A/N: Da da da second part is up now, even more fun with button pushing. Also, expect a lot of caps in Murray's section Lol.

Disclaimer: Me: I can haz Sly Cooper?

Sucker Punch: :F

Me: Didn't think so –nervous laugh-

You get the drill, I don't own it. Sucker Punch does

The Devious Buffoonus

Chapter One

Section Two

So, we've covered the raccoon, now let us journey into an adventure of science, madness, and electricity (it's electric mad science, every insane genius's dream.) The first specimen- ahem we mean subject we're going to cover in this section is the common turtle. Bentley the brains of the Cooper gang, and we can assure you, his buttons are just as fun to push if not more so than we've been letting on.

The first thing we'll be covering is yep you guessed it, another old man attack, except it's more sophisticated this time, we get to use a wheelchair. No seriously it's a wheelchair, and you spin it around, and it knocks people out (don't ask us how it just does, we write it, you read it, you listen). And don't try to tell us that if you had a wheelchair like that you wouldn't use it. Come on it even has an under-mounted afterburners (just keep away from those triple bean chili enchiladas) so you can fly around to your heart's content.

The second button, (oh geez if we're snickering at this it must be good,) is the "drop bomb
button (remember those enchiladas we told you about?) NO, no, no, never mind, forget that, let's not go there (you teenage kids today, goodness.) Okay, since we mentioned it, we should pick it up- er cover it up, forget that, it makes explosions, simple enough? Put it in someone's pocket and watch the fireworks happen.

Okay, now that we've moved off that bombshell, (okay no more jokes about that we promise) we can cover Bentley's gadgets. We're sure you remember our previous section with the stalker tools (it was only like, last section) well our favorite from this guy hands down has to be this thing called "The Grapple Cam." Combine a camera, a gun, some horribly good fat/mom/ugly jokes, and you've got all the fun rolled into one. Stalking, action, and comedy at its best right there. Did we mention it grapples? That thing can stick to any surface anywhere. It's what everyone wants for Christmas.

The last thing we'll cover for him is the "Size Destabilizer" button. Have you ever wanted your own miniature evil bad guy, but your parents wouldn't let you get one because well, there were none, they're all huge, (which is why hitting those fat guys with a cane or a wheelchair is exactly the best thing you can do to take care of them) this little buddy will fix all that. All you have to do is walk up and hit them, and they shrink down to purse poodle size. It works on anyone, whatever fool decides to look down upon your genius; you can put them in their place.

Now we have the hippo- (wait pardon us, we must now refer to him as… "THE MURRAY," forgive us for our mistake). We'll finally get some big boy buttons right? Well we sure hope so, because even we can't take another "old man" attack (once was fun, but twice is a care home, and three times is ancient). Well thank God we won't have to, because the first button we'll be going over is fists, simple, gets the job done, and there isn't anything special about it either, just the fact that they can PUNCH THROUGH THREE FEET OF ICE. Talk about never needing an ice machine again, just say, "Hey yo' Murray we like need some cubes man," and he'd punch straight through it. Best. Thing. Ever.

Moving on to the "THUNDER FLOP," we really like this button, this can be used for making yummy bad guy pancakes (badcakes?) Squish anything and everything that gets in your way (well under you) and it doesn't matter what you flop on, it knows no friend or foe, it's the fat man's way of attacking his couch after a long day of doing nothing. It doesn't matter if you flop on concrete, fur, or furniture; it's going to crumble under your iron belly.

Third we have "THE BALL," and nobody dislikes the fun bounciness of it. It's almost like the thunder flop, except you can do it again, and again, and again, aaaaannnnd you get the picture. Life is like a giant pinball game, with "THE MURRAY" rolling around, but don't get in the way, otherwise you'll end up like that chicken that played tag with an eighteen wheeler: flat.

For our last one we'll cover on "THE MURRAY" we have, "STOMP" the best childhood temper tantrum throwing mom and dad raging people looking awkwardly at you, button (gee, kinda seems like we're regressing here, two old men and a child… OH WE KNOW—no no no we won't go there.) The basic idea of this is: you stomp on something, you pick it up, you throw it, any three year old knows how to do that, and God knows you've thrown a tantrum at some time in your life so don't lie to us now.

Okay, so you've survived the mad scientist, the raging child-er "THE MURRAY", but can you handle, "The Shock?" (We're sorry okay we can't help but be like this it's our nature.) Carmelita Montoya Fox…ooh la la, just say that name three times slowly. Recall the big momma; yup that's her all right. This crazy cop lady totes three simple things (not including her looks, now stop drooling you naughty child you) that we're going to cover in just a second.

The first button we have is the trusty shock pistol. This has been used to fry thieves for years (you'd think she'd use it for something useful like eggs or chicken, but nooo, she wants to fry raccoons, and they don't taste half as good) so it's quite simple, anything you don't like plus the shock pistol equals instant-stir fry.

Next up we have something fun we'd like to call, "The Mega Jump" keep in mind when using this gravity really only applies over water, when you're on a blimp, ship, island, (it's a complicated list) but basically you don't have to worry how high you jump, it's not like you'll break your legs and go splat when you hit the ground or anything. It's perfectly safe.

Next up (for kicks-okay okay shutting up now) we have the close quarters combat female weapon of choice: kicks. These probably wouldn't hurt so bad if she wasn't wearing those size 32 boots (okay we exaggerate, but have you ever gotten kicked by her? Ouch.) When you're having a horrible off day with your aim, you can always trust your legs to give some poor unsuspecting fool a blow to the unmentionable area. It works; trust us it's happened before.

Last thing we want to give you is a secret technique only the best master thieves know. You see, we already know you won't take the time to memorize all these complicated buttons and controls, so we've given you a trump card, an easy do everything button. That's right, all you have to do in order to not do anything, is drink lemonade, that's right every single button can be used to make you drink lemonade, and if you drink it fast enough, you might actually believe we're going somewhere with this, so button mash as fast as you can, and pour us a glass too while you're at it.

A/N: Lol I realized I made a plot hole in not referencing back to "THE MURRAY" a few more times, and I added a section I wanted to include, but forgot due to time constraints on the laptop. Next chapter we'll be covering the classic pair of cops and robbers, a few pirate ships, some biplanes, and who knows what else, so please, read, laugh, and review. :3