He stood up straight and went to the kitchen. Break was left in the living room speechless. He never thought Gilbert could be so bold and aggressive in those kinds of situations.
"I'll help with the tea." Gilbert suddenly talked. Oz, surprised, turned the opposite direction. His tears are falling silently on his cheeks.
"T-The tea is not ready yet, sensei." Oz is trying everything to make his trembling unnoticed. Of course, Gilbert noticed it with much ease. He walked closer and, to Oz's surprise, patted him on the head.
"Get over it, kid." He said coldly.
Oz smiled. Then he chuckled. "Yes, sensei."
"The tea." Gilbert said.
"Ah, yeah." He fixed the tea and went to the living room, feeling all light and happy. His eyes widened when he saw Eliot with Break. But his surprise turn into a smile, happy one. Eliot's face lightened when he saw Oz but immediately darkened at the sight of Gilbert at his heels. Gilbert noticed this but pretended he didn't. He also noticed Oz's happy smile but pretended it didn't happen. He can't just accept that he didn't see it. He had to think of it as a it-didn't-happen-situation or else he'll shatter into pieces…
"Oz," Eliot called. "Did something happen?"
"Eh, why do you ask?" Oz put the tea down and poured one to each of them.
"I checked on you here last night. You're not here… Where are you?" He asked. Oz can feel the worry and pain in his voice. He really doesn't want to hurt Eliot, but he deserves the truth – that he slept in Break and Gilbert's house.
"I was in–"
"He slept in our house." Gilbert answered even before Oz could. "Break and I talked to him last night even though it's late. Apparently, he failed his exams again and is in need of another week of remedial class."
"EH?" Both Eliot and Oz stood up from their seats in surprise.
"What are you thinking, Gil?" Break thought. "We both knew Oz can pass everything with flying colors. He only pretended to fail the past exams so he could get close to you after all. Besides, there is no result in the exams yet because everything is still unchecked."
"Wait, why are you surprised, too?" Eliot asked Oz.
"That's because we weren't able to talk about it. He immediately fell asleep after all." Gilbert answered again.
"What?" Oz exclaimed. "You're the one who immediately fell asleep after pleading about some lies!"
This time, Gilbert was left astounded. Oz just told him that he said nothing weird… And yet… He wants to know what he just said. But he thinks that he already knows. About some lies, then it's a continuation of their conversation in the faculty room. He hasn't even apologized for hurting Oz. He really wants to disintegrate now. "Let's go home, Break." Gilbert said. "Let's meet at the remedial classes." Break sighed and followed Gilbert silently.
"I said something to him…" He muttered as they drove away from the place.
"You know, if you'll just be more honest with your feelings, then Oz would understand you more." Break said while driving.
"Shut up. I don't like that kid." He answered and lit another cigarette.
"Because that's disgusting?" Break asked, not bothering to look directly at Gilbert. The latter didn't answer. "You know, you should be more honest with your feelings. You feel that being in love with someone in the same sex as you is disgusting. And yet, you feel that way. You should acknowledge that. You can't move forward if you're stuck dealing with your useless pride whose only purpose is to make you suffer."
"Shut up." Gilbert muttered.
"You know I'm right." Break didn't stop. "You're suffering and yet you still insist that you don't like that kid. Your actions will get nowhere, Gil. The only thing it'll do is… it'll make you lose Oz. And once you've lost him, he'll never ever come back. And you'll definitely regret it in the end."
Gilbert's eyes widened at the statement. That he'll lose Oz because of his pride… He can't accept it… "I… I don't know what I should do anymore…"
"Are you going to tell him that you're going? Or are you going to tell him at least about your feelings?" Break asked again. When the latter didn't answer, Break continued with his driving without another word.
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Days passed like nothing happened. Oz attended Gilbert's remedial classes for a week. The atmosphere is lighter than he originally thought. Eliot always waits for him outside and walks home together with him. It's already Friday and Oz is in the last day of remedial class.
"So, this is where the lesson ends." Gilbert said. "I'm sure it'll be your last lesson with me."
"Eh? Why?" Oz asked. He's not questioning his own capabilities but Gilbert sounded really confident just now.
"Because I'm a good teacher." He smiled. Oz's eyes widened with utter surprise.
"S-Sensei?" Oz called. "You're creeping me out."
"Shut up." Gilbert said, turning serious again. "Let's end this boring class now." Oz is already used to this that it doesn't bother him anymore. What bothers him is the fact that he doesn't like Gilbert's tone today. Oz was about to leave the room when Gilbert held him by the arm.
"W-What is it, sensei?" He asked innocently.
"I…" Gilbert's face darkened, like he remembered something. "Are you and that guy Knightrey still going out?"
"Ah, yes…" Oz answered, getting confused by the out-of-nowhere question.
"Are you going to continue going out with him?" He asked again, not ceasing his hold of Oz.
"Ah, yeah… I guess." He said, unsure of what the future beholds.
"Even if I..?" Gilbert looked down. "No, nothing. Forget what I just asked." He patted Oz's head again. He's been doing that for the last five days now.
"Yes, sensei…" Oz answered, despite wanting to know what Gilbert really wants to ask. He feels as if Gilbert is making him realize something. But he immediately brushed it off as a mere baseless assumption. He opened the door and went outside to meet Eliot.
Gilbert was left inside feeling so frustrated. He lost his first and last chance to clear things with Oz. He couldn't tell it, his feelings. He feels so ashamed of himself by telling his feelings to someone he just rejected and hurt… That someone has already found a person who will make him happy, and now he's here trying to break that apart… Gilbert can't accept that… He'd rather be alone… and die of so much pain…
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"Eliot?" Oz called. "What's wrong? You're so quiet." The two of them are now walking home together.
Eliot looked at him. "I've been thinking lately…"
"About what..?" Oz smiled.
"About us…" Eliot answered. He stopped in his tracks. Oz also did the same, confused for the second time today.
"What about us?" Oz asked.
"Oz, I'll ask you directly." Eliot said seriously. "Do you love me?"
Oz was surprised for a while. Then he answered. "Of course."
"Do you love Nightray-sensei?" He asked again.
Oz was silent for a while. Afterwards, he looked in Eliot's eyes and answered. "Yes." Eliot was about to talk again when Oz interrupted him. "Please don't make me choose between the two of you… I really love you both… I don't even know–"
"Oz," Eliot interrupted him. "Don't mistake your love for me to be the same as your love for him." He smiled and kissed Oz on the lips. "I know he occupies almost 95% of your heart. I only occupy the 5%."
"Eliot…" Oz tried to call but Eliot immediately kissed him again.
"I won't make you choose." Eliot looked in pain now more than ever. "I'll… set you free."
"Eliot, no!" Oz immediately hugged him. "Don't leave me!" Oz's tears started falling one by one. Eliot hugged him as well.
"It's for the best…" Eliot whispered. "I'll only make you suffer even more. At first, I thought that I can make you forget him… I thought that I wouldn't hurt you… But then, I realized that I might be your special thing, but that guy is your everything. I can't compete with that."
"Eliot…" Oz called between muffled sobs.
"I want your heart to be whole." Eliot kissed his forehead this time. "I don't want you to have a heart with a five percent detached from the rest… You won't be happy with that…"
"Please, stop, Eliot…" Oz pleaded. Eliot is struggling with the words. His heart is shattering into pieces. He's purposefully hurting Oz while saying those things. He wants to just die…
"Besides, you look really happy when you're with Nightray-sensei…" Eliot said. "I noticed it back then, even before you confessed to him. And I can still notice it now, even after we went out. I'm… I really love you… but you won't be happy with me…"
"But I…"Oz trailed off. His voice is hoarse from crying. "I love you…"
Eliot chuckled painfully. "Thank you… Oz." He kissed Oz one more time before he ceased from hugging him. He turned around and started to walk away while sobbing silently.
"Eliot!" Oz called. Eliot stopped but didn't turn around. He feels that his resolve will break if he sees Oz crying. "A-Are we… still friends..?"
Eliot's tears started falling continuously again. He didn't reply because his voice will betray him. Instead, he raised a thumbs-up and waved goodbye before walking away again. Oz cried again. He really loves Eliot so much… it might even be thirty or forty percent of his heart.
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"So, are you sure you really want to do this?" Break asked that Friday night. "Without even telling him how you feel?"
"Yeah. It'll be for the best. I don't want to ruin his relationship with that other guy. He kind of chose him and rejected me even though I still haven't told my feelings." He answered before he smiled weakly.
"I saw them kissing each other again earlier… It's making me suffocate… I feel like I can't breathe…" He thought. "I'll be going now then…" He told Break.
"Take care of yourself, you idiotic Gil." Break said.
Ren-sama's note:
Haha, I'm sorry for Eliot being like that. Please give him a second chance. ˆoˆ