Arthur wasn't lying about the noodle bar. The food was good and cheap enough for even Merlin's pocket and best of all, no one bothered them once they sat down.

"So writing. I wouldn't have pegged you for a writer type."

It was all Merlin could do not to roll his eyes. "What, you think that I can't write and wash dirty dishes at the same time?"

Arthur shook his head, not quite snorting but close to it, then grinned. "No, I figured you more for the mad scientist in the basement type… or a magician."

There were alarm bells going off in his head. He didn't want to talk about it, not about the nightmares or that sometimes strange things happened around him that he couldn't explain or the way his life was so mucked up because of his past. He said flatly, "There's no such thing as magic."

Arthur seemed taken aback at his vehemence. "I would have figured with your name it would have been a natural progression."

"My mum had a sense of humour, nothing more." Tensing, hoping that Arthur would drop it, he said, "So how about you? Thinking of taking over the universe or are you just in line for the throne?"

It must have been obvious that he was changing the subject but Arthur didn't seem to mind. He gave Merlin a little shrug and then, relaxing, flashed a wicked grin at him. "Well, the whole throne thing is a bit clichéd, don't you think? I may be ten thousandth in line for it but it's mostly from Harold's losing side. 1066 and all that." His grin grew wider. "Taking over the universe is more my style anyway."

Merlin did roll his eyes at that.

"Not quite believing the universe thing, are you?" Arthur let out a sharp, amused huff and then leaning forward, seemed to warm to it, growing excited as he said, "Yeah, well, I went through the usual obsessions as a kid; fireman, police, secret agent. My fascination with Indiana Jones style exploits lasted a bit longer, all the way to university but my father reminded me of family obligations and the fact that I'd make little money traipsing through the wilds of the Yucatan looking for lost cities. Plus I never got the hang of the whip. I work for Draca Enterprises on macroeconomic policy."

"Sounds… interesting." Merlin had no idea what that was but if Arthur was happy doing it, that was good enough for him. He did think Arthur would have made a wonderful adventurer, though, whip failure aside.

"Just a polite way of saying that it's boring as hell." Arthur nodded, didn't seem to be offended that Merlin seemed more confused than excited about his work. "It is sometimes but I get to make decisions on whole divisions within the company and sometimes shape how products come about. It's not quite a kingdom but I feel like I'm really doing something useful."

For a moment, after that, Merlin didn't know what to say. Arthur's world was so far above his own that it didn't seem possible they'd have anything in common. But Arthur didn't seem to mind, kept looking at him as if trying to memorize his face. It was both disconcerting and terribly stirring, in more ways than one.

He was growing hard under that gaze, his heart quickening, a flush burning his cheeks. He didn't know if Arthur was interested in him sexually but oh, how he wanted to find out. He looked down at his hands; unsurprisingly, Arthur's fingertips were only a hairs-breadth from his. And as Merlin shifted in his seat, there was suddenly skin against skin, the merest touch, but it felt like so much more. And Arthur didn't move away.

But he didn't ask, either, at least not about desire. Instead, Arthur said, "Was that the first time you got attacked?"

"No, Valiant likes to pick on people he thinks are smarter than him, which means just about everyone." Remembering how badly he'd been hurt, Merlin drew back, shuddering as he did. "He was drunk and spoiling for a fight. I just happened to be clumsy enough to trip over his boots."

"Will he be coming after you?" Leaning forward, Arthur seemed genuinely concerned, all intensity and focus, the hero in him shining through.

"Most likely. I've been staying out of his way."

That was one way of putting it. The truth was that Merlin had been hiding in the flat ever since that day, hoping that Valiant would get bored and forget about him.

Frowning, Arthur's hand shot out, clamped down on Merlin's wrist, squeezing a bit. "You have gone to the police about this."

His heart was racing and Merlin could feel his face heating up again. That touch made him burn for something more than conversation, even in a noodle bar surrounded by the evening rush. Trying not to push into the warmth of Arthur's skin, he said, "It would only make things worse."

"Merlin…," At that point, Arthur should have let go, should have treated it as a friendly gesture, nothing serious, nothing more. But instead his hand slid down to cover Merlin's, his thumb stroking slowly, slowly across his skin, leaving a heated trail of want. "All right, fine. Just lay low, okay?"

"Pla… planning on it," Merlin stammered.

Arthur was watching him carefully and this felt so much like flirting, like a shag waiting to happen that he was starting to panic. He wasn't sure he'd be able to lose himself in Arthur and then never see him again. Of course, it was probably just a casual fuck for Arthur; with him being posh and fit and all that golden skin, he must have countless offers. And yet, oh how Merlin wanted it, even if he knew it would break him apart.

He needed to gain some control. As casually as he could, he pulled his hand out from under Arthur's, saying, "I hadn't seen you at the club before."

A frown, confused and cooling, Arthur looked almost disappointed. "I've just moved into my new flat over by Lincoln Fields, The Arthaus. My mate, Leon, suggested it since it wasn't too far away."

Of course, he would live there, with those clean lines and impossible prices. "Posh place, I've heard. You've seen where I live, just above Gaius's shop. I rent a room from him."

"You aren't going to hold it against me, are you? One of those inverted snobs that think all rich people are scum?" He said it, half-mocking, but Merlin got the feeling that Arthur wasn't joking, that he must have had problems before.

"Nah, you seem alright."

Sending Arthur a tentative smile, he thought maybe he'd been wrong, that it wasn't a one off thing, that he might want him for something more than just a shag. Maybe the Arthur of his dreams was somehow here, with him and that it could be brilliant.

He might have found what he'd been looking for after all these years.

Nodding, Arthur grinned back. "So do you."

And with that, Merlin nudged his hand closer and somehow their fingers were tangled together and there were heated glances and he was growing hard again just looking at him. The noodle bar was clearing out but much as he wanted, so very much, he wasn't about to take Arthur into the toilets and have his way with him. He wanted whatever this was to be perfect, especially for their first time.

He was about to suggest that they go back to his place or at least somewhere they wouldn't be disturbed and find out just where this was leading when Arthur said, "I'll have to thank Morgana. If she hadn't been such a pain in the arse, I might have never seen you again. "

"So why didn't you, you know, come back?"

The conversation he'd overheard had been pretty clear, family overriding everything else but he wanted Arthur to tell him, not make assumptions that might not be true.

Arthur's gaze dropped to their hands, all the warmth and promise held there, and for a moment, he was silent. Then, looking more than a little guilty, refusing to meet Merlin's eyes, he said, "When I mentioned you and your uncle to my father, he went crazy. I'd never seen him so upset. He insisted that I not see you again. Said your family was trouble and I should stay away or else."

Arthur didn't know Gaius as he did but if he really believed that his uncle was a murderer, then Merlin could almost understand the reasons why Arthur never came back. Still it hurt.

It was all so confusing. His dream-Arthur overlaying this Arthur and the reality wasn't quite what he'd hoped and yet somehow it was more. He had to keep telling himself that he didn't know this man at all, no matter how much alike they looked and acted, and, damn it, felt to be around.

"Gaius would never murder anyone, no matter what your father said."

But Arthur shook his head, as if Merlin's defence of him was expected and as quickly dismissed because of who he was.

"My father was pretty adamant about it." He looked up then but when Merlin didn't say anything, just pulled his hands away and leaned back, folding his arms around his chest, the gesture as full of accusation as a shout, Arthur said, "I don't want to get into an argument. I had enough of those already with him."

"I don't want to argue either but you can't expect me to let it go. My uncle took me in when I had no one else and he's been so understanding of my…," Merlin stopped, suddenly aware that he was about to spill his secrets to a near stranger. "I don't think you can assume your father is right, just because he says so."

"I wasn't, I don't," Arthur said. Then letting out a long, annoyed breath, his scowl smoothed out and he pushed forward, his hands more than half-way across the table as if reaching out to Merlin again, as if trying to get past whatever disagreements they might have between them.

"I wasn't assuming anything but that's not... look, I didn't come to see you because, well, I thought it wasn't worth a big fight with him. You have no idea what he's like. I couldn't take the chance of things getting really bad. I wanted to come but…."

In that moment, Arthur was so like the other man, the young prince of his memories or deliriums or dreams or whatever it was called, that it hurt to look at him - the royal prat who bowed before Uther's displeasure, accepted the constant reminders about how servants weren't really people, about how peasants were as disposable as yesterday's rubbish. The arse who defended his father even when he knew he was wrong.

And here was the reality; Merlin was still disposable, still a waste of Arthur's time.

"I wasn't worth the risk," he said flatly.

"Merlin, that's not what I meant." But Arthur's vehement denial just proved how much of it was the truth.

At least he knew now where he stood in Arthur's life, not at the beginning of something perhaps brilliant but an inconvenience. Staring at him as Merlin pushed away from the table and stood, he said, "I understand. I'm just some poor fool you rescued and then felt guilty about and with your father making noises about my family, I see how things are."

Arthur shot to his feet, started to round the table. "Merlin, that's not…."

But Merlin just shook his head. "Most people wouldn't, you know, have checked to see how I was, so yeah it really is okay. Good for you." As he turned away, he said, "I have to go."

"When can I see you again?"

Arthur's hand was on his arm, and he looked almost worried. Merlin glanced down at fingers clutching his grey jumper and then back up at him. Sadly, quietly, he said, "I don't think your father would approve, do you?"

"He doesn't have to know."

With that, he jerked out of Arthur's grasp, and started for the door. "Okay, right. Good-bye, Arthur."

He didn't look back.

By the time he got home, he'd calmed down. He didn't know why he'd reacted that way. Arthur was an idiot but he did seem sincere enough, when he wasn't crumbling under his father's commands.

Of course, that wasn't quite how it was. Arthur would believe his father over a stranger. Why would he not? After all, Merlin would believe Gaius over someone else that he'd just met. Arthur didn't know Merlin, had only seen him for a few minutes and even then Merlin had been in terrible pain and not at his best.

So, yeah, he understood why Arthur had chosen not to see someone his father disapproved of.

It didn't make him feel any better, though, and yet even that reaction was ridiculous.

Much as he didn't want to, he couldn't help having expectations of how Arthur would react. Those intense blue eyes reminded him of other times, dreams that were almost memories and he knew how his other self, his dream-self, had felt, pledging loyalty and undying love to the Arthur of long ago. But Arthur Pendracan of Draca Enterprises was not king of Camelot and Merlin certainly wasn't his bloody Court Sorcerer.

What a mess he'd made of things.

He had to decide if he'd try and see Arthur again, maybe apologize for being such an arse. That last comment about keeping Merlin some kind of dirty little secret from his obviously overbearing father didn't sit right with him. As if Merlin were rubbish.

Still confused though, he didn't really want to talk to Gaius about it. He knew the old man would try and give him advice but he'd mucked it up on his own and he really should figure it out himself.

Luckily, Gaius wasn't home. So at least for the moment, he could sulk in his room, whinge into the silence about how much of a fool he was, and in general feel sorry for himself.

It didn't help.

He even tried to go through the document Morgana had given him but all he did was read the same lines over and over again, the memory of blue eyes and golden hair haunting him. After a while, he gave up; instead he lay down and stared up at the ceiling, absentmindedly listening to the traffic.

It was fully dark outside when he heard Gaius on the stairs. He supposed that he should get up, tell his uncle about what happened, let him know that the Pendracans were telling lies about him.

But there must have been someone else with him. Not quite able to hear what they were saying, but the tone was calm and he wasn't worried. Gaius often had visitors talking about magic and spells and nonsense, and he'd hide in his room until they left. But a moment later, there was a knock on the door and Gaius poked his head in, turning the lights on when he saw Merlin sit up.

"Ah, good, you're awake. Arthur is here to see you, if you are able."

If anything, he'd not expected that. After their fight and in the hours since then, he'd given up ever seeing Arthur again.

Standing up as quickly as he could, looking around, he took in the mess of laundry on the floor and unmade bed, the pile of books on the small table. But it was too late to tidy up and besides, Arthur was probably there to yell at him again, and he'd be damned if he'd clean just for that.

Trying to calm his racing heart, he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I… okay, yeah, sure."

Beyond the door, he heard Arthur say, "Thank you, Doctor Blaise."

"Call me Gaius, my boy." His uncle backed away, let Arthur take a step into the room. "Merlin, don't forget your exercises. That shoulder won't heal properly otherwise."

"I won't." He couldn't keep his eyes off the bloody prat but as his uncle closed the door to give them some privacy, Merlin said, "Thanks, Gaius."

At least Arthur waited until they were alone before starting in on him. "So what the hell did you think you were doing running away like that?"

In an instant, Arthur had gone from calm and cool to looking as if he was about to go into battle, so fucking gorgeous with colour high on his cheeks, flushed and flustered, that Merlin could barely think to keep his hands off the man. As he stared at him, in all that warm flesh exposed by the open collar of his shirt, Merlin could almost see Arthur's pulse beating, beating, just below the skin and he ached to slide his tongue over the spot and find out if he could make Arthur groan Merlin's name.

Damn the man. He really needed to get some perspective before he completely lost it.

"I was removing myself from your presence." An echo of their earlier conversation and Merlin was happy to hear how indifferent he sounded when he was nothing of the sort.

Rolling his eyes, Arthur stepped closer. "Will you stop saying that? You're not as cultured as you think you are, you know. It's ridiculous."

That got his back up. He'd been thinking about shagging him and here Arthur was, insulting Merlin instead.

Leaning forward, glaring at the git - they were almost nose to nose - not that it was difficult in that small room but still, Merlin wasn't having any of it, he said, "Oh, so now you think I'm ridiculous. Perhaps you are here to give me lessons in etiquette? Since I'm obviously such a loser?"

"Do you get off picking fights with me?" Arthur said, sharply. "Because I can match you insult for insult, you dollop head."

Merlin's voice rose, cutting and furious. "I'm not a dollop head, you arse."

"Are we back to comparing arses? Because I can do that, too." For a moment, Arthur almost seemed amused by whatever this was, especially when his gaze flicked downward on the word 'arses', as if he were indeed checking Merlin out and then to add insult to injury, he smirked.

Merlin hated smirks.

Eyes narrowed, a scowl pulling at his still tender face, Merlin snapped, "You're a prize gi… Arthur, why are you here?"

Arthur's eyes turned dark, his breathing suddenly loud in the tiny room; he pulled Merlin to him, carefully but forceful enough that he was falling into Arthur's arms. Mouth hovering over his, Arthur said, "This."

The wanker was good, brilliant in fact. That hot exploration of lips and tongue kicked his blood into feverous overdrive and he didn't even try to escape, just fell deeper into the kiss. Arthur's fingers were busy, trailing across the hem of his shirt and up underneath, following skin and nerves already firing with want.

Yet, much as Merlin could feel the heat of him, Arthur was careful, too. He must have realized that Merlin was still healing and the gentle touch just made him eager for more.

Grinding frantically into him, Merlin grew hard, harder than he'd been in a long time and the frustration of cloth and jeans' zippers pushing across him was driving him crazy. But he didn't want to stop, not when he could taste Arthur, the liquid slide of tongue against his mouth, the little moans of desire, the way his touch was hot and sure and demanding as hell. Pleasure was rising fast, spiralling upward, turning his vision hazy with light and want.

Against him, Arthur's knee shoved between Merlin's legs and that just added to the blaze of it. Merlin was pulling him closer, trying to melt into him, hands on that perfect arse, fingers diving into the waistband and down. The idiot's jeans were tight, almost too tight for impatient hands and Merlin growled in frustration. He pushed Arthur's leg away, still exploring his wet mouth but also trying to get a grip on the zipper, trying to pull the damn thing down so he could touch him.

There was a laugh buried under the groans and Arthur batted Merlin's hands away, jerking his fly open. Merlin shoved in again, feeling how hard he was, moulding his hand around Arthur, pulling him closer.

Another laugh broke as Arthur's voice pitched down quickly into little grunts and half-spoken 'Merlin' sounds and then there was a long breathless moment before Arthur slumped forward, leaning into him as he did.

Arthur was still breathing heavily, his head nosing into Merlin's neck, the heady smell of sweat and Arthur's own unique scent surrounding him. As Arthur started to pull back, Merlin lifted his hand, clutching his shirt.

Still hard, aching for release, he steadied himself, desire pounding across his skin and into the core of him, the look Arthur gave him turned heat into swelling pleasure.

Arthur must have realized how much he wanted it because he was smiling, bloody hell he was smirking and Merlin didn't care about that, he just wanted more. And Arthur gave him more, kisses and skin and pressure rising, rising. White sparks were bursting behind his eyes and he felt like he was about to fly apart. Mounting bliss, a sunstorm of heat and warmth and as Arthur did incredible things with his mouth, Merlin couldn't hold back any longer.

A long moan, the universe ablaze with ecstasy in whites and golds and Pendracan reds and it felt like he was on fire, lost in the beauty of it. Lasting a lifetime and more and yet as he came down slowly from whatever bright place he'd been, there was Arthur still gazing at him, looking immensely smug.

It was a good thing Merlin was still leaning against the door because he didn't think he'd be able to stand otherwise.

As Arthur brushed his mouth against Merlin's, he said, "I like the way you fight." And then he gave him another smirk.

Obviously an idiot. Merlin was muddled about how Arthur could make him feel so brilliant and still be a git but he decided it didn't matter. "Prat."

At that, Arthur laughed. "Next time, I'll bring something a little kinky to try - if that's okay with you?"

Merlin was trying to regain his equilibrium, focused on the moment, on this one night and almost didn't understand what Arthur was saying. Kinkier? Next time?

"But I thought…." He was confused. He'd assumed that it was a one-time-only thing, that Arthur wouldn't defy his father enough for more.

"You were right. In your own stroppy way, you reminded me that I can't always let my father dictate who I am or who I can see."

"Arthur, are you sure?" Merlin couldn't believe that he was saying that but Arthur didn't deserve to be torn between his father and some guy he rescued off the street.

"Sure about us? No, not at all but I need to grow some bollocks. You've given me an incentive to try at least." With that, Arthur gave him a tentative smile and then kissing him again, all tongue and wet heat, he let him go. "I didn't plan on it, you know, but I'd like to see you again, well if we can stop arguing for ten seconds."

"I can try," Merlin said, grinning back at him.

"Good." Another long kiss. "I've got a business meeting tomorrow and I need to prepare. How about Friday? We could go to the club if you like or someplace quieter?"

"I've been… um staying away from the club. Valiant hangs out there quite a bit." Merlin took out his mobile, handed it to Arthur. "Text me later and we can argue about where to go."

With that, Arthur gave him another self-satisfied smile, and when numbers were exchanged and everything settled, from his window, Merlin watched Arthur walk away, down the street toward the tube station.

Maybe reality wasn't so bad after all.

When Arthur left, he hadn't really wanted to talk to Gaius. What he and Arthur had done together, brilliant as it was, wasn't exactly casual conversation and he thought that perhaps his uncle would give him some kind of horrifyingly embarrassing pep talk about safe sex and condoms and pleasing one's partner, as if he were fourteen years old and not a man who already knew such things.

But like it or not, later that night, when he tiptoed toward the kitchen, thinking to grab a beer and retreat into his room again, he found Gaius sitting at the little table in the living room, his hands around a half-empty teacup, staring off into space.

He looked old - and worried.

Putting on a tired smile, trying not to appear too exhausted for anything more than a nod and a warning to get some sleep, still when Gaius didn't look at him, just sat there, Merlin grew concerned. It didn't look like the prelude to a sex talk, more like something serious was on Gaius's mind.

Sitting down across from him, he said gently, "Gaius, are you alright?"

"Fine, my boy, fine." Then, as if just becoming aware of what he held in his hands, he tried to take a sip of his tea but grimaced at the taste. "What time is it?"

"Going on half past eleven. Have you been here the whole time?" Usually Gaius was in bed by ten.

He hoped Gaius wasn't still up because of Arthur. He'd hate to have caused the old man any more worries; he had enough weight on his shoulders already.

Sending Merlin a sad, almost-smile, he nodded. "Yes, just thinking about some things, trying to figure out what to do next."

"Is it the shop? You seem as busy as ever." Merlin knew that things were tight and the economy wasn't going anywhere, was getting worse in some areas. If Gaius needed help with the bills, Merlin would do whatever it took to make things right. "I can try harder to find more work, if you need me to. My arm is getting better every day."

"You were always a generous one, even as a child." Gaius patted his hand absentmindedly.

But as the old man looked down at his tea cup, swirling the contents, it was clear that he was troubled about something. Merlin said again, "Gaius?"

"You need to be careful, Merlin." Putting down the cup, he leaned forward, frowning at Merlin, looking very serious.

Oh, bloody hell, he was going to talk about sex. Quickly, to stave off any nonsense about bees and birds and condoms, he said, "If this is about Arthur and me in my room, I'm always careful."

Gaius blinked at that, looking as if he had no idea what Merlin was talking about. "No, no, it's not about that. I just think… be careful of the Pendracans. They can be very vindictive when crossed, especially Uther."

Merlin had almost forgotten about Uther in the aftermath of Arthur's promise. The man had said horrible things about Gaius and he had to wonder why, what had happened that would lead someone to lie about murder.

But before he could say anything, Gaius seemed to shake himself free of whatever memories were driving him and said, "How did it go at Gorlois Publishing?"

"I met with Morgana, the head of publication, in her office. She likes my stories and wants me to write a couple of books or maybe more. That's all." He gave a little shrug. The potential was there but he'd still have to write them and anything could happen in the meantime.

But Gaius gave him a bright smile, looking happier than he'd seen him in a while. "That's all? My boy, that's wonderful. A real opportunity for you."

"Yeah, she gave me a bunch of papers to look over. A timeline, I guess for when they need it by, and the first ten pages of the first book and an outline, too, for the others." Between the fantastic sex and Morgana's offer, it really had been a brilliant day. He grinned back. "She said that the market was best for book series."

"I knew you were gifted but this may be the start of something more for you. We should celebrate." Gaius started to get up but Merlin just shook his head.

"I'm pretty knackered. It's been a long day. Tomorrow, I'll go through the papers and figure out what to do next."

Patting his hand in sympathy, Gaius said, "Of course but I can help you if you like. The legalese is hard to understand even in the best of circumstances." For just a moment, he got a faraway look in his eyes and then blinking, he smiled again. "And I've dealt with solicitors before."

Merlin had to wonder if it had anything to do with what Uther had said and the longer he sat there, the more he realized that he didn't know a lot of Gaius's past. They'd been dealing so much with Merlin's problems and keeping their head above water with the shop that other things didn't seem all that important.

But if he was going to be seeing Arthur again, perhaps for more than just a shag or two, Merlin needed to tell Gaius the truth, that Uther Pendracan was spreading lies about him.

Gathering up his courage, he said, "When I saw Arthur at Gorlois Publishing today, he said something that was, well, impossible. I told him off, called him a bloody liar to his face but later, he was pretty adamant about it. Said his father….," Gaius was looking suddenly old, frail, almost as if he knew what Merlin was going to say. "Uther said that you murdered Mrs. Pendracan."

"Ah." His uncle still looked upset, but at least seemed more saddened than guilty. "It was such a long time ago but even now, he can't seem to stop."

"Arthur was pretty clear about what his father said. That our family was trouble and for Arthur to stay away." He settled in, watching Gaius struggle to calm himself. There was a story there, one he'd not heard before and it affected them both, it would seem.

"But I knew that it couldn't be true," Merlin said, hoping for more.

"In a way, Uther was right." Gaius lifted his cup, gestured to the kitchen. "If I'm going to tell this story, I'll need more than tea."

His uncle rarely drank anything stronger, but Merlin knew that behind the soup cans and the pasta was an almost-full bottle of whisky, potent and fierce, waiting for just such a moment. When Gaius started to get up, he pushed him back down. "I'll get it."

Sitting there, staring out toward some far-off thing only he could see, Gaius didn't say anything when Merlin replaced his teacup with a small glass half-full of whisky. He downed it quickly, coughing as he shoved it back for more.

Reluctantly, Merlin poured him another one, this time half of what he'd given Gaius before but his uncle frowned at him. "Not nearly enough," he said.

Worried about how much Gaius was going to drink if left to it, he shook his head, tipped more into the tumbler and pushed it toward him. Gaius drained that, too. "Arthur was four when it happened. I doubt he remembers much, just the loss of his mother. But I can't forget that day."

Staring down into the empty glass, Gaius said, "By then, Uther was a powerful and very rich man. We were friends, had grown up together in a small market town near Wales, Monmouth, a nice enough place but I wanted the excitement of London. So did he, apparently. So when he moved here, too, we kept in touch. Often at odds in politics, economics and just about anything else but still we managed to get along, laughing most of the time at our differences. I think we forgave each other more than we ought to have but still there was a connection there."

Gaius's face was flushed from the drink but he didn't reach for the bottle, just kept playing with the glass, turning it around and around in his hands. "We'd gone to a gala, the opening of a new exhibit at the British Museum. Uther was invited, of course, and his wife. He asked us, Alice and me, to go, too."

"Alice?" He didn't want to stop Gaius but he'd never heard him mention the woman before.

"My wife."

There was a universe of loss in those two words and it didn't help that up to that moment, Merlin hadn't known Gaius was married. "But…."

"I can't… just let me get through this. It's hard enough to talk about it as it is."

His uncle shook his head, gestured for another fill. Merlin poured enough for a few gulps, then when Gaius started to reach for the bottle, clearly not satisfied with that, he tipped in a bit more, glaring as he did. He didn't want the old man to get too pissed. He'd have enough problems getting Gaius to his room at the rate he was going.

Gaius ignored Merlin's worried frown, and drank it all at once. "I was driving. Alice in the passenger side, Uther and Ygraine in the back. Uther and I were arguing, laughing and arguing, about something, I don't remember what."

Frowning, Gaius paused a second, let out a long, shaky breath, and slumping down a bit, said, "It was dark and raining and I… I never saw the lorry. When I woke, I'd broken a couple of ribs, and my leg was lacerated but not bleeding too heavily. A concussion, too, but I didn't know that until later."

Such grief in Gaius's eyes and his hands were trembling even as he held the empty glass. "Uther was cradling Ygraine and begging her to wake up. Alice was already dead, her body… even now I can't say it."

He looked sick, reliving the memories and Merlin listened in horror; it sounded almost like some of his nightmares but this had happened, this had been real and he could only imagine how it must have felt to live it.

"I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe and Uther was screaming at me to do something. As I crawled toward them - it took me so long to get to her, precious seconds and when I did, I could see that her abdomen was torn open. I couldn't stop the bleeding but Uther kept shouting and I tried anyway, using my bare hands and whatever cloth I could find to attempt to stop it. But it was already too late."

Gaius choked back tears. "Ygraine bled to death with Uther holding her."

For a moment, no one said anything. Merlin could see that his uncle was trying desperately not to break down and it didn't help that he'd had so much whisky - or maybe it did.

"He blamed me. I was driving, I was a physician, I couldn't save her. My fault. He tried to have me… arrested but the charges got dropped. The lorry driver was pissed, you see." Closing his eyes, looking as fragile as Merlin had ever seen him, Gaius said, "I didn't care. Alice was dead, I was in pain. For a long time, I… didn't want to live."

Frowning, swaying a bit as he looked down into the empty glass and then up at Merlin, it seemed that he'd finally had enough drink. "Uther hounded me, got me fired. With Alice gone, I… I didn't fight him. But I couldn't find work. His revenge for everything."

His eyes closing a moment, suddenly he seemed very tired, and his words slurred more and more. "I tried to escape for a… long time. Travelled. Found the truth. Uther would have laughed… called me a pathetic fool for believing. But I know better now."

Getting up slowly, carefully, leaning a bit to the side as he stood, he said, "Magic is real. But keep it… secret, Merlin. Uther would… destroy you if… he knew. About your… magic."

Obviously, Gaius was shitfaced enough for them both, unsurprisingly considering how much he'd had to drink, and he needed to sleep it off. With a gentle hand and not a little persuasion, Merlin helped him stumble his way to his room, and made sure he was settled and asleep before putting water and an empty bucket next to his bed, just in case.

He loved his uncle but the old fool was just wrong.

Magic was a myth, only hand-waving and nonsense tricks and nothing more.