a/n: So before I even CONSIDER writing this chapter I have to thank you. Every. Single. One of you; the people that read but don't review and the people that review and the people that might happen to recommend this to others. Just… thank you. The response for the last chapter was just fantastic; especially the reviews. They made me feel so amazing, whether they were one word or one paragraph; they just made me feel so… AMAZING! So thanks again.

Thanks a bunch to: freakycutiecarlos, tomboy2012, bluestring, Hikari no Kasai, NoctePluvia, Robin-n-Hoodie, Lito-Arumi, HonoraryLoser, Anonymous Skrtle, Ireland Maslow, Carla, RarusuTLS, and CheekyBrunette for reviewing!

P.S. I'm sorry if this chapter is nowhere near as good as the previous one (I don't think I'll ever write another chapter like that) so… yeah. Enjoy chapter 9!

Chapter 9

Was I going to do something that I promised my family I wouldn't do?

'No one's gonna care Carlos,' the voice in my head told me. 'No one's gonna care and no one's gonna notice. No one even gives you a second glance; how would they notice a cut or two on your wrist? Stephanie's not going to notice or care. And neither will Katie or Kelly. Even if they did notice, it'd be worth it. Think about it: when you slash your skin all that pain and anger you feel will leave your body; as if they never existed at all. The only thing in the way would be the blood, and you can easily fix that. Even an idiot like you can clean it up. So do it Carlos, you know you want to. Just one little cut… that's all it takes.'

I pressed the blade harder against the vein, drawing blood… then I slashed it. I hissed in pain at first but then I sighed in contentment. It felt so good. I looked down at my wrist and watched as the crimson colored blood poured out of my arm and landed in the porcelain white sink, contrasting starkly. I sighed again as I realized that all the pain was being released from me. Maybe, if I was lucky, all of my flaws were escaping my body too. Then Logan, James, and Kendall and I could be friends again. I'd be done screwing things up and be incapable of upsetting anyone ever again. Then no one would kill themselves because of me. I scowled as I came to the conclusion that it would never happen; it's completely illogical.

I grabbed a dark washcloth from underneath the sink and pressed it up against my wrist, eventually stopping the blood flow. When it had completely finished I put it on the sink and wrapped my arms in gauze. I also wrapped the razor blades in toilet paper and threw them in the garbage. I turned on the tap and rinsed out the sink until there were no remnants of my seemingly suicidal activities. I pulled my sleeve back down over my wrist. When I noticed there was a significant bulge underneath it, I decided that I would have to put on a sweater to conceal it. I unlocked Kendall and mines door, grabbing the bloody washcloth on the way out.

I threw the rag into the hamper, hiding it with a couple shirts. I made a mental note to make sure I washed my own clothes on the weekend. I pulled a sweater out of a drawer in my dresser and put it on. It was large on me, so it hid the gauze well.

"Dinner time!" Mrs. Knight called out from down in the kitchen. I heard loud footsteps of some going down the stairs and someone flinging them self in Swirly and sliding down. I sighed again, made sure the gauze wasn't too noticeable and headed downstairs myself. I sat down literally seconds after Katie, everyone digging in once I took a seat.

I put some macaroni on my fork and put it in my mouth and nearly gagged. I forgot that eating so soon after I cut myself made me feel nauseous. I forced myself to take a couple bites of the macaroni and the chicken so my non-existent appetite wouldn't be so obvious.

When it came to dinner it was silent. Usually Kendall, James and Logan would talk among themselves while the rest of us exchanged short conversation. But today the only sounds that were heard were those of forks scraping across plates and drinks being sipped. We had been eating for about 7 minutes when Mrs. Knight put her fork down and looked at all of us seriously.

"OK, what's going on? Why is no one talking?" Nobody said a word. "I'm not kidding guys; something weird has been going on with you guys for far too long and I don't like being out of the loop. So come one, tell me." Things stayed silent up until Kendall let out a big and overdramatic sigh.

"Nothing's going on Mom," he told her. She gave him a disbelieving and accusing look to her son. "Really? Then how come I haven't seen the four of you do something together in almost four months? Why didn't you come back to visit Carlos when he was in the hospital?" Again it was silent. Finally Mrs. Knight averted her gaze from all of us to just Logan, James, and Kendall.

"What did he do?" I gulped, fearing what I thought was going to happen. "What did Carlos do to make you completely shun him? " I've never seen Mrs. Knight look so angry in all the 12 years I've known her. "It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do Mom-" Kendall tried to say before he was interrupted by his Mom. "Obviously it does Kendall. People don't treat other so badly unless they've done something unforgiveable. Did he do that boys? Look I don't care what your reasons are for 'hating' Carlos but it needs to stop because-" I didn't get to hear the rest because I sprung from my seat and raced up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door similarly to how I did earlier in the day.

I sat on my bed angrily. I'm thankful that Mrs. Knight stuck up for me, but she didn't have to do it in such an embarrassing and forward way. I scowled, this is so frustrating! I hate how this whole has taken over my whole life. I put my head in my hands and sighed, feeling overwhelmed. When I lifted my head, my elbows still resting on my knees, I saw my wooden desk in the corner of my room, parallel to my twin-sized bed. On the desk were stacks of paper, at least 3 sketchbooks, and a black pencil that I knew was full of pencils, pens, erasers and pencil crayons. Those aren't what I was focused on though. I was paying attention to the large, black helmet that rested in the smack middle of the desk. For the past 3 and a half months it's been sitting there, collecting dust. I carded a hand through my pitch-black hair and sighed for what seemed for the millionth time that day. I absolutely hated life right now. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and stay like that forever. I eyed the pillow at the head of the bed and decided to put my plan into action. I sprawled on my bed, my head laying on the pillow and my body facing the wall. I was laying there peacefully for just a few seconds when a loud knock came from the other side of my door.

Logan POV

Mrs. Knight continued to scold us for a good five minutes before she was stopped by her daughter.

"Mom it doesn't matter! If they're going to be selfish jerks and be mean to Carlos; the sweetest guy on Earth, then that's their problem and their loss. He has real friends who would never do something this cold to him and would defend him from people that would. They just need to know that somehow, someday this whole thing is gonna turn around and bite them in the butt if they don't do the right thing soon. Eventually karma is going to come after them, and once that happens they'll hopefully get their heads out of their butts and they're going to realize that what they did is wrong and unforgiveable. But by then, it'll be too late. If they don't care enough about Carlos and what they're doing to him then we shouldn't care either right?" Throughout her rant her gaze was only on her Mother, but it was obvious that her words were directed to the three of us.

Before any of us could do or say anything she had sprung up from her seat and ran up the stairs, just as Carlos had done minutes before. Mrs. Knight looked back at us, her gaze much softer than before. "Look boys. I just want you to see that this whole thing is affecting Carlos more than you may realize. And as you can tell, it's not just affecting Carlos. Think of Katie. How do you think she feels when she sees 3 of her brothers bullying her other brother. You're all great guys, but what you're doing right now isn't; in fact it's downright terrible. I can't control what you do, or what you say, but I truly hope you do come to see how dreadful what it is you're doing." Mrs. Knight stood and emptied her plate before putting it in the dishwasher along with her cup. She did the same with Katie's and Carlos' plates and cups and without another word she left the apartment with a laundry basket full of dirty clothes in her arms.

The three of us that remained sat in silence and stillness. No one moved or said a word. When I looked back at my food I quickly realized that I was no longer hungry. I didn't have a significant amount of food on my plate; a couple bites of chicken and two forkfuls of macaroni, so I stood and followed Mrs. Knight's example by clearing my plate and cup and putting them in the dishwasher. I didn't wait for Kendall or James as I ascended up the stairs. I took long strides to my destination, confidence suddenly making an appearance. But as I neared the door the confidence left just as quickly as it had came. I gulped hard. It's not too late. I can turn back and pretend that this moment never happened. But that would make a coward, and in order to do this I have to be brave. So I took a breath and knocked. Nothing. I knocked again. Still nothing. After I knocked harder and more demanding, some shuffling was heard. Soon enough the door opened up and an upset-looking Carlos came into my line of vision. When he saw me he rolled his eyes and went to slam the door in my face. I wedged my foot between the door and it's frame to stop the door from closing. "Just hear me out," I begged. He looked at me suspiciously before letting go of the door. "I'm listening."

I took a deep breath and decided how I was going to word this.

"I'm sorry," I stated. He raised an eyebrow skeptically, obviously not believing me. "Look I know what I did was unimaginably terrible, but I want you to know that I'm sorry," I told him. He wore a black expression on his face. "Really Logan? You honestly thought that after you put me through almost 4 months of hell I'm going to accept that as an apology?' I opened my mouth to speak but Carlos beat me to the punch. "How do I even know that these are your words? Mrs. Knight just lectured you, how do I know that you're sincere; that Kendall and James won't come tell me the same thing in 20 minutes?' He looked angry as he crossed his arms over his chest.

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath as I bowed my head. I was ready. I could do this. "I wanted to fit in," I admitted as I looked up and opened my eyes. "Huh?" I sighed. I should've known that he wouldn't understand my whole back story in just 5 words. "The reason I did what I did; I wanted to fit in." I didn't wait for him to say anything as I continued. "You know that I've always been bullied; bullied for not fitting in, for being too smart, for wearing different clothes, for not being as built or muscular as the other guys, and just for being different in general. So when Kendall, James and I were all mad at you I realized that I fit in for once. We were all on the same page so I went along with it. To be honest with you though Carlos, I forgave you by the Monday after that weekend. I realized that it was stupid to be mad at you over that; it was an accident, and we all make mistakes- it's what makes us human. I was going to apologize but James and Kendall were still mad. That made me different again and I wasn't ready to be different yet so I played along. I agreed to whatever negative thing they said and I pretended that I was still mad at you even though I wasn't.

"I'm so sorry Carlos. I'm sorry for not standing up for myself, for being so mean, and especially what I said earlier today. God, I'm so sorry about that and I totally didn't mean it. I was so frustrated about everything , and with Kendall and James that I said something I didn't mean. Dude, I am so sorry about everything. OK, I-I just wanted for us to be friends again," I put my head down as I concluded my speech. So many things were swirling around in my mind. Did he forgive me? Would we ever be friends again? I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't notice that 2 arms were around my mid-section until they gave me a little squeeze. "It's OK."

I lifted my head while I wrapped my arms around Carlos. "I forgive you," he told me. "You do?" I asked. I felt his head nod from its position on left shoulder. "Yeah," he breathed as he pulled away but still keeping me at arm's length. "I could tell that you meant it. Besides," he smirked. "You're a terrible liar." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"…So… we're good?" I asked hopefully. Carlos chuckled and shook his head. "Yup. We're good." I smiled and pulled him into another embrace.

We were hugging for all but 2 seconds when a loud squeal sounded from my right. We both pulled away to see who made the deafening sound. I smiled when I saw none other than Katie Knight standing there, her cheeks flushed and looking obviously embarrassed. "Yeah, I'm just gonna go…" she told us nervously before speeding down the stairs, squealing again. Carlos and I looked at each other again, laughing as the front door slammed shut.

I sighed inwardly as I thought about what happened earlier when I went to bed that night. 'We're good,' he had said. I laughed softly. "We're good."

a/n: And finished! Was that good? Was that as good as the other chapter or did it suck terribly? Please review! I may not be able to update any other time this month because November is crazy for me. My birthday (the 25th) and lots of other stuff. So make me a happy birthday girl and review please!