Tears filled my eyes and dropped onto my lap. I stopped eating. I didn't feel sad, just… empty.
A small wind flew from behind me. My hair gently flew in front of me. I looked up to see a small drop fly away. A small, clear tear. I wiped my eyes. There's no reason to cry.
"Crying is stupid. It shows signs of weakness. I'm not weak! And neither are you, Himari." Father's words drifted into my head. I wiped my tears away as memories from so long ago unfolded, piece by piece.
"Daddy! Daddy, let's go over there!" I pointed to a small stall full of masks. I tugged and pulled on my father's large hand that was enclosed over my small one. What seemed like forever, I finally dragged him over to the shop. An old man greeted us.
"Ahh, Jinen, it's been a long time, my friend!" I looked at him. He stroked his whiskery chin. I saw a warm smile and bright eyes despite his wrinkles. He was completely bald except for the sides of his head. He wore a light green yukata with a tan apron over it. I ignored him and went to stare at the masks.
"Indeed, Souta. How have you been?" My father smiled at him. I gripped his hand more tightly. My father also wore a light green yukata, while I wore a pink kimono with orange goldfish.
"Oh, and how's little Mari doing?" The man reached over and patted my head. My hair was down, and it barely went down to my back halfway. "My, you've grown up some! Last time I saw you, you were crawling around on all fours!" I stared wide eyed.
"Really?" My quiet voice squeaked. He nodded.
"How old are you, anyway?"
I counted with my fingers. One, two, three, four, five. I shoved my pointed fingers at him, frowning. Souta laughed.
Jinen laughed as he got out some money from the folds of his yukata. "Which one do you want, Mari?" I jumped up and down.
"You're going to buy me one? Oh, yay! Yay!" I clapped my hand with my father's in joy. I looked around the shop.
"I got all the Chinese Zodiacs. Plus the Western symbols."
"Mari was born in the year of the rabbit… and I believe her sign is Gemini." Father reached over and grabbed a large rabbit mask. It had two red eyes and a small mouth. Plastic ears stuck out of the white head, with pink insides. It was adorable and I hugged it as he handed it to me. I put it on and tied the small string in the back. Small holes allowed me to see Father hand the money to Souta.
"Always good to see you, my friend." Souta bowed. Father did the same.
For the rest of the day I wore the mask that was too large for my small head, smiling. No one knew I was grinning, they just saw the grin of the rabbit.
"Huh?" I woke up from my daze. I was sitting in my seat, looking at Maka's face. I had walked from the rooftop all the way down to Homeroom while dreaming about old memories. I shook myself awake.
"Alice… class is over." Maka gently slapped my cheek. I blinked.
"Really?"
"Yeah. You were late again." I rubbed my head.
"Oh, I'm sorry." I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door. Tsubaki, Black*Star, Soul, Maka and I were walking down the hall as I dreamed off again.
"Hey! Alice!" Black*Star screamed into my ear. My head twitched as I turned to glare at him.
"What?"
"I heard you rejected Roxas! Why?" Black*Star folded his hands behind his head. I looked at my shoes walking down the halls.
I shook my head softly and shrugged. I blinked several times.
"Answer me!" Black*Star demanded. I blinked faster. I didn't notice that the others were walking faster than me, but it was really me who was going slower. Soul turned his head and stopped. Everyone else did too. I stopped as well. We were a good five feet from each other.
"Alice?" Soul cocked his head at me. I hung my head lower.
"Answer me! Why?" Black*Star repeated. Tsubaki elbowed him in the ribs. I gripped my backpack tighter.
I ran straight ahead, head down. I pushed Soul hard out of the way, making him fall with a thump. I didn't stop, rushing past all the crowds. I rushed right past Kid, who was waiting for me. A slight drizzle began to set in, making me wet. I refused to cry. I refuse!
I wanted to cover my face behind the mask.
I slipped on the wet cement. I landed on my stomach, pushing my sock down and scraping my left knee. I wiped the debris off the small wound and stood up. The small dripping of rain became a downpour. I looked for a hanging to hide under, but found none. I was soon soaked to the bone. I sighed as I walked over to the next corner, pushing the button for the walk sign to flash. Cars flew by, splashing me more.
After three minutes of constant traffic and button-pushing, I sat down on the sidewalk. I'd have to wait for the rush hour to die down. I hugged my knees to keep warm. The pouring water cleaned the scrape. I felt no pain, thankfully. I hid my backpack so it wouldn't get as drenched as I was, but nothing helped.
It seemed like hours, no, days, just sitting there. Not wanting cry, I let my mind go completely blank.
Suddenly a dark shadow appeared over mine. A big, black, blob. The rain stopped, but everywhere else it poured nonstop. I let go of my legs to turn around.
A smile warmed my cold head.
I whispered, my throat dry from the rest of my body.
"Roxas?"
He held his hand out to me. His other hand held a large black umbrella covering both of us. Roxas was leaning over me, making sure I was kept dry. I grabbed his hand and he helped me up.
"You're soaked! Here!" Roxas held the umbrella out. Even it was a small offer, I didn't want to reject him again. I meekly grabbed the umbrella and held it over both of us.
"Thank you." I smiled back at his childish grin.
Roxas looked above me and laughed. "I see why you were waiting. Damn traffic." I turned to see that the cars were jammed up. Roxas took my free hand. My eyes went big.
"Come on." He ran straight into the cars with me in tow. We barely missed hitting trucks and vans, but I didn't see anything. I was too busy blushing at his hand enveloped over mine.
"Whoo! We didn't get run over!" He punched the air. I had the black umbrella over my shoulder, completely drenching him. His hand was still holding mine.
"Wait!" I interrupted his cheer. "You rushed into the traffic knowing we'd get hit?"
Roxas flapped his arm, making my arm wiggle with it. "I'm not a SuperMan." He winked and finally let go of my hand. I placed it around my umbrella that was still slung over my shoulder. They teach you to hold a parasol like that, in a lady-like fashion. We began walking in silence. Somehow my backpack was clipped to my skirt, making it bang against my leg with every step.
I decided to face my fears. I spoke loudly through the pounding rain. "About yesterday… I'm… I'm sorry."
He chuckled. I looked at him. "There's no reason to be sorry." His voice suddenly became quiet. "But… I just want to know…" Roxas looked into my eyes. "Why?"
We both slowed our pace. I gripped the umbrella more tightly. I shook all fears away and stared back into his blue eyes.
"I have…" I paused, thinking for the right word. "Questions, doubts about myself." I clenched my soaked jacket. "And, I'm not ready for a partner… if I have… if…" I paused again.
"You aren't ready for a partner if you don't know yourself, you mean?" He finished my sentence. I nodded.
I grinned at him. "But…"
He cocked his head. "But?"
My smile got bigger. "But if I find the answers about myself, I'll definitely reconsider your offer!" After what seemed like an eternity, Roxas grinned back at me.
"Promise?"
"Promise." I made an 'x' over my heart.
"I'll keep you up to it." Roxas winked.
I hummed as I stirred the thick red sauce and read the thick blue cookbook. I checked the noodles and went back to reading the rest of the recipe. I had taken a hot shower after I got home, and my damp hair made wet spots on my black shirt. I ruffled a long, frilly black skirt I borrowed from Liz. It went over my knees. (Don't worry. She said it was okay for me to borrow clothes.) I hopped up on the counter, untying the loose string holding the back of my stained apron. I looked at my bare feet.
"Hey, we're back!" I looked up to see the three partners walk in through the door. They were all soaked, but not nearly as bad as I was before.
I smiled and waved before going back to reading the recipe. Kid came over after hanging his wet jacket over the coat hanger.
"Pasta?" He sniffed the air. I nodded.
"Unsymmetrical. Just how you wanted it." I chuckled to myself. God, I was killing myself with this humor of mine.
Kid sighed. "I'm guessing your room is a mess, as well?" I shook my head.
"I was waiting for the water to boil, so I washed my uniform, plus made my bed!" I clapped at my small feat. He patted my head while laughing. I laughed too. Soon, everyone was laughing, giving me this warm feeling deep in my chest.
You know... ever since I talked with Roxas...
I feel... happy.
"This. Is. Amazing!" Patty gobbled up the noodles faster than ever. I twirled my fork clockwise in a very lady-like fashion. Kid attempted to make it symmetrical, and failing, making me choke with laughter.
"Where did you learn to become such a good cook? Seriously, I can't boil water!" Liz pointed her fork at me. I shrugged.
"Well at least I found one good thing about me."
"Hey… Kid?" I had my legs close to his thigh. Liz and Patty went to their rooms to play games, while Kid and I stayed out reading and chatting about random things. I leaned against the armrest as he turned his head.
"Yes?"
"I need to ask a favor of you." I shut my book and set it on my lap. Kid did the same.
"What?"
I twirled a strand of my hair that fell from my face. It was still a little bit damp, but barely.
"Well… today, I had a memory of something from my childhood." I looked into his soft eyes. "And I want you to come with me to get it." I sat up, and leaned into his shoulder. "Please?" I begged.
"What is it you want from you're old house?" He pushed my face away, making me land on my head. I kicked him.
"Just come with me."
Me and Kid turned down a corner. The rain had finally stopped, but black clouds still dotted the sky. I prepared for a storm, holding onto Roxas's umbrella. Kid decided not to bring one.
"So tell me, where is your house?" I remembered our past conversation.
"I'm not going with you."
"Why…?"
"I thought you wanted to stay away from your past."
"I do! I just need to get something."
"Fine."
"On the outskirts of town." I stepped over a puddle. The smell of burnt wood filled my nose as we drew near my old home. I began to doubt why I was truly coming here.
"Alice?" Kid touched my shoulder. I stared, wide eyed. We had stopped, in front of where the old home should have been.
In its stead was a giant pile of burnt wood and ashes.
I wanted to faint, but thankfully my weak knees supported me. I took a step forward and touched the damp wood. No one had noticed it because the rain had stopped it from spreading. There were few houses near my old one, and they were all abandoned. I stepped on a blackened sturdy plank, raising my long skirt above with my hand, raising it above my knees. I hopped from one plank to another, having a tight grip on Roxas's umbrella. Kid began scurrying over, slipping at almost every step. I wandered on.
I looked back. I was a good twenty feet from the road, and in a small pile of ashes that went to my ankles. A new, odd smell wafted into my nose. I crouched down low and grabbed a handful of black dust and sniffed it gently.
Gasoline?
This was definitely the smell of gasoline. I remember Father's old pick-up stuttering and leaving the stench all throughout the area as if someone just passed gas. I let the black sand drip out of my hand and picked up a small plank. I looked at it.
No real damages… I wondered what I was looking for. I searched the plank all around before noticing something. Some of the front had blacker splash marks, meaning the fire definitely was started through a leak and a match. I sighed.
Who would do something like that?
I began searching through ashes and planks, once pricking my finger while fingering the ground. As I sucked on the finger as blood beaded up, I gently brushed away debris. I saw the small crook of a nail standing out. A white-painted board stuck to the ground, refusing to come out. I smirked.
"I found it!" I called. He slipped and slid over to me. He was dirty and had soot on his nose. I placed the folded umbrella down and began pulling on the untouched board. It was difficult, especially with the dangerous nail. Kid came over and shooed me away, then crouched down and started tugging. Eventually, he pulled the plank up, and by the look on his face that it was a rough battle. I chuckled as I peered inside what the board was protecting for so many years.
It was a small hole, as wide as my shoe and as long as my forearm. I began brushing more dust and dirt away.
"What are you looking for?"
"Half a decade. It's been half a decade since I've seen this." I grinned as my pricked finger became sore. I had hit something. With much effort I pulled it from the ground.
"Is that…?" I wiped the face with my sleeve. It was soon polished and looked new. I held it up.
"My mask."
I smiled softly. I stood and brushed the dirt from my knees. Kid did the same.
"Why would you want a mask?" He glanced at me. Kid crouched again and grabbed the black umbrella.
We began walking, me skipping and Kid struggling to keep balance as we crossed over to the sidewalk.
"Explain the mask, now, please." I nodded at his request.
"I received it a long, long time ago. It just, has… sentimental value." I covered my face with the material and tied the thin string around the back of my head. I turned to look at him, looking through the small holes indented in the eyes.
"Finally, you're symmetrical!"
I hopped onto my bed, staring up on the ceiling. My clean pajama shirt hugged my waist. I pulled it down since I didn't want to slip under the covers, and I might turn and reveal my pink panties.
Tee-hee… panties.
I giggled as I turned my head. On my bed-stand laid the large, now fully clean mask. I wondered why I went back to get it. I turned onto my side to pick it up and hold it close to my face. The ears were aged and seemed to fall off, but it had a sturdy grip to the top of the mask. I traced the painted eyes, nose, mouth, ears, and whiskers before I set it back down.
I let my eyes roll into their sockets as I drifted into a much-needed sleep.
"Mommy, we're home!" I took off the mask and showed it to her. Her bright face and dazzling smile always made my heart warm. She gently took it from my hands and put it on hers, making spooky noises and poking my belly, making me giggle. I sat up on her lap and kissed her cheek before wrapping my arms around her. My shirt didn't touch hers like it usually did. I let go and stared.
Mother's belly was big, as if she stuffed a small pillow under her bright yellow kimono. I placed my hand on it. It was tight and round, not a pillow. I looked up at Mother.
"Did you eat a pillow?" I asked stupidly. I cocked my head at her slightly. Her smile faded for a quick second before returning, even shinier and prettier.
"No… Mari…" She began as she placed a hand on my warm cheek. She rubbed it with her thumb. "Well, Mari, Mother's carrying a baby."
My eyes widened. "A baby?" I hopped down from her lap and sat on the free stool. I crossed my legs, very adult-like. "Explain." I said as deeply as I could.
She laughed. "Well, honey, dear… There's not much to say, really. You're going to be a big sister." My eyes popped out of my head.
"I'm going to have a baby sister?" I stood up, tossing the stool to the floor. I picked it up and set it in balance before exploding.
"Yay! Yay! Her name… Rin! No… Baby sister! I'm going to be an older sister! Yay!" I ran around the room, flapping me arms and yelling. I hopped down from the couch and landed on a nearby pillow. I laughed.
"Her name is going to be Hikari. Hikari, Amuza."
"Hikaki?" I repeated. I stretched out the 'aki'.
"Hikar- What did you say?" Mother turned to look at me.
"Hikaki… Aki! Aki!" I clapped my hands. "Hikaki! Yeah! Yeah!" I cheered.
Mother and Father looked at each other. "That sounds lovelier than Hikari… light… but the way Mari says it, it's just a bunch of letters jumbled." Mother whispered.
I walked over and tugged on Mother's arm. "Hikari 'Aki' Amu-uza." I had a hard time pronouncing my last name. "If you like Light… we could have Aki as her middle name." I tilted my head sideways. I wanted to make Mother and Father happy, even though I wanted Hikaki as her first name.
"Oh, Himari… you're wonderful!" She bent down and hugged me. I squeezed her back. "We'll name her Hikaki."