Moment #4: rain
"A second ago it was cloudless," said Sazh, eyes wide as saucers.
He stood along with everyone else huddled in a cave, looking out at the downpour outside. And by downpour, it was really a downpour. The rain crashed down sleet-like and the sky was pitch black, with flashes of lightning and thunder coming and going at frequent intervals. The lightning wasn't just a flash, either. It was the kind that split the sky into two in a bright white bolt.
"I sure missed this about Pulse," muttered Fang, twisting her wet hair.
"It's the summer season," said Vanille, jumping up and down to keep warm. "Thunderstorms are common. But they go away as fast as they come."
"There, see?" grinned Snow, ever the optimist. "We'll be out of here soon."
"Oh, please," Fang said, rolling her eyes. "You just had to say 'Does it never rain here in Pulse?'"
"C'mon, like it's my fault this happened..."
"Maybe the Maker heard you!" Vanille said excitedly. "It did start raining as soon as you said it!"
"There's no way just because I..."
Hope tuned out the argument, already bored. And tired. They've been doing a lot of walking these past few days, not that he was about to complain. But there was no denying that his legs were sore. He walked a bit further back into the cave, where it felt warmer and drier, and sat down at a spot by some rocks. He leaned back and closed his eyes. After some time which he was barely aware of as he was in the stage between half-consciousness and sleep, a movement to his left made him re-open his eyes.
And he had to immediately do everything in his ability not to flinch or react strongly.
Lightning, apparently thinking him asleep, was not looking his way. Since she had, along with the rest of the group, been caught in the heavy rain while they all ran around looking for shelter, she was drenched and sopping wet. So it made a lot of logical sense that she wanted to take off her soaked red cape, white overcoat, and brown miniskirt...
She dropped these items a few feet away and sat down not far from Hope. In fact, she was close enough for him to see the water droplets that formed on the tips of her bangs and eyelashes. Her shoulders looked surprisingly slender and small when bare. Hope felt an odd flush go to his cheeks and quickly averted his eyes. (But, he told himself, it wasn't like he was looking at anything indecent! Lightning had on so many layers of clothes that even now, she was still wearing a sweater and shorts).
He figured it was about time Lighting glanced over and realize he was awake, but apparently, she wasn't done cleaning up herself yet. Shaking her hair from her face, she sat up straighter, scratching at her neck as if uncomfortable. And suddenly, without a warning (not that she knew she needed one), she pulled at the bottom of her turtleneck sweater and... yeah. Off it went.
Hope closed his eyes firmly, very tempted to edge away as far as possible. Lightning wasn't naked, of course, but... He still saw a bit too much than he could take right now. No, he wasn't a Peeping Tom! He really didn't look on purpose. It was pure accident that he glimpsed her L'Cie tattoo. Pure accident.
He wanted to edge away, but he couldn't, because if he did then she'd realize he was awake and... Things would be even more awkward. No, he had to pretend he was deep asleep. But that wasn't as easy as you'd think because everytime Lightning moved or shuffled around, he kept imagining that she was only a centimeter away. And you know what happens when you imagine that? You start feeling as if the person was actually brushing against you. And that is a pretty agonizing feeling, especially when said person has stripped off three-quarters of their clothes and is exposing more skin than you are accustomed to.
And especially when said person does not look so... er, unattractive, being so.
What was he thinking! Hope mentally slapped himself. This was Lightning. If she knew the kind of thoughts going in his head... He shuddered.
But really, what was she doing, stripping right next to him! Even if he were actually asleep, she was pretty ignorant to think he wouldn't... feel anything. He was a boy. A fourteen-year-old boy! Just because he was the youngest male here and his voice hadn't deepened quite yet didn't mean he had no hormones.
Wait a minute...
Hope's eyes flew open. He wasn't the only male present! Snow and Sazh -
"Oh, you're awake."
It was a relatively neutral statement yet Hope flinched as if Lightning just accused him of murder. Which was probably a better offense in this case.
"Y-yeah," he said. Cleared his throat. Not looking at her. "Um, the others are...?"
"Vanille and Snow are sleeping." Now Hope did notice two dark lumps on the ground of the cave, as well as the sound of Snow snoring. "Sazh and Fang went out to find wood."
Hope's interest piqued and he forgot not to look at Lightning. "Wood, why?" He snapped his gaze to the opposite direction as soon as he spoke. It was good it was still dark out; he didn't think Lightning noticed where his eyes went. (Prayed she didn't).
"For a fire," said Lightning. "The rain's stopped. Now's a good time for them to go out."
"But... aren't we moving on if..." Hope said, keeping his gaze glued to the rock in front of him.
"We're resting here tonight. Some of us are clearly tired."
Now Hope was sure he wasn't imagining it; Lightning's gaze was boring into him. He glanced back at her reluctantly (at her face!). "I'm not tired."
"You don't have to hide it, Hope," sighed Lightning. "You're a child. It's normal to be tired."
That word.
"I'm not," said Hope quietly. I'm not a child.
He felt Lightning look at him but this time he didn't care. She can look at him for hours, days, and years, and it wouldn't matter. Because she'd always look at him as that - a child.
xx
Lightning looked at Hope. The cave was indeed dark but there was a light dimness coming from the moonlight (as Vanille had said, the sky cleared immediately after the thunderstorm passed). His profile was quite sharp from this distance. An angry profile.
She wasn't stupid. She was aware of what he mad about, and it wasn't because she accused him of being tired.
Again, she was reminded of herself at his age. She'd wanted to grow up so quickly, too. She had also hated being called a child, because that word carried so many meanings she hated: weak, unready, helpless. Reliant.
And these words were all false to describe Hope. He was the one who had changed the most out of all of them.
"I'm sorry for calling you a child," said Lightning after a long stretch of silence between them. "I suppose you're not anymore."
He shifted a little, but still refused to look at her.
"You've come a long way," said Lightning. She smirked slightly when she recalled the time she yelled at him for being a burden. "You've really grown, it's true."
That time she had been so frustrated, so angry, but it was really to hide her own fright and insecurity. She hadn't wanted to protect him then. She had wanted him to disappear, so she wouldn't have to babysit some kid.
How things have changed.
I suppose you don't need protection anymore. Not anyone's.
She felt a bit lonely, somehow. (Not mine).
Her eyelids drifted shut - she hadn't slept for the past several days, thoughts about how close they might be to saving Serah keeping her awake - and her breathing became rythmic.
She hadn't realized she'd said those last thoughts out loud.
xx
Hope watched as Lightning drifted to sleep. The words she murmurred so softly a few moments ago kept cycling in his head. She sounded so sad when she said it... Hope felt his anger quickly waning away. No, he could never stay angry at Lightning. He was going to admit it: he liked Lightning. More than a friend, and definitely not in the same way as liking a sister. He liked her so much he hated her. It frustrated him to no end that Lightning could and likely never will see him as more than a substitute for Serrah. He hated her for that.
But if he didn't care about her, or if he was able to forget it and move on, then he wouldn't hate her like he was doing now. Hope groaned quietly, resting his forehead on his knees. Was this what growing up was about? In that case, he didn't want to grow up.
Lightning, besides him, turned in her sleep, curling into fetal position. It made her look like a completely different person: no armor, no hardened scowl, no rigid straight posture.
Hope smiled, unbeknownst to even himself. He took off his jacket and neckerchief and laid them gently on Lightning. It was a pretty pointless move because the clothes weren't much coverage and they were still a bit damp anyway; he had been caught in the downpour as well, after all. But Lightning clutched it close to her anyway, and the peaceful expression of her face as she held his jacket made it somehow enough.
He realized he had his answer: no matter how futile his feelings were, he just wanted Lightning to be happy. To be protected this time, instead of the other way around.